Disclaimer: I do not own anything DOAish.
Well, I don't know what happened to Noire Sensus so I'm posting my experimental fic here. I wrote this over a month ago so . . . yeah . . . ::shifty eyes:: So if you don't like girl x girl crap, please do not read (I don't even know if I like it myself. LMAO). I may just post my yaoi here as well ::evil grin:: . . . I am a weird and dysfunctional person. O_O
Christie's POV
Island
That was when she finally gave up and decided to get rid of me. I was a lousy partner. I could have done better, but Lisa had been watching. I was nervous. Whenever I glanced at her, I caught her watching me. But then she would notice and turn away. Most of the time when I looked over at her, I missed the ball and Ayane would yell at me. I guess I didn't care anymore. What does it all prove? Nothing!
Only that you're a good volleyball player. Lisa might like that . . .
I told myself to shut up for even thinking about wasting my time to impress her with volleyball tactics. I was pretty sure she wouldn't care anyway. Not for me at least. But what was wrong with me? What happened in the hotel room?
What did I do wrong?
"Don't even come looking for me, okay?" Ayane told me while I was still in the sand, "I'm tired of this."
She was really pissed, because she had been looking forward to beating her sister, Kasumi, in a match for some time. Kasumi's partner was the busty, blonde woman, Tina. I hated going against her in a match, because she serves and spikes pretty damn hard. Countless times have I fell into the sand trying to return a spike from her. I stopped trying to block her completely after my first match against her and her partner . . . Can't remember who it was . . . Doesn't matter anyway.
Tina held her hands out for Kasumi to smack them. She hesitated at first. Probably wasn't use to that kind of friendly gesture. But she caught on and smacked them, making the blonde happy. I watched from the sand as the both of them pranced over to Lisa who was getting up from her seat in the sand. There were red petals lying around her. Some were falling off her lap, but others stuck to her wet thighs. She was playing in the water with Kasumi and Tina earlier before we, Ayane and I, arrived to start the match. She picked the petals from a flower as she watched us. Used her red-painted fingertips to pluck the petals and toss them aside to land wherever they may. Yeah, I watched her.
The three of them were talking to each other and leaving the beach. I finally decided to pick myself out of the sand. I was on my knees and wiping the sand from my moist stomach when I looked forward and saw Ayane slowly walking off down the private beach with a stick in her hand. She was leaving a line in the sand with the stick. Off to do something to forget her loss.
So that's it then, huh?
I wasn't disappointed. I was getting tired of playing volleyball. Ayane was playing as hard as she could, but not me.
I stood up and looked behind me to see Kasumi, Tina, and Lisa down the beach. Tina was in the middle and held their hands tight in hers. She was swinging them side to side and saying things, making them laugh. I heard their voices from far away. Kasumi's small one, Tina's loud one, and Lisa's soft one. I remembered when she laughed at me. Not to humiliate me though. I wasn't accustomed to being laughed at so I took it that way at first. But then the longer she laughed, the more a smile tugged at my cheek.
I remember the whole incident. It was the night it all began. We were on Nikki Beach, splashing in the water. I was running from her after pushing her down in the water, but I slipped and fell myself. I was confused and wondered what the hell happened. But then when I heard her muffled laughter from under the water, I didn't wonder anymore; I knew. She had a nice laugh as much as it was strange for me to admit. But it was the type of laugh that made you want to laugh along. Did I laugh? . . . No. But I did smile. I smiled a smile that I haven't smiled in ages. And I didn't smile just once that night.
Lisa . . .
She suddenly looked back at me. Her eyes told it all. They were remorseful . . . for me it seemed . . . But as soon as my heart jumped, she had turned back around and it sank once again.
Why do I have to be bothered with these feelings? Why can't she speak to me? Why can't I know? Did she tell that woman, Tina, what happened?
I had a deep hatred for Tina. Yes, I didn't like her. And the other girls on the island as well. I was the outcast to them. I murder people for a living. I'm a monster. I don't deserve true love. I'll just kill it at the very hint of it. Tina told Lisa about me, I knew. That was probably why she wouldn't talk to me anymore. I suppose I was jealous of Tina and the rest of the girls though. They had the privilege to speak to and be around Lisa as much as they wanted. I only had her for one night. A night that I wish I could bring back and tell her not to be afraid of me . . .
