- Heya, so this one is about Remus thinking about his friends as the full moon rises whilst in the shrieking shack. So it's very happy really (if you can't detect the sarcasm, you've misunderstood) and Remus wondering if Sirius really did betray Lily and James. Good luck reading this, I was practically crying whilst writing it ;) ENJOY MUHAHAHAHA! -
The full moon slowly began to rise. Barely controlling my shaking, I dropped my head into my hands and tried to calm my breathing but it was diificult to do when in about half an hour I would have to go through the agonising pain that came with the tranformation. Pushing down my fear I resisted the urge to peak between one of the gaps in the boarding that covered the window. I lowered myself to the floor, sprawling out, I clenched my fingers.
Once upon a time my friends, loyal, loving friends woud have been here with me, suppotrting me in their animagus forms. But now, now they are either dead or in prison and I cant make up my mind on those to blame. I know Sirius, I'm sure he's not guilty, but there's a small voice whispering that he could be. Maybe that makes me a traitor too. I just don't want to think that they're all truly gone.
The moon continues it assent. As it climbs I can feel the monster inside stirring and I know it won't be long before it tears out of me once again. Sometimes, as I sit here, wishing that I was back at hogwarts with my friends by my side, I wonder if death would be more merciful. If I should just end it all and have it over with. But my mother would be furious. I like to think James and Lily would be too, Sirius I think, would murder me himself if he found out what I was thinking. Or maybe he'd kill himself first. He hated letting me down. But now he's in Azkaban. For murdering his best friends. I can't believe it. I can't let myself believe it. But they would want me to soldier on and so, I do.
The tingling sensation starts at my fingertips and is the first warning I have that the transformation is about to take place. Then the blinding agony takes place and I grip and cling to consciousness, repeating the mantra that keeps me sane:
"Sirius, James, Lily, Peter." Its just their names, over and over again. But they're all I have to remind me to keep going, keep fighting and keep getting back up. "Sirius, James, Lily, Peter." Again. "Sirius, James, Lily, Peter." The excruciating pain ebbs at my consciousness and now I know I'm screaming but I'm sort of, detached. A small mercy.
Finally the darkness closes in and I know I won't remember anymore, I won't feel anymore, I won't be, anymore. And its a relief. To know that for one night I can escape the death and betrayal of my closest and only friends, even if I'm now a monster that will kill anyone stupid enough to get in my way.
Their faces flash before my eyes; Sirius first, tipping back his head and barking with laughter, then James sniggering beside him, Lily smiling kindly at me, and finally Peter, nervously giggling. And for one last time I can touch them, hear them and be with them. It's almost a relief.
-AUTHORS NOTE-
Sorry, I'm sorry! I had too. Not my fault my bestie wanted this written, so here you are Kizzy, this one is for you- I hope you're happy now I've written something so miserable! Anyways, review please,
Love ya, Kitty xx
