Hey everyone. So firstly this is my new Sparia story, this first chapter was actually up before but I took it down. But I have decided to start this story again. Please I need to know if people are interested in reading this so please review.

Chapter 1

I don't own PLL

P.S This follows a bit of the story line from season 4B but it also is a little AU.


I shouldn't be sad, I told myself. I should be happy the monster is dead. Thats what she told me too. "Don't do this, Ar" She said. "Be happy Ar" she said. I tried. I really fucking tried. But what was I supposed to do? I mean it was Ezra. Was I supposed to let myself get over it so quickly was she supposed to make me get over him so quickly. We might have been done, but that didn't mean I still didn't love him, somewhere in me, I did, and I knew I always would. She can't be mad at me for that, because I know, somewhere deep down she still loves Toby too. How are you suppose to just get over your first love that quickly? I told her that, but she didn't care.

Our relationship was toxic from the beginning though, neither one of us is to blame really. I mean what did we expect if we got involved with each other like we did. Our lives are so screwed up, did we really think everything would just be smooth sailing? Did we really think that a freak with anxiety issues, a monster ex boyfriend, and a shitty family situation, like me, was going to be with a insecure, people pleasing, adderall addicted girl like her without there being any thing wrong? Plus with -A always being one god damn step ahead of us, we were over before we even started.

Some say true love concurs all. That might be true, for some people. Not for us, it didn't matter how much we loved each other there was still no way it was going to work. Not after we ruined everything so badly. We both messed up, more then we care to admit.

After I found about Ezra I was loosing it, and not even she could help me. Despite how much she tried. And trust me she tried, so hard. But some things just can't be fixed that easily, some things break and you have to accept that. She refused to though, for a long time anyway.

"Spencer" I whispered. "Aria" She whispered back. "Wha-what are you doing here!" I snapped but still tried to keep my voice down, worried that he would here us. "I should be asking you that" She snapped right back, keeping her tone even and looking me straight in the eyes. I sighed deeply looking straight back at her with a small look of hurt on my face from the fact that she doesn't trust me. "Don't give me that look! Did you seriously expect that I would just let you go like that, Aria? Dammit do you not realize how much I care about you!?" Spencer said raising her voice the slightest making me nervous. Spencers words shocked me the slightest, unsure of what to say next I stayed quiet looking down, almost ashamed of what I'm doing. "You came to him, Aria, I just needed to know that you were safe, this isn't about the past and I trust you, but this man is still a monster, and Im worried, thats all." Spencer explained to me. Spencer loves me so much, and here I am fucking up everything with her. I refused to talk to her for almost a week and even when I finally did it wasn't much then a few words. She doesn't stop trying to get me to open up to her no matter what I do, and she never quits on me. So why the hell am I here? Why the hell am I quitting on her? I love her, don't I? "Spencer, I'm sorry" I mumble. Meeting her eyes once again, I see the pain in them. The pain she has. She's tired of fighting for me and I know its only a matter of time before she's not going to want to put up with my shit anymore. I mean, here I am, at Ezra Fitz's fucking apartment even after everything he did to us! After he tried to kill us! Im still here, wanting to talk to him, willing to beg him to talk to me, when I should be home with my girlfriend, moving on. And yet, here she is, fighting for me once again, making sure I'm safe, even as we stand here in the hallway, with apartment 3B just a few feet away, she's fighting, even though I'm just steps away from loosing her she won't give up until I've taken those steps.

That night was only the beginning. I didn't go through with it, not that time. And not again, for a really long time anyway. Spencer has her faults to though and I have to fight for her just like she has to me. Love is a two way street after all.

"Spencer what the hell?" I ask her angrily as I watch her swallow the two little pills in her palm right in front of me. "What do you care, shouldn't you be off seeing Ezra?" She asks harshly. That stung. "Spencer your not thinking clearly right now" I try reasoning with the girl, taking a step closer to her trembling body. Ive been broken for a long time now, and now Spencer is breaking too, I can't let that happen. "Im thinking fine!" Spencer retorts back. "Why are you even here?" She asks curious to why I showed up at her house without calling first. "I-I wanted to talk to you" I stuttered a little bit unsure to how Spencer would react right now. "About" Spencer asked calming down just the slightest, she's still on edge though and I choose my words wisely careful to not set her off right now. I take more steps, approaching her. She doesn't say anything when Im standing in front of her but she doesn't push me away either. Good sign, I guess. "Spencer, you know I love you right?" I ask her. Wondering what her answer will be, we've had a lot of problems lately and I just want to know if she even wants me to love her anymore. She nods, refusing to say anything else. I feel tears welling in my eyes, but I pull myself together, refusing to show how vulnerable I am to her right now. "I've messed up a lot lately, and I understand why you-you did this" I begin explaining only to be cut off by Spencer. "No I don't think you do" She says. She doesn't say it harshly, or sadly, or with any emotion really. Making it impossible for me to know how she's feeling. Considering this, I don't know how to response but I try my best. "Then, why?" I ask slowly. "Aria, I have a problem, and it never was a problem because I was happy, when I'm happy, I don't feel the need to take those pills." Spencer explains, She says it like she still has more to say so I stay quiet waiting for her to continue even though I think I know where this is headed. "Im not happy anymore, Ar" She spills. There it is. The truth. "I know" I say looking down now. "It wasn't you, at least not at first" She admits, now too looking down. I step back a little, not knowing if she wants me so close anymore. "I-I screwed up" I said as those tears now really forming in my eyes. "No, please don't cry, please don't blame yourself, I can't watch you be in pain knowing I caused it" Spencer says moving closer to me so we were just as close as before. She wraps her arms around my waist and lifts my chin forcing me to look at her. "I don't want…us..to end, I just want us to be able to figure our shit out and then reevaluate." She explains to me. "Oh the famous 'Lets just take a break' line, huh?" I ask sounding pissed off without really meaning too. "Aria, no! Its not like that, I'm serious, I want to be with you, I just don't think either one of us is stable enough to be in a relationship right now, this doesn't mean I'm not going to be your friend, just not your girlfriend" Spencer tries telling me, she tries reasoning but I just can't believe what I'm hearing. "Fine" Is all I can say before releasing myself from Spencers grasp and leaving her room so quickly she can't get another word in.

I guess I can take the blame for that one.

After that things definitely weren't the same. Spencer said she would still be my friend but I guess that was a lie, as she avoided me all together. I tried talking to her once, in which her reply was I'm just giving 'us' space. What ever the hell that means. My confidence was going down the drain since Spencer broke up with me, my anxiety was getting worse and I could hardly sleep without images of Spencer floating through my mind. I missed her.