Ok so I HAVE NO CLUE where this came from. But I needed to get it out of my system so I continue my other stories. Im sorry for spitting out these random stories but I cant help. I must release my muse. SO this is meant to just be fun and ridiculous because…well I felt like it. Hope you guys enjoy. I had lots of fun writing it. Hope you have fun reading.
I dont own OUAT
Chapter 1. The airplane
"No!" stated Regina firmly as she quickly strutted away from the kitchen leaving a pleading Emma in wake. She couldn't believe her wife had just spontaneously sprung the plans of spending an entire week with the blonde's family. There was no way she would be staying under the same roof as the Charming's. Not a chance.
"Aww come on Regina," whined Emma.
"NO."
"It's won't be that bad, Ruby and Belle will be there too."
"No."
Emma sighed, "Can't you say something other than no?"
"Yes."
"So you'll go?"
"Hell no!"
The blonde quickly followed behind her wife using her best puppy dog eyes and pulling her arm to bring their bodies together, "baby please, we have to go."
Regina pursed her lips and looked away, "we don't have to do anything. You can go and I'll stay here."
"Actually, we do…" Emma trailed, "I already told Henry who is super excited, and I may have kinda sorta possibly just a tinsy wincey bit already promised my mom."
"You what!?" the brunette looked up at her wife with incredulous brown eyes.
The blonde cringed, "she used the boo boo face." Emma then jutted out her lip in a pout hoping it will work on her wife.
Regina sighed defeated, between the blondes pout face and the idea of breaking Henry's excitement, she really had no choice. "Fine, we'll go." Emma then leaned in for a kiss but was stopped by tanned hands pinching her lips together, she squirmed from discomfort. "But let it be known dear, if I'm not having any fun, neither will you." She let go of the blonde pick lips.
"What's that supposed to mean?" the blonde rubbed lips to soothe away the small pinch the brunettes hold caused.
"It means that your all season pass to Pantyville will be up for a weekly suspension."
"No bumper carts?"
Regina shook her head.
"You know what, imma just call my mom and tell her we can't make it, cos you know…I'm not feeling well." Emma grabbed her wife's hand and placed it on her forehead. "Do I feel warm to you?"
Before the brunette could answer their son Henry came racing downstairs with a large book bag on his back and one of the biggest smile the two have ever seen. "Ma did you tell her yet!?" he asked and continued without waiting for an answer, "Mom we're going to a cabin on a lake! Grandpa said he's going to teach me to fish, and how to make s'mores, and we're gonna go swimming. We're gonna have a cannon ball contest!" at this point the boy was bouncing up and down with excitement.
There was no way of getting out of it now.
Regina turned to look at her wife, "good job honey." She patted the taller woman's arm sarcastically. "I'll go pack."
Emma groaned, "Fuck my life."
Snow, James, Ruby and Belle were all impatiently waiting in the airport. Their flight leaves in less than a half hour and there was still no sign of the Swan family.
James looked at his watch, "where the hell are they?"
"They should have been here by now," Snow answered.
"Yea if Emma isn't half dead after telling Regina last minute." Ruby stated.
"I thought you said she knew?" questioned Belle.
"No, I said Henry knew. She's been waiting to tell Regina. And guessing by them not being here , it didn't go to well."
Before any of the others could share their views the tell-tale bickering of the Swan couple could be heard, revealing a very annoyed Henry and his two bantering mothers behind him.
"What the hell did you pack Regina? It's only a week not a decade." Emma stated as she pulled in the very heavy blue suitcase.
"Everything that will keep me sane while being under the same roof as your parents."
"You're over exaggerating."
"Your face is exaggerating."
"That doesn't even make sense!"
"Neither does this trip!" Regina fired back.
Henry turned to the grandfather, "they've been like this the whole way here."
"Oh excuse me for not wanting to deny our son of quality time with his grandparents." Emma continued.
"You certainly didn't have any difficulties denying me last night."
"I told you that position is uncomfortable for me. My legs cramped like 15 times."
"You know what else is uncomfortable, the couch that has your name written all over it the second we get back."
"Umm, I'm uncomfortable," James said while raising his hand.
"Yea me too," chimed Belle.
The Swan couple rolled their eyes simultaneously.
"Hi guys," Ruby spoke cheerfully, trying to lighten the mood. "Glad you can make it."
"Hey Rubes," Emma started, "Mom, Dad, Belle." She muttered while turning the suitcase upright to stand on its own. Regina remained quiet, still clearly annoyed about this trip that was forced onto her at the last minute. Perhaps it would be easier if she had known ahead of time. But of course, things just never went the way she wanted.
A mechanic voice than rang through the airport. Flight 26a to Florence South Carolina now boarding.
Charming then motioned over to his blonde daughter helping her with the suitcase, "that's us. We better get going." The group then followed behind James as he lugged the large suitcase. "Really Regina, what did you pack in here?"
The brunette ignored the question continuing to walk forward holding hands with Henry as they handed in their tickets and boarded the plane.
