To love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person.

- Eric Fromm

"Oi."

My eye-lids felt like they'd been glued shut, there was no way I was opening them. Some idiot had incredible timing. I'd been amazingly comfortable moments before the voice had spoken, a cozy sensation flooding every vein in my body. My toes had been cold, bare and kissed with morning dew as they were, but that little fact could be overlook. It had felt so amazingly right, so comfortable, so… home.

Yes, that was the only sensation I could think to compare my previous composure to; the feeling of waking up late in the morning wrapped in a downy blanket while the world raged on outside the window. Except for a padded, pillow top mattress I had a beaten down patch of meadow and my fluffy comforter was a rough haori dyed an amazing red. Might not sound like the lap of luxury but it was one-up on my bedroom. That's right, because I had the added warmth of the strong body curled up next to mind. And better yet, there were no clothes to hinder in the heat exchange.

Wait, double take. No clothes?

That's right Kagome. Clothes tend to hinder certain actives, better to get rid of them completely, ne? No… it was way to early for sarcasm. It was way to early to even consider putting together a logical thought, much less digest all the images pouring into my poor, sleep clogged brain. But reality refused to wait.

No. Way. In. Hell.

The memories that had been a painful blur were suddenly clear as my face exploded into a horrible blush. It was beyond belief, although I couldn't deny what I knew to be true. I mean, the facts have been set up amazingly; lying naked in a clearing with equally naked arms wrapped around my form and a suspicious soreness that was not cramps coming for a certain area…. No arguing with that. But why would anyone, much less Him, want to do that with me? I mean, I'm just Kagome, Kagome the shard detector, Kagome the Kikyo replication, Kagome who's always in the way, Kagome the… need I go on?

A horrible thought struck me and I felt my body stiffen, the action eliciting a growl of disapproval from my companion.

Maybe InuYasha hadn't realized what he was doing last night. And now, when he woke up like this, next to me, he would be furious. Gods, he would hate me for this. My heart sped up and I began to shake. Jewel of no jewel he'd leave, leave and never come back. I could already see the disgust that would line his face…

"Oi, I know you're awake. You got all tense." His voice, coupled with the hand cupping my face firmly, forced the lids off my eyes. I blinked hesitantly, noting that the sun had not yet inched over the horizon, before attempting to focus on the blurry shape before me.

Amber eyes were staring back.

Wow was he close. A startled 'eep' broke from my throat before I could control myself and I jerked backwards. It was going to take some time to get used to an InuYasha who disregarded person-space boundaries, but who could blame me? He'd been the one so against touching in the first place.

InuYasha was being his usual stubborn self. Not allowing me an inch, his hand tightened and held me firmly in place. He turned my face, forcing me to meet those amazingly intense eyes again, eyes that were, as always, unreadable. I shivered in the morning air.

"Do you regret it?"

Inside, I couldn't help but chuckle. Leave it to InuYasha to cut straight to the point without any show of tact.

His eyes were on me still, delving instantly into my own without giving me any clue as to how he wanted that question answered. As the seconds ticked by, I became increasingly aware of our situation. His haori covered the bulk of my form but him… he was completely exposed with little of his form left to the imagination. Not that I needed to imagine, seeing as how I'd gotten a full view…. I felt the blush running down my neck and spreading across my shoulders. Focus, Kagome!

The hand holding my chin tightened ever so slightly, enough to make me uncomfortable without hurting the soft skin there. Obviously, InuYasha wanted his answer. Impatient jerk.

"Why… why would I regret it?" slipped from my mouth before I realized I'd even moved my lips. Okay, I guess I'm telling the truth… But what other option was there? InuYasha might hate me for it, but Gods help me I could not lie about last night. It was… amazing.

"Because you're Kagome," he replied as if that explained everything. "You're a hell of a lot smarter than I'll ever be and you have a family on the other side of the well. Why you'd even consider being with someone like me…" Realizing that he was rambling, the words stopped flowing. "Keh, not that I give a damn whether you do or not…"

My heart went out to him, it really did. His insecurities shouldn't have surprised me, given the little I know about his past relationships, but they did. I'll admit it hurt a little; after everything we'd shared in the past, after all the assurance I'd given him, he still doubted me. Not exactly me, I suppose, but the world in particular. I smiled. It took all my courage, but I lifted one had to touch his face and was surprised when he didn't pull away. He has amazingly smooth skin, but that probably had to do with his youkai ancestry.

"I could never regret last night, InuYasha," I told him solemnly. "I've never experienced anything so wonderful, I wouldn't trade it for anything."

