(Below is the original intro to this story, when I was only going to have it be this one chapter. I didn't feel that this was my best writing, but I do feel the story is getting better as it goes on. I am so happy that even just a few people are telling me that they like this story! Please enjoy readers!)
Hello to anybody who is reading this! I know that this story is pretty shitty, and I apologize for that. Nothing of substance really happens. I feel it is a lot of repetitiveness of Rachel's inner monologue and the way that she is feeling. I wanted to include a scene with every friend comforting Rachel, but I didn't get to squeeze a Joey one in there because I didn't want it to get too much longer. I typed this story as sort of a way for me to heal from the similar thing that I went through that it is in this story, and dealing with my emotions. I wish that I had good friends and a support system like these characters do. I imagine that these friends are mine and that I have people who care about me. Anyway, without further adieu here it is! To anybody who is reading this, I hope you enjoy! I also apologize for any grammar, spelling, or repeated words, ect; I don't have time to read this over right now but I want to upload it
*major trigger warning to somebody who has been sexually assaulted*
I basically told my story
*midseason 5*
It happened so fast, she didn't stand a chance. Well, that's what she told herself anyway. She ran as fast as she could back to her apartment, barefoot and cold; it kind of reminds her of her wedding day, except that this is nothing like that day. I should have hit him. Kicked him. Head butted him. Screamed. I didn't do anything. She runs and runs, hair soaking wet; her pantsuit weighing her down. She stops for a brief moment to bend over, hands on her knees, to shut her eyes and wheeze. But then she's off again in a flash. She makes it back to her and her best friend's apartment, rushing in shaking from head to toe, and runs to the bathroom, slamming the door shut. She immediately turns on the shower, blasting it almost as hot as it can go, and throwing off her wet clothes. She is wheezing and sobbing and moaning in pain and frustration, and can't think straight. A shower is all she is focused on. She gets into the shower, and screams under the water in anger and sadness, beginning to vigorously wash herself clean.
In Monica's bedroom, Chandler and Monica are snuggling and asleep; still enjoying the bliss of nobody (well except Joey) knowing about their relationship. Monica suddenly jolts awake, her instincts making her sit up and listen for a voice. She can hear Rachel. Crying and screaming in the bathroom. Chandler then wakes up too, but Monica throws the blanket off of her and runs to the bathroom. She pounds on the door rapidly and loudly, shouting "Rach! Rach are you okay!?"
Rachel jumps from the knocking, dropping the soap in her hand, and the loud thud makes her heart race even more. "I-I-I'm fine Mon. I'm fine!", Rachel repeats, her voice quivering. "No you're not!" she hears Monica yell back. "I am Monica! Please go away!" Rachel yells, but sobs begin to bubble out of her lips and she has to place her hand over her mouth. Monica stays by the door, knowing her friend needs her, but not knowing what to do. Suddenly she senses Chandler next to her, and turns around as he places a hand on her shoulder. They stand there as they can hear Rachel crying, and Chandler rubs her shoulder with a worried look on his face. "I've never heard her this upset" Monica whispers, her voice cracking. "She must have just had a really bad day. She'll tell you when she's ready" Chandler says soothingly, although he's not sure that he's right. It feels like something worse has happened. "I just have a bad feeling" Monica replies, mirroring his thoughts. "Rach?" Monica says, knocking on the door again. "What?" she screams back. Monica jumps lightly from the volume of Rachel's voice. "I'm here if you need me okay. Just come to my room if you need to talk" she yells through the door, her hands placed against it, wishing she could give her best friend a hug. "Okay!" Rachel shouts back. "Well, I guess I have to leave it at that. Maybe you better leave…just in case she does decide to talk to me" Monica says. Chandler nods. "You're right. I hope she'll tell you what's wrong", he says softly, giving Monica a hug and squeezing her tightly, gently rubbing her back. They quickly kiss goodbye, and Chandler heads back to his and Joey's place. Monica walks back to her room, her heart slowly breaking, as she can still hear Rachel crying in the shower, wondering what in the world was going on.
