A Black Energy
Summary: A one-shot in which Bellatrix finally admits she is tired, Narcissa comes to a startling revelation about beauty (not her own), Rodolphus contemplates simplicity and Lucius Malfoy finally realizes just how insane his family really is. Contains an AU twist to Deathly Hallows although there is nothing to suggest that this isn't what actually happened.
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in anyway, they are the property of the wonder J.K Rowling.
"It's not the load that breaks you down - it's the way you carry it."
Lou Holtz
Bellatrix Lestrange sat in the lounge room of Malfoy manor, sitting tiredly on Narcissa's rocking chair as her hand gently smoothed over the bulge in her stomach.
Earlier that day Bella had come to a startling revelation; she was tired, so very tired, emotionally and physically. The thing inside of her was sucking out what little life force she had left, and that wasn't very much, she could barely walk around the house anymore and she was only in her second trimester. Emotionally, she was exhausted from everything that had happened over the past few years, the baby only seeming to add to that weight.
Still, there were some good things about this new life despite the fact that she could no longer help the Dark Lord in battle (something she had been furious about at first) and that was she no longer felt the insatiable need to cause pain. For so long she'd been drowning in her own agony unable to find any other way to relieve herself than to extract it out on others. The baby seemed to be absorbing it though. Taking away her pain and replacing it with a foreign gentleness. Once she'd asked Cissy out of the blue whether she thought 'it was hurting it'. Narcissa, not knowing what in the world she had been talking about but used to Bellatrix random outbursts stated, 'no'.
Still, in Bella's experience when there was pain it always had to go somewhere. If it wasn't in her, where did it go? She sighed and leant back in her chair; pain was something the witch was more than a little familiar with, at times she was even quite fond of it . . . the physical kind anyway. Emotional pain was however something Bellatrix was unequipped to deal with but something she was forced to do so quite often none the less.
And to be honest she was tired of it; just plain out tired of it. She was tired of the endless pain filled routine, the battles, the unrequited love for her Lord, the dark looks from momentary acquaintances and the nightmares. Bellatrix had been through a lot in her life and put others through quite a bit too and it was finally starting to catch up with her. Confined to her sister's house, almost on permanent bed rest with all the strength drained out of her from this thing living inside her, she was finally exhausted.
As a child she'd been unbelievably hyper, bouncing around with a trunk full of energy wherever she went. That energy had carried on into her adult life, helping to keep her alive in Azkaban and to serve her master when she was finally freed. But that energy could only last her so long and she had finally come down from the crazed cloud on which she'd floated for so many years, her feet had hit the ground, none too lightly, and she was at a loss as to what to do now that they had.
She'd had too much time to think these past five months, she'd decided, too much time to mull over past events and realize just how much of a hole her life really was. A great big sucking hole that just kept taking and taking and quite frankly Bella had no more to give. She was sucked dry, emotionally and physically. It showed in her every action, every word and every feature. Bella felt as though she'd succumbed to the ravages of old age decades early and she very nearly ready to admit that she could no longer go on;
But for this baby, who seemed to have returned just a dash of happiness to her life, a brush of clarity, she'd try.
Eyelids fluttering to a close, she allowed herself to finally drift off into a much needed sleep but instinctively she knew it would not ease her tiredness.
…
"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross quotes (Swiss-American psychiatrist and author )
Narcissa Malfoy paused outside the entrance to the lounge room, her eyes taking in the sleeping form of her sister. She leant against the door way, studying Bellatrix's porcelain features that looked somewhat peaceful in sleep with a soft smile.
Bellatrix's hair was in its normal disarray and Narcissa made a mental note to try out a few of her hair styling charms to straighten out the mess. The dark circles that had for so long been beneath her sister's eyes were just starting to fade, despite how much Bellatrix had been complaining of being tired lately. Some of the sunken quality to her face had begun to disappear and she was finally starting to get some of her previous curves back.