Emma, Regina, Henry, Ruby and Belle all went in one direction as Snow and Charming went in the other. Belle was the first to notice before speaking, "Why are you guys going that way? First class is on this side."
"Uhh," James stuttered looking between Belle and his wife, "we decided coach was better for us."
"Why?"
"Yeah why?" Emma questioned. Not that coach was a bad thing. But they were all supposed to be sitting in first class together. It was meant to be the official beginning of their family time.
"We have our reasons," Snow answered.
"Suit yourself," Emma shrugged.
"Ma can I sit with grandma and grandpa pleeaassee."
"Ask your mother," the blonde answered smartly. She was already in deep with the brunette. And not in the way she wanted.
"There's no room for you Henry."
"But I want to be with them."
"So then what do we do with the single window seat Emma got for you?" Regina questioned.
Window seat? Single? All to himself? Henry seemed to think for a moment before blurting out to his grandparents, "I'll uh, see you when we get there." He then rushed off quickly finding his seat and settling in. His two mothers motioning over to their own conjoined seats in the row opposite of his own. Ruby and Belle also found their own seats.
...
The plane hadn't even taken off before trouble started.
"Your mothers losing her shit." Ruby half panicked.
"What?" asked a confused Emma. Regina rolled her eyes at what she deemed was stupidity. Seriously, it just had to be her true love that was related to the two idiots.
"She's freaking out."
"What? Why? We haven't even moved yet."
"Well apparently your mother has never been on a plane before. You need to go talk to her." Ruby urged. She for one had never been on a plane either but it didn't seem to scare her or the others.
Emma grumbled as she stood from her seat and passed the curtains separating first class and coach. Without much effort she spotted her father who was trying desperately to calm down the pixie brunette beside him. Mary Margaret was shaking and rocking back and forth like a deranged lunatic.
Emma rolled her eyes, "Ugh she's too old for this shit." She motioned over to her parents placing a gentle hand on her mother's shoulder. "Mom calm down, everything will be fine."
"No!" she snapped pointing a finger causing Emma to jump back, "everything will not be fine. Can you fly a plane!?"
"Erm…no?"
"Then you're grounded!"
"Mom I'm 32."
"Don't back sass me."
Emma furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, "ok fuck this I'm out." She then turned around to head back to her seat. Once she reached back to her wife she sat down roughly beside her and snatched one of the five magazines in the brunettes lap and flipped through it.
"Is your mother ok?" Regina asked.
"Don't care," Emma answered shortly while flicking through the magazine aimlessly.
Ruby then came back over to the Swan couple directing her question to Emma, "how did it go?"
"Not good." The pages of the magazine nearly ripped as pale hands continued to flip them roughly, not bothering to pick up her gaze.
Ruby paused before a mischievous smile crossed her face, "I know just what to do." She then turned to walk off.
Moments later the seatbelt sign flashed signaling that the plane was soon to take off.
Ruby then came back to sit beside Belle with an unreadable smile on her face.
Mary Margaret swayed slightly in her seat. The decent sized bottle of tequila that Ruby handed her filled her with a warmness she never felt before. Everything seemed so vibrant and new and…hilarious. The pixie brunette began to giggle uncontrollably.
"You ok?" James asked.
"Oh I'm just fiinnneeee," she drew out the last word.
James looked a little weary but remained silent. He really didn't want to make this any worse. The seatbelt light started to blink with a consistent pinging sound.
"Oh that's my song!" Mary Margaret began to bop her head to the bell like pang of the 'fasten your seatbelt light'.
Charming looked at his wife with wide eyes, "…Mar?"
The seatbelt sign then stopped and the pixie brunette looked annoyed. "Boooo, kill the DJay." She shouted.
A loud 'shhh' sounded from an older woman two rows down and Snow turned to snap at her. "Don't you shush me. I can shhh right back. SHHHHHHHHHH" she exaggerated before turning to her husband. "People are so rude."
Charming than slowly sunk his face into one of his hands as the plane took off. This was going to be a very long ride.
...
In first class Emma could hear slight commotion from behind them. It even sounded like her mother but she decided that wasn't possible. Her mother was way too scared to cause any raucous. She glanced over to Henry who was sitting indian style in his single window seat deeply submerged in his video game. It made her happy to know that she had picked the right choice for him; he was kid who liked his privacy, a trait from the brunette mother of course. She then leaned over towards her wife who was sitting by the window and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.
Regina smiled in response and turned to bring their lips together sweetly. Emma smiled before kissing her again. "So…about my all seasons pass?"
The brunette raised an amused eyebrow, "what about it?"
"Is it still valid?"
Regina smirked, "it's still under revision."
"What about joining the mile high club?"
"What's that?"
The blonde laughed. "You really don't know?"
A blank look.
Emma then whispered in her wife's ear, "It's when you have sex on a plane." Regina quickly slapped her arm, "ow! No hitting."
"Why would you think that's something I would do? Seriously Emma, in front of all these people." The brunette knew her wife was kinky, but she had her limits.
"It's not like that," the blonde tried to explain, "you don't do it here…we go in one of the bathrooms."