Half an hour later, Rachel is still rubbing the bar of soap on every inch of her body over and over and over again. Her skin is becoming red and sore, but she still doesn't feel clean. She finally gives up and just sits down in the bathtub, letting the water pour down on her. She puts her head in her knees, her hands clasping behind her head, heart racing and the events of the night playing over in her head. She had to stay late at work, again. It was about 11 when she got out of Bloomingdale's. She stood at the curb for what felt like ages trying to hail a cab, but nobody would stop for her. Then she walked to the bus stop, and two busses passed without stopping. Once it was around 12:30, she finally gave up and decided that she might as well just walk home. She could have called one of her friends, but she didn't want to be a bother to them this late at night. It wasn't that far of a walk, she could do it. Still, walking through the city this late at night gave her the creeps. And as she was walking and kept thinking about how nervous she was, somebody popped out from her left and grabbed her, and began pulling her. She was being yanked into an alley further and further into the darkness, and before she had time to scream; she felt something resting against her temple. "Don't say a word, or you die", a low voice warned. Rachel shut her eyes and immediately began to cry. She did as he said. Finally he stopped pulling her along, and let her drop to the ground. Her body felt like stone, she felt stiff and motionless. She had froze. He got down onto the ground with her, and was wearing a ski mask, but she didn't look into his eyes. "Will you be a good girl for me?" he asked softly. Rachel didn't answer, only looked off to the side, violently shaking and tears streaming down her face. "Will you be a good girl for me?" he asked, more persistent this time. Rachel nodded stiffly. Oh god. She couldn't believe this was happening. She stayed still as he unbuttoned and unzipped her grey pants, pulling them off, along with her heels. She sobbed as he spread her legs. She felt so disgusting. So embarrassed. So weak. She wanted to do something, anything to stop it, but she didn't want him to hurt her even worse, or god forbid kill her. She could get up and run away, but she was sure he would catch her. She knew she was really far away from the street, there was nobody around her, no one would hear her scream, if she tried to kick or hit him he might easily overpower her and get even more angry and beat her up or worse. She didn't want to upset him. She just wanted to listen to him and hopefully make it out alive. All she wanted was her life. But god she didn't want to do this. She was bottomless on the cold, wet cement; and she watched the man's hands as they unbuttoned his own pants. "Please don't do this" Rachel says, but almost no sound came out of her dry, tight throat. "What was that?" the man asked. "Please don't do this" she said again, the words now coming out in whispers. "Say that one more time" the man says angrily, grabbing his gun, clicking off the safety, and pointing at her temple simultaneously. Rachel sobs in response. "That's what I thought" he says, yanking his pants off, and then shoving Rachel onto her back. He got on top of her, and raped her. Rachel shut her eyes tightly, crying so hard, so hard she couldn't breathe, the gun lying on the cement, just out of her reach. She wanted to reach down and grab it, shoot him in his fucking face, but she had never touched a gun in her life. She didn't know what to do. What if she shot it and didn't kill him? What if he just grabbed it out of her hands and killed her before she even had a chance to pull the trigger? She just lied there on her back, feeling absolutely worthless. It hurt, physically, mentally and emotionally. He finally came, and got up. He placed the gun to her forehead again. "Thank you for being a good girl sweetie. Don't tell anyone about this, or you die" he said, and then he walked away, back out the way they had came. Rachel watched him walk away and disappear back into the streets. She stayed on her back, for a long time, a very long time, afraid of him catching her again. She was still frozen, but shaking violently, and sobbing hard. Finally, what felt like an eternity later; she sat up, pulling back on her underwear and pants, and began to run; leaving her heels behind. She ran like she'd never ran before. The hot water pulled Rachel out of her mind, and she was back in the shower again. She still felt chilled to the bone and filthier than she'd even been in her life, but she shut off the water and got up on jello-like legs. She wrapped the towel around herself, and exited the bathroom.
