Chapter 1

I lay in my bed contemplating the events of the past few weeks. Undoubtedly, I was much better off than I had been recently. But my happiness seemed to be at the expense of everyone else's… Everyone that I knew and cared about. Well, everyone human, that is. Edward and I were practically in heaven, and Alice kept gushing about how glad she was to have me around to talk to again. Whenever I walked into the Cullens' house, I was immediately greeted by three boisterous vampires and two shy ones. Edward was usually with me already and Carlisle was usually at work, but the rest of the family always seemed happy to see me. Alice was always the most enthusiastic, of course, closely followed by Emmett, who often knocked me over in his attempts to greet me. Esme was just as excited; her eyes seemed to fill with tears (although I knew that was impossible) every time she saw Edward and me together. Jasper always hung back, extra careful now, since the last thing we needed was a repeat of the incident that had taken Edward away from me. Most of these were similar reactions to those I would have gotten before their absence but there was one that was drastically different. I was used to cold indifference and even dislike from Rosalie. When I used to come over, she was often upstairs, avoiding me by brushing her long flowing hair or gazing at her reflection but now, she was always there with the others, Greeting me with a tentative smile.

But that's all there was, as far as happy endings went. I loved my vampire family more than they could possibly imagine, but I could barely stand what it was doing to the other people I loved. Jacob still wouldn't speak to me, although I called every night. Billy kept refusing to let me talk to him. Renee phoned every day in hysterics, begging me to come live with her so that she could keep me away from Edward. She was so sure that I would end up like I was before, broken and empty. With Charlie it was much the same scenario. We fought constantly, as I tried to convince him that Edward wasn't the bad guy in this situation, but he kept insisting that I should not be seeing Edward, that he was dangerous. He didn't know how right he was. It would be so much easier if Charlie knew the truth, but I could never tell him that. He was not allowed to know.

I looked over at my empty closet, with a twinge of sadness. Everything I saw now reminded me of how happy I had once been living with Charlie. The particular memory that the closet kept reminding me of was of when I was around seven. I had been visiting Charlie here in Forks over the summer and I had been terrified of monsters. Every night, Charlie would come in checking the closet for monsters. How ironic that now, I always prayed that he wouldn't check my closet for monsters. More often than not, there was a monster in my closet these days and it didn't bother me at all. But not tonight. Tonight the monster was off sucking blood, doing his monster routine. I was never alone, of course. The monster's sister was watching and waiting outside, always within earshot in case Victoria showed up. It was a lot lonelier than when Edward was there to guard me for everyone involved. I longed to have his arms around me as I slept and I knew he would rather be closer to me as well. Alice insisted that she didn't mind staying with me, but I knew that she would prefer to be with Jasper. It was so easy to sleep comfortably when Edward was there, but when he was gone, I was always restless.

"Alice!" I whispered out the window. She was in the room in a heartbeat.

"What's wrong?" she hissed back, alarm in her voice.

"Nothing," I replied quickly, "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. It's just that… I'm not getting any sleep anyway, so you might as well be up here. We can keep each other company." She smiled, crossing the room and seating herself on the end of my bed in one fluid motion. She could always tell when I missed Edward and she was careful not to mention him as we talked for the rest of the night.

In the morning everything was back to normal. Edward was waiting for me in his silver car when I came downstairs. The day was fairly routine. The only thing that got me through the long school day was Edward's presence, as usual. After school he drove me home and we watched movies all afternoon, paying more attention to each other than what was on the screen.

"Ahem!"

The voice came from behind me making me jump. I tore my eyes away from Edward's perfect face, blushing as I realized that Charlie had probably been watching for some time now, and had undoubtedly noticed that I was blatantly ignoring the TV. A glance up at my father's face confirmed this and I quickly released Edward's hand. Charlie was pointing at the clock hanging on the wall.

"Nine o'clock," he barked gruffly.

I sighed and the two of us stood up, embracing quickly before heading towards the door. Charlie's expression darkened further at this. He followed us, staying directly behind me and breathing down my neck as if to prevent further romantic displays from Edward and me. I groaned.

"Honestly, dad! Is it too much to ask to have a moment of privacy?" I demanded.

"You've had the whole evening together. It's time for him to go and you don't need any more privacy," he announced, his tone implying that it would be unwise to argue. I tried to reason with him anyway.

"Just give us a minute to say goodbye," I replied softly.

"One minute," Charlie said firmly.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Edward and started scheming in hushed voices, just in case.

"Are you coming back tonight?" I asked.

"Of course," he replied, as though it were obvious. And indeed it was rare that he had anywhere else to be at night. The last time I had slept without him there had been a few weeks ago when he had been so thirsty that he could not afford to be too close. Still, he made sure I was never alone. Alice was always there if he couldn't be, keeping watch on the off chance that Victoria might show up to murder me in my sleep.

"Alright… Charlie will probably be suspicious if I go up right away, so come back in about an hour, ok?"