But I knew it was eating her inside.
All you have to do is speak to me, Lisa. Even the simplest words can make it better.
I would never have the chance to speak to her with the other girls around.
I sighed. I was frustrated from it all. I just wanted to do nothing for the rest of the day. In other words, wallow in my despair.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I was walking through Nikki Beach. It was around two o'clock I suppose. The sun was out above in the blue, cloudless sky. I stopped to look into the widespread ocean. It was soothing me a bit. The sound of the seagulls, the waves, and smell of cool ocean air through my nose and into my lungs. The type of atmosphere that you never want to leave. That's what Zack was hoping, I knew. For us to stay there and look pretty for him everyday that we're there. We'd have to leave someday though. What was he going to do? Invite us back for the fifth tournament? I'd come back even if there wasn't a tournament . . .
And as much I didn't want to be reminded of it, I looked over at that very spot by the tree where I was sitting that night. The spot where Lisa had came and sat down beside me. The spot where she took my hand and I had felt an unusual feeling in my chest from her soft touch. I was uneasy. She was too close to me and she was touching me. And the whole time, I wonder why.
I was stretching out my black bathing suit when I heard laughing coming from my right. Just when I was about to turn my head to see who it was intruding into my space, something wet and hard hit the side of my face. I gasped in shock and quickly wiped my face of the liquid. I didn't know what it was, but it only seemed to be water. I looked down at a yellow and white volleyball lying in the water. Then there was a gasp. I knew who it was then: the dynamic duo, Leifang and Hitomi. They were always together as if they were stuck together at the waist.
"Are you okay, Christie?"
Hitomi had the courage to come up to me and ask unlike the Chinese girl, Leifang. She was far to my right, standing by a palm tree. She probably made Hitomi get the ball which was lying near my feet. And Hitomi obviously had to say something about it. She looked as if she were afraid I was going to do something, attack her or scream out of anger maybe. I would have if I had been myself.
I picked up the ball and shoved it into her chest just to show her I was annoyed. Then I told her to leave when she was about to apologize. I wasn't in the mood to put up with anyone. I just wanted time to myself.
I heard her footsteps in the sand as she left. When I turned to see how far away she had gotten, she was whispering something to Leifang. The pair had looked back at me one more time before they sprinted off.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I needed time alone. Why was that so hard to achieve? I went off into the jungle behind the beaches. It was perfect for concealment. Far away from the beaches and the shops, trees and bushes and vines everywhere. And white noise from the stream that ran from the mountain and small calls from the animals within the trees were the only sounds in the jungle. Some of the biggest and colorful plants I had ever seen were there.
I was sweaty from the hike and from the heat. It was sunny every single day at Zack Island. I was getting tired of it. What I wouldn't give for a small rain shower. I would stand outside in it till the very last drop. The jungle wasn't a cool place at all. Very humid and moist. Just like every other jungle. No surprise there.
I walked until I approached the stream. I crouched down to run my hand through it, feeling the cold water at my fingertips.
"Hello, Christie."
I froze. I knew that voice. It was so elegant. Yet, anger grew within me at the very sound of it.
"What have you been up to lately?"
Helena . . .
I looked up to face her. She had placed herself upon a rock near the stream and stared at me with a hand in the water. Despite her pleasant greeting, I knew she still felt hatred towards me. I didn't blame her. I did try to kill her after all. And failed to as well. Distractions, distractions . . .
There was no expression on Helena's face. She didn't need any. I read her already. And I didn't want to stick around to talk to her either. Why would I? She's just a constant reminder of my failure. And every time she looks at me, it's as if she's mocking me. That's what her kind does best.
"I was leaving," I told her as I stood up.
I turned around to walk away when she spoke up again, "Tell me something before you leave."
I stopped.
What could she possibly want to know? Maybe something about her mother . . . I'm not real sure about her death.
It was all Donovan's doing. He doesn't tell me everything.
"What were you doing with Lisa yesterday night?"
