Title: Regrets
Autor: Leya
Fandom: Gravitation
Characters: Eiri
Disclaimer: All the characters are the sole property of Maki Murakami. I'm only playing with them.
Word Count: 400
Rating: R
Warnings: character death

Eiri says a last goodbye to Tohma... Sequel to Time and Letdown. Please read those two first, this story doesn't make much sense otherwise. The songtext at the beginning is taken from 'A kiss is a terrible thing to waste' by Meat Loaf.

This one's for ederyn, who wanted to read about Eiri and his reaction when he finally realised what he did.


So many things in your life that you're bound to regret
Why didn't I do that? Why didn't I do this?
So many chances you lost that'll you'll never forget
Why didn't I make it? Why didn't I take it right there?
The loneliest words you'll ever know.
If only, if only it was so...

Every time he closed his eyes the words of the song were going around and around in his head, tormenting him with their hopelessness, charging him with guilt and the knowledge of his failure.

Why had he been so incredibly egoistic?

'Come on, Seguchi. I haven't got all day!'

He just should have listened. But instead he self-righteously took out the frustration about his missed deadline on the first person that came along.

'I have absolutely no time for this shit!'

How could he have been so cruel? Tohma's whole world had been shattered into pieces, leaving him desperately searching for someone to comfort him in his fears...

And of course Eiri had to react as insensitive as always, driving his brother-in-law away with unnecessary cruelty.

You know what? Come back when I've finished my novel and maybe I'm going to read this crap. And now get out, I really have some work to do."

Why did he say that? Would it have been so bad to keep his mouth shut just this once? But he couldn't and now Tohma was gone, depriving Eiri of the chance to say a last goodbye.

Smiling sadly Eiri let his fingertips gently trail over the headstone in front of him.

Why didn't he tell Tohma how much he meant to him? Why did he wait until it was too late? After losing Kitazawa he thought that he learned his lesson but he made the same mistakes over and over again.

The loneliest words you'll ever know...

Since Tohma died the burning pain in his heart kept him from ever being whole again.

And there he thought losing Kitazawa had been painful. Compared to the void Tohma's loss ripped into his soul it was nothing.

Maybe it was time to face the truth. With killing Kitazawa he lost every right to find a little happiness.

If only, if only it was so...

And now he had lost the only man who ever truly loved him.

If only, if only...

Just like he always knew he would.

END