Whispers in the Dark
Chapter 1: Magnet
Inspired by the song "Calalini" by Kaai Yuki.
"Get away from me!" I scream hoarsely as my hands slam against my ears as if they'll stop the echoing voices that drown my head like a heavy fog. Gritting my teeth, I attempt to calm my breathing down to a safe, steady pace, but no matter how hard I try my breathing keeps skittering - keeps coming out in small, fast inhales and exhales - much like how I flinch when another voice demands me to do a selfish act.
Grabbing the nearest object closest to me, I pound it down to the tiled floor of the bathroom. A shattering sound pierces the thin air. I can feel taps of glass flick against my bare feet. Glancing slightly at the glass that is now in millions of pieces painted all over the tiled floor, I can see a faint hint of his bare foot next to the shattered toothbrush holder.
My eyes tightly shut close once again as I rapidly shake my head forcing my long teal hair to flip around me - to flip against him. "Go away! Go away! Go away!" I yell at him, but he remains silent and still. I can feel his cold, piercing stare stab against the back of my neck. Flinching again, I can feel myself tremble as goosebumps crawl all over my body. "What do you want?!" I yell in a command for him to answer me.
Instead of replying, he allows more threatening voices to fill inside my mind - allows them to drown me in misery and insanity. It's as if he is holding a water bottle just above my head, and when he takes off the cap, he lets the icy water fall straight onto me without hesitation. It's as if he is the one controlling how far my sanity can go.
Giving up on trying to make him vanish for even a minute, I haul over myself and allow the fresh sting of warm tears to fall out of my eyes and drip onto the ground - the small drops of fear mixing in with the tiny bits of shattered glass as if they can blend together. After a few moments... everything stops. The voices stop screaming at me like I'm an animal, his cold stare seems to no longer exist, and my tears stop gushing out like a leakage. I slowly, hesitantly glance up at the boy - only to find that he is no longer standing by the sink, no longer standing by me, no longer by my side. Faintly smiling now that he's gone, I allow myself to lean against the wall and wipe away my tears of my trembling weakness.
Damn it, the one time my parents leave me alone...
Sighing with relief, I stand up and quickly stumble out of the bathroom - away from where he was standing only moments ago. Quickly making my way to the balcony, I burst through the doors and gulp in the chilling taste of fresh autumn air pleased that he forgot to lock all of the doors this time and keep me trapped inside of my own house like he did last month. It's as if he's playing a game, and I'm the main objective.
Being outside is the only place where he doesn't visit me... the only place I'm safe - at least until the brisk blanket of darkness covers the night sky anyway. I stare at the setting sun that blends into the horizon making the sky a soft, gentle pearly pink. I have maybe an hour left - just enough time for my parents to return from the hospital and to keep me company.
I haven't seen him in such a long time... both my parents and I thought that just maybe the handful of daily pills I usually take weren't needed any more - that I was finally over with the battle I have been fighting ever since young - that the doctor was wrong and my schizophrenia won't last my whole entire life like he said.
My hand digs deep into my jean's pocket hoping to hurry and find my phone so I can call my parents and inform them that my hallucinations hasn't stopped as we thought they did. Finding it empty, I quickly check my other pocket as my breath halts and my pulse pounds against my ears - but it's just as empty as the other.
A faint tapping noise whispers from behind me... as if telling me a secret. Immediately, my body stiffens as I can feel my heartbeat slam against my frail ribs frantically. The tapping continues, but doesn't grow any louder. Instead, it sounds as if it's a clock ticking along with each passing second with a steady but quiet rhythm.
Slowly, hesitantly, I turn my head behind me to see a dark figure facing me from behind the glass door. Just as I thought and feared, he is gently tapping the corner of my small phone against the glass obviously trying to snatch my attention away from anything else that isn't him. Choking on my breath, I turn around to face him attempting to look as calm as I can. Even though he knows as well as I that he has successfully grabbed my full attention, he continues to faintly tap my phone against the door - teasing me... testing me.
