One day, you're fighting for your life, and then you die. Go to heaven, hell, or are reincarnated.
I didn't.
I'm forced to live this part of my life over and over, until it stops. . . I'm going insane, reliving these stupid days.
Some days I can see them taunting me, blood pouring from open wounds; their eyes, throats, sometimes their heads are gone, ripped from their shoulders—
(I can't tell reality from fantasy very well anymore.)
I've done everything I can. I've warned them, delayed the boat, forced them to listen, anything to try to get them to believe me.
But they don't. One way or another Acnologia still comes to Magnolia, Tenrou, anywhere in Fiore, wherever I have to force them to go, he still comes. He always comes, taunting me with the fact that I can't save them.
He destroys the guild hall, the towns, kills everyone.
I'm always last. Useless, little, Lucy.
Stupid.
It hurts to watch them die. Sometimes, he just leaves. Like that. And I'm surrounded by the cooling bodies of my friends, my comrades. Their lifeless eyes haunt me. Natsu, Erza, Gray, and innocent little Wendy.
(I never slept right for weeks after staring at her grotesque body.)
When he leaves, I'm left to stay there and cry, because that all I can do. I can't resurrect the dead, I can't heal like Wendy. I can't do anything.
Somehow, I'll get out of this. But, maybe I won't, maybe I've been fighting for nothing.
But I'm tired of sitting around, waiting for something different to happen.
I'll save them. And myself.
Break
Loop 57
I awoke with a scream wanting to pass through my lips, but it never made it out.
I just died, again.
This time, he ate them. Through bone, muscle, and fat. Blood was everywhere, Natsu went nuts as he saw Acnologia chew through Droy like he was nothing. We were in Magnolia, and Acnologia had killed and ate more than a thousand civilians and mages alike.
Natsu was one of them too. (His head was right off his shoulders, oh god all that blood—)
Makarov took the brunt of his attacks. He was a giant, fighting a dragon, and getting pulverized by attack after attack.
I couldn't do anything to help, my whip did jack shit, all I did was hold open my spirits gates while they did all the work.
Gray was about to use the technique that killed Ur, Iced Shell. Natsu wasn't so happy about that. He yelled at Gray, and lost his focus on Acnologia. That's how he died.
A pitiful excuse for death if you ask me.
Gray, in his grief, missed a mass of energy that shot right through him. Everything was a mess. Erza tried her best, but got taken out by his claws, straight through her armour and piercing her heart. The blood that poured from her was the same colour of her hair. A beautiful red.
Everything happened so fast after that. He was ripping people apart left and right, spewing beams of dark magic at people. . . It was a massacre.
I sat up in bed, clammy and pale. I could feel the distress of my spirits. They felt the same as me. They watched their comrades die, and they couldn't save them.
I stood up, stripped out of my clothes and ran a bath. I sat in monotone silence. My memories echoed in my head, mocking me. I felt empty and drained. My eyes stared at nothing, not registering the objects before them. All I did was watch my friend's death. Death, after death, after death. . .
What can a person do to defeat a dragon, when no dragonslayer—people who were trained to defeat dragons—can?
I barely noticed, nor did I really care, as Loke forcefully opened his gate and appeared near me.
"You pervert," I mumbled, "appearing while I'm in a bath. ."
Loke kneeled on the bath rug and rested his head on the edge of the tub.
"We can do something. So please, try to stay strong," Loke pleaded. He lifted his head and reached out to me, turning my head to face him. I stared at his watery eyes, feeling tears form in the corners of mine.
"We can!" He cried, "So please! Smile! We-We'll train! We can become stronger! Y-You can get more contracts with spirits, or learn a new magic!" Loke sounded so desperate. He was crying, his tears like waterfalls, falling into the bath.
"So please, Lucy. . . Don't lose hope. Don't abandon us," he sobbed, his mouth curling in as he cried.
I reached a hand out of the bath and touched the hand that rested on my cheek. My voice was scratchy as I held back my tears, "I promise, Loke. I won't lose hope, not yet." I forced a tearful smile and closed my eyes. My voice sounded hallow to my ears.
Loke put his forehead against mine, "I believe in you. You can stop this madness."
"Thank you, Loke." I whispered as he disappeared in a flash of light.
Loop 86
I once again woke up crying and screaming.