As Narcissa's gaze travelled the length of Bella's arms and landed on her swollen stomach that Bellatrix was grasping even in sleep, she came to a revelation. Pregnancy suited Bellatrix. It had suited Andromeda when she was pregnant with Nyphadora that one time the blonde had come across her in Diagon alley and it had suited Narcissa just the same with Draco. So it had suited all three Black sisters, which was something Cissy thought she'd never admit.
The thought of her manic sister actually fitting with such a soft state was almost too unbelievable for words. Even before Bellatrix had become a Deatheater there'd been something far too wild and untamed about her to ever insinuate that she'd blend in with even one aspect of being a housewife.
For the past few years Narcissa had been wrapped up in one dramatic happening after the other. The Dark lord's arise, Bellatrix's release, her husband's capture, her son's 'welcome' into the world of Deatheaters, her husband's release and more recently her sister's shock pregnancy.
Narcissa loved children, thought that producing one was the most joyous, magical thing anyone could do in their lifetime. Draco was very much her life and if she hadn't been so solely concentrated on him then she may have had more children, but still her Draco was more than enough. The point was, Narcissa loved children. But the thought of her sister bringing a new life into the world, and caring for that life, had admittedly scared her.
Bellatrix had the personality of a bipolar – Narcissa couldn't be sure she wasn't one – and tortured and killed people for a living. As much as she loved her sister, she just couldn't be sure that her having a baby was such a good idea, especially in a time like this.
So focused had she been on the problems this baby was causing and how much it was taking out of Bella's health that she hadn't stopped to think about what the baby was actually doing for her sister. She hadn't stopped to consider the odd comments Rodolphus would make here and there about pregnancy being about the only thing that made Bella serene. Then there was the one about how it was her one becoming quality (a joke that had caused Bella to curse him across the room for his efforts).
The truth was, being pregnant didn't just suit Bella but it had made her beautiful again. The haunted look that Narcissa had so often shied away from upon her sister's return from Azkaban was slowly being replaced by a glow. Her gaunt form, although seeming very near unable to hold up the weight of the babe in her stomach, no longer looked like that of a corpse. Bella was still dreadfully thin, much to Cissy's disapproval, but a touch of plumpness had been added (a result of Bella's rather odd pregnancy cravings) and her too pale skin had a light flush in it now.
Mrs. Malfoy understood now why Rodolphus would gaze at his wife for hours now in wonder. Why his gentle touches and pecks on the cheek had now begun to return after a long, stretching absence. The way Lucius would glance at Bellatrix and then blink, shaking his head as if he couldn't quite see properly.
Yes, so consumed in Balla's ugliness she had missed her return to beauty.
Silently, Narcissa crept into the room, pausing as she reached the rocking chair where her sister continued to soundly sleep.
Dark curls brushed Bellatrix's face, shadowing it slightly. Hesitantly, not wanting to wake her, Cissy reached out and swept them aside. Bellatrix continued to sleep on, chest rising and falling evenly as she breathed.
Smiling softly, Narcissa leant forward and placed a gentle kiss on her sister's forehead.
"I love you," she whispered, quietly so as not to wake her.
A tear slipped down Narcissa's cheek, one of both happiness and grief. Grief for the hardships both she and her sister had faced over the years and of all that they'd lost, and happiness because finally Cissy could allow herself to believe that there may be some peace after this storm.
And it would be beautiful, for how could it not?
…
"Complexity creates a maze between you and success. Simplicity ensures a clear line of sight."
Lee J. Colan, Power Exchange
Rodolphus Lestrange entered the lounge room where Bellatrix slept. He'd seen Cissy exit moments before after sharing and intimate and meaningful moment with her sister; one that Bellatrix had of course missed out on. It reminded him of the time she'd slept through their own wedding (of course, she had had a cold at the time so he couldn't really blame her), Bella's mother, Druella, had been beyond furious. It seemed his dear Bellatrix had a thing for missing out on the meaningful moments of life.
His gaze fell to her rounded belly that was shielded protectively by Bella's hands, even as she slept.
The change in his wife had been rather drastic over the past few months and it had not gone unnoticed by Rodolphus. How could it when he knew every change that took place in her, his most dear friend.
