A/N:
HPE24: Hello, everybody! This is HarryPotterEncyclopedia24!
Eta7400: *smirk* Or so you say.
HPE24: Hey, what about it? I'm introducing myself.
Eta7400: *ignoring* Hello, people, I am Eta7400 and I have a HarryPotterEncyclopedia next to me.
HPE24: That thing is a person.
Eta7400: So what, are you the 24th Edition? *smirk*
HPE24: You know perfectly well that the number is my birthday date.
Eta7400: Yah yah. Whatever.
HPE24: *sigh* Anyway-
Eta7400: YOUR HOPELESS!
HPE24: SHUT THE HELL UP!
Eta7400: I am not an all-powerful being that can shut hell up! MUCH LESS BELIEVE IN HELL!
HPE24: I KNOW THAT. I was just saying. As I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted by my younger brother, we do not own Minecraft.
Eta7400: Just get on with the intro will you? Start the darn f***ing story already.
HPE24: Didn't I tell you every Fanfiction writers need to make disclaimers before starting the story?
Eta7400: No.
HPE24: Last time I checked, I did. Still, Mojang company owns the game, not us.
X
The light flicked on, and shadows of tall beings began to appear. They were all sitting on a long table, with one figure sitting on the end of a table. Once he acknowledged of the other's presence, he began to speak.
"So far, our attempts are fruitless," he hissed. "Are there any other ways we can do this?"
"Hmm, I suggested everything I could," somebody piped up. All eyes focused on him immediately.
"Did you, now?" the first one hissed again. "Then, you are to be proven useless."
The second guy paled right away. "No no, I didn't mean that! It's just, I have a hard time thinking up of ideas."
"Very well, then I shall ask others." He turned to the figure closest to him. "Any suggestions on bringing the players to their downfall?"
The guy grinned evilly. "Of course, Creeper. I sent out spies to report their daily actions."
"When you say spies, do you mean..." he trailed off.
"Yes! It is the SCU!" the dude spoke up excitedly. "We all know what that means!"
Everybody simply stared at him. "Really dude?" someone called. "Really?"
"Come on, comrades!" the third guy whined. "They are the best spy organisation we have. Oh wait, incoming signal!" Their eyes were trained on a huge big monitor screen, which began to act up. A bar suddenly appeared, with the caption INCOMING SIGNAL, PLEASE WAIT WHILE IT'S LOADING. The bar was replaced by a variety of sections displaying a map showing coordinates, with the biggest one having a zigzagged line working across it. The topmost box contained, C: B-09.
"Main base, main base, do you copy? This is C: B-09, reporting for duties," a voice came from the speaker.
"C: B-09, this is main base," the Creeper answered. "Status report?"
"I am currently STALKING-" C:B-09 emphasised 'stalking, "the players. they have entered a NPC village, blew up the well, a tower, then the priest and Player: CheapFloozie2Gassy are mating and producing more kiddies between themselves at the coordinates x: -298, Y: 24, z: 383." The monsters were met with awkward silence.
"Uh, right," the Creeper said. "Too many details, don't you think, soldier?"
"I was doing my job," the spy shrugged. "But, yeah, the players are at the NPC village, wreaking havoc in there."
"This is outrageous!" one of the members burst out. "The players have gone too far, and now they are harassing our fellow mobs! We should put a stop to this."
"I thought you loved EATING villagers, not protecting them," the other one piped up.
"Yeah, that's what you do for your free time, Zombie," another guy accused him.
"Mmm, I just love the way they scream," the Zombie said dreamily. "And they just taste like-" He was stopped by others glaring at him.
"Concentrate on our task, comrade!" the Creeper hissed.
"Which is?" asked a member.
"It's obvious. Ambush the players with our forces," he snorted. "What else?"
"Yeah, you douche," said the Skeleton.
"Well, it could have been chewing a bread..." mumbled the Douche.
"That is the stupidest mission I've ever heard in my whole entire life," said the Zombie.
"ENOUGH!" the Creeper yelled. "By the order of the Ender Dragon, we are to attack the players TODAY. No excuses."