I sat up and wiped my tears. I died. But this time, I was the first to die, because I was brave and protected Natsu from being beheaded by Acnologia's claws.
(I faintly remember seeing my shoes from the ground)
I don't know how the others died, but I don't think I want to.
My magic reserves increased. I have two new contracts, so I only need to get the keys again. But that doesn't seem to do much. The only thing I can really do is to learn a new magic. Mages learn magic over numerous years. I have one month per loop, and at the end of the month, everyone dies.
I don't want to continue watching my friends die anymore.
The only way is through suicide a day before heading to Tenrou.
Pathetic.
I stand up, strip, and take a bath. Like every time. Like always, Loke appears. I make a remark about him being a pervert. But this time, he laughs. Like he's happy. I look at him with blank eyes.
"I have good news from the Spirit King," he says as he kneels down, like always. "He said that he'll let you use one of the special celestial spells, i-it's really cool, you know?" Loke started to tear up, jumbling over his words. His hands gripped the tub tightly.
"You can use our powers, like my regulus a-and Aquarius' water magic," Loke hiccuped. "There's more things you can do now, Crux can help you and we can get out of this mess." Loke smiled and let his tears flow freely, the sunglasses he wore collecting tears.
I reached out of the bath and wiped away his tears, even though my hand was already wet. "Yeah. . ."
Loop 89
I tried. So very hard.
Loop 99
I want this to stop.
Loop 107
I'm not strong enough.
Loop 134
A knock sounded from the door. I stood and opened it.
Natsu, Erza, and Gray stood outside. Reality deformed and I saw them staring at me with blood pouring from their orifices, staining the pavement. Their mouths moved, but no sound came out. "Weak." I read.
I blinked a few times and forced the image to disappear, I forced a small smile and let them in, "Why are you guys here?" I murmured. I sat with them around the coffee table.
Natsu was the first to answer. "What happened Luce? You've been acting different." He rubbed his nose and looked at the floor, his pink hair falling around his eyes. "You don't act like Lucy anymore." I looked at Gray and Erza, seeing that they agreed.
I clenched my hands. I opened my mouth, trying to form an explanation, but nothing came.
They won't believe me anyways.
"Lucy, we're your closest friends. You can talk to us," Gray spoke. I looked up slowly, angry tears gathering in my eyes. "You won't believe me," I whisper harshly.
Each of them shook their heads. "We will," Erza said.
I broke.
"But you guys never do!" I yelled as I stood up. The chair screeched against the wooden floor and fell, a loud booming noise sounded through the room, startling my guests.
"I tell you guys over and over, but you won't listen! You say I'm crazy!" I chuckled hysterically. "I have to lie to keep you safe for an extra hour! But he comes," my voice grew an octave higher, "He always comes! It's like it's destiny or some bullshit!" Erza recoiled, having never heard me swear before.
My hand ran through my loose hair.
"Lucy, calm down." Gray stood up from his seat slowly and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Calm down, deep breaths," he repeated, "tell us, what do you mean over and over? Who is he?"
I shrugged off his hands and took a step back.
"I'm in a time loop, and I can't get out," I began. "I've watched the guild, sometimes all of Magnolia, die before I do." I wiped my eyes with the backs of my hands. "Acnologia kills us the day of the S-class exams. It's horrible. There's so much gore each time. And whenever I try to warn you guys I have to lie or be called crazy."
I lifted my hands and stared at them, my vision swaying. Blood flickered on and off my fingers, the scenery around me changing, and voices screamed, a whisper only I could hear. "Useless. Pathetic. Weak."
"My spirits are the only ones who remember these events," I spoke quietly, watching as my hands began to shake. "You've died in my arms, all of you. I once watched Erza be skewered on his claws as he ate her." I heard gagging, but I didn't stop re-telling different events I've seen, spanning from Gray trying to use Iced Shell, to Natsu going crazy and killing everyone around him.
"I've relived this month over one hundred times." I looked out the window, my shoulders hunching in defeat. I watched as a bird flew by. How I longed to be that bird.
I turned my eyes to them, my voice going low. "I don't know how to stop this." I laughed cynically. "You have to believe me." I begged, "There's only a week left and I don't know what to do."
Everyone was either shocked or crying. Probably both.
Erza stood and gently grabbed my hand. "I believe you," she murmured.
