Let her go
This little OneShot came to my mind when i watched the latest Big Bang Theory episode.
This OneShot contains some SPOILER to episode 14 of season 6. Who hasn't watched it until now should do otherwise soon. I've warned you ^^
Disclamer: Sadly I don't own the character, but if I would, Sheldon and Penny had hooked up long ago and had given Amy the boot.
Special Thanks goes to Wobelina :-)
He stood on the rooftop ,like he often did when he was all at sea. He came to this place when he couldn't keep up his masquerade any longer, as it was the case today. He wept because he had lied ,like he did so often the last time ,he wept because he had decided it was useless to hope anymore. He wished so hard he could turn back time until the moment she moved in next to him ,then he could do everything right. He could have won her for himself ,but he had switched on "stubborn" and then it was too late, Leonard was head over heels for her just like him, him Sheldon Lee Cooper. His conversation with Penny from earlier still rang in his ears.
„Okay hold on a second ,do you want to say that it really will get physical between you and Amy someday?"
Penny was Amy's best friend ,she was Leonard's girlfriend and only saw him as this weirdo she liked. How should he tell her that he loves her ? How could he say that he wants to be in Leonards place? Wants to hold her hand, see her laugh ,share her bed at night and watch her sleeping. He couldn't say it ,the realisation hit him hard and he it was time to let go ,he had made his decision.
„It's a possibilitiy."
As the sentence had left his lips he felt miserable ,he went to the fridge and even as Penny smiled at him ,he smiled back. Because she didn't know that he couldn't do otherwise ,he loved her smile and he always would ,even if he had decided to take things with Amy serious. As fast as he could he had escaped his apartment ,the fresh air was nice but nevertheless it didn't calm him because his thoughts were still with Penny, could she have loved him if he had tried? Would she have hugged him today as he felt bad? Of course she would have ,she was Penny ,she would have done everything for him if it had helped him to get better. Amy had hugged him and it was nice, her scent wasn't as sweet as Pennys but it was nice ,Amy loved him and yet he couldn't say the same. He took a deep breath ,he knew that many things would change from now on, he had to try to make Amy happy ,as difficult as it would be. Sooner or later he would sleep with Amy, than sometime were the wedding, later the children and regardless there would always be a part of him that suffers, maybe he could love Amy someday but never as much as she deserved it.
He heard the door open , turned around and saw Raj. He didn't care he was caught while crying, it didn't matter ,why should he hide his feelings here? He suffered and noone could take the pain away from him ,he would watch Penny how she lived her life happily with Leonard, he would be delighted for them and try to be a good friend ,like he did all these years before.
„I know that you love Penny, Sheldon, I am a romantic, I knew it all the time."
He sensed how Raj placed his hand on his shoulder ,Raj just stood beside him and let him cry. Cry like he never did before in his life, all these years he had to struggle, but now he had made a decision ,toss all hope over board and face his future with Amy.
„Raj how am I supposed to make it? She is a part of me, how can I have a future with Amy when Penny is the one I love?"
Sheldon tried to wipe the tears from his cheeks but everytime new ones joined them. Raj's gaze was serious and understanding at the same time. He had become a precious friend for Sheldon ,even when he didn't voice it, he must have been the only one who understands him beside Penny.
„Sheldon she will always be a part of you but you were never supposed for her and she never for you. Your supposed to be with Amy, you may never love her like you love Penny but maybe someday you will love her in another way."
Raj was no man who wanted to see others suffer, as annoying as Sheldon may be, a broken heart always hurts .Especially when you can literally watch how the woman you love gets happy with another man. Sheldon often was mean and arrogant to others but deep down he was kind-hearted ,therefore he tried to lead Sheldon onto the right path, because unrequited love would destroy a Sheldon Cooper too.
„Raj? Will it stop to hurt so much someday? I mean ,will it stop entirely somewhen?."
Sheldon wiped the last tears from his cheeks, he saw Rajs sad smile. He was sure that Raj almost cryed too but he knew the Indian good enough to know that he practically always started to cry. .
„No Sheldon ,it will always hurt. But it will subside as time passes by until it's just a little sting in your heart. Your heart will always love her Sheldon ,it will always leave a scar that holds Pennys name . It's similar to Frodo Baggins scar from Shire , the scar never healed and therfore he moved along."
Now it was Rajs turn to blink away the tears, he knew how Sheldon hurt because he hurt the same. It wasn't Penny that had stolen his heart but Bernadette ,it had hurt as his hopes were destroyed and almost all his friends made fun of him. He knew exactly how Sheldon felt. How should the others know how he and Sheldon felt? Leonard and Howard had no idea how lucky they were with this women. Sure Sheldon had Amy at his side but even that didn't mean that his heart couldn't ache over the view of Leonard and Penny. Same as Raj's heart ached everytime he watched Howard and Bernadette together, it hurt even more because he wished his best friend just the best and yet he didn't.
„That's just how I feel too Raj ,I must move on that my scar finds rest. But it will be hard ,she is always by my side and everytime I fear my scar to bleed anew. I must let her go , I acted all these years, that she only is a dear friend to me, now I must face the future and really think of her just that, a dear friend."
Sheldon Lee Cooper took a deep, final breath, he knew that his plan was going to be hard but like Frodo who left Shire ,like that Sheldon had to leave his beloved Pennyvalley to start elsewhere anew.