Monica sat on the couch anxiously, hearing Rachel shut off the shower and pulling the curtain back. She couldn't help it. She had to find out what was wrong. She had to make sure Rachel was okay. The door opened, and there was Rachel wrapped up in her towel, hair dripping wet and eyes red and puffy. She had her arms wrapped tightly around herself as she shivered and began quickly shuffling toward her room. "Hey", Monica said softly. "Jesus!" Rachel shouted, jumping and turning towards Monica. "I'm sorry Rach. But I had to catch you and talk to you. What's going on?" she asked, apologetic but persistent. "Nothing" Rachel replied, holding her towel tight against her body. "You're my best friend Rachel. You can talk to me", Monica said earnestly. "I know. Nothing is going on", Rachel repeats, a little more forcefully this time. Monica just looks back at her, knowing Rachel is lying but not knowing what she can do about it. "I'm going to go to my room now", Rachel says; and makes her way to her bedroom. Feeling confused, worried and defeated; Monica goes back to her room to snuggle up with Chandler, and feels upset that Rachel won't tell her what is wrong.
A couple hours later, Chandler wakes up to a scream, and jolts upright. He places his hand on his heavily beating heart, and an awful feeling forms in the pit of his stomach. He knows it was Rachel. He looks down at Monica, she managed to sleep through it. He leans down to gently kiss her forehead, before carefully getting out of bed, shutting Monica's door behind him. He tiptoes over to Rachel's room, sensing something bad in the air. He knows that she isn't okay. And he wishes that she would have told him and Monica what was going on. Whatever it was, it must be really bad if she won't tell them. As he gets closer to her door, he can hear faint crying; but isn't sure until he gets right up to her door and places his ear against it. She is definitely crying, not just crying; sobbing. He closes his eyes and his heart breaks as he can hear her trying to catch her break through sobs and sniffles, even moaning every so often with emotional pain that he can feel coming out of her. Rachel is one of his best friends and he cares about her so much. He wishes that he could help. He goes back to Monica's room, and finds her awake now. He crawls back into bed with her and explains what happened. "I guess all we can is be patient. When she's ready she will tell us" he whispers. "I guess you're right. I just…I just hope she's gonna be okay", Monica replies, shutting her eyes and lying there until sunrise, not able to fall back asleep.
The next day arrives, and it is around noon. Rachel finally steps out of her bedroom, the light of day immediately giving her a headache after having barely slept, and having flashback nightmares over and over in the darkness. She even thought she heard footsteps outside her door at one point, and couldn't breathe she had started crying so hard. But she was going to take a shower, brush her teeth, put on some clothes, and go meet her friends at the coffeehouse. She had to act like everything was okay. She goes to the bathroom and takes off her clothes, and gasps when she sees herself in the mirror. Large bruises have formed on her thighs, hips and stomach where he had grabbed her and held her. "Aaaahh!" she screams in frustration, kicking the wall in anger, and then jumping on one leg as she holds onto her toes. Tears running down her face, she gets in the shower; trying to think about anything and everything besides the emotional, mental and physical pain she is in. Her toes hurt, her bruises hurt, her back and legs and neck and head hurt, she hurts between her legs, but most of all her heart is shattering into a million pieces. Nothing in this world feels the same. She is afraid to leave the apartment. Afraid to go outside. Afraid to see her friends. They have no idea what she went through. They have no idea what kind of horror is in this world. They have never experienced this. How can she go to the coffee shop and talk about something like Chandler dreaming he is Liza Minelli, or Joey talking about thongs, or Ross' sandwich being stolen. But, she's going to have to. She manages to get through her shower, get dressed, and head downstairs to Central Perk. She stands at the door, looking through the window at her friends. Everyone is in their normal spots, and Ross is standing up in front of everyone, arms flailing about, seeming to tell some lavish story. She takes a deep breath, and walks in, just in time to hear "WE WERE ON A BREAK!" "SERIOUSLY!?" she shouts, rage immediately rising up inside her. Ross quickly whirls around, and everyone looks up at her. Every one. "I am so sick of hearing 'this we were on a break' crap Ross! It happened years ago! Get over it! I got over it! You can get over it!" she yells across the coffeehouse. The entire place has fallen silent. Chandler and Monica give eachother worried glances. Ross feels terrible, beginning to walk towards her to apologize, but Rachel immediately turns the other direction to walk back out the door. Ross runs after her, following her as she runs up the apartment stairs back to door 20, and shutting it and locking it behind her. "Rach! Rach! Please open up! I'm sorry!" Ross shouts through the door, pounding on it with his fists. "GO AWAY!" Rachel screams through her