A hint of a smile blooms onto my lips as I stare at the blanket of darkness that coats his figure. He can't bother me now. He doesn't have access to me since it's still day and I'm outside on the balcony. He can't try and control me like he always does.
Suddenly, he stops the tapping and drops the phone onto the carpet rug that's inside the house. He lowers his arm down to his side and stands still on the other side of the glass just... watching me. My smile immediately fades as my breath catches in my throat. What is he thinking?
He slowing lifts the black hood that covers his face just enough so that I can plainly see only half of his hidden identity - just enough so I can see everything below his nose. It's the first time that I have seen any hint of his skin - he always covers his body head to toe with black clothing blocking me from any faint hint of what he truly looks like underneath his blanket of darkness.
Before I can say or do anything, my eyes widen in confused terror as a demented grin slices across his pale lips. I can immediately feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as my eyes bolt onto his twisted smile - a smile which will without a doubt haunt me for the next few weeks, maybe even months. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to break my gaze away from his wide grin. It's as if I am frozen and I have no choice but to stare at him.
His pale skin glows in the setting sunlight as he gently tilts his head. For several minutes, his grin doesn't weaken the slightest, and I am still fighting myself to jolt my gaze away from him. Surrendering to fear, I snap, "What the hell do you want from me!? Leave me alone!"
"Miku..? Is everything okay?" A voice echos from below me - from just below the balcony. My eyes snap wide as I slowly glance over my shoulder with my cheeks flushing different shades of cherry pink. As soon as my watery eyes lock with gentle blue ones, a faint smile paints onto my trembling lips.
"Luka? Um yes, everything's fine. I just - I'm just acting for a play I want to try out for. Sorry you had to hear all that - what do you think?" I face her - allowing my back to face him, anything to look away from his smile - attempting to slither the most convincing smile as I possible can, but even I can feel my lips slightly twitching. She raises an eyebrow questioning me, but she soon ignores my behavior and flips a thick lock of long glistening pink hair over her shoulder before settling her gaze on everything but me.
"Ah, you had me worried sick for a moment there, Miku. That's one hell of a job at acting - you should definitely make the part you are seeking for." Her calm, cooling voice flows over me like a light summer breeze. Her face is completely blank and expressionless leaving me wondering if she truly did believe my horrible excuse for a lie or not.
As soon as she gently waves goodbye and walks into her house next door to mine, a relieving sigh escapes my dry lips. The moment I hear the little click from her door shutting, my gaze rips back behind me at the balcony's door - but the boy and his haunting grin are no longer in sight taunting me.
"Why?" I weakly mumble to myself. "Why are you doing this to me?" I start to weep as I slowly slide down the balcony's bars onto the ground. Bringing my knees to my chest, I deeply bury my head into the heart of my knees and shiver. What have I ever done to deserve raw torture like this? What have I done to be haunted daily by this boy?
"Not all of your hallucinations are bad, you know," a familiar voice echos around my ears through the crisp air. Barely glancing to my left already knowing who it is, I can barely see a faint of lime-green hair before returning my gaze into the heat of my legs. Whispering, I breathe, "It's not a good time, Gumi. He's getting worse."
A soft giggle comes from the girl's lips. "I can tell. He only comes around when you're alone, hm? Not even I have seen him for myself - I've only sensed him."
"But you're a hallucination yourself, Gumi. Since both of you are from my own mind, do you ever cross paths?" I ask the girl, whom only crosses her legs and gazes at the glass door. It's a question I've asked her about ever since I first met her - right after he came into my useless life.
Darkness follows the boy - it always has ever since we were children. I don't know why he appeared, I don't know why he haunts me, but he's been there... watching me, drowning me in his sick games of terror. Ever since I first caught a simple glimpse of him, my nerves have been stretched thinner than a string.
