The Things He Cannot Say
Disclaimer: I do not own or am any way affiliated with those that own NCIS, nor am I connected in to the show's cast and crew. This is written out of enjoyment and I am not making any money off of it.
Summary: Sometimes it is when we least expect them, like on a cold and frosty night when even grown men should be asleep, that Christmas wishes come true.
Set: No spoilers but set at the end of season 8/before the start of season 9 (which is when I started writing this) but it honestly could be set anytime after Hiatus/Shalom.
A/N: This was originally planned to be a birthday gift for TaylorGibbs' suprise birthday earlier in the year, however due to life I could not finish it in time. While deciding on what to write for Tibbs_Yuletide I decided this would make a great holiday fic, so I changed some stuff around, set it during winter and boom! here it is! I know this community is for everybody but given the circumstances of this fic, and the fact that I wouldn't even be in this comm if I hadn't been introduced to the Tibbs pairing through TG's fics, I dedicate this to her, and to everyone she has brought to the pairing! 3
Word Count: 1,496
The Things He Cannot Say
Tony wasn't sure at first what had roused him from his deep sleep on the frostbitten December morning.
It wasn't something that had him bolting upright in bed, ready to spring into action with the highly honed skills of the agent he was, no, it was something more subtle that slowly brought him back to the living, something that didn't even pry his eyes open in the dark or let him move a muscle.
Laying wrapped in his lover's tight embrace, his mind on high alert trying to decipher what had awoken him, the sudden and unexpected tingling of warm lips being gently pressed against the cool, goose-pimpled, flesh of his shoulder, sent minute shivers up his spine, quickly providing him the answer he was searching for.
Still unmoving, the young Italian basked in the silent and heartfelt affection his lover was bestowing him, even if the older man had no clue Tony was awake.
Things had been a touch tense between them lately, his silver haired lover had been injured on their last case, a knife wound to the gut had left tony so completely and utterly scared shitless, images of his hands covered in Jethro's dark crimson blood, blood that mingled with the frosted snow of the ground underneath them turning it a garish shade of pink, as he tried to stop the seemingly endless stream, that DiNozzo had blurted out the three words that had remained unspoken between the two men even after ten long years together.
Tony had always known Gibbs wouldn't be the first to say it. The older man's past was just too filled with pain and heart ache for that to happen. But there had been a little piece of Tony's brain, and an even bigger part of his heart that had him convinced that if he had ever worked up the nerve to tell his lover how he really felt , that Jethro would not hesitate to say it back to him.
They hadn't exactly been fighting, or even distant with each other since Tony's confession in the hospital, but there had been an awkwardness between them that hadn't been there since Gibbs had first returned from his corona swilling hiatus in Mexico, back when his memory was still a little screwed up from the explosion.
There had been a few fleeting moments when Tony had been left wondering if this was the end of the two of them. Each moment of doubt would soon pass though when his green eyes would meet Gibbs' ice blue ones, or a small, insignificant action from Gibbs would prove that somewhere, no matter how deep down inside, the ex-marine still cared for him.
Mentally shaking the thoughts of self doubt from his head before the tears could leak from his tightly shut, sleep encrusted eyes; the younger man focused every piece of his mind, heart and soul to the touch of his lover.
Jethro had not let up on the kisses, though the well calloused hand that had been previously placed on his exposed hip had moved to his chest where the strong fingers worked themselves through the smattering of hair on his chest.
Unconsciously Tony sunk further into his lovers embrace and was worried when the kisses and caresses stopped suddenly, he couldn't help but hold his breath until the soft touches returned.
It was a long few minutes after the older man had continued his late night show of devotion, when Tony, feeling so comfortable and safe that he had begun to doze again, noticed there was a repeated pattern in the trail of kisses that led from his elbow to his neck and back again, and the soft tapping of the fingers entwined in his chest hair.
Tony forced himself back to consciousness enough that he could fixate on the emerging pattern, the investigator in him needing to solve the mystery of what it was.
