First Stopani fic, er, one shot, so please be kind. This came to me on a whim.
While you read, try listening to Hitori Setsunaku. You'll see why when you do.
No, don't own Strawberry Panic! or its respective characters. If I did, I'd have the manga finished like it's supposed to be.
Enjoy!
It was the dead of night, and every student within the Ichigo-sha slept peacefully. Except, only one found it difficult to do so; for them, sleep was being elusive. She tossed and turned dozens of times but could not seem to get comfortable. Maroon eyes occasionally gazed towards the room's other occupant, her blue hair the only thing visible once she'd shifted away from her. Though their beds were on opposite sides of the room, their friendship was even further apart. Perhaps that had something to do with her budding relationship with the former Etoile, Shizuma Hanazono. Naïve she could be at times, but Nagisa was not stupid. She knew that her closest friend had had a crush on her since her first day here, even if it didn't really click until some time later- she wasn't really used to all the attention Tomao gave her. The more time she spent with the silver haired senior, the more jealous her friend became.
Their relationship could never be, Nagisa thought sorrowfully, her heart already gone out to Miator's infamous 'Queen'.
All she could ask for now was to hope that Tomao would support her decision. The redhead feared losing her friendship, remembering how distant she had been the last several days. Which hurt more now than it had before Shizuma came bursting into the church to profess her undying love for her in front of the entire student body. Her biggest regret was not knowing and not addressing her friend's feelings sooner. She hoped that soon, she would be able to approach her and apologize for dragging her into this mess, and for leading her on this whole time.
Unable to sleep for now, Nagisa sat up in her bed, wracking her brain to figure out what she should do to try and get herself to sleep. Too much was on her mind, and with the way it was still working, unable to rest, she could wind up staying up for hours more, at this rate. Removing the blanket, she set her feet lightly upon the wooden floor before standing. Since she couldn't curl up with her friend, Nagisa would have to find another bed to sleep in- one that she would have to walk out of her dorm for. There was a risk of getting caught, but she'd have to chance it.
Slipping on her slippers, Nagisa took one look at Tomao's sleeping form before gently opening the door, stepping out into the hall and heading for her new destination: Shizuma's room.
Getting to her girlfriend's room was no easy feat when she was sneaking around at night, but somehow the kami must have been looking over her this time. In only a few minutes, the redhead stood before the older girl's door. Dressed in only her nightgown and slippers, Nagisa stifled a yawn before reaching out to grasp the doorknob, turning it lightly so as to not wake the single occupant sleeping inside. The fourth year was thankful that sixth years got their own rooms; she did not have to worry about Rokujo-san catching her up at this ungodly hour and lecturing her while taking her back to her own dorm.
What Nagisa didn't expect when she stepped inside and closed the door behind her, was Shizuma sitting up in her bed.
The curtains were drawn back, moonlight spilling in to illuminate Shizuma's long silver hair and porcelain skin, enhancing her beauty. Nagisa could only look on in awe, enraptured by how the older girl didn't have to do anything to draw her attention. Silently, she wondered why her girlfriend was up at this hour, though she shouldn't even be asking that since she too was awake. The way she was sitting there, staring at nothing in particular rang alarm bells in Nagisa's mind; she hadn't even been acknowledged, because somehow, Shizuma could almost always sense her presence nearby.
Her soft voice, a mere whisper, broke the stillness in the room, cutting it like butter. "Shizuma?"
An even softer sound, a mere whimper, answered her, startling the redhead into action as she quickly approached the bed. She sat on the edge of the bed, placing a hand atop one of Shizuma's. Her eyes were full of worry, and she prayed that she would find out what troubled her soon. It broke her heart whenever her girlfriend was in pain. When there was no other sound but their breathing, Nagisa spoke again.
