Twists in the Tale
A/N: I've been writing so much sad stuff lately, and I have an important exam tomorrow. So, thought I, why not attempt to brighten the mood before I write the last heart wrenching chapter of 'Villains To The End' with some good old fashioned humor, randomness and plain stupidity?
Based somewhat off of Theater Raven's Oliver! Outtakes because they're just so darn inspirational and amusing. ^^
Enjoy, my dears. XD
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Food Glorious Food
Random Workhouse Kid: This gruel is mouldy!
Bumble: Shut up and eat it!
Random Workhouse Kid: Fine.
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Boy For Sale
Bumble: (singing) One boy, boy for s-
(Singing abruptly stops as Oliver whacks Mr. Bumble over the head with his cane)
Oliver: Enough already! They get the message!
Bumble: Ow.
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That's Your Funeral
Mr. & Mrs. Sowerberry: (singing) That's your-
Mrs. S Sowerberry: One sec.
Mr. Sowerberry: What? This is the dramatic finale!
Mrs. Sowerberry: My shoelace came undone.
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Dodger & Oliver Meet
Oliver: My name is Oliver! Oliver Twist!
Dodger: (eyes widen)
Oliver: What?
Dodger: Dumb name, mate!
Bumble: (appears, chuckling) Heh heh heh…guilty!
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Dodger & Oliver Meet (Take Two)
Oliver: My name is Oliver! Oliver Tw-
Dodger: (cracks up)
Oliver: (smacks Dodger)
Director: CUT! Oliver, where's the innocence and naivety?
Oliver: In that trash can over there along with my wounded ego and pride.
Director: Um…okay then.
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New Boy
DODGER: Found new boy LOL XD
(send text)
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Fagin & Bill Meet Outside The Cripples
Fagin: (excitedly) They had ice-cream, right?
Bill: (rolls eyes and hands Fagin a tub of ice cream)
Fagin: YES! (does victory jig)
Director: CUT! What the-
Bill: (snatches ice-cream from Fagin and throws it at Director)
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Fagin & Bill Meet Outside The Cripples (Take Two)
Fagin: Hey, buddy! Wanna buy a watch?
Bill: (smacks Fagin)
Director: (puts head in hands, sobs)
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Fagin & Bill Meet Outside The Cripples (Take Three Hundred and Nine)
Director: If you guys mess this up again I'll dock your pay!
Fagin: NUUUU! (falls to the ground, twitching uncontrollably)
Director: (sigh) Someone call the paramedics and don't mention the cost!
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Bill's Breakfast
Nancy: Bill? Bill the stove's on fire!
Bill: Oh for Gawd's sake…
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Reviewing The Situation
Fagin: (singing) I'm reviewing
The situation
And I think I will
Redecorate the den…
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Sausages Or Pizza?
Boy: Fagin! These sausages are mouldy!
Fagin: (sigh) Fine, I'll order pizza. But only this once!
(Boys cheer)
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The Murder
Bill: (clubs Nancy to death)
Randy: Yo, I wasn't diggin' it dawg.
Kara: …
Paula: That was…beautiful! (starts crying) Like rainbows!
Simon: Oh Gawd…
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Who Will Buy?
Seller One: Who will buy
My fluffy marshmallows?
Two pounds for a kilo!
Seller Two: Will you buy
Any Sprite today
Mistress?
Seller Three: Ripe juiceboxes ripe!
Ripe juiceboxes ripe!
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Consider Yourself
Dodger: (singing) Consider yourself
Part of the furniture!
(sits on Oliver)
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Fagin & Bill Persuade Nancy To Get Oliver Back
Fagin: Nancy, my dear, we must have that boy brought back! If he talked, think what would happen to us! Think what would happen to my top secret ice cream marshmallow factory!
Nancy: WHAT?
Fagin: Ooops.
Bill: I don't even want to know…wait…MARSHMALLOWS?
Fagin: Um…
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Where Is Love?
Oliver: (singing) Why must I sing this song?
It's so terribly boring!
Oh why can't I sing
Another song
Instead of this one?
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Porcupines
Fagin: What've you got Dodger?
Dodger: Couple stuffed porcupines…
Fagin: Li-wait..what?
Dodger: (matter of factly) Stuffed porcupines All the rage down their way!
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The Robbery
Bill: Now then. You get through the window an' open the front door. If you see any marshmallows on the way there, pick 'em up. Got tha'?
Oliver: Uh…I guess…
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Crossover!
Dodger: (steals handkerchief from creepy looking guy with red eyes in a long black cloak)
Lord Voldemort: Dang it! That's the fourth one this week!
Dodger: (looks confused then runs away)
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Oom-Pah-Pah
(Tavern customers toss mugs of alcohol wildly)
(One hits Bill in the back of the head)
Fagin: (makes plotting motions with his fingers) Excellent…
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Quality?
(Thanks Katarina Sparrow! XD I'm sorry, I couldn't resist...)
Dodger: Oh yes! We're all ladies an' gentlemen round 'ere! We're all koala-y!
Nancy: Don't you take no notice of 'em Oliver! Just cos you've got koalas an' they ain't!
Oliver: (hugs koalas)
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It's A Fine Life…Or Is It?
Nancy: (singing) If you don't mind Bill eatin' all yer ice cream
It's a fine life!
Tavern Folk: It's a fine life!
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Yet Another Pointless Marshmallow Reference
Nancy: (singing) Marshmallows, marshmallows!
Who could deny us these?
Bill: (snarfs marshmallows in a corner)
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Who Will Buy? (Take Two)
Seller One: Who will buy?
My lovely candy bars?
Three pounds
For a billion!
Seller Two: Will you buy
Any socks today
Mistress?
Seller Three: Ripe marshmallows, ripe!
Ripe marshma-
Director: (gags Seller Three) If I hear the word marshmallows one more time…
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Back To The Beginning
Oliver: Please sir, I want some m-
Director: THAT'S IT!
Oliver: (screams) MORE! NOT MARSHMALLOWS! MORE!
Bumble: (giggles hysterically)
Director: Oh. (coughs awkwardly) Sorry.
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The Murder (Take Two)
Bill stepped away from the mangled and bloodstained corpse of Nancy, clutching his stick in two hands. He turned around.
"Ryan Seacrest?!"
"Bill Sykes; let's see what the judges have to say! Randy?"
"Yo dawg I just wasn't feelin' that murder yo. Just OK dawg."
"Paula?"
"You…move me!" She then proceeded to clap above her head randomly.
"Aaaand, Simon?"
"I thought the murder was…absolutely disgraceful. I've seen better murders from a drunken baboon!"
"Don't listen to Simon!"
"Yo I like you dawg, but I just wasn't feelin' it!"
Bill rolled his eyes, tapped the stick into the palm of one hand.
"I take it I'm not going to Hollywood?"
…
The mangled corpses of Nancy, Randy and Simon were found later that afternoon; Paula had been submitted to a mental institution which should have happened LONG ago.
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A/N: Sadly, that's it for now. If I have any more ideas, I'll be sure to write another chapter! XD
