Hi everyone. This is my first attempt at writing after a long hiatus.
I will be starting as an exercise with a 30 day prompt writing challenge.
The first prompt was to take the last line from a random book and use it as the first sentence of the new story. In my case I didn't use the last sentence but a sentence in the last poem of the book Mouthful of forevers by Clementine Von Radics.

A little disclaimer, english is not my native language so there might be mistakes along the story am sorry for that. And also the characters do not belong to me. I own nothing but my own imagination and some book.

Enjoy.

….

Somewhere inside me is the girl that love you. But the me that I am today has seen to much. Hurt to much. Heard and seen to much. The way that the grass turn red. The sound of the screams and bodies hitting the ground. I can't even think about love when there has been so much despair.

Sometimes I look at you and I do not know how you manage to do it. How can you still smile and laugh. Is it because of them? Your friends?

Is it my lack of human relationships, of emotions that has lead me to this point of numbness? Or is it the combination of the horror of war and a fucked up childhood?

I see you and I heard and you try so hard to talk to me and it's like am looking from the outside. Watching me slowly self destruct, ripping with words and actions what little there is of us, if there even was an us. But there is nothing I can do to control my dismissiveness. I wonder when you will give up.

"Temari you can't keep doing this you need to talk to someone about it" Here you are trying to convince me to get help, again. How does one even do that? Bare feelings and thought that you don't even understand yourself?

"Shut up crybaby, I do not need help. Am not weak like you shinobi from the leaf. I did have sensibility training." Again I reject you. Even worse I offend not only you but everyone you care about, deeming them as weak. I wish I keep my mouth shut but I don't think I'm in control anymore.

"You are not ok" You say this with a tenacity on the voice. With a hard face. As the man you become after the war. Because you are not longer a child. Not one of us is. Not that I think I ever was. I admire you for it. You grew strong. I want to know how did you do it? But is as asking how the phoenix rise from the ashes. Is something inside. Something that I apparently lack.

"I did not come here for this Nara. I came here to tell you to stay the hell away from my business. Coming to Gaara and telling him that you don't think I should not be in the anbu. Who do you think you are?" Yes, Gaara doesn't know what to do with me. He thinks the anbu might be able to help desensitize me. Purge me from the horrors that plagued the back of my eyes. He thinks it will help me accept the killing, the deaths. I don't know if it will help. I don't think I care anymore.

"I am your friend Temari" Yes you are. Or you were. Even do at some point I hoped for you to be more.

"Don't kid yourself with that bullshit Shikamaru. We worked together. But that's about it. You and your friends disgust me, with all of these ties of friendship and shit. It just makes you weak. That's what kill your sensei isn't?" I think I done it now. I think we are over. Before you get up and leave I see the hurt in your eyes and I want to cry because I can't lose you too. I am sorry. I couldn't help it. It came out. I know you won't be coming back after that. It was cruel and petty.

I know that somewhere inside me is the girl that love you. The girl I want to be. I can feel her. But she is sinking. She is asking for help. Fighting to get to the surface. I don't know how to help her. So I just stare. I watch her take a couple of breaths before her lungs are invaded by the cold water. And as I put my weasel mask I only see ripples that slowly but surely die.

…

Here I leave where you can find the challenge if you are interested you can check it out.

post/832610035/writing-prompt-30-day-challenge on the tumblr 30daychallengearchive