"I told you already, I know as much as you do. I am a part of your mind, so that means I know everything you do. Nothing more, nothing less." For a few minutes, silence scratches between us. Before I'm sure she'll disappear from boredom of an ended conversation, she breaks the silence, "I am here because you needed a friend. That's why your mind created me - you needed someone to talk to who understood you. I am here-"
"-because I am terrified of that boy and I didn't want to be alone." I interrupt her. I turn my head slightly away from the darkness of my legs and stare at her pale, bright face. She locks her forest-green gaze with mine and smiles gently. "If you say so. But if I was born because of that, then doesn't that mean he had to be created because of another reason? It's not like he just popped from the back of your imagination, Miku." Gumi tilts her head to get a better view of the wrecked me, her short green locks spilling overhear shoulders. "He had to be rooted from somewhere."
"That's the thing, though. I have no idea what created him." I whimper and stare at the ground ahead of me - anywhere besides her empty gaze. Suddenly, something inside of me cracks and anger spills all throughout my body. I snap my gaze at Gumi and yell no longer caring who hears me, "If you're supposed to be there for me, then why don't you save me from him? Why don't you push him away from me? Can't you sense when he's teasing me?!" Pure anger and hatred fills my eyes - I know because I can see my own reflection in Gumi's shocked, soulless eyes.
Soulless eyes are they key. They are the key to know what's different from everyone's reality and my reality. Real people don't have soulless eyes, only my hallucinations do. How can a gentle person like Gumi, whom is supposed to be known as a friend, have such an empty gaze when her personality is filled with life? If anything, I am more fake and imaginary than her. I might as well be labeled dead - I hide myself from the real world, anyway.
"Miku," she starts, obviously alarmed by my slapping outburst, "do you really want to know why I can't help you when he's with you?" Her voice remains calm and smooth, like silk fluttering in the wind.
My outraged gaze weakens, but I never look away from her gaze. I don't have to answer her question before she faces me and says, "Do you really think I don't try to pull him away? Do you believe that I just sit around and let him cause you all this pain?"
She stops talking for a brief moment, allowing me to let her words seek deep within me before continuing, "He won't let me get near you when he's with you. It's as if he controls all of us. When he's with you, I suddenly lose all my senses connected to you - and I have no choice but to wander around looking for you. It's as if I'm in a maze, and your screams just refuse to reach my ears." She sighs. "But as soon as he steps away from you, he completely vanishes. He only appears when he wants to visit you.
"I guess that's why I can't cross his path - there isn't a path to cross in the first place. He has an interest in you and only you. I can't even sense him outside of your mind." She lightly shakes her head.
I stare at her completely at a loss for words. Even if I had anything to say, my throat has been twisted dry. Finally, I manage to choke, "I thought you said you didn't know anything more than me, how do you suddenly know all of this?"
Within a blink, her smiling face erases from my eyes and only her gentle voice is left behind echoing around my pounding head, "We have personalities of our own, too. Those are my thoughts on how it works, and your mind just agrees with me."
Minutes of piercing silence stab through the chilly air as soon as Gumi leaves me alone in the cold. Sighing bitterly, I slowly get to my feet and comb my fingers through my hair in frustration.
All of these hallucinations... they all have a mind of their own so it seems, as if they truly exist in the world instead of only caged inside my mind. All of them - the cats, the dogs, the rats, and even the humans - live only inside my head, no matter how real they seem, no matter how much I can physically feel them, no matter how emotional they can be.
"I am only imagining them."
Even though the words were less than a mumbled whisper, it's a phrase I caught myself saying ever since I was little. It's a phrase that helps me sleep better at night, wake me up brighter in the morning, be more social to my classmates at school; but even I know it's a flat out lie.
No one else may see them, but I do. And they are a part of my daily life. There hasn't been a single day - hell, a single hour - since the day I was born that they haven't stalked me. They have always been there, following me like a magnet.