"Shizuma? Daijobu desu ka?" Maroon eyes pleaded, the sting of tears building up the longer the silver haired woman sat in silence. "Shizuma... onegai..." The cracking of her voice shook Shizuma out of her trance, and she turned to look at the girl now sitting next to her. Seeing her there, eyes glistening with unshed tears surprised her, and it was then that Nagisa could see the trails of tears, and the broken expression within those usually loving forest green eyes. She'd seen that expression before, when they had spent time in Shizuma's summer house the day that her girlfriend was going to speak to her about her past.
"Nagi...sa?" She didn't think, didn't say anymore, shifting a little so that she could comfortably draw the redhead to her, wrapping her arms around the girl's shoulders tightly.
Comfort. She desperately needed to be comforted by the redhead. Whether it had been luck or coincidence that Nagisa had snuck into her room, she would never know, but Shizuma was glad. The memories of her dream replayed themselves over and over in a broken record. Losing her first love two years ago had such a huge impact on her that she felt like she had died too, and in the coming years every girl she tried to get close to, they could not hold a candle to what she felt for Kaori. None of them could help heal the emotional wounds left behind. It was evident that Shizuma didn't want to experience that pain of loss again, realizing that if another person she loved died... the pain would be too much for her to bear.
In the silence of the room, Nagisa slid her arms around her girlfriend's waist, offering her whatever she needed. There was no need for words right now- just being there seemed to be enough. All she could do now was wait; she would not speak a single word until Shizuma felt comfortable, or if she wished to talk at all about what was bothering her so.
Time seemed nonexistent as the two girls embraced. To one, it felt like an eternity, but to the other, only mere moments passed before the silence was finally broken. The moon had barely shifted in the night sky above, indicating it was nowhere near daybreak; the couple still had plenty of time to get some sleep before they had to get up in the morning for class.
"Gomen ne, Nagisa..." She didn't even have to pull away to see the apologetic look in her love's eyes. For what reason was Shizuma actually apologizing for, though? She hadn't done anything wrong to warrant an apology. Opening her mouth, the redhead was moments away from questioning the older girl, but Shizuma spoke again, answering her silent inquiry.
"I did not mean to worry you, koi. I had... too much on my mind that I could not answer you. I didn't even hear you come in."
Nagisa listened patiently, wanting to hear every word that the silver-haired sixth year had to say. Despite not knowing everything there was to know about Shizuma, she understood that, whenever she was like this, she had to give her some time to sort out her thoughts. Miyuki-san warned her some time ago that she would have to deal with events like this for a while, so she was more than prepared to help her love get through it. Shizuma would not have to deal with this alone anymore. Her kind heart had been a major part in winning the former Etoile over, and it was this heart that would comfort Shizuma whenever she needed it. Even if it happened to be in the dead of night.
"I... had a really bad dream..."
That was all it took for the younger girl to draw away from her girlfriend, just enough so that she could look her in the eyes. Not because she knew of the pain that would be there, but because she wanted her to see the sincerity in her own eyes. That little bit of eye contact made all the difference; Nagisa would put it to good use. One of her hands came up and gently cupped Shizuma's cheek. By now the redhead knew how Shizuma preferred to sleep at night, and it was a trait that few ever knew of. She would have been a bit embarrassed before, but this time she pushed it aside, focusing on more important matters. She needed to see that the older girl and the love of her life would be okay. Quietly, Nagisa chanced another question, having an idea of what might be troubling the silver-haired sixth year. She had to chance it.
"It was... about her, wasn't it? Kaori-san?"
Kaori... Sakuragi Kaori...
Nagisa recalled what Rokujo-san told to her after Shizuma tried to talk to her about her past. Kaori... she brought a lot of life and happiness into Shizuma's world; she guessed that she might have been Shizuma's first love. Their bond had been special... Had been, thought the redhead sadly, remembering that the love between those two ended in tragedy. Kaori had been a sickly girl, even throughout her time at Miator. No one knew how long she would live, and each day seemed like borrowed time. There was nothing they could do, and this girl... Shizuma loved her with all her heart. When she passed, her heart must've wanted to go with her, but instead it shattered into a million pieces. Nagisa did not know what it felt like to lose someone you loved- did not know what it was like to be unable to feel their touch, or hear their voice, or see their smile. Getting over a loved one's death had to be very difficult, even for her girlfriend, who struggled each and every day.
