Shotguns, firings, bullets, people lying down, the battlefield. Everything was blur and confused as John was on the floor, unable to get up. He could barely hear anything except the loud noises of explosions. He could feel his own self leaving, there, staring at the sky that was getting whiter and whiter. Was that it? Was that the end of his life ? All of this, just to die in the end ? Although he was aware that committing into the army in Afghanistan was most likely a death sentence, however he used to have little hopes. Then a thought came to him : how would react all his relatives ? How would Sherlock react ? Wait. Sherlock ? Why Sherlock, they hadn't even met at that time. A dream, that's what it is, just a dream.

John woke up with a big inspiration, had a hard time opening his eyes and could feel his heart beating fast. But however, this was completed with a feeling of peacefulness, sort of. The relief of not being dead, and not to leave his loved ones. He got up, checked the hour : 4am, and went into the kitchen as he couldn't fall asleep.

It's without any surprise that he found Sherlock experimenting stuff. This man was never tired, at least he didn't show it. Always experimenting stuff, solving cases or thinking. John even wondered if he had once slept more than a couple of hours.

"Can't sleep huh? John asked looking at his partner.

- nope, I'm getting bored really fast in my bed so I thought I'd try a new experiment, Sherlock answered.

- mh, okay. Are we running out of tea ?

- Oh yeah, take mine I wont finish it"

He took it a bit awkwardly though, he didn't usually share stuff like food or drinks with Sherlock but nevermind.

Sherlock sat for a few minutes, he looked a bit exhausted, John was drinking his tea without giving any notice to his partner.

- John. said Sherlock, his hand on his forehead looking pale.

- what do you... Sherlock? You're looking... quite bad, is everything okay ?

- Get me to my room, now.

He attempted to get up but quickly fell back on his chair, though John came to hold him by the arm and shoulder. Sherlock held John's hand tight, the Doctor was a bit surpised by this but the matter now was to take his friend to his room.

Once they got here, he helped him lie down his bed, put the blankets on him.

Sherlock had his eyes closed and breathed heavily. He didn't let go of John's hand.

- Do you need anything ? Water ? asked the doctor.

- No, just... keep holding... my hand...

John could feel that Sherlock was a bit intimidated to ask that but also in a difficult position, he was about to faint.

So John kept his hand in his and they stayed still for a few minutes until Sherlock's breath came back to normal, he sighed.

- Sherlock what was that all about ?

- something... nevermind.

- I think you are way too tired and you staying up late at night isn't the best thing you could do to yourself.

- I don't care about that, that's no the matter... now leave me alone please

- You sure it's not about the lack of sleep?

- Yes I'm sure, John. And even if it was who cares.

- Your bloody doctor, Sherlock. I don't like seeing you like this.

- My doctor or my friend ?

John was a bit surprised by this question.

- Your doctor of course...

- My doctor of course. Yeah. Sure, now can I have some space ?

- Just rest, and don't neglect yourself, please.

- I'm not.

- I wouldn't be too sure of that.

- Listen, said Sherlock rising up a bit to look John in the eyes, this, is not the lack of sleep, this is...

- this is what ? Inquired John

- Panick attacks. Psychological discomfort, call it what you want.

- Wait.. you? Having panick attacks ? Oh god Sherlock it's insane. You, the unsensitive, i-dont-care-about-anyone-or-anything man, has fears ? Anxiety? Come on, he let a laugh escape

- Yeah now leave me alone.

Sherlock clearly didn't like sharing parts of himself like this, it was as if he got naked in front of an unknown crowd.

- Okay, okay sorry. But why didn't you tell me about those ?

- because I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to remember it, and most of all I want to forget every feeling I've ever had. That's why.