I bolt my gaze to the glass balcony door double-checking that he is gone before I quickly slip back inside the warm house. My body immediately numbs to the cozy heat of indoors compared to when I was outside in the freezing night that was slowly stretching over the city. I let the numbing pain take over my chilled body before leaning down to pick up my fallen phone.
As soon as my long fingers whisper a brush against the back of the phone, my hand immediately flinches back as I drop it causing it to make a loud thud on the carpet. It's freezing - colder than any winter that has swept across our small city. Hesitating, I reach for it again this time more aware of its bitter feeling. Picking it up and ignoring the numbing bliss coming from the phone, I tightly wrap my slim fingers around it.
Why is it so freezing...? It's been inside all day in this cozy blanket of warmth, and there isn't any floor air vents it could have fallen on. I turn the phone over and over trying to figure out why it's so ice-bittering cold, but soon I just give up and shrug it off.
I quickly press the call button on my mom's contact name and bring the phone to my ear - the coolness of the phone still tightly latched to it makes me flintch again as its cold touches the bare skin of my ear. After three rings, a calm, soothing voice speaks through the phone, "Hello, Miku?"
"Hey, Mom, I... uh," I stutter, my voice trembling in an unattractive pace. It's never easy to tell my parents I need more pills, or something's bothering me about my hallucinations, or anything about my illness. It feels as if my schizophrenia is my secret and only belongs to me, so it's tough to confess to someone else - especially through phone.
"I'm at the store right now - do you need anything? Is something wrong?" She asks, a hint of worry floating in her voice.
Even though she can't see me, I shake my head. "No, nothing's wrong," I lie, "I'm just running out of... pills. Can you stop and get more for me? The boy is following me more than usual today and I want him to go away." I hold my breath hoping to sound like everything's perfectly fine so she doesn't have to worry any longer.
A few empty moments pass by, but there's no response. "Hello? Mom?" I wait a few more brief moments, but nothing besides silence whispers into my ear. Pulling my phone away and glancing at the screen, I can see that it is back to my home screen - that she might've hung up by accident or something.
Growing impatient, I tap her contact again and bring the phone up to my ear waiting to hear her angelic voice again. On the first ring, she picks up - but doesn't say anything. Itching to make sure she gets more pills for me, I say, "Hey, Mom? Sorry, phone must have hung up. Anyway, did you hear what I wanted you to get?" Sucking in my breath again, I wait to hear her response - even though I already know the answer will be yes, of course.
Again, moments of silence come through the phone. Checking the screen once again, I make sure the call is still going before returning it back to my ear. "Mom? You there?"
"You don't need pills. It makes him feel lonely when you can't see him for a while."
My eyes snap wide open and I quietly gape at a loss for words. Suddenly, my body freezes in place and stiffens tightly. The voice - it wasn't Mom's. It was a young male, but definitely not one that belongs to my mother. It seems as if I'm fighting away a choke as I eventually mumble, "Who the hell is this?"
As if those where the key words, I can hear the other side of the phone click and immediately end the call. Pulling the phone far away from my numb ear, I stare at it as if it's some sort of unidentified creature.
I absolutely know I called Mom's number... so whose voice did that belong to? It wasn't anyone's I recognized. And if it wasn't Mom and Dad is probably still at the hospital checking on my doctor, who else could it be that they know about him? I've only told my parents about the boy surrounded in darkness - and they aren't the type to let shared secrets spill - especially ones from their daughter about her... problem.
As if a lightning bolt just shot through me, a nagging feeling begins to sink into me... a feeling of horror and panic - but I just can't name it. For a few moments, I sit there facing the wall trying to dig even deeper to find out what this sudden feeling is... but then it suddenly hits me faster than when it first came to me: someone is watching me.
Hesitantly, I slowly begin to turn around to face whatever - whoever - is behind me, where the feeling is the most strongest. For a brief flash of a moment, something tells me not to look and to just turn away - but it's already too late. I've already caught a glimpse of that familiar demented smile in the corner of my eye.
