Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds
-----------------------------------------------------
Penelope had been sitting in her office now for 2 hours, doing nothing, just staring; she had gotten the news to tell her that Derek Morgan was one of the fatalities of a building that had collapsed after a bomb went off.
She looked at her wedding ring, 3 months of marriage to him over, in a heartbeat gone. Although it was only just made public, she was still married to the man of her dreams. She sat there twiddling the ring; she was a widow now, alone in the world after sharing 3 years with a man who claimed to be madly deeply in love with her, a man that had been her best friend for 10 years of her life. She picked her cell up and rang his number, just in some crazy hope that he would answer and sing a nickname into her ear, let it snake in her brain like it usually did but all she got was his voice as a voicemail and that was nowhere near what she needed, that wasn't him.
She stood up and left her office, she walked down to the bullpen, opened the large glass door, walked to his desk and sat in his seat, she didn't cry, she just lavished him in one of the places he loved to be. She stood, taking his personal effects, not all; she couldn't cope with doing them all and headed out, and went home.
She drove on autopilot, she needed to phone Fran, tell her that her son was dead, that she hadn't had those grandbabies she had pried for, for so long. She parked on the drive and wasn't surprised to see an SUV in the drive.
'Penelope.' Hotch's voice greeted her.
'I'm fine.' She said and as the lie slipped through her lips the tears beckoned and fell. She felt Hotch's arms take her in an embrace and she broke fully. 'He isn't dead.' She sobbed angrily. 'He wouldn't leave me!'
'Penelope...'
'He promised to never leave me!'
'Let's get you in.'
'I want to see him.'
'You can't.'
'I need to see him.'
Hotch said nothing, just took Penelope's hand and led her inside, he locked the front door, and it was then she realised he had his go bag with him, he was sticking around. This was real. 'Penelope, the fire department couldn't find anything but a few remains.' He saw her whiten. 'His badge was there, as was his cell.'
'But he...'
'Was there...' He didn't finish the sentence.
'He might not be dead then!' Penelope bargained. 'If you haven't got a body, then he's out there, maybe he's hurt, we need to find him!'
'Penelope! You aren't going to find him; he didn't come out of that alive.'
'He had too!'
'No!' Hotch snapped, and he got the break he needed from Penelope as she fell to pieces again. 'We're all here for you.'
'But you aren't him are you?'
'I know we're not but we're a family, we help each other.'
'Was it quick?' Penelope asked and after hesitation from Hotch she looked up. 'Was his death quick? He didn't suffer?'
'He didn't suffer.' Hotch replied. 'Instantaneously.'
'Good.' Penelope said and left and head upstairs. 'You don't need to stick around Hotch, I'm fine.' She called out and he heard her enter the bathroom, he then settled on the couch, he wasn't leaving her.
After 10 minutes he heard the door open and Penelope came down and stared at him. 'You're stuck with me.' He said pushing the glass of wine on the coffee table towards her. 'When did you last talk to him?'
'Hotch; I don't want to do this.'
'Maybe not but you need to, so when did you last talk to him?'
'About 20 minutes before you raided, he pushed all the right buttons with that conversation.' She smiled and wiped the tears from her face. 'I can't survive without him.'
'You will Penelope, you can do it.'
'I don't think I can.'
'He knows you can too.'
'But he was everything to me and now I'm all alone, after everything and he's gone.' She said sobbing again, the wine forgotten. 'He isn't gone, I'd know, but he isn't gone.' She said shaking her head. 'What am I going to tell Fran?'
'I've rang her already, she's on her way here with Sarah and Desiree.' Penelope nodded to him. 'We'll start everything tomorrow, but for now I think you need to get some sleep, you've been on the go since yesterday.'
Penelope just stood and emotionlessly walked herself to hers and Derek's bedroom, she crawled in, not bothering to shut the door, she pulled the quilt up and over her, and then just took his pillows in her arms, sucking in his smell. She cried herself to sleep that night, she cried herself to sleep nightly after that.
'It's been 3 days and she has hardly spoken.' Fran commented as Penelope pottered about the house, straightening up, not so much as a word of help came from her. 'This isn't healthy.'
Hotch looked around the women, all had evidently been crying, Fran looked the most at ease with her son's death, in a way she had been waiting for the call, for the day she lost her son doing the one thing he loved to do, protect. It was reminiscent of how her husband went, in all his glory. The two sisters looking like their protector was now gone and they were vulnerable in the world without him.
'Well the funerals tomorrow, maybe that will shake her enough to let us in.'
'Maybe she could come back to Chicago for a bit.' Sarah added. 'It might help her to be close to him there.'
'She won't leave here; this is where she loves him the most.'
'Its got memories.' Penelope added as she entered the kitchen. 'Is tomorrow all set?'
'Penelope we don't have to do this.'
'We do, it needs to be perfect.'
'Everything's done.'
'But is it done properly? Is everything ready? How he wanted it?'
'Yeah it is.'
Penelope just nodded. 'I'm going to go to bed.' She just walked out and left the 4 of them there, it wasn't even late afternoon, everyday she had just slept, she hardly ate, drank and she rarely exerted herself into anything other than rearranging things on shelves, or the cushions on the sofa.
They all looked at one another, hopefully after the funeral she would become more like the Penelope that Derek loved.
