Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon or Eclipse. I do not own any of the Twilight characters. I do not own this conversation between Bella and Rosalie. This is all Stephanie Meyer's work. I only tried to dig in Rosalie's head to see her point of view in this.
I've never done any of this before so please be nice.
Okay, I told myself. It was very tough, thinking about the last bits of my humanism, but Bella needed to know. Why I think it's best for her to know to stay human, and since Edward was away hunting, this was the best opportunity to talk to her. Hesitantly, I lightly knocked on Edward's door.
"What, Alice?" Bella hissed. I understood her tone, Alice was having a bit too much fun having Bella held hostage, she could really get carried away sometimes.
"It's me," I said softly, while slightly opening the door, to find her sleeping on Edward's couch, rather the bed he got for her to sleep in. I didn't question and went on. "Can I come on?" I said sounding hesitant.
Bella sounded quite surprised as she said "Come on in." I couldn't blame her. I'd been avoiding her ever since she and Edward had been together, especially since the night she made us vote our opinions on her becoming a vampire.
I slid onto the other end of the couch and started up again. "Do you mind talking to me for a few minutes?" I asked. "I didn't wake you up or anything, did I?" and looked back at the stripped bed again.
"No, I was awake. Sure, we can talk." She sounded so alarmed so I just softly laughed to get her off her edge.
"He rarely leaves you alone…I figured I'd better make the best of this opportunity." Bella looked quite confused, waiting for me to continue on as she twisted her hands around the edge of the comforter. "Please don't think I'm horribly interfering," I gently pleaded. "I'm sure I've hurt your feelings enough in the past, and I don't want to do that again."
"Don't worry about it, Rosalie. My feelings are great. What is it?" she replied. I laughed, only because she seemed so happy. I was dreading to tell her my story, to feel the pain again, but I had to. I didn't want her to end up like me missing the life as a human, while she was wanting to enter damnation so easily.
"I'm going to try tell you why I think you should stay human-why I would stay human if I were you." I told her.
"Oh." was her only response. I smiled, then sighed. It was time.
"Did Edward ever tell you what led to this?" I asked while gesturing to my immortal vampire body.
She nodded slowly as if to show her somber and responded with "He said it was close to what happened to me that time in Port Angeles, only no one was there to save you." Ah yes, I remembered Edward telling us of that event, he was very upset about the drunk guys on the street where he found her. Yes, the events were similar, but mine had so much more too it, even without having to say I wasn't rescued from the drunken men.
"Is that really all he told you? I asked.
"Yes," she replied with confusion. "Was there more?" I looked up at her and smiled again, not as soft as the last one I gave her but still stunning to the human eye.
"Yes," I replied. "There was more." If I were a human, tears would be coming out of my eyes, thinking of the dreadful incident. Trying to calm myself, I looked out the window at the night sky for a minute or so. Alright I thought to myself. Yes it's a painful memory, but it has to be said . Just do it.
"Would you like to here my story, Bella? It doesn't have a happy ending-but which of ours does? If we had happy endings, we'd all be under gravestones right now." Under a gravestone next to the loving husband Ithought to myself. Bella nodded with a frightened look on her face and I started my story.
"I lived in a different world than you do, Bella. My human world was a much simpler place. It was in nineteen thirty-three. I was eighteen, and I was beautiful. My life was perfect." I paused and looked out the window once more before continuing on. "My parents were thoroughly middle class. My father had a stable bank, something I realise now that he was smug about-he saw his prosperity as a reward for talent and hard work, rather acknowledging the luck involved. I took it all for granted then; in my home, it was as if the Great Depression was only a troublesome rumour. Of course I saw the poor people, the ones who weren't as lucky. My father left me with the impression that they'd brought their troubles on themselves.
"It was my mother's job to keep our house-and myself and my two younger brothers-in spotless order. It clear that I was both her first priority and her favorite. I didn't fully understand at the time, but I was always vaguely aware that my parents weren't satisfied with what they had, even if it was so much more than most. They wanted more. They had social aspirations- social climbers, I suppose you could call them that My beauty was like a gift to them. They saw so much potential in it than I did.
"They weren't satisfied but I was. I was thrilled to be Rosalie Hale. Pleased that men's eyes watched me everywhere I went, from the year I turned 12. Delighted that my girlfriends sighed with envy when they touched my hair. Happy that my mother was proud of me and that my father liked to buy me pretty dresses.
