Goodbyes hurt the most
When the people we love the most
Leave without saying them.
~unknown
The humid summer air hung thickly outside the apartment as he jogged across the darken parking lot towards his car. His heading turning every so often to catch a glance of her standing there, watching from her enclosed patio. Leaving her was becoming harder and harder to do. He loved her, had loved her since high school but his obligation to another had him leaving her just before midnight each night.
The rain began to fall. Hard and fast, drenching him in the time it took to run from the entrance of the building, to his car. He had been reckless, stupid, in his haste to see her. Parking in front of her building, rather then out back like he had always done. Anyone could had driven by and recognized his car and known that he was there, with her.
Just like he was almost every night.
How had they become this? He an adulterer and her the other woman? Something she had sworn to never become again. How did it last this long, when they swore each time it was the last? He didn't know, but things would never change unless he left his wife.
And that was something he promised her after their first time together seven years ago.
Only he hadn't left her and they continued their secret rendezvous, pretending she hadn't said someday and he hadn't walked away.
With a one final wave, he slipped into the old mustang and stirred the engine to life, his eyes drifting upward, catching the faint smile upon her lips and he smiled back. More than anything he wished for it to be different. That he could go back and say it all differently. Do it all so differently but he couldn't so he took each moment he could with her. Telling himself, it was their last but with just one look in her eyes, he was back the next night, longing for it to be real.
Pulling out of the parking lot, he turned the car towards his house. His heart aching as her apartment building fade in his rearview mirror, hidden behind the line trees. With a sigh, he turned down the road that would take him home. Back to his childhood home.
Back to a wife he didn't love.
A flash of lightning lit up the darkened sky and he swallowed hard as another bolt of lightening flashed across the sky. He prayed Lindsey would be asleep and he could easily slip inside unnoticed. She'd never know about his infidelity.
And he'd never tell her.
He cared for his wife, that he knew. But it wasn't the same as what he felt for Peyton. She was his entire world, his everything. Haley had warned him, telling him he was picking the wrong person to marry. Brooke yelled at him. Swore she'd kill him if he came anywhere near Peyton again.
Only he hadn't and Brooke never knew. One secret Peyton kept hidden from her best friend. Buried beneath each lie they told.
He cursed himself as he slowed the car to a to a crawl. He was later than he had ever been before. He hadn't wanted to leave her, knowing she hated storms but she sent him away, swearing she would be fine.
If Lindsey was awake, no lie was going to save him this time.
~*~
The thunder boomed outside and Lindsey looked around their small living room. Every light was brightly lit in the house. She glanced at the clock on the mantle, barely stopping as she paced back and forth between the hall phone and the front window. Three in the morning it read. It couldn't be right, she thought, her long satin gown swaying against her bare feet. Her arms folded tightly against her chest as she glanced out the window once more, her brow furrowed.
He was out again.
She had heard him leave this time. Heard the faint sound of the Mustangs engine come to life and the purr of the engine as he backed down the driveway. Usually he left after dinner. Telling her, he was going to catch a game with the boys and maybe stop for a drink or two afterwards. She never questioned him. She just smile, kiss his cheek, whisper she loved him and wait for his response.
But he'd never say it. He'd just nod, smile and slip out of the house.
This time it was different. He sat through dinner. Sat with her on the couch, talking about nothing until she heard the familiar sound of his cell announcing an incoming text. And she felt her world shift.
She half expected him to get up and leave. But he just flipped open his phone, read the text, answered back and smiled her way. She watched him, occasionally smiling at him when she'd catch his gaze, hoping she'd see glimpse of the man he was she first met him. But she never saw him and she went to bed, praying he'd be there in the morning.
And she heard him leave moments later. Slip from the house and she wondered if he thought she was stupid. Blind to the fact that he wasn't really meeting Nathan for a little one on one at the River Court. She felt stupid for believing that he could leave the past behind and just be with her. She should have known better after Peyton had moved home and Lucas began writing again. She should have walked away then and never looked back. But she loved him and she wanted to be that girl he wrote so lovingly about.
She wanted to be his everything.
