It's purely a problem in organization.
I close my eyes and conjure up a nice, logical filing cabinet, shove everything I can into each drawer, and hope for the best.
I don't feel like sorting through it at the moment. I'll do something else.
There might also be an element of dissonance in association.
It's a disorder, with a name I can't remember, that has something to do with the associative properties of the human brain-neuro-something-or-other. If it's contagious, I probably caught it from hanging around you so much.
Every time I lay hanging off the end your bed, bitching about my problems while you paint, I light a match and set the cabinet on fire. It's a lot more cathartic than you'd think it would be.
I like your paintings. I don't say it, of course, but I believe my approval is understood well enough. At least, you seem to get it, most of the time.
I'm not one for feelings. We've pretty much established this, of course; which is why it's so goddamn hard.
You seem to deal with your emotions, when you have them, a lot better than I do. Is it because you paint? I always thought writing was a good form of release. Maybe I should try it someday. Only if you taught me, though.
I'm not one for this melodramatic drivel associated with love. Is what I feel love, even? I don't really think I'm gay. I don't think I'm anything, to be perfectly honest.
But I like to watch you paint. And walk. And breathe.
It should be creepy, shouldn't it? Isn't it just poetic justice that I, of all people, start acting this way?
I'm the same around you, though. Nothing's changed, really, just my interpretation of things. And there's a good chance I'm wrong, anyway.
I don't think about you all the time. That's what it's supposed to feel like, right? I think about plenty of things besides you. There are times when you don't even cross my mind unless I see you.
If that's the case, why does it hurt when I do? Is love so distorted that it doesn't even have the decency to be a pleasurable emotion?
I think, if you looked at me now, I'd say it. I'd say it without thinking, because I still don't know how I feel. But I'll figure it out, eventually; all I can do is hope that it isn't what I think it is.
I have ambivalent feelings about this shipping. Hence the vagueness. I actually am really fascinated with writing for a character like Daria, and I figured I might as well make it a femslash story while I was at it. Thanks for reading ^_^