At his elbow, quick, slow, quick, quick, pause. Gibbs lips moved up an inch, slow, slow, slow, pause. Another inch, quick, quick, quick, slow, pause. When a quick kiss was placed at the nape of the Italian's neck, Tony thought the pattern would restart as the kisses trailed back down his arm.
His mind ran through the possibilities of what the pattern could me, DiNozzo knew without a doubt that it was not random or meaningless, his lover didn't work that way, everything he did, no matter how out of left field or mysterious it might appear, had a reason and a purpose.
Tony also doubted that the pattern was the beat of a song, for one thing it didn't seem like something the ex-marine would do, even when he thought his partner was asleep. Another thing that disproved the theory that it could have been a song was the pattern itself, it was too varied to be a beat, even a free form Jazz bear.
Instead, what he felt after his boss' brief pause was a soft tapping, just above his heart. Tap, tap, Gibbs' finger lingered for a second on his chest followed closely by two quick taps and a pause where the finger was off of his chest. Lingering tap, lingering tap, lingering tap, pause. Quick tap, quick tap, lingering tap, pause.
When the kisses were pressed in the same pattern down his arm as they had been going up Tony knew there was definitely a meaning behind them. He considered everything about his lover and then it hit him, the kisses and taps weren't just quick or lingering they represented dots and dashes.
He had to restrain himself from breaking out in fit of girlish giggles. Only Gibbs would give a lover kisses with Morse Code in the middle of the night.
DiNozzo had to wait until the pattern had restarted again before he could work out what Gibbs was 'saying'.
It took a lot of effort to recall all the code he had learnt way back in boarding school; back when dreams of being a spy for a secret government agency, protecting the country from evil doers James Bond style, were all that kept him going, especially when he was stuck there, alone, over the holidays, while his friends were all off with their families and his father was off with his latest wife on some money making scheme.
Quick kiss, slow kiss, quick, quick, pause. Was that F, or was it L? He couldn't remember which it was, he hoped he would be able to work it out from the rest of the letters.
Slow kiss, Slow kiss, Slow kiss, pause. Three slow kisses obviously stood for three dashes, Tony had no problem working that out to be an O, he had enough of them in his name that he could never forget that.
Quick, quick, quick, slow, pause. He was pretty sure that was a V but didn't have too much time to contemplate it before the final kiss was placed on his neck. One quick kiss definitely meant an E.
His whole body froze as he realised that the kisses made a word only if the first letter was an L and not an F.
That couldn't be right could it? Gibbs never said the L word, he must have decoded the message wrong.
He was still in a daze when the tapping above his heart started.
Dash tap, dot tap, dash, dash, pause. Y.
the next one was as easy to recognise as the first time, three dash taps equaled O.
He didn't even have to feel the two dot taps followed by the one dash tap to know the final letter was U.
Silent tears remained welling in his eyes until he felt Gibbs roll over onto his back and start to snore. It was only when Tony was sure the older man was asleep that he let them fall.
The pent up emotion of not only his lover's injury, but also the doubt of whether the other man loved him or not, finally overcame him with his lover's unspoken confession. The warm salty tears ran down his cheeks as he turned to embrace his lover, careful of the still healing injuries.
Not caring if the tears now pooling on Jethro's chest woke him up or not, Tony kissed his own message on the hair covered skin above the other man's nipple.
Lingering kiss, quick kiss, quick kiss, pause. Quick, quick, pause. Lingering kiss, pause. Lingering kiss, pause. Lingering kiss, lingering kiss, lingering kiss, stop.
Tony couldn't be sure if Gibbs was awake or not, but he was definite his message got through when a soft snuffled kiss was placed upon his head.
As he finally drifted off into the most peaceful sleep he had in a long time, Tony knew he would never doubt Gibbs feelings for him again.
Author's final note: I have left Tony's Morse coded message to Gibbs untranslated, if you would like to translate it the link I used is over at my dinozzoitis live journal.
