Sure
By J. Lynn


All my work is archived at Tangent Central

As any sane, normal person already realizes I don't own any of these characters, and I'm not making any money of them.

Sure Mulder I believe that this woman had her brain removed by aliens.

Yes I realize that youÕre just trying to get a reaction from me.

But I also know that we finished up a case yesterday and didnÕt get back in town until 2:34 am. And unlike you I did not sleep on that 7 hour flight back from that god forsaken hell hole in the middle of nowhere where they butchered their elders and tortured children.

I knew that you would do this to me.

Rather than let me spend the last two days of the week doing some easy desk work you make me spend my time doing not one but three autopsies and then making out our expense reports in my "free time".

You know why I donÕt have a reaction Mulder?

You always do something like this after a hard case.

You throw us into a new case so that you donÕt have to think about the last one the brutal ones.

You never give your self time to cope and I donÕt get time to cope.

________________

Did you know that I was never called the ice queen before I worked with you?

I became her so that I wouldnÕt feel the pain of the people of our cases.

I never had time to put the ghosts our old cases to rest and so I locked myself away.

I have not cried for the victims of our cases in years.

I donÕt remember what a real person looks like.

I look at people and I no longer see faces I see statistics and police reports.

I locked my humanity away, my soul away. In our first year I would take it out and air it occasionally but then the despair and fear came rushing back.

Now when simple humanity is needed I act.

You say that I am a terrible liar well that may be but then I am a great actress.

When my mother calls I pull out my deception and I am her successful daughter with a wonderful job.

And after the call my mind quotes Lady Macbeth until I can fully return to my consciousless, feelingless true self.

out, out damn spot.

After all these years I have no humanity left.

When she, my "offspring", died I cried not for her but for myself. In loosing her I had lost my last chance to regain some of that humanity.

Now it is gone forever.

oh god my soul is dead

______________

I no longer see my mother if I can avoid it.

I fear that she will see what I have become and try to redeem me.

I have used Mulder as an excuse for years to get out of family gatherings.

Which is why my brother hates him so. Mulder has kept me from going to family affairs for years without knowing it.

My mother always liked Mulder. I think she knows that it is not Mulder but myself who refuses to let me go.

_________________________

I have no reactions because I have no humanity.

I have become a woman without a soul, without humanity.

A woman who refuses to have any humanity.

Sure Mulder I believe that this woman had her brain removed by aliens.

I will tell you that she actually died in a horrific planned suicide.

The lucky woman had enough of a soul to feel despair and decided to end it.

What a waste of perfectly good humanity.

Sure IÕm glad not to be her.

Think of having to feel.

End