Everybody fell silent, waiting for someone to speak up.
"Right," the Creeper fumed. "Any volunteers?"
"Oooh, mee!" a guy at the end of the table stood up.
Everybody sniggered, even the Creeper. "You are no match for the players, Silverfish," he chuckled. "Everybody knows that."
The Silverfish sat down, looking immensely disappointed and embarrassed.
"HELLO?" the spy spoke up. "AM I FORGOTTEN OR SOMETHING?"
"Oh shut up, chicken," the Skeleton said, bored. "You can't kill them with an arrow or something."
"Better," the voice said. "I CAN PUSH THEM OFF THE CLIFF."
The monsters considered his suggestion. "Are there any nearby cliffs on that region?"
There was a slight pause, and the voice spoke again, "No..." he trailed off.
The Zombie snorted. "You are good as nothing, then," he said coldly.
"Wait," the voice said frantically. "There IS a place I can push them off."
"Oh? Where is it?" the Skeleton asked sarcastically.
"A ravine."
"NICE!" the Zombie yelled. "So what now?"
The Creeper grinned slightly. "C: B-09, I command you to lure the player to the ravine and push them off the ground. Do what ever it takes."
"Yes, sir," the chicken replied, and the screen went black.
"Do you think the bird can cope with this hazardous mission?" asked the Silverfish worriedly.
"He's a trained spy. He should be able to complete the task set before him," said the Skeleton.
At the Players' Side...
"Oy, Jim," called out a player. "You done with making babies yet?"
"I'm done," CheapFloozie2Gassy called out. He sprinted over to his buddies.
"Don't you think it's inappropriate?" asked another guy. "Like, the whole point of this game is to build and kill monsters, not mating and having a family."
Jim shrugged. "So? I'm testing out new features. Can't hurt that much."
"It can," the first guy muttered. "What are you going to do now, send a spider on a TNT cannon?"
"Actually, that's not bad at all. Thanks for giving me that idea, Will." Will the Minecrafter facepalmed.
One member of their gang suddenly tensed. "I hear movements," he muttered.
"Hope it's not one of those blasted creepers," Jim muttered. "The last one destroyed my piston stair!"
"Yeah yeah, whatever," Will muttered. "We're not interested in your inventions." The whole team, that is, Will, Jim, and two more people advanced slowly to the spot where they heard footsteps. It was a land covered with tall grass.
Will parted the grass to see a chicken standing right behind the bushes. It looked up from the ground, and gazed at them with slightly panicked eyes. Will thought it was the most adorable chicken he ever saw.
"FOOD," Jim muttered, pulling out an iron sword. At the sight of his blade, the chicken squawked alarmingly, and sped off, walking off to some direction. The players followed it.
"All you can think of is food?" asked Will incredulously.
"Well, duh," said Jim. "I mean, the thing's made up of meat!"
"No offense mate, but I agree with Jimmy here," one of the unnamed guys piped up. Jim growled with distaste at his new nickname.
Will rolled his eyes. "You always like food, Nathan."
"Really, Nathan? Really?" asked a guy.
"Shut up, Luke," snapped Nathan. The whole team stopped when the chicken disappeared. All they saw was a huge ravine.
"Whoa, look at that," gasped Luke. "Who knows how many irons will be down there?"
"Um, I think it's too dangerous-" Jim started, but the chicken darted out of a dirt hill and somewhat innocently, brushed past Luke.
"AAAAAAHHH!" Luke screamed as he wobbled and fell.
"NOOO!" everybody else yelled, but a sound of landing hard on stone followed quicker than they expected.
"I'm alright," he groaned from below. "Still, it wasn't that-HOLY CRAP OF MOTHER NATURE, THERE'S REDSTONE RIGHT HERE!" The sound of whooping in delight came next.
"Hmm, looks like we found some goodies thanks to the chicken," muttered Nathan, glancing at the chicken who looked as if a death sentence fell on it.
"Can I kill it?" asked Jim hopefully, raising his iron sword.
"Feel free." The player leapt from his spot, and landed hard on the chicken.