My heart jumped to my throat and my jaw dropped. There was only one explanation for why she was asking me this: she saw us together; she saw me act like a fool and she saw Lisa take my hand . . . I didn't hear her when she mentioned it again. I was too caught up in the thought of someone like her watching me act unlike my usual self. What did she want to do? Mock me?
"You were acting very strange."
That was all I heard after I had taken a breath to set my mind straight. Helena had called my name twice to get my attention. Her tone was very forceful like a mother calling out to her child. I frowned at her for even talking to me in that tone. She does not own me . . .
"What do you want from me?" I asked her, irritated.
She didn't have a smirk on her face. It was the same as before: expressionless. It made me wonder what she really wanted.
"Nothing," she replied, turning away from me, "I've just been wondering . . . that whatever triggered you to become the murderer that you are . . . if it never happened, then you could have been a kind woman like you were with Lisa yesterday night."
". . ."
What is she getting at?
"How did you witness us?" I asked her.
She bowed her head, probably trying to figure out how to say it in words. Then she spoke. Supposedly, she was going through one of her moments when she missed her mother. And she had decided to go out and found us together.
"To be specific, I liked the strange you," she said.
The strange me . . . ?
Obviously, she was referring to the way I acted with Lisa that night. And the whole time, I thought she was going to rub it in my face. To taunt me on how I was acting too soft for my profession. I had tried to kill her in the past and I was somewhat involved in the conspiracy concerning her mother's death. But then . . . it seemed she was going to keep it to herself and that was it. There are just people in this world that I don't understand. She's one of them. Did she just give up all hope and care? She was so determined and then . . . she was strange to act so nicely towards me.
She had placed a hand upon her shoulder and sat like that with her back turned for some time. I had guessed that that was the end of the conversation and left her alone in the jungle. Off to find someplace else to be alone with my thoughts.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I was wandering off some more. The sun was starting to set behind the mountain, the sky turned orange, and the wind died down. But the seagulls were still out. More of them seem to have appeared since that morning, loudly calling out into the sunset. And around this time, Bass Island would be over run with water. No one would be there. So I decided to go there for a swim. That usually cleared my mind when I was feeling down. Out in the widespread ocean, forgetting everything that troubled you. I didn't need to think about it. I shouldn't need to.
I laid back and floated on the surface, looking up into the sky. The birds were flying above me, exploring the sky. They would eventually leave the island to search the world for better places. Even birds need changes I suppose. Who would want to be enslaved to the same atmosphere for ages? I wouldn't. And at that very moment, I had a desire for a change. Eventually, I would have to go back to Donovan and carry out some mission for him despite how James Bond it seems. The tasks were always simple. Simple to me at least. Nobody seemed to put up much of a fight.
Lisa can make that change happen . . .
I breathed in the air and closed my eyes as the fresh air cooled my lungs. I needed to stop thinking about her. The day was almost done and I hadn't the chance to even see her from afar.
"Hey, where are you out here by yourself?"
". . . Huh?"
"As a matter of fact, you're always by yourself. Would you like some company?"
"It's late. Shouldn't you be somewhere? Asleep in bed maybe?"
"Nah."
I remembered every bit of that night though. She had come to me and wanting time alone, I acted rudely. I was regretting it then as I floated on the surface. She only wanted to get to know me better. To her, I was a lonely individual. I suppose I was. But I didn't need anyone else. Except Lisa . . .
I felt another presence as if I were being watched so I opened my eyes and swam back a bit to see what was near me. There was a shadow under the water and it was coming near me. I watched it closely until I could make out a pair of arms and legs from the small figure. It was one of the girls obviously. Who else would it be?
Please don't let her talk to me.
Red, drenched hair had surfaced out of the water. Her hands parted her hair in two, revealing her brown eyes.
Kasumi.
I was expecting her to swim away from me, but she stared at me as if she wanted to say something.
"Uh, how are you?" she finally spoke as she fixed the shoulder laces on her bathing suit.
"I'm fine," I said back before I started to swim away to achieve some time alone.
"Wait!"
I stopped and turned around to look at her. She was swimming to me.
"How is Ayane?" she asked me when she caught up to me.
Ayane?