"I knew what I wanted in life, and there didn't seem to be any way that I wouldn't get what I wanted. I wanted to be loved, to be adored. I wanted to have a huge, flowery wedding, where everyone in town would watch me walk down the aisle on my father's arm and think that I was the most beautiful thing they'd ever seen. Admiration was like air to me, Bella. I was silly and shallow. but I was content." I smiled, thinking how wonderful that would've been.
"My parents' influence had been such that I also wanted the material things of life. I wanted a big house, with elegant furniture that someone else would clean and a modern kitchen that someone else would cook in. As I said, I was shallow. And I didn't see any reason why I wouldn't get these things.
"There were a few things I wanted that were more meaningful. One thing in particular. My very closest friend was a girl named Vera. She married young, just after seventeen, She married a man my parents would have never considered for me-a carpenter. A year later she had a son, a beautiful little boy with dimples and curly black hair. It was the first time I'd ever felt truly jealous of anyone else in my entire life."
I could tell by looking at Bella's face that she was searching for a deeper meaning in my story. But then of course. . .Emmett had told me that when he had this similar facial expression, he was simply trying to figure out what I meant, passed the look in my eyes, the ones that apparently looked unfathomable. I continued again. "It was different this time. I was the same age as you, but I was ready for it all. I yearned for my own little baby. I wanted my own house and husband who would kiss me when he got home from work-just like Vera. Only I had a very different kind of house in mind…"
I sighed and spoke again, not sounding as wistful as I was. "In Rochester, there was one royal family-the King's ironically enough. Royce King owned the bank my father worked at, and nearly every other really profitable business in town. That's how is son, Royce King the Second"- I said through my teeth. Oh, how I despised saying it, the man if that's what you called someone who ruined my human dreams for me. But Bella needed to hear, so I continued on. "-saw me for the first time. He was going to take over the bank, and so he began overseeing the different positions. Two days later, my mother conveniently forgot to send my father's lunch to work with him. I remember being confused when she insisted that I wear my white organza and roll my hair up just to run over to the bank." I laughed but left the humor out of it.
"I didn't notice Royce watching me particularly. Everyone watched me. But that night the first of the roses came. Every night of our courtship, he sent a bouquet of roses to me. My room was always overflowing with them. It got to the point that I would smell like roses when I left the house.
"Royce was handsome, too. He had lighter hair than I did, and pale blue eyes. He said my eyes were like violets, and then those started showing up alongside the roses.
"My parents approved-that's putting it mildly. This was everything they'd ever dreamed of. And Royce seemed to be everything I'd dreamed of." or so I thought " The fairy tale prince, come to make me a princess. Everything I wanted, yet it was still no more than I expected. We were engaged before I knew him for two months.
"We didn't spend a great deal of a time alone with each other. Royce told me he had many responsibilities at work, and when we were together, he liked people to look at us, to see me on his arm. I liked that, too. There were lots of parties, dancing, and pretty dresses. When you were a King, every door was open for you, every red carpet rolled out to greet you.
"It wasn't a long engagement. Plans went ahead for the most lavish wedding. It was going to be everything I'd ever wanted. I was completely happy. When I called at Vera's, I no longer felt jealous. I pictured me fair-haired children playing on the huge lawns of the Kings' estate, and I pitied her." I suddenly broke off, clenching my teeth. The very hard part of my story was the only thing left to tell and I felt almost like I did the last ever human night of mine. The memory was still very so vivid, and if I were able to cry with tears, they surely would've been streaking all across my face.
"I was at Vera's that night," I whispered, hoping that it would help me to keep a steady voice. "Her little Henry really was adorable, all with smiles and dimples-he was just sitting up on his own. Vera walked me to the door as I was leaving, her baby in her arms and her husband at her side, his arm around her waist. He kissed her on the cheek when he thought I wasn't looking. That bothered me. When Royce kissed me, it wasn't quite the same-not so sweet somehow…I shoved that thought away. Royce was my prince. Someday, I would be his queen." It was now becoming incredibly hard to talk in a whisper. The worst part of the horror movie, where humans would have to cover their eyes of the blood spattering killings, was closer than ever before, for my own story lurked at me, just around the corner, with its evil grin.