Shaking her head, Lindsey took a deep breath and pausing her pacing. Reaching out, she picked up a picture taken on their wedding day nearly eight years ago. He was smiling at the camera, his arm around her waist as she looked at him adoringly. This was the man she loved, the doting husband. He loved her. She could see that in his blue eyes captured behind the glass.
And she knew he was still there. He had to be for she couldn't be that naïve to believe that he'd go running to another.
That he'd go running to Peyton.
With a heavy sigh, Lindsey fingered Lucas's face. Her gray eyes memorizing each line, every contour. "Let it be the storm," she whispered, hugging the photo to her chest. "Please let me be wrong."
It was easy to believe that Lucas had gotten trapped in the storm and was waiting it out. It was easier then believing he was with her.
She stood there, her eyes glued to the window, watching the storm. The howl of the wind adding to the eeriness of the night as a blot of lightening streaked across the night sky and had her thinking it seemed like the opening to a horror film.
And she was the damsel in distress and Lucas was her hero.
Sighing, she closed her eyes as another clap of thunder filled the air, sending the neighbor's dog into a fit and her heart to pound against her chest.
~*~
Headlights cut through the rain and she smiled, only for it to faultier as she watched Lucas's car slowly creep down the street until he rolled to a stop in front of the house. Something inside of her stir. Her heart dropped as she watched him lean forward, his head resting against the steer wheel and suddenly she was launching herself outside into the rain. She needed to feel him. To hold him in her arms and convince herself that it as the storm that kept him out all night.
He had seen the lights on from down the block. There was no way he could lie his way out of this. She'd see right through him. Slowing the car down, he crept down the street, his heart screaming to hit the gas and go back to Peyton but his head telling him to stay and tell her goodbye. Sighing, he leaned his head against the steering wheel and slightly tossed a prayer into the air that he'd could turn and walk away.
The front door flew open, a flash of lightening lit the sky as she ran down the walk towards him. Her eyes wide, filled with worry and he prayed that he could deceive her one more time. It would be easy to say that the car broke down and he had waited for the storm to pass to fix it. But she'd see right through it. Lindsey wasn't a stupid woman and as he stepped from the car into the rain, he felt his body tense as she threw her arms around him.
"I was worried," She whispered against his neck. Her eyes closing, relishing in the feel of his arms around her. "I thought something had happened."
He didn't reply, just slip his arms around her. His eyes closing, wishing it had been an accident or the storm washing out the bridge that had kept him from her. There was no real doubting of Lindsey's love. She adored him and he wished he could return her feelings. But he couldn't and as he held her in his arms now, he knew something had been missing for years.
It was when Peyton called him one day, out of the blue, telling him she had moved back home after believing, if she left town again, she'd be able to forget him. But she hadn't she told him. Her voice breaking and he asked if she was okay and she simply whispered she needed him and he went to her. He held her that night. Let her cry and felt himself starting to awaken.
He needed her just a much she needed him.
She had pulled away. Her hands framing his face. Her thumb gently caressing his cheek and she smiled, a whispered thank you on her lips and before he knew what he was doing, he felt his lips brushing hers in a tender kiss.
His forehead rested against hers, his eyes closed not wanting to see the confusing in her emerald eyes but when she whispered his name, he knew what was about to happen couldn't happen again.
Only it did and neither did a thing to stop it.
His eyes opened, his hands falling to her waist as he gently pushed her away but she only clung to him tighter. Sighing, he tried to push her. He didn't want her this close. It would make it that much harder, "Lindsey, I'm fine." He whispered, as he gently pried her arms from around his neck.
Her brow furrowed as she stepped back as a scent she knew filled the air between them. Her gray eyes flashing with anger as lightening streaked across the sky. Clenching her fist to her side, she took another step back. She knew that scent. Lavender and Vanilla. She smelt it every time she'd meet Haley at Red Bedroom Records and Peyton would be sitting there, behind her desk. Her piercing green eyes watching her every move.
She envied that smell. Envied the way it made Lucas pause in his actions and a look of peace to cross his face.
She hated that smell.
