My Secret
Hello to everyone who reads this and thanks for reading
I can tell you know that this is just a one-shot, something that just suddenly popped into my head while I was watching TV and I thought I might as well write it up.
So this takes place in Eclipse, a couple of days before the fight and there is just Alice and Bella at the Cullen house, the rest have gone hunting and well just read and you'll find out what happens next
I do not own Twilight Stephanie does, I am merely using her characters.
"Bella it will be fine." She murmured to me, her hand reaching over what little space there was in between us and gently grasping my hand in her cold, pale one. "I know it will, you've all reassured me enough." I drawled back, sliding my hand out of her grip as I got up from her bed.
We were in her room, well her and Jasper's room but there was so much of Alice dominating this room that the thought of this being Jasper's space as well was hard to think of. "So why are looking like that?" She asked me, her face scrunching up into one of confusion making her look absolutely adorable, NO DO NOT START THINKING LIKE THAT AGAIN!
How could I not think like that though? Alice is perfection, her golden eyes, her full lips, her cute nose, her slim yet strong body, a body that has run through my imagination so many times in the last couple of months. I have been trying to deny what my heart had been telling me ever since Alice had come back to me when I thought.....they had all left.
I love her. That was my secret, the thing I have been keeping to myself since Alice had returned to me after my cliff jumping.
I was in love with Alice Cullen.
I can't kiss Edward without thinking it is Alice, I can't let Edward hold me at night without thinking its Alice's arms around me, I know Edward has noticed a difference in me but I can't help it, I am a terrible actress. I can't break Edward's heart though and there is the fact that I don't have the guts to tell him I can't be with him anymore, if I did I know it would mean that he would make the family move and I would lose all connection to her.
It's not like she has been making it easy for me either, every time she was near me she seemed to gravitate to my side, every time I am home alone Alice will suddenly pop out of nowhere and make me do something with her and every time Edward goes hunting, he entrusts my care onto Alice and the pixie kidnaps me and brings me to the Cullen's which I don't mind, I love seeing Esme but the nights always end the same, me unable to sleep on Edward's couch on my own, wishing for Alice to be beside me, holding me close.
"I'm not looking like anything Alice." I reply quietly while adverting my gaze to doors of her closet which I know I would get lost in if I so much as stepped into it. "Yes you are, you so….I suppose guilty is the word. Why are you feeling guilty Bella?" She asks me and I close my eyes against the tears that threaten to form, I can't tell her, I can't tell her why I feel guilty she would hate me and that was one thing I could never have. Alice hating me.
"Alice please just drop it." I say softly but before I finish my sentence I know what her answer is going to be. "No I won't drop it, there's more going on than you feeling guilty about this fight. What aren't you telling me? You've been distancing yourself from me these past few months more and more, so much so that every time I know you're alone I drop whatever I am doing just so I can spend some time with you. What have I done Bella? Tell me and I'll make it right." Her voice sounding so sad and pained that I had to bite my lip from screaming at her my secret but instead I took a deep breath and said in the most convincing voice I could.
"You haven't done anything Alice." Even to me my words sounded false and I could tell Alice didn't believe them either. "Don't lie to me Bella! Whatever I did I'm sorry! Tell me what I did and I'll make it right! I want my best friend back!" Her voice cracked at the end and I couldn't hide my shock and right now I'm thankful that my back is to her, I just can't believe the usually hyper and happy Alice is being like this.
My secret was affecting her as well and I hadn't even realized.
I didn't answer and I think Alice took this as a bad sign because she whispered, "Please don't hate me." And that is when I erupted, I whirled around as my hands clenched into fists by sides, I could feel my body was tense from anger, anger which I rarely felt but at that moment it was the last thing on my mind.
"I DON'T HATE YOU ALICE! I COULD NEVER HATE YOU! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FAR AWAY FROM HATE MY EMOTIONS ARE FOR YOU!" My breaths are coming in deeper gulps now and I can feel my heart beating hard against my chest but I don't care. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD THINK I COULD EVER HATE YOU! OH BUT WAIT! I'M A HUMAN SO THAT MEANS MY EMOTIONS AREN'T AS STRONG AS VAMPIRES SO I MUST BE ABLE TO JUST FLICK THEM ONTO WHICH EVER ONE I WANT AT A MOMENT'S NOTICE! YOU HAVE ABOSLUTLEY NO IDEA OF WHAT I'M FEELING! YOU VAMPIRES THINK YOU HAVE US HUMANS ALL FIGURED OUT BUT YOU'RE OH SO WRONG! JUST BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN AVOIDING YOU THAT AUTOMATICALLY MEANS I HATE YOU DOES IT? "I don't know where all this is coming from but I'm gunna go with it.
Alice was looking at me like I was mental, well perhaps I am I mean I have a perfect boyfriend, who would willingly do anything for me (well almost anything) and yet I go and fall in love with his sister. "Bella I would never think that." She said to me slowly walking forward until she was within arm's reach and I had to physically restrain myself from pulling her into my arms.