That's what he viewed her as, a friend, and what she viewed him as in return. Despite the marriage they were not each other's true loves and never pretended otherwise. The marriage had been a convenience and one they'd both agreed on with trusting smiles. He was not ignorant to the fact that Bellatrix's heart had and always would belong to the Dark Lord and his to Andromeda. Neither love could ever be requited. Sweet Andromeda had run off with that mudblood, Tonks, and Voldemort never glanced Bellatrix's way more than he had to.
That didn't of course mean that he didn't admire Bellatrix in the way of a lover and he did in fact love her; he'd just never be in love with her. Once Rodolphus had called them 'friends with benefits', Bellatrix had laughed good humouredly in response, of course, that was before Azkaban.
With a sigh Rodolphus leant forward and wrapped his arms around his wife's sleeping form, gently probing her into wakefulness with a gentle kiss on the temple. Yes, he was always gentle with Bellatrix for whom else but he could be? Narcissa was certainly gentle with her but not in the way her sister needed her to be (Cissy treated her much more like a twig that might snap, taking down everyone else with her) and Lucius and Snape were no help at all, their lives' mission seemed to be to drive Bella up the wall (something he found amusing at times, he had to admit).
Smiling his hand slid down to her stomach, overlapping her own which clutched his a moment after it landed.
"Have a nice sleep?" he breathed into her ear, smiling as she shivered.
"Wonderful," she yawned. Closing her eyes, she leant back against his chest, still quite clearly exhausted. It was a sight he was uncustomed to, so used to endless display of energy was he that the past few months had been a shocking experience. And she had yet to torture a single soul. He'd have to consider getting her pregnant more often if this was how she acted. After all, she had payed Lucius Malfoy a complement yesterday, the poor bastard had dropped his wine glass, chocking.
"And how's our little girl?" he asked, rubbing the cloth over her belly.
He could just imagine Bella rolling her eyes as she responded, "Why do you keep insisting on calling it that?"
It was true; they had no real idea of whether the child would be a boy or a girl and although Rodolphus rather liked the idea of producing a son, he knew without a doubt that it was a girl.
"Because that's what it is."
Another set of eye rolls on Bellatrix's part but as he leant a bit closer he could tell she was smiling nonetheless.
"In answer to your earlier question, it is doing fine. Was kicking up a storm earlier though." She winced, rubbing her belly at the memory.
Rodolphus laughed softly. "Why, Bella, you who can torture a thousand souls and not batter a eyelash is caused discomfort by a kicking baby?" He asked, ignoring the scowl that he knew was there even if he couldn't see it. "My, you are full of surprises." Perhaps that was true but Rodolphus knew for a fact that Bellatrix was a simple woman transformed from a simple girl; an overly energetic girl most of the time but a simple one nonetheless.
In fact, Bellatrix was the simplest of the Black sisters to Rodolphus's knowledge. Certainly Narcissa was the most plain of the bunch but simple could never be something applied to her; her over calculating mind over thought every action and word, her choices made with great care and feeling. Andromeda's history spoke for itself, running away with a mudblood topping the list; she certainly wasn't simple. Then there was Bella, vibrant and colourful though she was, undeniably simple.
Her personality had resembled that of a child's most of her life and children were in Rodolphus's opinion the most simplest of creatures. Bouncing around the place with curiosity and an energy unheard of, unable to think too much on complicated things that would soon tarnish their adult lives, they were simple.
Bellatrix was like a child, a child who'd been set free to roam in a candy store; such a thing could only end in disaster.
When Bellatrix wanted something she went for it, no second thoughts, no hesitance, for in her mind such a thing didn't exist. So simple was it to take an action, say a word, that she never thought of the consequences, the complications that could be caused. She always took the simplest way out, even if it didn't appear so to others, and that in her eyes was the only option.
She smacked him lightly on the arm in reply to his earlier comment but smirked as she did so. "What have you been up to, anyhow?" she asked curiously.