"Lucas," She breathed out. Her voice low, tight. Her eyes narrowing as she watched him.
"It's not what you think." He whispered. His blue eyes meeting hers through the rain. "I…"
Shaking her head, Lindsey turned on her heel and stormed inside her soaked nightgown clinging to her as she flew through the door. She was pissed. Beyond pissed and she wasn't about to let him get away with it.
~*~
Sighing, Lucas titled his head back and looked into the pitch black night sky, the rain clouds hiding the stars. Thunder rolled in the distance as the storm slowly passed overhead and hoped the storm that was raging in his wife would pass. Then he'd tell her. He'd tell everything. He'd admit he had been unfaithful and that he was sorry and he wouldn't see Peyton again, but that would be a lie. He couldn't leave her. Not again.
He'd stick to the truth. Tell her, he loved her just not in that way and wanted out so he could be with Peyton. He'd tell her everything. Tell her about the times he missed dinner because he was with Peyton. He'd tell her about the weekends he told her was at one of Nathan's games, when he was really with Peyton and their daughter. His daughter. Conceived one night after a fight. He told her he couldn't walk away from Lindsey and she wanted him gone, for she couldn't be that girl anymore. She wanted all of him. Not just the moments in between. He had walked away that night. Kissed her goodbye, said he'd love her forever, like he had sworn once long ago.
But he didn't get far.
He heard her cry and he was running back through the door and holding her against him, swearing he'd never leave her. And she was clinging to him as he kissed away her tears and healing her heart. Nine months later he held his daughter in his arms, promising he'd be more then what he was.
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he sighed as he slowly made his way to the house. Ready to tell her truth.
Ready to walk away.
~*~
She cursed as she swung open the bedroom door, allowing it to swing into the wall, sending a picture crashing to ground. She didn't care. He'd done exactly what he promised he'd never do; he cheated. He sworn to her once, she was the only one he loved and Peyton was the past. Only his past was his future and she wasn't it. She could have tolerated it if it had been Brooke. Anyone else as long as it had been Peyton, she could have tolerated it and forgiven him with time, but Peyton.
She was done competing with a ghost that wouldn't leave.
Yanking the drawer open with anger, she felt around until she brushed the cool steel of the gun she kept hidden from him. A purchased made after Brooke's attack and the amount of nights Lucas spent away turned into more then she cared to count. Her anger boiling over as she lifted her gaze to the mirror, the gun resting in her hand. She'd been a push over for too long. Letting Lucas have his way. Tolerating the times he spent with Peyton with a smile. She had given up everything for him. Moved from the city to his small hometown because it was where he wanted to be. Agreed with him when he offered to give Peyton the empty space in the back of Tric to start her own Record company. She did it all because she loved him and believed he loved her. But now, now she refused to lay down
The power flickered and went out as a clapped of thunder filled the air. Lightening lit the bedroom and she whispered softly, her eyes hard, "He won't get away with this."
Retracing her steps, she paused in the threshold of the door, watching Lucas. His head was raised to the skies, watching the lightning dance above. Stepping outside, the porch creaking under her weight as he slowly made his way towards her. His eyes only meeting hers at the sound. His blue eyes going slightly wide at the sight of rigid stature.
"Lindsey, can we talk?"
"Why?" She asked. Her gray eyes watching him as he shifted from foot to foot. "So you can tell me your leaving? That you don't love me?"
"Linds, I'm sorry. I never meant to…"
Shaking her head, she stepped off the porch. "Yes you did, Lucas and I should have paid more attention. I should have seen the way you looked at her. I should have seen it all but I wanted to believe that I was that girl for you and she was just someone from your past."
"I loved you, Lindsey but she's apart of me and living…"
Lifting the gun, she cocked the it a smile crossing her lips as the look of shock filled his eyes. His hands raising up. "Lindsey don't. I'm sorry. I won't see her again. I'll…"
"I don't believe you, Lucas." She told him as she leveled the gun at his chest. "Do you want to know why?" She asked. When he didn't respond she smiled and shook her head. "It's because of that little girl that resembles you. Did you think I was stupid and wouldn't notice the color of her eyes? Or that nose? Did you?"