"CRITICAL HIT, MAN! BEAT THAT!" he yelled as the chicken dissolved into a feather and a piece of chicken and some experience orbs.
"That was some freakish chicken," Will mumbled. "It looked like it planned to kill one of us..."
Back in the Monsters' Base...
Everybody stared at the screen with blank expressions. The zigzagged line in the section was replaced by a still and straight line with no movements. Its status box now displayed the message: STATUS-DECEASED.
"Is it... dead?" asked the Silverfish
"I... can't be. It's... not possible!" stammered the guy who suggested using the SCU.
"Hmm, our little spy seemed to be off this world," said the Creeper, surprisingly unaffected by this incident. "Ah, what did I expect from a bird... foolish me..." The others looked stunned.
"You didn't?" asked short figure.
"Of course, Spider," said the Creeper. "I knew there would be something preventing us from killing the players. Once again, we have failed." Every monsters bowed their head in disappointment.
Suddenly, the screen came back online, but it wasn't the data about the dead chicken. A black background materialised on the wall, and everybody was able to see a huge black dragon staring down at them with tall black pillars behind him.
"So," the dragon breathed. "So."
The Creeper bowed his head. "I know what you're thinking, master, and we all truly-"
"You Overworld monsters have once again, failed to destroy the players. A DISGRACE!" he roared. The monsters quailed before him.
"P-please, master, it was because of the chicken," the Silverfish stammered. "We're pretty sure we can do better next time. And there are no one to take care of them right now in the Overworld except for us."
The Ender Dragon considered his words for a moment. "I must admit you are speaking the truth, Silverfish," he finally spoke. "But you should all know the Aether and Nether units can do better." Everybody in the room winced at the comment. "Remember to use all the forces you have, monsters of the Overworld, for every player entering this world should be exterminated." On the final note, he disconnected.
"It's all because of those stupid players," the Creeper said angrily. "We're all suffering our boss' wrath because of THEM. And they will pay dearly for their actions.
At the Players' Side...
"Aw, my ears feel ticklish," complained Jim. "I feel like we're insulted from somewhere far off."
"Nah, no one's smart enough to insult us in this blocky world," said Nathan.
"Yeah, I guess..."
X
HPE24: All righty, that's the end of the first chapter, and hope you enjoyed, because I wrote the most of it.
Eta7400: Yeah, BUT, I came up with the Player username: CheapFloozie2Gassy. See, I was thinking cheapfloozie when shortly after you said it then I also remembered a minecrat real username I saw from Survival Games 2: GassyMexican. So I thought why not cheapfloozie and gassy together? And also I was doing just some random maths in my head with ratios so it came as: 'CheapFloozie:Gassy' and the ':' is pronounced as to so I made 'CheapFloozie2Gassy'
HPE24: Really? But that's all you did: I wrote the intro and the ending! And almost the whole thing!
Eta7400: WTF! I gave you PLENTY OF IDEAS AND SUGGESTIONS! I added more INTERESTING WORDS TO YOUR SENTENCES.
HPE24: So? I had to write while you did something else.
Eta7400: That's 'cause I had something ELSE to do. Some thing better
HPE24: *sigh* Still, I did the most of the work.
Eta7400: GO SCREW YOURSELF! :
HPE24: Maybe I'll go later. But I'm going to say the spy chicken idea is from the legendary YouTuber Paulsoaresjr.
Eta7400: True. That's were we first heard it. BUT, you don't know that other people might think so as well. In my class, at least 15 (which is like 7/10) agrees. And I've heard things like:
- Chickens are working for the nether
- Chickens aren't friendly
- Chickens are just evil
- Chickens are f***ng RETARDED
etc...
Oh, BTW I think 'legendary' is a bit too strong. People might disagree to it as well. It's your opinion. I do like his vids but not only his either.
HPE24: Well, many people call him legendary, and he's my favourite YouTuber. Still, I have survived writing in Google Documents, after all those times with you sending messages over and your annoying replies on Author's Notes.
Eta7400: Whatever. Anyway I get to say the good bye.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, had some laughs and watch out for more! Take care and good bye.
