Hey guys.
This is my first fan-fic that I have ever posted for others to read. So please keep that in mind while reading this. I did my best to proof read, before posting, but if you see anything that needs editing, please let me know. New eyes catch what the writer doesn't always see. :-D Constructive criticism is always welcome.
Hope you all enjoy.
Also... I DO NOT own The Flash! The show and its characters all belong to DC and all that... so yeah... Disclaimer... YAY!
Now I'm Not Alone…
It wasn't like I'm not thankful for the gift that I was given… I am! I've always felt the need to help people and this has finally given me the chance to do that, but at what cost? I still haven't figured that out. Every time that I feel like I've finally have it figured out, gotten on an even keel, something else comes along and proves me wrong…
I was never popular by any means. In fact I only had one friend, Iris West, my entire childhood, especially after what happened to my mother when I was eleven. Then I was just the crazy kid, the one who was delusional, who couldn't accept what had happened. Even though I know the truth. I know! But I thought was finally beginning to put things in the past. I have new friends, GREAT friends, and it began not to hurt so much. I wasn't alone… But now… It.. no… HE - is back and with it, he has taken away all the progress that I had made. I knew that I would never be normal, but now… now, it truly shows me how different and alone I truly am… Oliver (AKA the Arrow), was right… I can never have what I truly want. I could watch, but not touch. It would put all that I hold dear in danger. My adopted family, that has grown so much since I have become the Flash, is still so fragile…
I think they know, that something is wrong. How could they not? My mother's killer is back, and he knows who I am, toying with me till he decides to finish me off, just like he did her… But as much as they know… They could never understand. I would never wish the horrors I have been through on anyone. But, it would be a comfort to have at least one person that got it. ALL of it… The fear, this grief that hits me so hard that sometimes makes it hard to breath, and most of all this overwhelming sense of being alone. Its not so bad when I am with Cisco, Caitlin, Dr. Wells, and Joe…
Unfortunately, I can't be with one of them all the time. I have to go home sometimes, not even as the Flash, can I out run emotions. The ones I fight so hard to conceal and yet feel like everyone can see. And… even if I could out run the feelings coursing through me, I can't run forever. So now I sit in my small, crummy apartment alone and I am terrified.. I can't breath. I feel like walls are slowly in encroaching in on me, eventually going to crush me as they fall in. I try to keep my breathing steady. Focus on the small TV softly playing commercials in the corner of the room, as I sit on the sofa knees pulled up to my chest rocking back and forth as the thunder rumbles out the beginning of a storm that had been threatening to sweep through the city all afternoon.. Of course it would wait till I was alone to hit, forcing me to remember the lightening that started it all, all over again.. I had yet to admit it to anyone, that I could still remember that first wall of pain that hit me before I had blacked out. Now its like every time there is a thunderstorm my body is preparing itself for another bolt to strike down on me.
The storm is only getting worse and the panic is growing with it. All I wanted to do was race down to Joe's or even S.T.A.R. Labs, but one look at the clock told me that it wasn't an option, everyone has gone home and would be in bed, and what would I even tell them? I couldn't find it in me to come up with a good cover story. The storm was now shaking my windows at it's sheer force, yellow lightning shot through the night sky, forcing my mind back to the night my mother was killed. The man in yellow, flashed before my eyes, causing my whole body to tense and jump as the next roar of thunder shaking the room. Sorrow ripped through me as the loss felt so fresh, as the night it first happened, add on the fact that my father was taken from me that same night and to this day sat wrongfully convicted.
A sob escaped from my chest and tears began to leak from the corner of my eyes, despite my best efforts. Panic got the better of me as I thought of the Reverse Flash finding me like this. Him seeing me like this, pathetic and broken, no suite to hide behind when facing him. Oh yes.. I would take him down.. I don't know how yet. But I will get him from what he did to my mother and father. It was more of him finding me right now, him knowing how weak I feel right now, and never knowing when he is going to show up was fraying my nerves.
A shuffling sound and a loud thud jerked me out of my thoughts with a pathetic scream, half expecting HIM to be standing behind me, as I jump to my feet looking around wildly looking for the sound. "BARRY?!" came startled voice through the front door, as if flew open and Caitlin came flying in, a look of concern on her face. I suddenly realize that I am no longer standing in front of my sofa, but now completely across the room my back against the wall, my chest heaving in terror. "Are you OK? I heard you scream. What's wrong?" she asked in a rush, as she came closer and looked over my body looking for injures. It's in that moment that I remember that I wasn't wearing a shirt, leaving me feel rather vulnerable. I knew I had to look as white as a ghost as I tried to compose myself, unfortunately I was hyperventilating at the speed of my alter-ego at that point.
"Barry! What is wrong? What happened?" Caitlin asked again looking extremely concerned, carefully reaching out and touching my arm trying to calm me. "W-what ar-are you d-doing here?" I finally managed out, quickly moving out of her reach to hide the shivers running through my body like I had just come out of a blizzard. "I was worried about you. You haven't been yourself lately and I'm tired of pretending like I haven't noticed. Now what is going on?" she demanded again taking a step closer. For something to do to distract myself, I look around quickly for my shirt that I had discarded before the storm had hit. Still trying to get my breathing under control, I take a moment to walk over to the space on the floor that my shirt laid and quickly put it on, before turning to look at her again, still trying to figure out what to do.
"I'm fine…," I finally managed out, "I just must have fallen asleep on the sofa and had a weird dream. Your knocking must have startled me awake.. That's all.." Moving farther away, feeling guilty for lying to her, but I didn't want to worry her. Caitlin had been through so much lately. Having just found Ronnie was still alive, managing to save him, just to have him brake things off because it was to complicated for him. She was heart broken, I didn't want to add to her stress. "Cut the crap, Barry…" She snapped as she took her rain coat off and dropped it on the floor next to her purse. "I'm not going anywhere till you tell me what is going on."
The second half is coming soon!
Please feel free to let me know what you think.