He nodded, a satisfied, almost smug look passing over his features. "And what about what you told me, did you mean that?"

What I told him… Kami, could I have dug myself any deeper? I felt myself blanch as it came rolling back to me. I told him I loved him. How could I have let such a thing slip? Okay, obvious, but that didn't make it better. They were well known, my feelings for the hanyou, but that didn't change the fact that I actually admitted it to him, right before falling asleep in his warm arms.

And he hadn't said a word in return.

"I meant it," I whispered back. I can't bare to look at him, which he is anything but happy about and I have to forcibly pry his hands off my face. "You know I wouldn't say something like that if it weren't true. I… I love you."

So what if I was condemning myself to heart break? He seemed to be taking it all well enough and I'd been needing to get these emotions off my chest for a long time. Yeah right, I'm just a masochist in disguise.

His reply was a nod. A nod, for Gods sake, after I spill my deepest emotions. True, that half-smile softening his face was adorable, but honestly! I watched as his eyes went slightly glassy and he snuggled more firmly against my body, pressing his nose into my neck and losing himself to his own thoughts.

I don't know what I expected, I really don't, but it wasn't this. Some part of me, I realized, had hoped he would return my confession after everything we'd shared. But minutes passed and no words came… I don't know why I was so disappointed. It was nothing new, I tried to tell myself as my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. What was I expecting, honestly? InuYasha's heart rests with Kikyo, I know this! He cares about me, sure, but he'd bound to her. And yet I'd gone and put myself into such a situation, spilling my deepest and most carefully guarded secretes. I was an idiot, an idiot that didn't feel like being held any more. That's right, the embrace that had been so comforting before turned constricting. But I couldn't squirm away from him, he'd know something was wrong and get upset, so I resigned to drop my head to his bare chest instead. I'd do what I do best, just wait it out.

His hand found it's way back into my hair, tangling gently in a soothing motion. A gentle kiss landed on my cheek and I jumped, even more surprised by the following tickle of breath against my ear as he spoke.

"I can't say words like that, Kagome," he admitted, sounding almost pained although there was really no way to tell with InuYasha.. "They always end up turning around and biting me in the ass. When I've said crap like that… people have died because I said those words."

I nodded, not trusting my words. It hurt, it hurt worse than anything I'd ever experienced to know he'd been thinking of Kikyo just then, thinking of the dead priestess as he held me in his arms. Had he imagined her last night as well? I couldn't help but wonder, although it was entirely unfair. Had he thought of her when I confessed my feelings to him? Everything was so incredibly unjust.

Oh crap. The thought of Kikyo was a fail-safe way to evoke one of two emotions; unimaginable sorrow or a burning anger that could jostle even Sesshomaru's stoic mask. What's the contestant's choice? It seems to be door number one!

The tears were coming, I could feel the familiar pressure building behind my eyes.. Stop, stop, stop! I cried inside my head, but it was no use. A single small droplet fell from my eye, followed by another, both of which plopped solidly down onto his chest.

InuYasha had continued talking, oblivious as usual to my little breakdown until it was too late. "…And so I… shit!" The salt-scent and feel of liquid on his skin jerked him from his reserve and he panicked, his eyes growing huge as he gripped my shoulders and gave me a firm shake. "You lied to me, didn't you? You do regret what happened! Why didn't you fucking say so in the first place!"

"I don't!" I cried out desperately, jerking my head up to meet his eyes. Big mistake, it only let him see the tears that were obviously building. Well, there was no stopping what I'd started so I might as well go with it…

His eyes were wide with fear, uncertainty, and guilt, those beautiful ears pinned back against his head. "Then why the hell are you crying!"

"I… because it's not fair!"

Did I just say that? It would appear Foot-In-Mouth is a side effect of intimacy. Who would've thought?

"What?"

I had to pause for a second and take a handful of deep breathes, calming myself before I said too much. The cool morning air soothed my stinging eyes, something I was thankful for, along with my flaring emotions. I couldn't loose my control, it wasn't fair to him. This was as much my fault as it was his, it was time I took responsibility for my actions.

I'm so mature it makes me sick.

A highly practiced smile appeared on my face, the smile that I hate so much because it's so phony and holds no hint of real happiness. Unfortunately, it seems to pop up more and more often these days. "It's nothing, don't worry."

A clawed hand brushed my face, taking hold of my chin again ever so gently. This was all so new to me, but I couldn't deny I liked the change that came over him. He seemed so calm and collected, and the way he treated me… so gently, as if I'd break if handled roughly. Might as well enjoy it, I chided sarcastically, it won't be lasting long.