"I never thought you were stupid, Lindsey. I just…I'm sorry."
Shaking her head, she titled her head to the side and softly whispered. "Sorry isn't good enough anymore."
Lucas's eyes widen as he watched her finger squeezed the trigger. One word slipped from his lips as she fired, "Don't."
He fell backwards to the ground, the bullet piercing his chest. Blood poured from the wound as he landed on the paved driveway. His eyes starring straight up, rain falling down around him as he struggled to breath. "Peyton." He choked out softly.
Lindsey staggered down the steps. Her hands shaking as she stood over him, watching as he struggled to breath. Her eyes stinging with tears, "No." She whispered softly as she dropped to her knees, the gun falling to her side. "Lucas, I'm sorry! I…"
His eyes fluttered closed only to open once more as he took in one last breath of air and whispered one final word, "Peyton."
She fell back on her heels. Her eyes staring down at him. His last word playing in her head. He called out for her. Loved her right until the end, just like he sworn he would.
Wiping roughly at her tears, she gripped the gun in her hand, slowly stood. "If I can't have you, no one will," She whispered before making her way to his parked car and heading in the direction he had just come.
~*~
The wind restlessly as she clung to the little girls small hand. Their steps slow and steady. A soft giggle filtered upward and she smiled, her dark eyes looking down at the curly haired child with piercing blue eyes. Eyes like her father and hair like her mothers. The sole survivor of a night they had all been trying to forget.
Sighing, she bent down and swept the young girl up into her arms, earning another giggle in return.
"Aunt Brooke," She laughed out as her small arms wrapped around her neck.
Pressing a kiss to her temple, Brooke shifted Sawyer to her hip and carried her the last few yards before gently setting her down beside her. "Hey, P. Sawyer. Broody," She whispered softly, her fingers gently running through Sawyers hair. "I brought your little girl today. Haley thinks she ready and I…" Her voice breaking. A lone tear slide down her cheek as Sawyer slipped her hand into her larger one and she stared at the craved marble before her. Beside her laid the man that helped her come to an early grave. Side by side, the way they had always wanted to be.
Together. Three words linking their headstone: True Love Always.
Kneeling down, Brooke pulled Sawyer against her side and softly whispered, "Say hi to Mommy and Daddy."
"Hi," She whispered softly. Her small hands fiddling with the gift in her hand. Lifting blue eyes to her aunt, Brooke nodding as Sawyer slipped from her hold and placed the much beloved teddy bear gently against the headstone. Her small hand brushing against Peyton's name. "That's my name." She whispered before turning back to Brooke.
"Yeah, it is." Brooke rasped out and took the young girls hand in hers. "Time to go." She whispered. Her own hand brushing against the cool marble, her head shaking as she wondered, again, how Lindsey could kill both Lucas and Peyton on the same night she found out about their affair.
She had seen Lindsey that night. Her had looked in shock and Brooke never thought Lindsey had done it until the police told her. She had been the one to get the call about Peyton. A neighbor had heard a shot, called the police and Brooke had rushed to Peyton's house, only to be met by a sullen looking police officer and a distraught looking Haley.
She had tried to rush past the police but they held her back. She struggled against their hold, only slightly calming when Nathan took her in his arms. His hold tightening when she whispered against his chest that they needed to call Lucas. He pulled away slightly, his hand lifting to her face in such a way that it had her backing away. Shaking her head.
They were both gone. Killed in a fit of rage after finding out about their affair. An affair only Nathan knew about. He had been the one to find Lucas's body laying across his front yard that morning. He had gone to his house, determined to convince Lucas to confess, but when he arrived all he found was Lucas on the ground and Lindsey sitting on the step staring ahead.
Sighing, Brooke pressed a kiss to her fingers and gently ran it across both their names. "It's over now." She whispered. Her eyes lifting as Sawyer ran toward Julian and launched herself into his arms. Her faint giggles filling the air. "I'll protect her."
The wind blew and a leaf fluttered to the ground, landing at Brooke's feet and she smiled.
The storm had passed.
~fin