Her sister that wanted to kill her. Something that had to do with shinobies and running away. I didn't know; I didn't care. I told Kasumi I didn't know, because she got rid of me. She had looked down at the water when I said it. I didn't even know why she would want to know how someone that wants her dead is feeling. Maybe to know if she can sleep peacefully that night. Maybe Ayane would be watching her from her windowsill, plotting her demise . . .
She spoke up after a few seconds, "I love her, but she hates me . . . If only I could turn back the hands of time and spend every single day with her . . . to show her that I care that she exists . . . and is with me . . ."
I know what you mean . . .
So I wasn't the only one on the island who wished things hadn't turned out the way they did. But that's life and in life, you only get one chance. What's done can't be undone. But can they be forgiven? What about forgotten?
"Why am I speaking to you about my problems?" she looked up into my eyes, before she started to swim away, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you."
Then she literally disappeared into the wind.
I was on a luxurious island filled with shops, beaches, and wide scenery. I was suppose to be having a good time. I was suppose to be . . . happy. But I wasn't. I didn't want to stay out in Bass Island anymore after that. I felt like I was being watched. So I left.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I was walking out of the water and wiping my hair back to get it out of my face when I ran into the blonde. She had her hands on her hips and her head was tilted to the side with a frown on her face. And I wondered why she was looking at me in that sort of way. I didn't do anything to her. To Lisa maybe. And I had guessed that was why she was there in front of me. She probably found out about what happened between Lisa and me and was going to tell me to stay away from her. Like an overprotective father.
"Hey, have you seen Kasumi and Lisa? I've been looking for 'em, but I can't find 'em," she told me.
What? They abandoned you?
So it wasn't about Lisa. But it was strange that she would ask me out of all the girls on the island. She must have been desperate.
"Kasumi was out in Bass Island, but she left," I replied, "I think she wants time alone."
I was pretty sure Kasumi wasn't in the mood for Tina. She was depressed from past events after all. I just hoped the blonde understood what I meant. And I wondered where Lisa went. I got butterflies in my stomach at the thought of finding her before Tina did. I would finally get to talk to her. Maybe long enough to get my point through. A point that I wasn't completely sure of at that moment. And maybe she would just accept me again.
She has to be thinking of me . . . Or in the casino . . .
All the blonde said was 'oh' then she looked away. I thought she had more to say, but I supposed not, because a few seconds passed in silence. I wasn't going to waste away, wanting for her to speak so I got further out of the water and started to head to the poolside.
"Hey, Christie!"
I stopped.
"Never mind."
I had thought she was going to say something about Lisa, but she didn't. Although I had a feeling she wanted to. She must have noticed how she wasn't herself all day. But what would I know about Lisa's emotions? I'm always by myself after all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I laid my head down on the table and shifted the juice around in my glass. There were little, white specks of stars above the poolside in the sky. It was growing towards nighttime. I was surprised the poolside was empty. I was expecting at least Hitomi or Leifang to be there, playing Marco Polo in the water like I found them once. But with my luck, someone would come soon. And I was right. Just then I heard footsteps coming up the stairs into the poolside from behind me. I sighed in frustration. I might just have gone into my hotel room. No one else would go there.
If I have to speak to somebody else . . .
But whoever it was, they didn't say anything. I heard the water splash a bit. That was it.
Wow, someone who doesn't have the urge to open their mouth? . . . Lisa?
My chest swelled and I couldn't breathe. But it died down when I realized that Lisa wouldn't have stayed there long unless she wanted to talk to me. I picked my head up as slowly as I could just incase it was her and she didn't notice me. I didn't want to scare her away like I somehow had.
It may not be her, Christie.
There was only one way to find out. I turned my head slightly to the side and looked behind me.
Purple . . .
It was Ayane's hair. No mistake about it. I realized I hadn't seen her all day surprisingly. I ran into everyone except her and Lisa. But I wondered why she didn't leave. She did hate me for losing the match after all.
I looked back entirely at her to see what she was doing. She was crouching down and running her hand through the water, but she stopped that and turned to look at me with an empty expression on her face. I turned back around to show that I didn't care for what she was doing. Why should I? She left me, didn't she?