"What's going through that head of yours Bella? Did Edward say something to you?" She asked but didn't try and close the gap between us, for which I was grateful, I don't need to be surrounded by Alice's intoxicating smell, I'm struggling enough as it is thank you very much. "So many things." I answered quietly, I can't believe I just told her that, now she's going to want to know what they are and knowing me I can never deny Alice anything, so I'll tell her, I'll tell her my secret and then it'll all go downhill from there.
"What things? Bella you can tell me." Her voice was like honey compelling me to tell her everything but I refrained…..barely. "Bella talk to me." Her voice was so quiet and soft that I strained to hear it and before I knew it I was talking.
"I shouldn't feel this way." Alice didn't say anything and for that I was grateful, I know that if I stop I won't start again. "It's not wrong but it's not right either, I shouldn't feel this way, I can't feel this way!" I can feel the anger start to bubble inside me and this time I don't hold back, I let it all out. "I LOVE EDWARD! I'M SUPPOSED TO LOVE EDWARD! EVERYONE SAYS WE'RE MADE FOR EACH OTHER! THAT WE'RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! BUT EVER SINCE YOU ALL CAME BACK ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS IF THAT IS TRUE! AND…..AND….AND SOMEONE ELSE! I CAN'T GET THEM OUT OF MY MIND!" By this point I'm pacing the length of Alice's room, while she has moved to lean against the wall by her bedroom door, looking calm and collected when I'm anything but and that angers me even more. "BUT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT? I CAN'T LIKE THEM! IT'S NOT THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE! BUT ALL I CAN SEEM TO DO IS THINK ABOUT THEM! I CAN'T GET THEM OUT OF MY MIND! WHEN I'M KISSING EDWARD ALL I THINK OF IS THEM KISSING ME INSTEAD! WHEN EDWARD HOLDS ME AT NIGHT ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THEIR COLD ARMS HOLDING ME INSTEAD! IT'S LIKE I'M OBSESSED WITH THEM! I'VE TRIED KEEPING MY DISTANCE! I'VE TRIED TO THROW MYSELF INTO EDWARD! I'VE TRIED TO SURPRESS THE FEELINGS I'VE BEEN HAVING FOR THEM! BUT NOTHING WORKS! I LOVE THEM BUT THEY DON'T LOVE ME! I JUST….I JUST CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE! " I shout at the top of my lungs and have to give credit to Alice when she doesn't even raise an eyebrow at me, I'm not known for my anger, instead all she does is looking at me with sad eyes and is that understanding?
We stand in silence for what seems like an eternity but it's probably only a couple of minutes before she very slowly takes a step away from the wall, her eyes shine into mine and for a moment I feel as if she is looking into my soul. "Who is it Bella?" Her question catches me by surprise, I thought she was going to start shouting at me about how could I love someone else other than her brother or at least give me a lecture or something but she calmly asks that question as if we're discussing the weather and in that moment I feel something dark stir in me towards Alice and without thinking it through, I'm already striding across the room and slamming my hands into the wall either side of her head, I'm sure my eyes must look pretty feral and I watch as Alice's slowly darken until they're nearly pitch black but what little self preservation I have is out the window and right down the road by now.
"Who is it you ask?" My voice is surprisingly steady and not shaking like I expected it to be and before she can answer, my lips are on hers and I have to say that this is so much better than all the kisses I've shared with Edward. With him his lips are cold and rough and he is in control for the whole time but with Alice……her lips are soft and warm and I am the one who is in control but all too soon I realize what I am doing and the fact that I need oxygen, I pull away staggering back a couple of steps as I unconsciously lift my right hand to my lips, touching them as I whisper, "It's you."
Alice does nothing but simply stare at me, her eyes are still near pitch black, a hungry look on her face and I feel my small self preservation suddenly rush back to me and like any normal person, I start to panic. My eyes glance towards the door which is right next to where Alice is standing, I know I'll never be able to take even a step but I try anyway and as my foot comes off the floor, I feel myself flying and then land on something surprisingly soft, with a start realize I'm on Alice's bed, a comfortable weight is on my lap, my arms are pinned above my head and I can only gasp softly as I open my eyes and see Alice's face mere centimeters from my own. "I have been waiting for you to say that ever since I first saw you." Alice whispered and before I have time to even think of a response, she's kissing me and I forget about everything.
I forget about Edward.
I forget about Jasper.
I forget about the rest of the Cullen's.
I forget about the consequences of this.
I forget how to breathe.
All I can focus on is Alice's lips, her body on top of mine and the small purr that is coming from her chest.
Everything else can wait, for now I have Alice.
I have my secret.
Well what did you think? Good? Bad?
I'll leave you and your imagination to come to a conclusion on what happens next
Leave us a review if you would be so kind, I would love to know if people want more one-shots from me or not.
Of course I'm not abandoning my stories but sometimes I just get sudden ideas for one-shot and I write them down (like this one)
Thanks for reading!