Author's Notes: So I decided to re-write this a bit to practice my skills. I hope you enjoy.

Molest Me Some Naruto
By heeha

Uchiha Sasuke was a teenager. He was a very gifted, drop-dead-gorgeous teenager. Girls fawned over him endlessly, hoping that one day, the Uchiha would consider them worthy enough to be blessed with one of his sexy killer death glares. Elders praised him for his achievements and skill, and his peers acknowledged and respected Sasuke as a Konoha shinobi.

Yes, Uchiha Sasuke had it all. He had looks, brains, skills, talent, and much, much more.

But there was one thing Uchiha Sasuke did not have.

Although he was a worshipped, beautiful prodigy, this fact did not help him attain the most important person of all...

He did not, as a matter of fact, have Uzumaki Naruto. And he was what Sasuke really wanted the most, in body, heart, and soul. Beneath Sasuke's cool, callous demeanor was a heart of ice that always melted into a warm puddle of water whenever Naruto was concerned, making Sasuke feel quite hot and bothered. Normal reactions of a teenager, of course. Even though Sasuke was renowned for his tightass self-control, he still fell to the teenage hormones of hell.

Because of these devilish hormones, Kakashi had managed to trick him into reading a few pages of Icha Icha Paradise. But it wasn't just any Icha Icha Paradise novel.

It was heterosexual Icha Icha Paradise.

Sasuke had read "Icha Icha Paradise: The Yaoi Edition" before, but he'd never thrown a glance at the original version of the novel in his life.

So how had Kakashi fooled Sasuke into reading the horrid novel, let alone touching such filthy literature?

He'd told Sasuke that the secondary plotline involved a gay couple exploring the intricacies of sex.

There was no gay couple mentioned in a single line of the novel.

All of it had been dedicated to a horny man and woman going at it like hyperactive bunnies. The content was so traumatizing that Sasuke's intensely gay eyes may have become straight if they hadn't been medicated with Naruto's bodacious body. The very thought propelled him to masturbate to Naruto's heavenly nakedness every night.

But a daily dose of Naruto mind-fucking just wasn't enough for Sasuke. He needed more.

He would get more. Sasuke was going to put his balls on the line just to get a chance to molest his cute dobe. His priceless nads were nothing in comparison to an euphoric molestation of the beautiful blond.

Sasuke would make sure that he molested Naruto good.

He was going to molest Naruto so good that it would be the greatest molestation Naruto had ever experienced in his life time. So good that not even Naruto's perverted penis pal would be able to match Sasuke's holy hands of pleasure. No one would be able to give Naruto a better molestation. Hell, Sasuke was going to molest Naruto so good that he would flee for his life if anyone ever tried to touch him again with their horny-happy hands.

Yes, Naruto would be delightfully traumatized for life after Sasuke was through with him. The mere idea made Sasuke's lifeless lips quirk upwards into a smile since he would be the one responsible for molding Naruto into such a cute state. A cute, heavily scarred state, yes. But still cute. Not that Naruto wasn't cute to begin with. On the contrary, Naruto was one of the cutest guys in Konoha; many gay males longed to have cute little Naruto in their arms. However, they would never succeed as long as Sasuke was around to beat the living crap out of 'em in a jealous rage. Sasuke didn't remember how many guys he'd pounded into oblivion, although he did remember the gory details of certain unfortunate offenders. There was that one memorable incident when he and Naruto had still been genin. They'd been confronted by Sound nin in the Forest of Death. At the time, Sasuke and Naruto had been unconscious. Without the help of her teammates, Sakura's ass had been ripped off and handed to her on a large silver platter. She'd wailed like a yaoi fangirl deprived of too much mansex.

Then Sasuke had awakened. And boy, he had been pissed. His sharingan had glowed a deadly, bloody red that day. But it wasn't because Sakura had been asstrated. In his opinion, that was her own fault for being such a weakling. Unless Sakura started hitting on his Naruto, Sasuke had no reason to flash his murderous eyes for her.

So what had been the cause of Sasuke's ire?

Some Sound scum had dared to leer at his oblivious, unconscious dobe.

Sasuke had long ago declared that he was the only one allowed to leer at Naruto, unconscious or not. The Sound fool's violation of this declaration made Sasuke go bezerk and yank the lowlife's arms right out of their sockets. If Sakura hadn't gotten in the way with her girly, emotional tears, Sasuke would have burned the asshole's man-package so black that even Orochimaru would cringe at the sight. Naruto was his.

Granted, many males still gave Naruto the perverted eye. Yet Sasuke wasn't as ticked off by these lecherous enemies because they were, at least, half-decent adversaries - half-decent because Sasuke was, of course, the only decent male around Naruto.

Being the decent male he was, Sasuke was going to make it his top priority to decently grope Naruto the next time Naruto's ass seduced his eyes. He was even willing to put his plans of killing Itachi on hold until he'd rubbed Naruto's bewitching buttcheeks. Itachi could wait. Naruto couldn't. Hell, he couldn't wait either. The very thought of hearing Naruto's cute mewls of pleasure gave Sasuke diamond-hard boners.

It was not a question of if, but when Sasuke's hands would finally smother and claim Naruto's tantalizing skin. Maybe he wouldn't succeed today. Maybe he also wouldn't succeed tomorrow, nor the week after. Maybe he'd still be making perverted plots on Naruto's sweet globes ten years down the line.

But one day, Naruto's musical squeals would ring throughout Konoha.

One day, Uchiha Sasuke was going to molest molestable Naruto. Then he would trick his idiot into giving him some quality bastard lovin'.

Molestable Naruto would become severely sexed Naruto.

And Sasuke would be smirking with pride.