She was making her way towards me, I could hear her. She sat down in the chair across from me and placed her elbows on the tabletop. She obviously wanted my attention so I looked up at her, hoping that the conversation would go quick and easy.
Maybe she wants to apologize.
I held in my grin as she spoke, "I challenged Kasumi and Tina to another match today."
What? You want to team up?
"So?" I said back.
It was pretty damn obvious there. She wanted me to team up with her again just for her own personal gain. And I wanted to hear her say it. I turned my head to sip my juice and I caught sight of her disappointed look. She told me how no one else would team up with her. Hitomi and Leifang were stuck together, she was never in her life going to team up with Helena, and she couldn't find Lisa.
Where is that woman? Hiding in her secret place?
I found it unusual for a ninja like Ayane to fail in finding someone. They were suppose to specialize in that, weren't they?
"Christie, could you, please?" Ayane begged me.
I turned my head away from her to tell her 'no.' She angrily got up from the chair and stormed off. But she stopped, looked back at me, and told me that it was my fault we lost the match that afternoon. She was right. But did I care? No. I was tired of volleyball. And I suppose tired of having hope for Lisa. The need to see her was growing every minute that I realized I still didn't find her. It was depressing me. Hope is for the weak and insecure: one of the many advices Donovan shared with me. But I am still human. I can't stop myself for thinking these things.
And what would Lisa think of you?
She would think I was cruel for not forgiving Ayane I knew. That behavior is probably what scared her away. Who knows? So I called Ayane back and told that I would team up with her just that once then I was through. She then told me that tomorrow morning we would play and we would win. She was overconfident. What if I wasn't in the mood again tomorrow morning? Who knows what state I would be in if I didn't find Lisa?
Now this woman has control of your mind.
As Ayane left I sighed, laid my head back down, and closed my eyes. She did have control over my mind. And she did it in one night. I wanted to see her, but then again I wanted to forget about her.
What is best for me?
Who would have thought I would fall in love with another woman? And she would love me back . . . unless it was a mistake.
She had taken my hand in hers and led me out of the beach towards the hotel that night. She took me into her hotel room and told me to make myself at home. I had sat down on her bed when she came back and asked me if I wanted anything to drink. I told her 'no' so she sat down next to me. And we talked. She talked the most. I listened, nodding or agreeing with a hum now and then.
Then it began. She took my hand and the next thing I knew, the lights were out and she had taken me down onto the bed alongside her. She was real close to me. I could feel her breaths against my face. I had muttered something, but I can't remember what it was. She had placed her thumb upon my lips after I spoke, sliding it across before she pressed her lips onto them. It took me a while to realize it was her lips that were on mine. My heart jumped to my throat. She was kissing me! Why?
But I didn't push her away. Her lips were soft and her hands were gentle upon my cheek. My eyes fluttered closed, soaking in the kiss. I had wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her close to me, feeling her breast against. She eventually broke the kiss and pressed her lips onto my neck. They were so warm against my skin. I remembered rubbing my face against hers, urging her to continue and the smell of flowers rushed through my nose. I opened my eyes and rested a hand against the side of her hair to feel the flower attached.
And as suddenly as she kissed me, she had grabbed at my breast and I gasped in surprise. She was grabbing me a little too hard for my liking. But I didn't have time to protest, because she forced her leg between mine. I grabbed her thigh and pulled her closer to me, squeezing her leg between my thighs. And her lips forced onto mine, smothering my moans. I wished I could have that moment back . . .
So you're a lesbian now, huh? Ah, I don't care.
I wasn't sure if I was really desperate for a little sex or maybe I actually had feelings for her.
The wind blew my moist hair across my face and neck and carried the smell of flowers. Lisa loved flowers . . .
I suppose I should head back to the hotel.
There was nothing left for me outside. I opened eyes and started to get out of my chair when someone on the beach caught my attention. A red bikini, short, brown hair with a red flower, and that brown skin.
Lisa . . .
I had finally found her. But it was more like she found me. All I had to do was stay put and she would show up. She was picking a branch off of a bush when I caught sight of her depressed face. She had to be thinking of me. How could she not be? If only she knew the agony I went through without her saying a word of the night in the hotel room and without knowing how she felt.
