Summary:
Thor decides to test the impact Midgardian weapons have on him. Cap walks in at the wrong moment. Set sometime after 'Avengers' but before 'The Winter Soldier'.
This is just a short one-shot that I wrote when I had some free time. It's not intended to be some amazing work of literature, but I hope that you enjoy it and find it humorous. Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel or any of the Avengers.
….
Steve Rogers stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for floor 47, leaning against the metal railing as it swiftly ascended the numerous levels of Stark Tower. The elevator slid smoothly to a halt and he stepped out.
"Good morning, Captain Rogers", the disembodied voice of Jarvis – Tony's robot butler – greeted him softly.
"Morning Jarvis", Steve replied, making his way towards his bathroom. Even though Stark irritated him to no end, he was undeniably generous. He had given Steve the entire 47th floor as his living quarters, including a spacious bedroom, his own bathroom, a personalised training room and a small rec room complete with 1930s and 40s décor.
Steve pulled off his sweat-soaked T-shirt and dropped it in the washing basket in the corner of his room. It was 7:15am and he had just returned from his usual morning run. He stripped off the rest of his clothes and stepped into the shower, turning the taps on hard so the hot water bounced off of his back like bullets ricocheting off his shield.
After 5 minutes under the hot stream of water, he stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist, padding towards his closet.
"Who's up and about, Jarvis?" he asked as he pulled on a pair of jeans and a black T-shirt.
"Mr Stark is awake and currently in his lab", Jarvis reported dutifully. "Dr Banner is assisting him with a project. Ms Romanoff is on a mission, and Thor and Mr Barton are in the training room on floor 53."
"Barton's back?" Steve enquired, surprised. "I thought he was still off on SHIELD business?"
"He returned late last night, Sir", Jarvis informed him.
"Good to know. Thanks Jarvis", Steve said, heading towards the elevator once more.
It took only a few short seconds before the elevator doors opened to floor 53. Steve stepped out, then froze as he heard the unmistakable sound of a gunshot from the vicinity of training room. If it had been Romanoff training he wouldn't have been alarmed, but as far as he knew she was somewhere in Europe and guns were not the preferred weapon of either Clint or Thor. Steve grabbed a stool and held it in front of him as he moved stealthily towards the training room.
He took a deep breath then burst into the room, pausing for a fraction of a second as he took in the gun Thor was holding to his own abdomen before tossing his stool to the side, sprinting forward and knocking the firearm from the Asgardian's grasp.
"What the hell were you doing?" he demanded, grabbing the gun and immediately flicking the safety on. The god was looking remarkably human in an artfully faded T-shirt and black pants, although Mjolnir was resting on a bench press only a few feet away.
Thor stared at him, utterly bemused, and Steve started as a hoarse chuckle sounded from his right. He turned his head to see Clint – who he had somehow missed in his haste to remove the gun from Thor's possession – doubled over with laughter.
"I really don't see what's funny" he said, anger simmering beneath his calm exterior. Clint merely snorted and shook his head.
"Barton, I came in to find our team-mate with a gun turned on himself", he snapped. "Did you not think maybe you should do something to help? Or ask Jarvis to alert somebody?"
"And Thor", he added in a softer tone, turning back to the god. "What happened? If something's bothering you, you need to talk to someone. I'm not saying it has to be me, but you need to let someone know what's going on because this –" He raised the gun in illustration "– is not the answer. This is never the answer. Please, don't –"
"He wasn't trying to kill himself, Cap!" Hawkeye interrupted. "Do you really think I'd sit and watch that? Damn, I thought you had a brain!"
Steve paused, feeling confused and a little foolish. Had he simply entered at the wrong time, and idiotically assumed that Thor meant to shoot himself?
"But… why did you have the gun?" he asked slowly. Thor's expression cleared as he realised the misunderstanding, and he let out a bark of laughter.
"I had no intention of truly injuring myself!" he explained jovially. "I was merely testing the strength of these Midgardian weapons."
"Oh. Well, that's… Wait, so you were going to shoot yourself?!" Steve demanded. He looked to Hawkeye, who shrugged.
"He seems to have survived a lot worse than a few bullets", he said indifferently.
"And you think that makes it okay for him to shoot himself? Just to see how much damage it causes? This is ridiculously irresponsible; I can't believe you guys even thought of doing this!"
"Do not worry, Captain!" Thor reassured him. "We Asgardians are not as vulnerable as mortal men."
"Show him your bullet wound", Clint suggested nonchalantly. Steve's eyebrows skyrocketed as he looked from Barton to Thor incredulously.
"Come on, Cap, you can barely see it", the archer said, obviously bored with the conversation.
"I am not wounded, I assure you." Thor pulled up his T-shirt, revealing amazingly sculpted abdominals and a small, circular red mark about the size of a 5 cent piece.
"See?" Hawkeye smirked. "Didn't even break the skin."
Steve bit his lip, still not comfortable with their dangerous experiments but unable to think of a compelling enough reason to make them stop.
"Well, I guess I can't stop you", he admitted, shaking his head. "Just… don't get killed, okay?"
….
Thanks for reading!
There was a little Easter egg in here – I gave Cap floor 47 for his living quarters because the 4th day of the 7th month (July) is his birthday and the American Independence Day.