"Relax Bella, I know the drill" he said, rolling his eyes. I only smiled.

"See you tomorrow," I called louder out the door, for Charlie's benefit, as I watched him glide out to his car flashing a grin at me before driving away.

As soon as Edward was out of sight, Charlie was back in the room, for our nightly argument.

"Bella, I don't like that boy. I've said it a thousand times! Why won't you listen to me? This is for you own good, you know," Charlie fumed.

"Dad, relax… I know what's good for me. Edward is good for me. You know what happened to me when he wasn't there," I snapped, tired of the familiar argument.

"Exactly!" Charlie continued, "If he really cared he would never have done that!"

"Dad, we've been though this," I cried, completely fed up, "Edward cares! He had his reasons for leaving." I couldn't resist adding that last bit, not realizing what I had said.

"What do you mean, Bella?" Charlie asked, suddenly suspicious, "I thought he left because his father was going to work in LA."

"Oh, yeah, he did," I replied thinking quickly, "I just meant he had reasons for breaking up with me". The excuse sounded pathetically weak even to me. Charlie seemed suspicious now.

"Bella there is no possible excuse for what that monster did to you!" he thundered. I was angry now and I was starting to feel my powers of reasoning ebbing away. Charlie had no right to accuse my Edward of being a monster!

"Of course there's an excuse!" I screamed at him, "Do you really think that Edward would have done what he did without a good reason? Have you not seen us together? HE LOVES ME!"

"Don't talk to me like that, Bella!" Charlie scolded, "You're eighteen years old and this kid is your first boyfriend. You have no idea what love is. How could telling you he didn't care possibly have an excuse?"

"He was only trying to protect me!" I shrieked, furious at his ridiculous accusations.

"PROTECT YOU?" Charlie bellowed, "You nearly DIED, Bella! You stopped eating for three days! And then you started pulling all those crazy stunts… Jumping off cliffs, riding motorcycles. I can't imagine what he could even have been protecting you from that could possibly be worse than what happened to you."

"There are lots of things more dangerous, dad," I hissed.

"Like WHAT?" he challenged. Uh-oh… Something told me I shouldn't tell the truth. The furious red cloud of anger flooding my mind was too thick to remember why, but I followed my gut and tried to get the conversation off track.

"Besides, he wouldn't have done it if he'd known that I'd get in so much trouble."

"Bella, you didn't answer my question," he reminded me stubbornly, "What could that boy possibly have been protecting you from that was worse than what happened to you?"

"NOTHING!" I yelled, "I don't want to tell you!" But why? That was what my angry mind couldn't comprehend. Why couldn't I just tell my father exactly why Edward had left? Maybe that would make him see. My conscience warned me against this new plan, but it was getting so, so hard to focus.

"That kid doesn't know anything. He might have told you he was 'protecting you', Bella, but he's using you! He'll hurt you again. He doesn't care and he never has," Charlie insisted. That was enough. I snapped.

"EDWARD CARES ABOUT ME" I screamed, "Do you know why he left? He's a VAMPIRE! He was afraid that he was going to hurt me! Every moment that he is with me he has to restrain himself from KILLING me! THAT is how much he cares, dad. He loves me so much he tortured himself by leaving so that I could be safe!"

That's when it hit me. Now I knew why I was not supposed to do what I had just done. My eyes widened in horror and I stumbled back against the wall and slowly slid to the floor. My hands were clapped over my mouth as I tried to fight the rising nausea in the pit of my stomach. I had betrayed him. I had betrayed my Edward. How could I do that? He would never forgive me, I was positive. They would have to go into hiding and Edward would be so angry that he would never want to speak to me again. No. That couldn't be true. He would forgive me, wouldn't he? If he really cared, it would be alright eventually. He would forgive me and someday he would trust me again. Someday…

"Bella…what are you talking about?" Charlie asked, concern filling his voice. I tried to think of a way out, but there was no way to cover for my outburst. As the anger faded, I could see all too clearly that there was no escape from what I had just done.

"Edward is a vampire," I whispered again.

"Bella, honey, vampires don't exist. I think the strain of what Edward did to you is just causing you some confusion." He said kindly.

"No, dad, it's true. He doesn't eat people of anything though, if you're worried about that. He eats animals instead. It's a long story and very complicated but I've already said far, far too much… What am I going to tell him?" I added that last part on more for myself than anything.

"Wow, Bella…" Charlie said, seemingly shocked, "Well, I don't know what to say… That's really unexpected. Look, I really need some time alone to digest this. Could you maybe go to bed now?"

"Sure," I replied quietly, my voice trembling as I fought back tears. Without another word, I fled up the stairs, tripping twice, my blurred vision adding to my usual clumsiness.

I collapsed on my bed and sobbed, careful to remain quiet so that Charlie wouldn't hear. I don't know exactly how long I stayed there, but that was how Edward found me when he entered my room silently through the window.