"Tell me you're honest." I begged her, staring at her face. She smiled. I could tell from her eyes that it was plastic.
I didn't move to stop her as I saw her arm twitch. I felt her hit me on the base of my neck, hearing her whisper, "I'm sorry, it's for your own good."
I passed out.
They don't believe me.
(They never do)
Loop 157
I don't know what to do anymore.
Loop 187
I've killed myself 30 times in a row now.
I really don't think I'm scared of death anymore.
Loop 199
I'll never be strong enough.
Loop 200
Useless—
Loop 201
Stupid—
Loop 202
Idiotic—
Loop 204
It's not ending any time soon.
Loop 265
When I die, I wake up at the same time, same position, and sometimes I cry or scream.
(It's reduced to just staring blankly at the ceiling now)
I never wake up with Natsu standing over me with a horrified expression, sweat beading on his forehead.
"What's happening to me? Why do I keep dying and waking up."
I understood immediately, so I explained all that I knew. When I was done, he was crying and terrified. I've never seen him like this; seemingly so broken.
Natsu had his head resting in his hands, "I watched him kill everyone. Even Erza and Laxus. How am I supposed to beat that thing when Laxus is taken down so easily." His voice shook with fear. I could hear his tears falling onto the wooden floor. Ishook my head.
"You can't. It's like he's immortal." I whispered.
"Then how do we get out of this?"
"We don't."
Loop 300
Natsu used to be so full of life. Now every time our loops intersect he's so very. . . broken.
Every chance we get, we train together. We try to become stronger. And it works just the tiniest bit.
I feel as if it's a waste.
Loop 326
Why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this? Is it a test? If it is, I'm failing badly.
Loop 344
I stared down at my bloody hands. Everyone is dead, once again. And I'm the only one left.
My head snapped up, my eyes full of unadulterated fury.
I yelled and screamed my heart out to Acnologia. "Why?" I cried, "Is this some sick joke?! When will it stop? I want to go home!" My hands clenched my chest as it ached for a home that I knew didn't exist anymore. I sobbed like a newborn. "I don't want to die anymore. I want to live!" My voice cracked, and tears streamed down the sides of my face, frustration and despair clear in my voice. My mindless screaming continued until I heard him.
He spoke, a rumbling baritone voice that shook me to the core.
"Pitiful humans. . . They're always so weak. ."
And then he killed me.
Loop 345
I woke up, but I wasn't screaming or crying. I wasn't. . . anything.
Natsu jumped in through my window, landing on my bedroom floor with a defeated look. "I've done everything I can. What am I supposed to do, Luce? I can't. . . I can't." Natsu collapsed on to the bed and buried his head in my abdomen. I cradled his head gently, and began to run my hands through his hair absentmindedly, noting the way that he adored it.
Loke appeared on the bedside, his face a grim reminder that yes this was real I'm going insane I want to live—
"Lucy. ." He whispered. "Lucy. . . I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. Aquarius is sad, Taurus is quiet, and Capricorn looks defeated. They're all so out of character. I don't—" He gripped his hair and dropped to his knees. "I'm so tired of this," he muttered, so very quietly.
I stared blankly at him. There was nothing I could do to comfort him. What was I supposed to say?
Nothing will be okay.
My head turned to look out the window to the rising sun. The sky turned pink, red, and orange. They all mixed together, creating a beautifully catastrophic display of colour. The clouds reflected the light, turning the same colour as the sky. They looked as if they were dancing with each other, with the way they swirled.
"Do you. . . Want to know what my favourite colour is?" I asked, my voice ringing out in the small room filled with sniffles and the smell of tears.
Natsu lifted his head with a shuddering breath. "Y-Yeah. . ."
I didn't turn to face them as I spoke,
"Red,"
Loop 352
"Why are you doing this?" I asked, so quietly I was surprised he even heard me.
"Because this world is a disgraceful mess you wretched humans created."
He took off without another word. Not even bothering to kill me this time. Leaving me to suffer, to stare at the mutilated bodies of my comrades and random people who were caught in the mess. I spotted a child, probably no older than the age of seven. Blood marred their face, one that was frozen with fear.
I crawled over to the deathly pale body of Levy, not caring that my knees and hands got scraped and cut by the jagged edges of glass and cement. Levy fought valiantly, to her last breath.
