Everything seems so... lifeless... silent without you, everything seems so... pointless.

The walls appeared to be a nauseating dark green to James Sunderland as he looked warily about the parlor room from his armchair, the sound of night rain pattering against the windowpanes.

As he breathed, the air felt stale and disgusting to him, the flickering flames casting dancing shadows across the rather dim room.

Cringing to himself as he stared at them, the blonde man felt his chest heave, their movements bringing back nightmarish memories that had been hidden away in the darkest corners of his mind.

They appeared surprisingly sensual at first, like two slender figures dancing together and slowly becoming one...

But soon they appeared to be writhing to him, in pain or in pleasure, he did not know… his eyes began trembling nonetheless as he watched on; the beating of his heart echoing in his ears and blocking out the sound of rain.

What I did back then... I-I...

Almost believing that he heard that all too familiar shriek of horror, James placed one hand frantically over his chest, a haggard noise escaping his dry lips as tears threatened to escape his eyes.

The shadows...

They had become far too vivid for his liking, a demonic figure appearing to be committing actions that he himself dare not mention within his mind.

He could hear her shrieking in fright, that horrid noise echoing throughout the house as he gripped the sides of his head in agony; the rain no longer noticeable.

Why did I kill you...? Why...?

Sobbing aloud, James clenched his eyes tightly together and knelt pathetically before the fireplace; every part of his body hurting from what overtook him just then.

"Ma-ry..." he uttered, endless tears streaming down his cheeks.

I'm so sorry...

"Do you take this woman... to be your lawful wedded wife?"

"I do."

Oh how he ached…

"Please?"

"No James..."

"Pretty please?"

"Look James... there is no way I am EVER going to wear something like that! I mean look how short that skirt is! And that leopard print..."

That playful tone in her voice, he could still remember it...

I love you so much...

"Can we be like this forever...?"

Her beautiful head lying gently in his lap, her lovely chestnut colored hair shining in the light of the sunset.

"Mmm... I don't know James..."

"I really wish we could..."

Stumbling down the pitch-black hallway towards the kitchen, James still found it difficult to breathe, his mind a complete mess as he stared blankly at the darkness.

Finding himself choking on the bit of bile that had risen up from his throat, coughing violently then as he reached blindly for the sink; using one hand to grab hold of his chest while placing the other over the sink's cold metal edge.

Feeling fresh new tears forming in his eyes, James slammed his fist hard against one of the inner walls of the sink.

"Why are you doing this to me?!"

"Don't you dare touch me James!"

"ANSWER ME!"

Reluctantly beginning to empty out his insides into the sink, he felt his legs giving way; leading him to falling to his knees once more.

Grasping weakly at the sink's edges for support, James never felt so horrid in his entire life; a small trail of vomit dribbling down his chin as well as endless tears staining his cheeks.

Cold sweat had soaked his dark blue tee shirt and drenched his hair and entire body.

He could hear her screaming again...

I-I am sorry!

"I killed her..."

Dropping his forehead hard against the sink, James inhaled and exhaled deeply, attempting to recover as soon as possible and get back up on his feet.

What am I without you?

Lifting his head back up, he stared blankly out into the window just above him, the rain making it near impossible to see the woods nearby from the house.

"Can you play the piano?"

"Well not really... but my cousin did taught me one song..."

"Really? Well, go ahead!"

"Err... I don't know... It's pretty gay for a guy to play a piano..."

"James!"

"Oh alright!"

How old were they when he had made that embarrassingly idiotic comment?

Perhaps when they were around eighteen, but now it did not matter either way...

Placing his hands over the cold ivory piano keys, James shivered slightly as his fingertips slowly numbed from the sensation.

At first, it came out sour, but soon it became more... enjoyable for him to listen to as he began getting used to what he had not played for so many years.

"Ah..." he stretched his vocal cords, "... ah..."

"In heaven... everything is fine..."

"In heaven... everything is fine..."

"In heaven... everything is fine..."

"You've got your good thing... And I've got mine..."

"In heaven... everything is fine..."

Is it?

"In heaven... everything is fine..."

So... if I killed myself now... would I be able to join you there?

"You've got your good thing... And I've got mine..."

So maybe...

"I'm... afraid of pain, James..."

Maria had said sometime whilst they made their way through town.

"Otherwise... I would have probably killed myself a long time ago..."

"But why? Why do you want to kill yourself?"

"If you haven't noticed... I was on my own in this town... until I met you."

Eyeing the handgun in his hand silently, James held it up to eye level, inhaling and exhaling deeply as the air still felt heavy around him...

"I was all alone... Have you ever had that feeling before, James?"

Removing the safety lock, the blonde man found himself simply staring at the lethal piece of metal in his hands.

"That feeling of when you slowly grow insane?"

It was nearing midnight, the rain having simmered down to a weak drizzle outside...

"I had friends, James!"

"Maria, it's alright…" this would not be the last of her emotional outbursts.

"They were all I had! And when they were gone…"

A ghost caress went across the blonde man's face, shocking him into sitting upright and looking frantically about.

"Have you ever had that feeling...?"

He then returned his sights to the gun that was gripped tightly within his now paper white hands.

"James...?"

Pressing it against his temple, he clenched his eyes and teeth tightly together; the beating of his heart picking up speed once more...

I loved you in the beginning... but slowly you made me hate you...

You made me kill you-

But oh god... I don't mean that...

I want you to always be with me Mary...

I am so sorry... for what I did to you those years back...

I will make it up to you after this...

"James..."

"Yeah?"

"I just want you to remember this... no matter what happens in the future..."

"You're crying Mary..."

"I-I'm sorry... I can't help it..."

"What is it you wanted to tell me?"

"It may not mean much now but... thank you James... you've made me so happy all these years…"

Hearing the father clock chime as the hands reached midnight, the man was about to pull the trigger when he heard the sound of light footsteps nearing the room...

"James?"

He stopped, turning slowly towards the door.

Laura...

"W-What are you doing?"

Seeing that horrified look on her face as she lowered her hand from the light switch of the room, the blonde man found himself at loss for words.

"What are you doing?!" she cried.

Before he realized it, the girl had appeared by his side and started shaking his forearm with all her might.

"Don't! DON'T!"

I... almost forgot about her...

"Laura..."

"How could you?!" she screamed, frightened tears forming in her eyes as she glared at him.

"I-I..."

"I hate you!"

Seeing her clinging tightly onto his arm and burying her face into his shoulder then, James's heart sank.

"I'm sorry Laura..."

Ignoring the fact that he was still in a horrid state, the man carefully placed the gun down, bringing his adopted daughter onto his lap and hugging her lovingly.

"I didn't mean to upset you..."

"I hate you..." she muffled into his chest and she continued sobbing, "... I hate you..."

The right decision...

Placing his chin on top of her head, James choked back his tears as he continuously apologized to her...

Even if I died and got to see you now... I'm sure you would never forgive me for leaving Laura behind to take care of herself...

"I won't kill myself okay? I promise..." he uttered, stroking her head as he pulled away.

I want to see you again Mary... I really do...

Breaking into a wary smile as he tried rocking the girl to sleep, his surroundings did not seem all that nightmarish to him anymore...

But I guess I can't, not right now…

END