So, I haven't uploaded anything for a long, long time but i had some inspiration and this story popped into my head so I just wanted to get it down somewhere and couldn't think of a better place than this. I hope you enjoy.

Have you ever been so angry and upset with someone, so let down by them, that you've thought to yourself, 'What if something happened to me in this moment? What if I got sick? Or hit by a speeding car? What if I suddenly wasn't here for them to take their frustrations out on? What if I simply didn't exist in their world anymore?' I'm sure everyone has thought it at some point. When you argued with your Mom over something trivial and told her you were going to run away. The anger pulsing through you and you wanted to make her sorry for making you so mad. You thought about it. You looked at the small vegetable knife on the counter but you knew you'd never go through with it, not really anyway. Everyone thinks it, but they're never actually serious about it. But, what if you was serious. What if you picked up that knife, or stepped in front of that speeding car. You don't mean to kill yourself, just hurt yourself enough that they'll feel bad for ever shouting at you. What if it went too far. The knife went that inch too deep, or the car was going just a shade too fast?

'I give up!' I screamed, giggling as she threw the water bomb at me. 'I'm all out' I lie as I hide behind the car, the last water bomb in my hand.

'Promise?' Brittany's voice asks from behind the outside trashcan.

'Promise' I lie again. I make my way out from behind the car to show her my fake surrender. I spot her blonde head bob up from behind the bin, just to make sure I have given up. I slowly make my way towards her, one hand still behind my back as she stands up, showing her bare hands. I get arms reach from her before...SPLAT! A water bomb hits me right in the face and Brittany cackles with laughter.

'Oh, you are so dead!' I shout as I run at her. I slam the water bomb on her head as I fall into her and we both end up on the ground, both laughing hysterically. We're both soaked through and breathing heavily and it takes me a second to realise that I'm lying on top of her. All my previous efforts at not letting us get into any compromising situations had failed in this moment and I found that familiar want begin to grow as I looked down at the beautiful girl beneath me. Her blue eyes twinkling, her cheeks flushed and tiny droplets of water falling from the bangs that hung damp on her face. Out hearts racing against our chests, the heavy breathing. Everything made me want her and that feeling was almost painful between my legs.

'I need to go inside now' I whispered, lifting myself up off of my best friend. The smile on her face dropped, she knew what was wrong.

'Santana...' she barely whispered as she stood herself up beside me. I could see the pain in her eyes. This was as bad for her as it was for me, just for totally different reasons.

'Britt...I cant' I say simply. My heart aches as I push her away again.

'Why not, Santana? I don't understand!' she half shouts, her voice getting angrier. It's not the first time she's gotten angry, and I'm pretty sure it won't be the last.

'Because I can't do this, I told you that' my voice is barely at normal volume. I just don't have it in me to have the same argument again. It kills me everytime I have to tell her this, having to shatter her hopes and seeing the hurt in her eyes.

'I don't understand why though. One minute you're telling me you love me, the next you're saying you can't do anything about it. Is love not enough for you, Santana?' I can hear the frustration in her words. She's losing patience with me and I don't blame her. She's put up with my shit a lot longer than I would have. In a way, I hope she moves on, I want her to find someone who can love her freely without being scared. I want her to find the happiness that I can't give her.

'I'm sorry' I whispered. I spot the tears prickles those blue eyes that have captivated me since the day we met. I try to swallow the golf ball that's formed in my throat as I blink back tears of my own.

'I can't give you what you want, Brittany. You deserve happi-'

'Happiness. Yeah, yeah. I get it Santana. Why don't you try telling me something you haven't said a dozen times before?' she shouts, the tears in her eyes have been replaced with a fire that I've never seen in them before. 'I'm sick of you telling me the same shit everytime. What more do I have to do?'

'I can't do it, Brittany!' I shout back, my own anger flaring. My heart is racing, but for a completely different reason to before. 'Why can't you just understand that I'm never gunna be with you!'

I shut up, shocked at the words that just came out of my mouth. I didn't meant them. What I want to tell Brittany is that I want to be with her more than anything, I love her so much my heart hurts, I'm just scared of the consequences.

'You know, Santana. One day I won't be in your life anymore and you'll be alone, and you'll regret the fact that I was here in front of you, waiting for you to love me and you let me walk away' her voice is neutral. Not shouting, no emotion. I think it's worse than the crying or shouting that Brittany usually does.

I watch as she turns away, her words sinking in. She's right, one day I will find myself alone. Brittany will find someone else, she'll move on and I'll be alone, wishing I wasn't too scared to love her.

'Britt, stop' I beg her.

'Why, Santana? So you can get my hopes up again and shoot me down whenever things get too intense for you?' she shouted back. I barely hear the words she says. I'm more focused on the screech of the car as it tries to stop. Everything happens in slow motion. I see the look of horror and fear in Brittany's eyes as she spots the big, black 4x4. I see the guy behind the wheel try his hardest to swerve and miss. I feel my heart hammering against my chest and hear the scream of her name leave my mouth as she flies over the top of the car. I don't think, I can't feel my brain working as my legs begin move, leading me towards her. I fall to the ground and pull her into me and Brittany's words echo as I hold her unconscious body against me. I hear crying. Someone is sobbing. I look down at Brittany and see the tears falling on her face. It's then that I realise the Sobs are coming from me. They hurt as they leave my body.

'I'm so sorry. She was just there!' the guy says. I don't look at him. If I look at him, I'll kill him. 'I called emergency services, they'll be here any second. Is there anyone I can call for you?' I don't respond, I lost look at Brittany, silently promising her that if she pulls through this, I'll scream my love for her from the rooftops for everyone to hear. I won't care what anyone says, I'll love her proudly and make her happier than she ever imagined.

'Please be ok' I whispered as I push her hair back off of her face and place a kiss to her bloodied forehead.

I don't hear the sirens, I don't hear the EMT guy ask me to hand her over to be checked over. He crouches down so he's level with me.

'Honey, you need to put her down now. We need to check her over' he says softly, gently taking Brittany from my arms. Another woman movers in and they begin to try to get a response from Brittany. A police office comes and places a blanket around my shoulders. I didn't even realise that I'm cold from the wet clothes that I'm wearing.

I don't thank the officer, I don't even respond. My focus is solely on the blade in front of me, watching as the paramedics fight for her life.

'We've lost her' the woman says quietly, shaking her head.

'No!' I feel myself scream as fresh hot tears fall from my eyes. I throw the blanket off and run to her. 'C'mon Britt. Wake up for me, babe' I cry as I pull her into my arms. I kiss her face all over, praying for them to work some kind of fairytale magic and wake her up.

'I'm so sorry' the guy cries again. I see red when I look at him. I place Brittany back onto the ground and find myself lunging at him. ' You did this! You killed her! I scream through the tears. I'm hitting him now. Pushing and Punching him and he doesn't fight me back. I feel two hands pull me away and a woman pull me into a hug as she runs my hair. It's the police officer. I sob into her as I look at the girl I love laying lifeless on the ground. I sob as they put her on a stretcher and place her in the ambulance. My heart hurts like it's never hurt before and I know I'll never forget this pain.

Have you ever been so angry and upset with someone, so let down by them, that you've thought to yourself, 'What if something happened to me in this moment?'