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If it wasn't one thing, it was another going on. First, my car broke down. I was told it wouldn't be able to get fixed for at least a week or two. Usually, that wouldn't bother me, but I'd forgotten to pay the insurance this month, so it was cancelled. Thus, being forced to bum rides from coworkers, is what I resorted to. After all, the bills weren't going to pay themselves. With the baby due in just over a month, I couldn't afford to miss any time off of work.
Due to complications with the pregnancy, my Pidge was forced to quit her job, so it was up to me financially. If I would've been better prepared, none of this would be as hard and chaotic as it actually is right now. Yeah, I knew things could be worse and that people out there in this world had bigger problems than me, but that didn't stop me from a little self loathing though. Plus side? It was Friday, meaning I was off from work for the next two days. With a quick wave and thanks, I grabbed my jacket and headed inside. If there was one thing I was looking forward to each day, it was a home cooked meal. On tonight's menu, it was Chicken Alfredo, one of my favorites. My Pidge knew how to cook, one of the many reasons I loved her. With a little pep in my step, I made my way inside, tossing my jacket on the back of the love seat before heading to the kitchen. My eyes narrowed slightly when I didn't find my wife there, or any sign that dinner was being prepared.
Worry started to take over as I walked down the hall and towards our bedroom, it wasn't like her to go somewhere and not tell me. Plus, dinner was always in the oven when I got home. I opened the door to the bedroom and looked around, not finding her. After going to check the nursery, I found nothing. Alright, if she was playing games this wasn't funny. Yelling out for my Pidge I stopped in front of the closed bathroom, trying to jiggle the knob only to find it locked. Banging a few times anxiously, I gave up and quickly kicked the door opened and rushed in, a loud scream escaped my lips when I found her, laying there on the floor, unconscious in a small pool of blood.
In that moment, my mind was on auto pilot and instincts took over. I raced to her side after grabbing a wet cloth and checked for a pulse to make sure she was at least breathing before resting her head on my knees. I pulled out my cellphone to dial 911. Screaming into the phone, I gave the operator our address and all the details while I ran the cool wash cloth along her forehead.
"No, I don't know! I came home, found her lying unconscious on the floor in our bathroom!" My voice was shaking, unsure of what to think or do, I just waited. My mind started drifting off to our baby, it wasn't just my wife's life at stake. Our unborn child's life was hanging in the balance. "Fuck, I can't lose them." Pushing back the urge to vomit, I yelled hearing the paramedics barging into the house.
"We are in here! Hurry!" Was all I could say before I was being pulled back and drug out of the room, kicking and screaming.
"That's my wife and unborn child, let go of me!" After a few minutes of struggling, I gave in to the fear and practically collapsed against the paramedic who was holding me back and felt a sob escape my lips.
"Sir, you have to calm down. Breathe. We are going to do everything we can to save them." With that, they were dragging my wife, my Pidge out on a stretcher and into the waiting ambulance outside. Without hesitation, I hopped in the back of the ambulance right behind them. I tried to ignore the IV and the beeping of the monitor that she was now hooked up to as I grabbed her hand in mine. My head dropped against our hands, my voice low as I mumbled.
"Please, please don't leave me. Just come back to me, baby." Straightening up quickly when the paramedic got my attention, his tone was low but serious.
"The baby's heart rate is there, but unstable." I ran my free hand over my face, trying to wipe away the tears that had fallen as I cleared my throat, nodding just once.
"Just, do whatever y'all can to save them both." He nodded in understanding and jumped up the moment the ambulance stopped and the back door opened and jumped back and out of the way as they wheeled her out. Following behind, not saying a word as they took her inside, I barely listened to the doctor and surrounding nurses, before I was immediately stopped.
"Sir, I can't let you go any further. I can assure you, they are in good hands." And just like that, they were gone and I was left standing there in the middle of an empty and now quiet hallway, completely alone. Frozen in fear, I just stood there, lost in my own thoughts. This was it. Just a few hours ago, my biggest worry was my car not getting fixed for a few weeks. Now, my wife and unborn child's lives are on the line. Some kind of luck I had. After a few minutes, my breathing slowed and I was able to move. The minutes on the clock seemed to tick by slowly as I passed outside the waiting room doors. I sent whatever silent prayers I could to whoever listened, just wanting my wife and unborn child safe. My Pidge… The only woman I could honestly say that I truly loved, she was my reason for existing. Without her, I don't think I could survive in this world. Our hearts were intertwined, like missing puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. Polar opposites, but each other's other half.
I'd continued pacing once the doors opened, a doctor made his way out the door as my name was called. It took me a second to move, the look on his face was a mix of puzzle and loss, it scared the shit out of me. Finally mustering up the courage to face whatever he had to tell me, I walked up to him slowly as he took his surgical cap off.
"Your wife, she lost a lot of blood when we took the baby out. Fortunately, your son was almost full term and we got to him in time." My heart stopped the moment he paused and his head fell, I didn't even have time to respond before he continued. "But, your wife wasn't as fortunate. There was a lot of internal bleeding, we just couldn't stop it in time. I'm so, so very sorry."
I jerked away instantly when he placed his hand on my shoulder, my fists clenched instantly as the words registered. Tears filled my eyes without warning, like a faucet was turned on and I had no control over it.
"Don't! Don't try to apologize and… comfort me? My wife just fucking died! Gone!" Anger and pain took over, utter anguish as I practically ran towards the exit. I gasped for air as I finally made it outside and fell to my knees as the uncontrollable sobs began. Why couldn't it have been me!? It should've been me! How do I go on? Do I bury or have her cremated? Lost in my own thoughts, I didn't notice when a nurse approached me, her voice was soft.
"I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now." My head jerked as my eyes narrowed, ignoring the tears that were beginning to dry on my cheeks.
"Well no shit!" A frown formed on her lips as she watched me, I didn't know what she was going to say next. After a moment of silence, she nodded and cleared her throat before continuing to speak.
"Your wife is gone, but your son is very much alive and being monitored as we speak. If you'd like to meet him, I'll gladly escort you." My son. It hadn't hit me until then, I was a father. I'd dreamt of this moment ever since I found out my Pidge was pregnant, but now I didn't know what to think. Could I raise a child on my own, without his mother? I'd never been so sure of anything in my life. I knew nothing about raising a child, let alone on my own. But in that moment, I heard her voice and I just knew. Pidge would want me to take our baby, raise him and give him all the love I could. She'd want me to make sure that he knew how much she loved him, how happy the thought of him made her. I wiped my face and nodded slowly as I regained my composure.
"Please, take me to my son." She offered a small smile and placed her hand on the small of my back as she led us through the doors. My eyes wandered as we continued towards the elevator, her voice was just a whisper.
"Have you thought of a name for him?" she asked, curiosity and compassion evident on her features.
My eyes widened in realization at her words, completely caught off guard. Sure, Pidge and I had discussed possibilities, but we never settled on the perfect name. Stepping inside the elevator, the nurse quickly hit the button for the fourth floor and gave a soft nod as the doors began to close. I nodded once firmly, determined and confident as I got just a little closer to meeting my son. A child that was made from love, half her and half me, waited for me just down the long and narrow hallway.
"Scamp, his name will be Scamp."