Forest green eyes flickered briefly, the pain of before momentarily resurfacing, giving the younger girl more than enough of an answer. Maroon eyes were saddened, for although Shizuma had let go of the love she lost over two years ago in order to fulfill the girl's wish for her to be happy, she couldn't help but miss her. Emotional wounds still needed to be healed, she realized. No words needed to be exchanged; Nagisa knew enough of the forlorn expression the older girl wore that she most likely had been reliving a moment in her past while she slept. It was apparent that she still missed Kaori dearly. Nagisa couldn't even begin to fathom what it was like to watch as the one you loved slowly lost a battle for her life.
The first time Shizuma had brought this up to her, she couldn't take looking at the pain in her eyes, feeling helpless that she couldn't even help take the pain away. She had been a coward, afraid of herself for being unable to do what she was now capable of. This time, she swore she would never run away again. Shizuma needed someone to help her in her most vulnerable moments, and Nagisa wanted to be that person. She wanted to see a day where her love didn't suffer anymore, but until that day came, she had to offer comfort and undying support.
"Nagisa isn't leaving you, Shizuma. She wants to comfort you, because she cares about you very much. Nagisa won't run away anymore," she soothed, slipping into third person out of habit. With a tender smile, and in first person this time, she added, "I'm right here... I'll always be here for you, whenever you need me. I promise."
Those were the words that she had been dying to hear, her eyes shining with a fresh set of tears. Always elegant and graceful, even in public, Shizuma drew Nagisa back to her, holding her tightly, but without crushing her in her grip. She closed her eyes, happy now that she knew someone would be there for her to help her when she needed it. The older girl couldn't deny how happy she had become after realizing her feelings for Nagisa and catching her before the announcement was made for the Etoile elections. That had been Kaori's last wish; Shizuma couldn't help but fulfill it. In that same regard, she missed her dearly. Each and every single day she spent she missed her. But now, things were going to be okay. She had found someone with whom she could love and go to for support.
"Arigatou, Nagisa... arigatou..."
The couple sat there in total silence for an apparent eternity, or at least until one of them realized that they needed sleep. Pulling away, Shizuma gazed at her girlfriend, her eyes pleading with her while grasping both hands with her own and intertwining their fingers. "Stay with me tonight, Nagisa. Please..." She couldn't elaborate any more, but what she had said would be enough. No explanations were necessary.
Nagisa, of course, didn't even hesitate, since she had originally come in here to try and sleep anyway. "Of course." The smile she got in response was definitely worth it, and when she slid underneath the blanket with her girlfriend, she lay on her side so that she was facing the former Etoile. She felt the older girl wrap her arms around her waist. Tonight, she would be the one chasing the bad dreams away so Shizuma could sleep peacefully. It was up to her now to help her girlfriend pull through; she would not be the next girl to be pushed away. Instead, Nagisa would be the first to help return Shizuma to her old self, which she was fast becoming. Ups and downs, good and bad, she would bear it all.
This time, when Shizuma fell asleep again, she dreamt of the memories she'd made with Naigsa.
For your reference, these were the Japanese terms I used and their meaning:
Daijobu desu ka: Are you okay? Although you can say daijobu by itself, but by adding the last two words in, it makes it a question. Not entirely certain on the use of desu, per se, but I know it's part of the question itself. If anyone knows what it's really there for, I would love to hear from you.
Gomen ne: I'm sorry
Onegai: Please
Arigatou: Thank you
Expanding Strawberry Panic! fanfiction, one story at a time!
Now, if only I had a Beta reader, I'd be a happy author.
Also, I'm deciding on whether or not I should write more or leave it as is... Help me decide, dear readers!
Oh and... read and review please!