I cradled her face, so very gently, like I was holding a porcelain doll. Her eyes stared straight ahead into the sky, glassy and so very. . . Dead.
"Dead, Lucy. You killed me," her voice rang out in my head, a distorted noise. "you couldn't save me. You're worthless."
Tears flowed to my eyes and I carefully wiped her blood soaked bangs to the side. "I'm so sorry. . . Levy. I'm sorry," I wept, staining her beautiful face with my dirty blood. "I'll try harder. . . Okay? I will, I swear I will."
I found the sharpest piece of glass I could and slashed my neck open, letting my blood flow down my chest and land on Levy's pale and cold body.
Loop 365
"Do you know how long I've been doing this, Natsu?" I asked one day in the guild hall. We were stationed away in the corner, just sitting there and watching them smile and laugh, knowing that soon they'll be fighting for their lives in vain.
"How long?" He asked.
"Thirty years and four months. . ."
Natsu stared at me for a few moments. Then he looked away.
"Oh. . ."
Break
Loops came and went. Almost always the same. There were the few little differences with how the guild members interacted with each other.
I studied. I trained. I did everything in my reach. I learnt new celestial spells, mastered them four times over, and still. I kept dying.
I kept waking up with the smell of blood fresh in my mind, the feeling of blood on my hands, and the itch to continuously wash my hands to try to rid myself of their blood but no it won't come off why won't it come off I'm so depressed please help me—
I never did like the colour red. But its all that I've ever known for over 30 years and it's such a beautiful colour on such a pale face.
I'm forced to wander with no direction, but always the same destination. But for once. . . I'd like for my destination happiness, with everyone with me smiling and so very much alive.
I want to love.
I want to live.
But I'm so very. . . Lost.
Break
Whatloopisthismomimcrazyhelpme
"Why do the most beautiful of souls die first?" I had asked Makarov one day. The guild was bustling and in such a cheer.
"My dear, which flower do you pick in the garden? A fragile, wilted thing, or the most radiant flower of them all?"
Some alcoholic beverage sat in front of me, swirling and making ripples caused by the going on ruckus behind me.
"Ah. . . I understand." I whispered faintly before I downed the drink in front of me. It tasted awful.
I never did like the taste or stench of alcohol.
Break
I forced Makarov to delay it by a few hours. Telling him something about Aquarius saying that the waters were dangerous right now. I don't know.
I stared out over the ocean in which we would sail to Tenrou. The waves crashed and moved so calmly. Like the impending doom would not be here in a few moments.
"Man, I wonder why gramps delayed the boat. Think it's important?" Questioned Gray to Erza. "I'm sure he has his reasons," she replied curtly.
I didn't listen any further as I felt the magical energy of Acnologia.
I straightened my back and slowly pulled my hair into a high ponytail. I would fight harder this time. I would use whatever I could. I will fight tooth and nail until my last breath. Natsu shifted at my side, and I could feel his magic spike in preparation. We can do this.
We can win.
Minutes later, I saw the faint outline of Acnologia. Equipping into Saggitarius form, I readied my arrows and shot continuously, using the spell Star Shot multiple times. Acnologia dodged and weaved through the arrows, using his massive claws to deflect whatever he could.
He yelled a mighty roar, charging whatever spell he was going to use.
"What is—" I could hear Erza and Gray muttering. Many members of the guild had rushed out by now, all staring horrified at the dragon. He was close now.
I switched to Aquarius's form and summoned Gemini, who transformed into me and summoned Aquarius and Saggitarius. Using the water magic granted from my Aquarius form, I began to use the sea in front of me to attack Acnologia while Aquarius and Saggitarius attacked with me.
Acnologia roared furiously as he landed on land, rumbling the ground under everyone. Gemini closed Aquarius's gate, while Saggitarius kept shooting.
Sparing no one anytime to think or move, I ran forwards and used the spell I created, Aqua Metria. The ground began to flow like waves, crashing and hurting Acnologia, slowing him down. Quickly, switching to my Cancer form, I ran up his arm and used my twin blades to pierce his thick hide and hurt him even more while Saggitarius supported me from afar.
I was a blur of red and silver as I ran and damaged him the most I could. He shook and twirled as I danced around him fluidly, blood pouring out of the multiple wounds Saggitarius and I inflicted on him.