"It was dark in the streets, the lamps already on. I hadn't realized how late it was." I was whispering now, for a human, where you could barely hear a thing. "It was cold, too. Very cold for a late April. The wedding was only a week away, and I was worrying about the weather as I hurried home-and I can remember that clearly. I remember every detail about that night. I clung to it so hard… in the beginning. I was thought of nothing else. And so I remember this, when so many pleasant memories faded away completely. . ."
I sighed and began whispering again. "Yes, I was worrying about the weather. . .I didn't want to have to move the wedding indoor. . .
"I was a few streets away from my house when I heard them. A cluster of men under a broken streetlight, laughing too loud. Drunk. I wished I'd called my father to escort me home, but the way was so short, it seemed silly. And then he called my name.
"'Rose!' he yelled, and others laughing stupidly.
I hadn't realised the drunks were so well dressed. It was Royce, and some of his friends, sons of other rich men.
"'Here's my Rose!' Royce shouted, laughing with them, sounding just as stupid. 'You're late. We're cold, you've kept us waiting so long.'"
"I'd never seen him this drunk before. A toast, now and then, at a party. He'd told me he didn't like champagne. I hadn't realised he preferred something much stronger.
"He had a new friend-the friend of a friend, come up from Atlanta.
"' What did I tell you John,' Royce crowed, grabbing my arm and pulling me closer. 'Isn't she lovelier than all your Georgia peaches?'
"The man named John was dark haired and suntanned. He looked me over like I was a horse he was buying.
"'It's hard to tell,' he drawled slowly. 'She's all covered up,'
"They laughed, Royce like the rest.
"Suddenly, Royce ripped my jacket from my shoulders-it was a gift from him-popping the brass buttons off. They scattered all over the street.
"'Show him what you look like Rose!' He laughed again and tore my hat put of my hair. The pins wrenched my hair from the roots, and I cried out in pain. They seemed to enjoy that-the sound of my pain. . . ." Swiftly, I looked up at Bella. She was very pale, and I didn't think she needed to hear the rest. She knew what happened. They raped me, Royce and his friends.
"I won't make you listen to the rest," I told her quietly, bringing my voice up from a whisper. "They left me in the street, still laughing as they stumbled away. They thought I was dead. They were still teasing Royce that he would have to find a new bride. He laughed and said he would need to find some patience first.
"I waited in the road to die. It was cold, though there was so much pain that I was surprised it had bothered me. It started to snow, and I wondered why I wasn't dieing. I was impatient for death to come, to end the pain. It was taking so long. . . .
"Carlisle found me then. He smelled the blood, and came to investigate. I remember being vaguely irritated as he worked over me, trying to save her life. I never liked Dr. Cullen or his wife and her brother-as Edward pretended to be then. It had upset me that they were all more beautiful than I was, especially that the men were. But they didn't mingle with society, so I'd only seen them once or twice.
"I thought I'd died when he pulled me from the ground and ran with me-because of the speed-it felt like I was flying. I remembered being horrified that the pain didn't stop.
"Then I was in a bright room, and it was warm. I was slipping away, and I was grateful as the pain began to dull. But suddenly something sharp was cutting me, my throat, my wrists, my ankles. I screamed in shock, thinking he'd brought me there to hurt me more. Then the fire started burning through me, and I didn't care about anything else. I begged them to kill me, too. Carlisle sat with me. He held my hand and said that he was so sorry, promising that it would end. He told me everything, and sometimes I listened. He told me what he was, what I was becoming. I didn't believe him. He apologized every time I screamed.
"Edward wasn't happy. I remember hearing them discuss me. I stopped screaming sometimes. It did no good to scream.
"'What were you thinking Carlisle?' Edward said 'Rosalie Hale?'" I said in my perfected mock Edward voice from that night, tone and all. "I didn't like the way he said my name, like there was something wrong with me.
"'I couldn't just let her die,' Carlisle said quietly. 'It was too much-too horrible, too much waste.'
"'I know, Edward said, and I thought he sounded dismissive. It angered me. I didn't know then that he really could exactly see exactly what Carlisle had seen.;
"'It was too much waste. I couldn't leave her.' Carlisle repeated in a whisper.
"Of course you couldn't,' Esme agreed.
"People die all the time,' Edward reminded him in a harsh voice. 'Don't you think she's just a little recognizable though? The Kings will have to put up a large search-not that anyone suspects the fiend,' he growled.