tears. "Please Rach let me in!" Ross begs. "No! It's fine! Just please go away!" Rachel says through the door, heading back to the darkness of her bedroom, getting under the covers, and hating everything and everyone. So much for that plan. She feels so embarrassed for reacting that way. Under any other circumstance, she would have rolled her eyes, maybe told him to shut up. But it was too much to handle in that moment. Dealing with everything going on in her head, using all her energy just to go down, just to walk in and hear that? She felt terrible for not just talking to her friends, hell; her friends and the police. She knew she needed to report what happened. And she knew she needed to tell her friends. They loved her and cared about her. They would help her through it. Hell, Ross would probably die if he knew somebody had hurt her like this. She wanted to tell him so bad. She wanted to tell all of them. But she felt too disgusting, too embarrassed, too weak. How she used to feel when she was with Barry. Now she was a strong, independent woman. She could do anything. But this still happened to her, and she was embarrassed to say that she couldn't find a way out of it. She let it happen. Thinking back, she had stayed so that she could make it out alive. But now a part of her wishes she hadn't lived. She hates herself for thinking that. Her friends would kill her themselves if they knew she was thinking such a stupid thought, but she couldn't help it. Everything was different now. Life wasn't peaches and cream. She was afraid that he would hurt her again. Maybe he had followed her home last night and knew where she lived. Maybe she had put her friends in danger. What if he found her again. Or what if somebody else did. She couldn't trust anyone anymore. "Rach! Rach please talk to me!" she suddenly hears, Monica's voice coming closing to her door as she finishes talking, then her door opens. How could she forget to lock it? She immediately throws the covers over her head and prays for Monica to go away, but also hopes Monica just gets into the bed with her and holds her and never lets her go. "Monica please go away" Rachel begs. She feels Monica sit next to her, placing her hand on her shoulder through the blanket and squeezing it. "Rach…whatever you're going through. I'm here for you. We're all here for you" Monica says, her voice cracking. "I know that…" Rachel begins, starting to cry. "I just can't right now". "Okay…well…we love you okay? So much. And, if somebody hurt you…we're gonna kick their ass" Monica says, trying to make Rachel laugh. She smiles a little, but Monica can't see it. Rachel bawls under the blanket, feeling awful for everything; but tries to muffle her cries into the mattress. Monica rubs Rachel's back one more time before getting up to leave, and quietly shutting the door behind her.
Rachel spends the rest of the day in her bedroom, trying to sleep; but continuing to cry, and ends up with a migraine. She goes into their bedroom and swallows a handful of Tylenol, not caring that it's too much, just wanting the pain to go away. Hours later her head is feeling better, but her stomach is throbbing. After awhile, she gives into reason and runs to the bathroom, past all her friends hanging out in the living room; forcing herself to throw up. She stays in there awhile, embarrassed and ashamed, kneeling in the front of the toilet. "Rach? It's Phoebs. Can I come in?" she asks through the door. Rachel puts her forehead down on the toilet seat. They all already know she's hiding something, so what's the point in pretending anymore. "Sure" Rachel answers tiredly. Phoebe steps in and quietly shuts the door behind her. She gets down on the ground by Rachel, placing her hand on her back and rubbing it. "I don't know what you're going through Rach…but…you know my life's been pretty hectic, and I've been through a lot. I might have some words of wisdom if you told us what's wrong. Then again, I might not. But I would try by very best to help you and we will all be there for you" she says, trying her hardest to be helpful. Rachel sighs deeply. "I know Phoebs, it's just…I just can't right now", she says. No more tears fall, there's nothing left for today. Rachel shuts her eyes, thinking about how it hasn't even been 24 hours since her attack, and it seems like so much has happened since then. Her friends have tried so hard to coax her secret out of her. They're either crazy pushy or care crazy much. Maybe it's both. Phoebe speaks up, and it's as she read Rachel's mind. "We all can tell that whatever you're dealing with, it's serious. We've never seen you like this, not even close. Hell, none of us have ever seen any of us like this. The closest thing is when Carol left Ross, and Monica and Richard broke up, but it wasn't even like this. I can see the pain in your eyes Rach…" Phoebe's voice cracks and Rachel lifts her head to tentatively look into Phoebe's eyes. She's afraid of what she will see. "I'll tell you guys when I'm ready. Right now I just…I don't know. I don't know how to talk about it", Rachel tries to explain. "Okay. We understand. I love you okay?" Phoebe says, tilting her head. "I love you too Phoebs", she replies. Phoebe helps Rachel stand up, and they walk out the bathroom together, but as Phoebe heads over to the couch, Rachel heads back to her room, shutting the door behind her.