Rodolphus inwardly groaned; the thought of attracting Bella to his Deatheater duties was a mite unappealing. The first few months of her pregnancy she'd been complaining nonstop about not being allowed to participate in her normal Deatheater duties and although he'd finally convinced her of the necessity to stay behind he wasn't so naïve as to think that a little reminder of what she was missing out on wouldn't put her in a right unbearable mood. "Nothing of interest, dear."
He knew she was scowling before she even spoke the words. "Don't you 'dear' me. You've been out on Deatheater duties, haven't you?"
Rodolphus shrugged noncommittally. "Perhaps."
"What have you been doing? Do they need any help? Have they found Potter?" Bellatrix asked in a rush and he resisted the urge to roll his eyes; so predictable his Bella was.
"Hush, Bella," he soothed, rounding the chair and capturing her lips with his just to stop the stream of questions. He pulled back after only a moment, taking in his wife's befuddled face; if she wouldn't have later killed him for it he would have laughed. "Everything is fine, that's all you need to know."
She pouted like a child, unwittingly landing proof to his earlier thoughts, and this time Rodolphus couldn't help but chuckle. "Come now, smile for me, my Belle."
Her scowl merely deepened, but after a gentle pinch to the cheek by Rodolphus's hand, it turned into a sort of halfway grimace, that bordered on a slight smile.
He shrugged. "Good enough." He took her hands and began pulling her to her feet, much to Bella's confusion. "Up you get."
"Wha-?" she didn't get a chance to finish though for as soon as she was up he plopped down onto the rocking chair and gently pulled her back down onto his lap, effectively cutting of the rest of her sentence. She glared up at him, indignant, but it only made him chuckle, highly amused at her state of disarray. Oh, how he loved Narcissa for taking Bella's wand off her after that last incident when his wife had tried to desperate in search of the Potter boy, she could no longer still fear in anyone's veins and the icy glare she cast upon anybody that used to so easily chill someone to the bone was somewhat undermined by the rather feminine bulge in her stomach.
Now that she was seated on his lap, he could bask in the feeling of having her back to almost normal weight (the baby's doing). Since Azkaban her gaunt form had worried him, while Rodolphus had eventually recovered some of his previous physic after a few months Bella had remained relatively the same – too consumed in her Deatheater duty to take proper care of herself and there was only so much Narcissa and he, himself, could do.
"Must you throw me about like a dolly?" she demanded angrily, shifting in his lap.
He merely chuckled, too used to Bella's unpredictable temper to be unnerved. "A very pretty dolly if I do say so myself."
Bellatrix huffed, crossing her arms. "Flattery gets you nowhere, Rodolphus Lestrange."
"On the contrary, my dear," he breathed against her neck, "it's gotten me everywhere."
"Not with me it hasn't," she protested, crossing her arms in front of her chest and looking away stubbornly.
He let out a short laugh. "I wouldn't be sitting here if that was true. Flattery had you wrapped around my little finger in no time, love, don't deny it."
Once again she rolled her eyes (she seemed to be doing that a lot lately) and turned to face him. "I think you're over exaggerating a little."
He kissed her in reply, soft and sweet like they both were on the inside. Like Bella had been when she was a young girl and he had been once upon a time. His arms tightened around her protectively at the thought; so much of her had disappeared he loathed the idea that anymore could slip away.
Rodolphus had always been protective of Bella. Back when she was just a slip of a girl, running around from room to room, bouncing down staircases like a rubber ball; (don't run too fast you'll get hurt); a trip down the stairs and nearly falling flat on her face if not for her sharp reflexes (watch your step, pet); a poke with her wand to the face of a sleeping Slytherin Seventh year back when she was in first year (don't aggravate the older kids; they have a tendency to bite).
Don't run, don't peek, don't trip, don't hop, stop bouncing around or you'll break.
It was all a repeated mantra in his head. Bellatrix needed someone to look after her, her wild, fiery personality demanded it. Too often he'd seen her get into trouble because no one was there to guide her away from the danger soon enough. History spoke for itself just how terrible the consequences could be when she was left to her own devices.
In that respect, Rodolphus supposed he had failed her. As much as he respected the Dark Lord he knew without a doubt that the life of a Deatheater was never meant for Bellatrix. She embraced it for sure, just like everything else she came across as was her nature, but in the process it had destroyed her.