"It pleased me that they seemed to know that Royce was guilty.
"I didn't realize that is was almost over-that I was getting stronger and that was why I was able to concentrate on what they were saying.
"'What are we going to do with her?' Edward said disgustingly-or that's how it sounded to me, at least.
"Carlisle sighed. That's up to her of course. She may want to go her own way.'
"I'd believed enough of what he'd told me that his words terrified me. I knew that my life was ended, and there was no going back for me. I couldn't stand the thought being alone. . . .
"The pain finally ended and they explained to me again what I was. This time I believed. I felt the thirst, my hard skin; I saw my brilliant red eyes.
"Shallow as I was, I felt better when I saw my reflection in the mirror for the first time. Despite the eyes, I was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen." I had to stop and laugh a bit remembering my awed face in that mirror. Yes, I was and am beautiful but the face I got used to. "It took some time before I began to blame my beauty for what had happened to me-for me to see the curse of it. To wish that I had been. . .well, not ugly, but normal. Like Vera. So I could be allowed to marry someone who loved me, and have pretty babies. That's what I really wanted all along. It still doesn't seem like it was too much to have asked for." I stopped for a minute to think how exactly I'd bring up the murders I've done. To tell it more in a casual way than frightful. However I would say it, it wouldn't matter too much since I had told Bella the worst.
"You know, my record is almost as clean as Carlisle's. Better than Esme. A thousand times better than Edward. I've never tasted human blood." I answered with pride.
Bella just then looked really confused. I wasn't surprised, Bella's face held the question 'How would it be possible kill someone without blood?'.
"I did murder five humans. If you can really call them human. ButI was very careful not to spill their blood-I knew I wouldn't be able to resist that, and I didn't want any part of them in me you see.
"I saved Royce for last. I hoped that he would hear of his friends' deaths and understand, know what was coming for him. I hoped the fear would make the end worse for him. I think it worked. He was hiding inside a windowless room behind a door as think as a bank vault's guarded outside by armed men, when I caught up with him. Oops-seven murders," I corrected myself. "I forgot about the guards. They only took a second."
"I was overly theatrical. It was kind of childish, really. I wore a wedding dress I'd stolen for the occasion. He screamed what he saw me. He screamed a lot that night. Saving him for last was a good idea-it made it easier for me to control myself, to make it slower-" And I broke off because she was probably afraid half to death.
"I'm sorry," I said in an ashamed voice. "I'm frightening you, aren't I?"
"I'm fine," she said. But I knew she was lying. Her quivering face was way too obvious.
"I got carried away."
"Don't worry about it."
"I'm surprised Edward didn't tell you more about it."
"He doesn't like telling other people's stories-he feels like he's betraying confidences, because he hears so much more than just the parts they meant for him to hear."
I smiled and shook my head, putting in a mental note to tell Edward how awesome of a 'brother' he is. "I probably ought to give him more credit. He's really quite decent, isn't he?"
"I think so."
"I can tell." I sighed. "I haven't been fair to you, either Bella. Did he tell you why? Or was that confidential?"
"He said it was because I was human. He said it was harder for you to have someone on the outside who knew.
I couldn't help but laugh. He was too kind for my own knowing. "Now I really feel guilty. He's been much, much kinder to me than I deserve. What a liar that boy is."
"Was he lying?" Bella suddenly asked me.
"Well that's probably putting it too strongly. He just didn't tell you the whole story. What he told you was true, even truer now than it was before. However, at the same time . . ." I broke off continuing chuckling, only it was because I seemed more nervous than humoured. "It's embarrassing. You see, at first, I was mostly jealous because he wanted you and not me."
"But you love Emmett . . . ," I mumbled.
Amusing, Bella was. . . and I shook my head. " I don't love Edward that way Bella. I never did-I love him as a brother, but, he's irritated me from the first moment I heard him speak. You have to understand though. . . I was so used to people wanting me. And Edward wasn't the least bit interested. It frustrated me, even offended me in the beginning. But he never wanted anyone, so it didn't bother me for long. Even when we met Tanya's clan in Denali-all those females!-Edward never showed the slightest preference. And then he met you." Even though Bella has been with Edward for quite a while, and I know that Edward loves her, it still confuses me exactly why Edward chose Bella, despite the smell of her blood. Bella had her lips pursed together, and I could only imagine she was thinking about the Tanya's clan. Then it came to my mind, Bella's probably thinking 'I must be quite ugly then. . .'