Time passed in slow motion as I wrenched my blades into his left eye, blood spurting out and covering me in it.
I hate the smell of metal.
Time continued, and I landed back on the ground and skidded back as I dodged his sweeping claws. I breathed heavily as I caught my breath. Natsu ran, his feet pounding on the ground, with his fists lit on fire. He attacked mercilessly, knocking back Acnologia and forcing him on the defence.
Everyone behind me stood in shock before bursting into action to help in any way they could.
"Don't," I said loudly. I stood up strongly, my breath even. "This is our fight. Stay out of it." I spoke before switching into Scorpio form and grasping my Fleuve D'étoiles.
I released my hold on Geminis gate, letting them disappear along with Saggitarius.
My whip cracked out, hitting Acnologia on his right eye. While he was distracted, Natsu entered Dragon Force, exponentially increasing his attacks and making him more powerful. He continued to attack.
Moments after, he was sent flying back from a fling of Acnologia's arms.
Natsu landed meters away from me, causing the ground to cave in and create a crater.
I hooked my whip back in my belt before once again rushing in, using this forms sand magic to conjure a sand storm. I flew through it, landing different melee attacks, aiming for weak spots. Flying away, I used the spell Sand Arrow, increasing the speed with Sand Buster, once again aiming for his eyes. If I could disable him this way, we could have an advantage.
Many missed, caused by his dodging, but ten struck home, in his right eye.
He stumbled back, waving his head around in pain. He opened his mouth and began to fire dark magic at anything he could reach or hit in his pain.
A dome of dark energy surrounded him, and flew out, blasting Natsu and me backwards, our skin catching on the gravel and pavement and scratching us up. The dark magic burned me, creating blisters. I stood up even though I was in pain, and wiped off the blood that was leaking into my left eye.
Natsu and I continued to fight, using our powers to make barriers to protect the guild, and inflict more damage.
After minutes of fighting and relentless attacks from both parties, Acnologia began to shrink, more and more, until he was a muscular male with a cloak draped over him. Blood poured from his eyeless sockets, running down his face and dripping from his chin. Although his eyes were gouged out, it was plain to say he would be glaring daggers at Natsu and me.
I changed into my Taurus form and readied myself into a fighting stance I knew all too well.
My left leg was in the lead, with my right bent slightly in preparation to dodge. My right fist was lightly clenched, with my left open and ready. My muscles loose, but ready to move at the same time.
"You uncouth humans." Magic spiked around him, lifting his long hair and cloak. "All of you are trash." He muttered. He dashed forwards, seemingly knowing where Natsu and I were.
In perfect unison, Natsu and I attacked, all three of us a blur of colour and fists to the spectators around us. We ducked, punched, and kicked, getting bruises and fractured bones. Although I was not in my Leo form, I incorporated its Regulus magic to enhance my hits and blocks.
We continued for what seemed like hours, when in reality it was only forty minutes, before we all jumped back.
I was sweating, and panting heavily, as was Natsu and Acnologia. The sweat stung my open wounds. I narrowed my eyes and regained my breath. "Natsu," I spoke, my voice did not waver in in the least.
"Now,"
He nodded and grabbed my hand, linking our fingers together. I could hear the guild in the background, all so very frightened and worried.
Time seemed to slow down as I stared at Acnologia. His instincts screamed at him to run, to come back to fight another day. But he was too prideful to back down when he's come this far. So he'd fight until his last breath, like the way everyone from Fairy Tail has for the past three decades.
As mine and Natsu's magic spiked, the air around us felt heavy and hot. My magic, a very beautiful golden colour, mixed with Natsu's burning red, reached high into the air above us and we readied our final attack. In unison, Natsu and I spoke the spells name together.
"Cosmic Blazer,"
Our magic surged up wards, creating a white hot ball above us; a star. For a brief moment, nothing happened. Then, it exploded outwards, vaporizing anyone Natsu and I considered enemies, much like the magic Fairy Law.
I don't want enemies.
I felt my magic draining out of me, leaving me drained and exhausted. Then he was gone. Just a black scorch on the broken pavement.
Everything was silent, aside from Natsu and I's heavy breathing. The battle ground was a mess, rocks and boulders littered the streets, houses crumbled and in tatters.