Of course, there wasn't much he could've done when Lord Voldemort showed up one day at his house to discuss a mission so unexpectedly that there was no time to get Bellatrix out of the room before she was spotted. Rodolphus always knew that if she was given the option of becoming a Deatheater she would accept not because of what it stood for but because it would be an adventure to her. He doubted that when Voldemort explained the mission to her that she even really listened to what he was saying; her ears would have pricked up at the moment he mentioned how it would be dangerous (exiting) and she would've been sold.
Rodolphus had no idea that Bellatrix would be attracted to the Dark Lord from the moment she saw him. And when Bella wanted something there was no stopping her.
Rodolphus knew from the start that, just like Andromeda for him, the Dark Lord would never return her love, as such was the way of the world. In the end it would destroy her; He would destroy her; that part he had not foreseen.
He ran a hand down the side of her face, grasping the back of her head in order to pull her even closer.
Rodolhus wasn't in love with Bellatrix, nor did she have any such feeling for him, but they were both the best either of them would ever get and the love he felt for her was enough to camouflage what was missing. He could have been in a loveless marriage like his own parents had been and the fact that whoever was in charge up there had handed Bella to him on a silver platter was something he would be forever thankful for.
Sighing he pulled away and arranged Bella so she was sitting as comfortably as she could on his lap. "I know you're still tired, love, go back to sleep."
She didn't say anything, eyes already drooping as she leant her head back against his chest. Rodolphus smiled softly and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his hands on the top of her stomach where her own hands sat.
Bella had endless energy but over the years it had all started to fade away, soon it would be completely gone just like the innocence that had once existed on her heart-shaped face. How could it not when the lives they led were so utterly draining?
Bellatrix had been a simple girl and to this day was a simple woman. It only stood to reason that when things had gotten complicated she had spiralled out of control. Complications were never meant for simple things but they always seemed to happen to them anyway.
…
"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane."
Marcus Aurelius
Lucius eyed the scene of Bellatrix and Rodolphus dozing in the rocking chair. No-one seemed to have noticed that he was in the overstuffed armchair by the fireplace and had been all night. Not Bellatrix when she had first come into the room, not Narcissa when she had whispered her love for her sister and not Rodolphus when he had fawned over the insufferable witch. Mr. Malfoy was beginning to think he had turned invisible which was a high possibility with the chaotic lives they led.
Honestly, he'd felt tempted to announce his presence and drive them all out of his lounge room so he could continue reading his book in peace but . . . Narcissa would never forgive him.
There was also the matter of how interesting Lucius found the interactions. Until this day he had firmly believed that his sister in-lore had been the only crazy one of the family (something he'd been thoroughly relieved by) but on close inspection of recent events he was beginning to think she was the only sane one of the bunch.
Fist Narcissa had come in with the head kissing and the 'I love you's and, face it, you had to be insane to do and feel such things for Bellatrix Black. Then there was Rodolphus who had acted all besotted (did he not know that Bellatrix was clearly infatuated with the Dark Lord? Or that she could torture him to death with a flip of her wand?) and the couple had started talking all love-y dove-y (Lucicus had nearly gagged). While Bella was proving that she may just have a touch of normalness in her these days the others were displaying just how insane they really were.
No wonder Draco wasn't himself lately. It wasn't because of the Dark Lord or his promotion to Deatheater as Narcissa had so ranted about morning, noon and night but the company he had to put up with. Lucius himself had been very nearly driven insane by the others' displays of sickly affection. How was he supposed to put up with this? And for how much longer?
Mr. Malfoy decided with a grimace, whilst gazing ahead at the Lestranges' cuddled forms, that some things were just better left unknown.
"Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That's what's insane about it."
John Lennon, Interview, BBC-TV, June 22, 1968
A/N: What do you think? Please review and give me your opinion.
I thought it may be a bit soft for characters such as these but I love to display the gentler, humane side of 'evil' characters.
I've written a sequel so tell me whether you think I should post it.
