First fic so don't judge.

I know this is set in season one but I'm rewatching it and I'm in need of some mentally messed up Ollie.

Sorry if I get any details wrong just trying to make it sound good.

Probably going to be multiple fics about Oliver having PTSD or depression but depends on reviews.

Anyway on to the fic.

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"Away? You weren't away, Ollie. You died! My brother and my dad died! I went to your funerals! Mom had Walter, and I had no one!"

Oliver laughed. "Oh really? You had no one? In case you've forgotten, I was the one stuck on an uncharted island! I'll admit that I lied. I wasn't completely alone. Some terrorists had a camp on the island. They liked to torture me when they got bored. That's where I got my scars."

All anger and frustration had fled as Thea gazed up at her undead brother with sympathetic eyes. "Ollie…"

He put his hand up and interrupted her. "No. I'm not done. So you were "alone" here, and I was not alone, but surrounded by torturous psychopaths who liked to watch the privileged white boy scream. I think you're forgetting something else as well. I lost dad too."

Oliver had a short internal debate about whether he should tell Thea the truth of their father's death, but ultimately decided to just tell the short version that didn't involve murder or suicide.

"You went to his funeral? Well guess what else I haven't told anyone? Dad made it to the life raft with me, then a few days later he died. I drifted for two more days with dads corpse before I reached the island."

He could see Thea was shaking, and if he paid more attention he would have noticed that he was as well, but he needed to say everything, so he continued.

"When I got to the island I buried him in rocks. That was the best funeral I could give the man who raised me. And while you sat on a velvet couch under a soft blanket eating gourmet ice cream, I fought for my life. I didn't even get a chance to mourn, because I was so focused on not dying!"

Thea moved to lower herself to a chair, unsure if she could trust her legs not to collapse under her.

"I fought so hard for five years Thea, thinking that you may have lost dad, but maybe you could still have me. If I could survive long enough to make it back. You, mom, and Laurel are the only reasons I kept fighting. The only reasons I put up with the knife carving into my stomach, the whip leaving welts across my back, the electric shocks that left me shaking, and the hundred other painful things I endured."

Thea couldn't stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks as she realized what Oliver had been through.

"So imagine how it felt to come back and find Laurel wishes I was dead, mom expects me to be CEO, you felt closer to me when I was dead, and Tommy is with Laurel. I have honestly wished multiple times that I could just go back to the island. Because at least when I was there, I still somehow believed you all cared about me."

Thea softened as she realized Oliver was done talking, and as she lifted her gaze she saw three figures standing in the doorway. Laurel, Tommy, and Moira.

Oliver however hadn't noticed much other than how difficult it was to suck in a breath.

Thea, Laurel and Moira were outright crying, verging on sobbing, while Tommy definitely had a few tear stains. Surprisingly though, Oliver's laboured breathing seemed to be the only thing off about him, and even that was quickly becoming more controlled.

"Oh Ollie…" Laurel breathed out between sobs.

"When the hell did you guys get there?" Any trace of possible vulnerability was gone and Oliver was once again wearing his stone mask. "How much of that did you guys hear?"

It was Tommy that managed to collect himself enough to reply. "Enough to feel so sorry for the way we've been treating you."

Oliver turned away in an attempt to shield himself from all the pain and guilt that surrounded him. This was his fault. He had hurt all his friends and driven them to tears. Some morbid little voice in the back of his mind whispered "at least you didn't kill anyone." And he relaxed ever so minutely it was imperceptible to everyone else in the room.

"Don't be sorry. I'm just overreacting. I got so used to not trusting anyone. Calling everyone the enemy. Now that I have friends and family back, I don't know how to deal with it."

Moira stepped towards her son in an effort to get him to turn towards her. "No honey, it's not your fault. We haven't been cutting you enough slack. I'm so sorry sweety please know that we're so glad you're home."

Finally Oliver turned around, extremely hesitantly, to look at his mom. However, when his eyes drifted past her to Laurel crying in the doorway, he quickly lowered his gaze. "I'm so sorry Laurel. For everything. You've earned the right to hate me. I can't believe I did that to you. But the island was my punishment. It was five years of absolute hell."

Oliver's voice broke on the last word and Laurel looked up just enough to see tear stains adorning Oliver's cheeks.

"I know nothing can really make up for this, and you don't have to forgive me, but I just want you to know how sorry I am."

By the end of his speech he was choking back sobs and had to sit down before his legs collapsed.

"I haven't slept more than two hours a night since I got back. I can barely eat without feeling sick. I brush up against a stranger in public and have to restrain myself so my reflexes don't take over and decapitate them."

"It's ok Ollie. We're here for you." Tommy spoke up before Laurel could. "If you need anything, you can talk to us." Oliver nodded but kept his head down.

"Dammit!" Everyone looked up to see Moira getting a call. "Hello? Yes! Yes of course! Alright, thank you!" The group watched her expectantly.

"I completely forgot we have a dinner to go to! Thea honey go put on a dress. Ollie do you think you can come?" Oliver steeled himself so that his face was so emotionless it actually scared those watching.

"Yes of course mother. I'll go get changed." He left the room without another word, Thea hesitantly following suit.

"I forgive him." Tommy and Moira looked at Laurel in surprise.

"I don't hate him. I've been pretending I did because it's easier on me, but it's harder on him, and I don't think I can do that anymore."

Moira internally breathed a sigh of relief, as she knew how much it ate away at Oliver that one of his best friends hated him. It seemed like a good sign. Maybe things really could get better.