"Not that you aren't pretty, Bella. But it just meant he found you more attractive than me. I'm vain enough that I minded."
"But you said 'at first'," Bella responded " That doesn't still. . . Bother you as much does it? I mean, we both know you're the most beautiful person on the planet. And she laughed. It was sort of funny how she said it, so how could I not join in?
"Thanks, Bella. And no, it doesn't really matter to me anymore. Edward has always been a little strange." I couldn't help but laugh once more.
"But you still don't like me," Bella whispered.
The smile of mine faded as I responded back "I'm sorry about that."
For a moment or so, there was silence between us, perhaps she was thinking about my request of staying human. If she was doing that, I had no intention to interrupt. But then she started up the conversation again.
"Would you tell me why? Did I do something. . . ?
"No you haven't done anything," I murmured. "Not yet."
Bella stared back at me with an utterly confused face. Did she know what the point of my visit was still? This was getting frustrating. So with a much more passionate voice, I tried to get her to the point where I think why she should remain human.
"Don't you see Bella? You already have everything. You have a whole life ahead of you-everything I want. And you're going to just throw it away. Can't you see I'd trade everything I have to be you? You have the choice that I didn't have, and your choosing wrong!"
"Settle, Rose. Don't try to scare her with that tone." Esme spoke in a voice too low for humans to hear. She must have been walking to her room and heard me as she walked by Edward's room. At the same time as Emmett's little reminder, Bella's mouth dropped open, then shut back up again. I stared at Bella for a few moments, thinking that it was a bit harsh, what I said to Bella. My eyes and face started to appear normal again. And then I felt a little embarrassed.
"And I was so sure I could do this calmly." I shook my head while trying to get my emotions straight. "It's just that it's harder now than it was then, when it was no more than vanity." I looked at the moon once more. There was a reason why I looked at it, but to explain it would be too complex…so I let Bella wonder what looking at the moon was all about. If she was at all wondering.
"Would you like me better if I chose to stay human?" Bella said breaking the silence. Was she really going to consider staying human? I did hope so and a small smile developed on my face.
"Maybe."
"You did get some of your happy ending, though. You got Emmett."
"I got half." I grinned. "You know that I saved Emmett from a bear that was mauling him, and carried him home to Carlisle. But can you guess why I stopped the bear from eating him?" Bella shook her head.
"With the dark curls . . . the dimples that showed even while he was grimacing in pain . . . the strange innocence that seemed so out of place on a grown man's face . . . he reminded me so much of Vera's little Henry. I didn't want him to die-so much that, even though I hated this life, I was selfish enough to ask Carlisle to change him for me.
"I got luckier than I deserved. Emmett is everything I would have asked for if I'd known myself well enough to know what to ask for. He's exactly the kind of person someone like me needs. And, oddly enough, he needs me, too. That part worked better than I could have hoped. But there will never be more than the two of us. And I'll never sit on a porch somewhere, with him gray-haired by my side, surrounded by our grandchildren."
I smiled as I continued. "That sounds quite bizarre to you, doesn't it. In some ways, you are much more mature than I was at eighteen. But in other ways . . . there are many things you've probably never thought about seriously. You're too young to know what you'll want in ten years, fifteen years- and too young to give it all up without thinking it through. You don't want to be rash about permanent things Bella." I said as I patted her head, hoping it was sinking in to her. She sighed, hopefully thinking about how she was rushing things.
"Just think about it a little. Once it's done, it can't be undone. Esme's made do with us as substitutes . . . and Alice doesn't remember anything human so she can't miss it . . . . You will remember, though. It's a lot to give up." My speech was done, and it was soon time to leave. Bella needed her rest.
"Thanks, Rosalie. It's so nice to understand . . . to know you better," Bella sleepily said.
"I'm sorry for being such a monster." I grinned "I'll try to behave from now on."
Bella grinned back at me.
"I'll let you sleep now." I told her, looking at the bed quickly and still wondering why she decided not to sleep on it. "Goodnight, Bella," I whispered while silently shutting the door.
"Goodnight, Rosalie," I heard her say from Edwards room, where I was already down the hall to go visit Alice in her room.
