Peeta
I wake with a jolt. I'm shivering from my own sweat. More nightmares filled with flashbacks and images of The Games and Katniss dying. It's all too much for me to handle by myself. I look at the clock, it's 12:00 AM. My head hurts and I feel dizzy from all the questions I have. I need to talk to someone. Sadly, I live all by myself in the Victor's Village in District 12. There's only two other victors other than me who live here and one victor in particular that I really need to talk to right now. Of course it's far too early to call or walk over there, but that little fact doesn't stop me from throwing on normal clothes, a jacket, my boots and trudging over to her house in the snow.
What am I doing? The rational part of me wonders.
I'm not listening to my rational side though, I have too many questions and I can't take dealing with this by myself anymore. I know we haven't spoken in months, but I need to talk to her right now.
I knock on the door and wait. I knock again and wait some more. I'm not sure how long I wait, but by the time the door finally opens, I'm dead tired and the sun has already risen.
Katniss looks surprised to see me sitting on her porch when she opens the door. "Peeta?" She asks.
"Hi. I need to talk to you. It's really important." I say, looking up at her.
"Yeah, sure. Come on in." She says, opening the door.
I stand up and walk unsteadily through the door. Katniss studies me, looking a little concerned.
"Are you feeling all right Peeta? You look sick." She says.
"I'm fine, I just have a lot of questions to ask." I reply.
"Like what?" She asks.
"Like about us. About you, about me, about the Games, stuff that happened before the hijacking." I sound almost as helpless as I feel.
"We can play real or not real if you want." She offers, sitting on the couch. She gestures for me to sit down so I sit on the other side of the couch.
"You were pregnant with our child during the second games. Real or not real?" I ask.
"Not real. You made it up so more people would support me."
"You teamed up with Rue in the first games and tried to kill me with a trackerjacker hive. Real or not real?"
"Real. You and the Careers had me cornered up a tree. It was out of self-defense."
"You kissed me a lot during the first and second games. Real or not real?"
"Real." She looks away from me when she answers.
"Why?" I ask.
"It was an act that I thought you were in on during the first games to gain more support. Then during the second games it was an act on both parts."
"I loved you a lot. Real or not real?"
"Real. I didn't know you really loved me until after the first games though."
Now I'm more confused and that makes my head hurt. I put my head in my hands, it's all too much at once.
"Peeta? Are you okay?" Katniss asks.
I shake my head. I'm not okay. I'm confused. It seems at times that I don't know who I am. This is one of those times.
"I tried to kill you when I was rescued from the Capital. Real or not real?" I ask.
"Real."
I sniffle, feeling tears of guilt gather in my eyes. "Why would I do that?"
"They made you think I was a mutt." she tells me.
"I'm the mutt. Not you." I mumble.
"Not real. You're just confused. They invaded your mind, tore through it, put new stuff in there and left you with only a few real pieces. This isn't your fault Peeta." she tells me.
"That wasn't a question." I say.
"I know, but I thought you should know." she says.
I look at her through teary eyes. "I'm dangerous. Real or not real?" I ask, forcing myself to talk despite the lump in my throat.
"Real, but it isn't your fault." she tells me.
I look down feeling worse."You kissed Gale. Real or not real?"
"Real." she says.
"Why?"
"He kissed me."
"You hate me. Real or not real?"
"Not real."
"Why? I tried to kill you."
"You didn't mean to."
I look away.
"We protect each other. Real or not real?" I ask quietly.
"Real."
I look at her, she looks honest enough.
"When did I start protecting you? Was it during one of the games?" I ask.
"It was during the first games. You almost died because of it." she tells me.
"When did you start protecting me?"
"When it was announced that two people from the same district could win the first games we were in. I screamed your name and started searching for you. Then when I found you, you were lying in mud and plants. You had a bad cut on your left leg from when you and Cato fought, so I found a cave and took care of you in there."
"I remember that." I whisper.
"You do?" She asks, sounding a bit surprised.
"You gave me stuff that was mixed with sleep medicine so you could get me some real medicine. Then I woke up to find you lying in a puddle of your own blood. You nearly died just to save me." I whisper.
"That's what happened." She agrees.
I feel tired, but also a little reassured. At least I can come to Katniss with my questions.
"Are you tired?" Katniss asks.
I nod. I'm exhausted, I've been up since midnight.
"You can stay here and sleep on the couch if you want. That way if you have any questions when you wake up, I'll be here." she offers.
"Thank you." I say, curling up on my side on the couch. My eyes close and I fall asleep immediately.
Katniss
Peeta curls up on the couch and falls asleep within seconds. He begins to shiver in his sleep, so I get a blanket and put it over him. Peeta wakes up for a moment and whispers, "Thanks." Then his blue eyes flutter shut again.
"Sweet dreams." I whisper.
I grab a book and start trying to read it, but I can't concentrate. All I can think about is Peeta. I'm constantly wondering how I feel about him. What I feel for him is much deeper than friendship. I might even love him.
Do I love him? I can't help but wonder. Do I love the boy with the bread? The sweet, kind and tenderhearted boy who I've missed for so long?
I'm a little scared to know the answer.
Well, here's my first Hunger Games fanfiction attempt. How was it? Please be brutally honest. I need to know. Did it suck? Was it okay? Was it remotely decent?
Please review! Thanks for reading!
~Kay~