I let InuYasha turn my face into the morning light, watched as he scrutinized it carefully. "Why are you looking at me like that?" he wondered after a while, confused and hurt. "You only look at me like that after I see Kik…" Realization dawned. "What does she have to do with any of this?"

"I'm not holding you to anything," I told him, trying to sound nonchalant as I pushed his hands gently off my face. It was taking all my concentration to remain calm, having him touch me would only make it worse. "You've made it clear that you love Kikyo, not me. Don't worry, I'm not naïve enough to think last night changed any of that."

He blinked, staring at me in disbelief.

The air left my lungs in a rush and I gasped, the hard ground below me cutting into my back along with the added weight perched on my stomach. InuYasha was glaring down at me, his hands pinning my shoulders. The haori had been dislodged sometime in the struggle, slipping off one shoulder to reveal a little more of my chest that I was comfortable with. Not that I should be complaining, InuYasha was a lot more… exposed than I was at this point.

"You stupid bitch," he scolded, annoyed and dead serious. "What happened last night was special! Kikyo wasn't the person I chose to share it with, you were. Doesn't that tell you anything?"

I really wasn't sure, but who could blame me. I'd watched him run to the dead miko's side one too many times to believe such words.

"Kagome." He called my attention to his face. "Kagome, if she comes to me again, I won't leave you."

"Of course not, InuYasha," I replied, my tone light although I was unable to hide the dubious undertones but again, my disbelief was merited.

Anger clouded his face. "I won't, Kagome. Why won't you believe me?"

"Have you really given me any reason to?"

It was true, he hadn't and InuYasha knew this. The hanyou's brow creased in thought. "I swear on Tetsu…mph!"

My hand flew to his mouth the moment his sword's name began to form on his lips. I knew InuYasha wasn't one to take such promises lightly. If he swore on the sword he wouldn't leave me than I knew he wouldn't, no matter how much sorrow such a promise would cause him in the future, especially when he had given the same vow to another woman.

"Don't!" I cried out immediately. "Please, don't make promises you'll regret keeping."

His ears drooped, revealing the hurt he was feeling. "I want you to understand what I can't say…" he whispered dejectedly.

"That's impossible," I answered, taking pity on him and lightly rubbing his right ear until it perked back up. That was my InuYasha… I knew he wasn't good with words or emotions, the first of which was probably eluding him with the second was making his head a muddled mess. An involuntary sigh wrenched itself from my throat and I squirmed under him, trying to sit up. If we were going to be having such a serious conversation, it would probably be better if I were in a less… compromising position.

But dog boy was having none of that. Seeing as how I would not be convincing him to move any time soon, I let out another sigh and relaxed against the ground, still rubbing his ear as my other hand entwined with his. "How about this, InuYasha? We'll say that last night happened and you're here with me now, okay? No promises past that."

I couldn't see his face, but he tensed suddenly, ears twitching madly. "Does that mean you're leaving me?" He wondered.

"InuYasha… what did I tell you that time?"

"That you wanted to stay with me. But just now you said…" Understanding flashed across his face, followed by a deep frown. That a boy, I knew he'd get it. Eventually. "You meant me, didn't you? Damn it, bitch, how many times do I have to repeat myself! I don't like this double standard!"

I simply shook my head patiently, absently playing with a strand of his hair. I love the color, and the texture… so beautiful. "It's not that big of a deal," I lied, still smiling softly. It was, it really was and I think we both knew it.

That statement only increased his displeasure.

"Is there a spring around here?" I wondered suddenly. The tension really was becoming too much, that and I wasn't interesting in pursuing this conversation any longer. "I'd really love to get washed up before we head back. I'm sure the others are pretty worried."

He didn't respond, his eyes scanned over my face skeptically before giving a soft grunt and rolling off me. "Keh, you and your damn springs." But he seemed more amused than upset as he stood and stretched, blinking absently as his nose worked furiously. I found if quite cute and couldn't keep the smile off my face, watching as his ear twitched wildly in the early morning breeze. Kami do I love those ears.

By the time he finally turned his attention back onto me, I had shrugged into his haori and tied the sleeves securely around my waste. My clothes… let's just say there were enough left of them to worry about. "Any luck?" I wondered, trying to keep my wandering eyes above his waste-line.

He nodded absently, eyes looking me over as a satisfied little smirk passed over his face. "There's one near enough, I'll take you," he offered, slipping into his bottoms and bundling the rest of his undershirt for the journey. I saw him make a move towards what was left of my skirt but shook my head. No use in picking it up… not when clothes were biodegradable.