She turned the opposite direction and walked off down the beach with the branch in hand. I had to catch up with her. I had to speak to her again before someone like Tina found her. I jumped out of my seat, ran down the steps and onto the beach. I didn't want to surprise her so I slowed down to a walk. My heart was beating quickly at how close I was to her. I was only a few feet away and she didn't seem to notice me. I almost choked as I said her name. She stopped and held the branch with both hands, messing with the leaves. Then turned to face me. My heart sunk at the look of her face. Her eyes seemed as if they would pour any minute. She didn't want to see me . . .
"I've been looking for you," I told her, "Why are you avoiding me?"
Her head fell down along with her arms, dropping the branch.
"Christie, forget last night," she said, looking up, "It wasn't suppose to happen."
"What do you mean it wasn't suppose to happen? You came to me."
"And that was my mistake."
Mistake? So it was a mistake . . .
I couldn't breathe. I was getting all choked up. I looked down, not wanting her to see how much she was hurting me inside. To think we actually had something . . . Yeah, right! A one night thing . . .
Don't cry, you sissy.
"You never told what you did."
What I did?
"You never told me you killed people."
I could hear the regret in her voice. It was hard for her to even say the word 'killed.'
Is that why she's avoiding me?
Tina or the other girls told her. It was so obvious. I became a monster to her. How could she love someone like me? I go out into the night and spill blood, sometimes enjoying it. My hands breathed slaughter and that night, I touched her with them. How was I suppose to explain myself?
"Lisa," I began to say.
She was still standing there, waiting for me to respond.
What should I say?
"I'm sorry. I-"
"I guess I should have expected that though. You were always by yourself, but I had to be nice and speak to you like a big, dumb idiot."
Oh, god, why do you have to be ashamed of me?
I stood there in silence. I was speechless. Speaking to her was harder than I thought. Just when I thought I actually had something for someone, they stab me in a place in my heart that I never knew I had until that night.
"Like I said before, Christie, just forget it ever happened. I didn't know what I was doing. I wasn't myself. Maybe too much juice, I don't know."
"Neither was I."
I looked her dead in her eyes. It was hard for her; I could see it in her brown eyes. She seemed as if she wanted to cry. But neither of us had been ourselves. Were we desperate? That would be pretty pathetic.
She pried her eyes from mine and shifted around on her feet. She must have been arguing with herself whether or not to take me in. No one would allow it. Tina wouldn't allow it, Donovan wouldn't allow it . . . They would go insane to see a monster like me with an innocent woman such as Lisa.
Just forget what they said and I'll let you cry on my shoulder.
She placed a hand over her mouth and then laughed quietly to herself. She was arguing with herself . . .
"Christie, I am not a lesbian," she told me, finally looking up.
A tear had run down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away. She didn't want me to see her cry. I wouldn't think lowly of her if she did. Cry your confusion away if you must.
"You're just making it harder for me to forget this . . . Yesterday night was the biggest misunderstanding of my life."
Another stab at that place in my heart.
Lisa looked down again, not wanting to meet my gaze. Letting her talk, was getting me nowhere. I would never have her if I let her speak more.
"I'll change just for you, Lisa," I said, getting closer to her, "I promise."
If that's what you want . . .
She froze as I outstretched my arms. If all she said was a lie then she would fall into them and accept my promise.
You can't possibly be changing your ways for her! What about Donovan?!
And she did. It happened so fast. But it was what I wanted. I wrapped my arms around her and laid my head against hers. She wrapped an arm around my neck, placed a hand on my shoulder, and squeezed, showing me she was nervous I suppose. I breathed fluently, feeling her breast push against mine and the skin of her smooth legs against my own. She breathed on the back off my neck in short breaths. She was either nervous or excited. Deep down, I knew she would take me back. She meant every last bit of it when she kissed and touched me in that hotel room. And I meant it also.
I reached up, took her hand from my shoulder, and intertwined our fingers. That was when she turned her head and placed her warm lips against my neck. Her flower fell out of her hair. I watched as it fluttered down towards the sand, but was carried off into the wind.
End.