The only drawback of using this magic was that both parties using it would be burnt with more magic poured into the attack. My body ached with the burns littering it, I had poured as much magic I could spare into that attack. Both arms were blistering even more, as was my torso.
My Taurus form died out, and I was left in my regular clothes.
"Is it finally over?" I questioned, so quietly, as if I were to speak too loud reality would come crashing down around me. Natsu fell onto his knees, bringing me with him as our hands were still intertwined. Tears gathered to my eyes, both from the pain and relief. "Yeah. . . It's over," Natsu whispered.
I cried, like a baby who was just born because it's over I can live I'm so happy.
I leaned forward, grasping at the concrete ground and sobbed, so very hard.
I could hear and feel them, come up behind us, all ready with questions to be answered. I looked behind me with a watery smile.
"It's over."
So Natsu and I were healed, and we left for Tenrou that day. All of us with a happy smile, and so much like a loving family.
But then I woke up again.
Loop 467
"No... Nonononono,"
I screamed as I crawled out of bed and ran into the bathroom. "Why? Why! I killed him! I stopped them from dying!" I stared at myself in the mirror before slamming my fist into it. The mirror broke, cracked into tiny bits that embedded itself into my fist. The wall behind splintered and cracked, daring to cave in.
I could see myself in the small fragments of the mirror still left. My eyes were glassy and bloodshot. My lips trembled. "Why?" I sobbed. "I was so close. . . So close to a happy ending." My head fell forward, staring at the porcelain sink.
Loke appeared and wrapped his arms around my torso. "I tried so hard!" I cried brokenly.
Loke turned me around to face him. "Think of the first time you started to loop. Where were you? Tenrou?"
I nodded.
"Then you need to fight him there. If that's where things started to go wrong, then that's where things will go right."
I nodded and wiped my tears. "Yeah. . . Okay. I did it once, I can do it again. I just have to wait for Natsu."
Loop ?
When I first saw Natsu again, he was so very angry.
He had stalked right up to me, "Why didn't it work? Everything was perfect!" I shook my head and bit my lip, trying to hold back tears. For a moment, reality blurred and all I could hear was the taunting voices of the guild. "Because of you. Dead!" Their voices mixed together. I forced it out.
I shook my head furiously. "No! We'll do it right this time. We will fight him on Tenrou! We will do everything we had done five loops ago! This time, we'll win. I swear it will be the last fucking thing I do, I will get my happy ending."
So we trained harder each day, threw ourselves into our training to feel something other than the emptiness in our souls, and the rage in our hearts.
Then the day came.
We fought Ivan's guild, did the exams, and waited for him.
When he came, I forced everyone into a rune barrier created by one of my new celestial keys, Eridanus. No one, not even Freed, could break his runes.
So we fought, harder and stronger than before, beating him into the ground. But, before Natsu and I could perform our final attack, Acnologia swiped his tail fiercely, swinging Natsu and I back into the rune Eridanus created. My back collided with the rune wall, jostling my ribs and winding me.
I coughed up blood and mucus.
He then began his final attack, the air turned stale, and it became harder to breathe.
Before we could all die, the first guild master appeared and cast a spell.
Fairy Sphere.
And then I passed out.
Break
When I woke up once again, I was not in my bed. I was not back in Fiore. I was on Tenrou, staring up at the beautifully blue sky, with white puffy clouds adorning it.
Tears gathered to my eyes and streamed down the sides of my head.
It was over.
I could begin a new adventure.
I gingerly lifted myself off the ground. My muscles groaned in protest. I looked around me, and noticed some of the guild members were awake, conversing with each other and helping them up and get re-oriented.
They weren't dead. My lip trembled and I collapsed back down onto my knees. A sob nearly tumbled out of my lips. All that came was a small whine. Tears flooded my eyes and I grasped the ground, my eyes scrunched shut. My throated hurt as I held back my sobs. A familiar weight settled over my shoulders. I looked up to see Natsu looking at me with glassy eyes too. I turned my body and hugged him tightly around the torso.
"They're not dead. ." I cried I to his chest. My voice was muffled.
He leaned forward and placed his chin on my head. "I'm so glad." He whispered. His voice wavered the slightest bit. I smiled into his chest.
It was the happiest I've been in so long.
So very happy.