"That's unsanitary. And that will be taken into consideration."
"Of what?"
"The revision of your season's pass."
"What that's not even fair," Emma pouted.
Ruby and Belle then walked passed their seats before Regina had a chance to respond. Emma called out to them, "where are you guys going?"
Ruby answered with a wide grin, "to join the mile high club." Belle blushed brightly at her girlfriends words.
"Omg Regina, even Belle is joining," Emma tried to reason.
"And if Belle jumped off a bridge would you?"
The sound of curtains separating roughly caught the women's ears as they all looked to find a very intoxicated Mary Margaret standing in the door way. "Its Snow White bitches."
Emma looked up at the red streaked brunette with incredulous eyes, "oh Ruby you didn't."
"Belle I think we're late for our club meeting," Ruby quickly stated to her girlfriend before pulling her away from the scene.
Regina turned to her wife, "is your mother…"
"Yep."
"Who…?"
"Ruby."
The pixie brunette scanned the room. Emma ducked down into her seat as Regina stared with amused eyes. "Regina get down or she'll see us!" the blonde loudly whispered before yanking her wife down.
"She already knows we're here," she whispered back.
"Maybe she won't see us."
"Don't be ridiculous."
"PPPSSSTTTTT Emma" Snow loudly hissed while looking through the rows. "Come out; come out, where ever you are." She playfully added.
Regina covered her mouth with her hand to stop from laughing.
"Regina this isn't funny!"
"Your right….it's hysterical." She continued to snicker.
"Shut up, she's gonna hear you."
Mary Margaret's footsteps came closer, "I will find you Emma. I will always find you."
Regina laughed more at the woman's catch phrase before deciding to get even with her wife for making her go on this trip. "Here she is!" she shouted before shoving Emma out of her seat.
"REGINA!"
Snow than rushed over to her daughter pulling her into a tight hug, trapping the blonde's arms at her side.
"Mom are you ok?"
"They tryna get me."
"Who?"
"The po-po." She whispered loudly.
"The what?"
Regina laughed audibly now. This was priceless; she wished she had her camera. Perhaps this trip wouldn't be too bad if things remained this amusing.
"The po-po Emma," Snow continued, "the man! He's after me. They tryna get me for my paper."
"What?" Emma asked thoroughly confused and tried to remove herself from the brunettes grip. "What paper?"
"The cheddar, dolla dolla bills."
The blonde held back a laugh.
"Excuse me miss," one of the flight attendants interrupted, "we need you to go back to your seat"
This must be the version of the po-po she was talking about. Emma mused, aprently the flight attendant was the police according to her mother.
"back up off me man!" Snow shouted while releasing her daughter and turning to the attendant. "you don't know me like that."
"please return to your seat ma'am, coach members are not allowed here." The attendant tried again.
Snow gasped, "RACIST!"
"oh for fucks sake," Emma groaned as she rubbed a hand over her face. "mom just do what she says please.
The pixie brunette looked at her daughter with incredulousness, "so you're against me too?"
"What, no-"
"I rebuke you satan!" Mary Margaret shouted at the flight attendant, "take your hold off of my daughter!" The flight attendant screamed as Snow grabbed onto the womans forehead forcefully. "be gone demon."
At this point everyone on the plane had their eyes glued to the scene. Including Regina who was about to keel over in death from laughter. Charming then came through the curtain picking up his wife successfully removing her from the woman.
"JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!" Snow shouted as charming tried to pull her back through the curtains with little success as she held onto the door frame with a vice grip. "AVENGE ME EMMA!"
Emma turned to her wife, "Regina a little help here."
"What do you want me to do?" she chuckled through the words.
"I don't know, use your magic."
"I'm band from magic remember?"
"JUST DO IT!" both Emma and Charming yelled simultaneously.
Regina rolled her eyes, "ok ok no need to shout." With a flick of her wrist time was frozen still, aside from herself and Emma.
"What are you doing?" the blonde asked.
"Helping." She then placed her hands over Mary Margaret's eyes closing them before using her magic to elevate her back to coach. She then motioned to the flight attendant placing her hand on the woman's temple. A large white ring exploded from her going through the entire plane. With another flick of her wrist time continued again. The flight attendant smiled at Emma before politely asking her to sit down again and walked back to her station near the cock pit.
Charming look dumbfounded before turning to walk back to coach. A confused look on his face.
"What did you do?" Emma asked.
"I put your mom to sleep and erased everyone's memories aside from you and me."
"You put my mom to sleep?" she asked apprehensively.
"Don't worry it wasn't the sleeping curse, it's a simple spell to keep her quiet until we land."
Emma sighed in relief. "Thank you."
"Anything for you honey." She smiled.
"But why didn't you erase my memories?"
Regina leaned over to kiss her wife, "because I plan to hold this over you all week, and I wanted to make sure you knew what I was talking about."
Emma groaned as the plane started to descend for a landing. This was going to be a long week.
So what do you guys think? was it fun? I hope so. Now I will be going back to the regularly scheduled stories since I got this off my chest. ")