"C'mon, what're you waiting for?" he demanded, waving me over when I didn't move fast enough for his liking. Seconds later, I was situated in a comfortable (if not slightly compromising) position atop his back and we were flying through the trees.

The trip was a silent one, which was a blessing in it's self. Too much had happened in the past twelve hours for my liking, my brain was still frazzled and the quiet time gave me time to go over all the thoughts ping-ponging around in my head. I would still need to do a lot more thinking, mind you, but at least it was a start.

The spring was distant and secluded, I didn't realize it was there until InuYasha set me carefully on the sandy ground beside the water. It was small yet beautiful in it's simplicity, not a hot spring but I was certain the cold water would erase the flushed, giddy feeling that had crept over me on the trip here.

InuYasha accepted my mummered thanks in his usual indifferent manner. He disappeared into the tress surrounding the stream, presumably to give me my privacy, and I let out a large breath I didn't realize I'd been holding.

Taking another wary glance around (why I was so concerned about him seeing me naked after last night was a mystery), I let the haori slide from my shoulders. The water was just as cold as I'd expected, but despite the chill sweeping through my body, I forged diligently forward.

I was stomach high in icy water when I heard the brush rustle behind me. Feet squished on the sandy bank as I heard a heavy object drop into the sand. "I brought those soaps for you."

Part of my mind couldn't help smiling at his thoughtfulness. We were a way from camp and I knew he wouldn't leave me alone during a venerable activity like bathing. So that meant he hadn't left, he'd stashed my bag sometime before hand instead so I could have my bath. His concern was endearing… But the other part of my mind… the other part was screaming in outrage.

"InuYasha!" I heard my own breathless hiss, weak and pitiful; if the man watching me hadn't had super-sensitive hearing, I'm sure he would have missed it. My feet were moving without direction and I had just enough time to throw my hands up to hide my chest before I was facing him.

His gold eyes were piercing, lined with confusion. "What the hell's your problem?" he demanded.

I didn't answer, couldn't, so he continued to stare. It seemed like ages that was stood there, gazes locked, and it was he who looked away first. There must have been something in my eyes that he didn't like, some emotion he misinterpreted, because his entire frame stiffed and his callous mask flew back into place.

"Keh. Alright, I'm leaving. You don't need my dirty eyes on you any more than you need my dirty hands touching you."

His comment stopped my heart. Anger and hurt flooded my system like adrenaline; how could he write-off my feelings for him so quickly? How, when I'd been nothing but open and honest, did he doubt me? If anyone had the right to be questioning feelings and motives it was me, what with Kikyo and all.

But I still couldn't let him leave, I refused to turn my back on him as so many before me had. I won't lie and say his doubt didn't hurt me because it did, but it's just one on the long line of emotional blows I've taken for him. InuYasha had more inner demons than anyone I've ever met, and rightly so. He was irritating, insensitive, stubborn, and high maintenance, but Gods help me, I loved him with all my heart.

"InuYasha, you know that's not true."

"Keh," he responded, but refused to turn around and look me in the face. Still, he didn't keep walking so I had to have made some progress.

I sighed and steeled myself as I took the next step. Modesty be damned, I walked from the pool and onto the shore, pause just behind him. His right ear twitch in my direction, I knew I had his attention. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound like that."

"Damn, Kagome, don't apologize."

"No," I insisted, "It was because I was embarrassed that I… that I hid myself. I'm not used to this kind of intimacy, it's still new to me." I smiled nervously and moved one hand up to touch his arm, feeling the coarse, white fabric. "I don't mind you looking at me," I told him shyly, squeezing his arm. "And… and I don't mind you touching me. I don't mind at all."

His ears perked, I could feel the tremors that were racing through his body. "Kagome…" his voice sounded strangled somehow, pained. "Kagome… can I turn around?"

I nodded then, realizing he couldn't see me, managed as small sound of affirmation.

Ever so slowly he turned, giving me every chance to change my mind, for which I was grateful. When he stood, finally, facing me, I felt a hot blush rise to my face, spreading down my face and over other… parts.

His hand found my face, touching my cheek with incredible tenderness. The expression in his eyes… it was the same expression he had worn last night, soft, almost loving, with an underlying glaze of passion. "You have every right to deny me, Kagome," he said, voice brushing against my face.

"I know," I replied, surprised my mind could form words. "I know, but I won't."

I love you, InuYasha. I could never deny you anything…