A couple of hours later, a little after midnight, there is a knock on her door. "Come in", she mumbles into her pillow. Sleep still hasn't found her, and now she's exhausted beyond belief. She can't get out of her mind that about 24 hours ago she was in that alley… "Hey" a soft voice says. She knows that voice. She looks up to see Ross. He tentatively walks over to the opposite side of the bed where she is laying, and gently sits next to her. "I know you're at me right now but-" he begins. "I'm not mad at you" Rachel says quietly. "You're not?" he asks surprised. "No" she replies firmly. How can she be mad at him with everything else going on? The coffeehouse incident is nothing in comparison to, well; everything. "Well that's good…but, I want you to know that I'm here for you. And…I'm sorry about whatever you're going through. If it has to do with me-", he begins. "It doesn't have to do with you", Rachel intervenes, actually almost laughing a bit. Leave it to Ross. "Well that's good…" Ross mutters, embarrassed. "Rach, I've never seen you like this. I just, I'm here for you okay. Whenever you're ready, we're all here for you", he says. "I know" Rachel slurs, beginning to get delirious from the lack of sleep. "Try to sleep okay? We're all heading home now. Will you come meet us at the coffee shop in the morning?" he asks. Rachel nods, finally beginning to doze off. "Yeah I'll try" she mumbles. "Okay, good night" he says, beginning to stand up; but she's already gone.
She wakes up in the morning in a cold sweat, a scream erupting from her throat. Another flashback nightmare. She knows it's only been two nights, but she feels she will never stop reliving that night. It's only her second day, but it's becoming so hard to bare this. But she gets up, feeling even worse, physically, mentally and emotionally than yesterday, but showers and gets dressed, ready to give Central Perk another try. When she leaves her bedroom, ready to head downstairs, everyone is in the living room, hanging out and watching the news. "Oh hey guys" she says, trying her hardest to be okay today, at least in front of them. "All done with your coffee?" "Yeah, but we brought you a latte", Monica says, holding it out for her. "I know I know, we're not really supposed to take those but, we figured this could be an exception", Chandler cracks. Rachel manages to smirk a bit, and walks over to grab the coffee. She sits on the floor by Monica's legs, sipping her hot, steaming latte. "Thanks guys" she says quietly, and Monica squeezes her shoulder. Everyone begins to chat about this and that, Rachel tunes them out and looks at the TV screen, focused on her own thoughts. She is thankful that they aren't asking her any questions today, just having them around her felt comforting, and she felt protected and save. She wasn't sure how she may feel later tonight, or this afternoon or even an hour from now, but right now she felt okay. Then suddenly, she is ripped from her thoughts, when a familiar face on the TV screen makes her jump, and half of her latte sloshes over the mug and onto her pants and the carpet. Her heart began to speed a million miles an hour and she hears whirring in her ears. She didn't even hear herself scream. "What's wrong Rach?" Joey asks her. "Yeah what is it?" Chandler asks, him and Monica's concerned faces surrounding her. She continues to stare at the screen. SUSPECTED SERIAL RAPIST IN NEW YORK CITY the screen says, with a sketch of him on the screen. Him. Her breath comes out of her mouth loudy and rapidly, and then she realizes she can't breathe. She is having a panic attack, everybody gets on the ground surrounding her, touching whatever part of her they can reach, trying to comfort her. Telling her to breathe. When she finally lifts her head out of her knees, she looks up at the screen, and he's no longer there. But she starts to sob. Everyone stays where they are on the ground, surrounding her, and patiently looking at her. They can sense that Rachel is about to speak. "I was raped".
