Before we begin, I want to leave a serious note. Please do not take this the wrong way. I'm not trying to be mean or say that you can't like this pairing or any other pairings I write in this. It's perfectly fine and everybody should have the right to like whatever they want. This is just a lot of what I've seen on here and I'm making fun of it all. Hell, I've made some of these mistakes in my work before. There. I've explained myself, so if you flame me I will not take you seriously. So, here we go.

For the first chapter, we are starting with the most beloved pairing in the Hetalia fandom: USUK. This means America is the seme/man-like figure in the relationship and England is the uke/lady-like figure in the relationship. Maybe I'll make one for UKUS later.

Disclaimer: Hetalia is owned by Hidekaz Himaruya.

Chapter 1: USUK

England is at a world meeting. I mean, how else are you supposed to start a Hetalia fanfiction? They obviously never get anything done. They just make fun of each other's pasts or something. Have you seen Episode 1?

Anyway, Italy is saying how much he loves pasta and coloring something, Germany was yelling at everybody, and France was staring at England. Oh no! No doubt was he going to molest England soon! I mean, it's not like France is a loving person who has respect for others. No, he just rapes whatever he can get his hands on. Yeah, this isn't offensive to French people in any way.

"Ohohohohohohoh!" He laughed.

"You bloody wanker! You're such an annoying git! You should just sod off!" England shouted.

Oh yeah. As a rule, England has to say at least one British slang in every single sentence. Well, there is only wanker, git, arse, bloody hell, and the occasional new word once you get right down to it. Then, suddenly, he came in.

"Sorry I'm late dudes! The awesome hero was accidentally sleeping in!" Suddenly, he turned his attention to France and frowned. Then, he pointed at him dramatically. "Hey! You! Stop molesting England right now! The hero is against it!"

Even though France wasn't even going to do that to being with, France started to pout and then turned away from the both of them. England stared at the perfectness that was America. With blonde hair and perfect blue eyes, he fit the knight in shining armor perfectly. America was the most beautiful thing in the whole entire world. England had loved him ever since he went through puberty and became hot. He began to blush.

America turned around and then suddenly smiled. His teeth shined so bright, it light up the whole entire room. "Oh, hey Iggy."

England's eyes widened and an even larger blush developed. Oh my god! America was talking to him! He had to confess right now! Instead, he frowned. "America, you're such a wanker. You're late, you fat arse."

America smirked and laughed. "Yeah. Wha'cha going do about it, old man?" Then, just to spite him, America shoved a random hamburger that materialized from thin air into his mouth.

England's eyes widened. Old!? England wasn't old! He had been trying hard to keep in shape! He had exercised for hours and dyed his hair blonde at least five times a day! England then started to cry. Now everybody was looking at him. "A-America, you're such an idiotic arse and I hate you!"

Then, England ran out of the world meeting. All those wankers were so mean and he was so alone! He had never had anybody who had ever loved him! Ever since he could remember, everybody was so mean to him. He was always picked on and his colonies hated him. Even his brothers didn't like him. They all formed the UK but they didn't love each other at all. Ever single country made fun of his eyebrows and his cooking! Why didn't anyone care about him!?

"Iggy."

England looked up and saw America. "Go away, you worthless piece of shite!"

Suddenly, America leaned in and kissed England. England's eyes widened and he blushed badly like a lovestruck school girl. Then, he leaned in for the kiss. It was wonderful and long and they both enjoyed every minute of it. Nah, nobody cares that they were both brothers at one point. America doesn't consider himself England's brother anymore. It's fine! They loved each other from the start anyway.

Then, they both decided to skip the meeting despite all the attention they just brought upon themselves when they decided to go out for dinner. It was at a wonderful place that was both a pub and McDonalds. You could just tell that Hetalian fangirls had built this just to see America and England have their first date in it.

Anyway.

They were both eating and drinking and America was singing some One Direction karaoke for England, the latter blushing terribly for the third time that day, when suddenly a person interrupted.

"Hey! Stop singing that dumb song!" A random person shouted. America frowned and dropped his head in shame. England frowned and turned to the person.

"You know what, arsehole!? Shut the actual fuck up!"

Suddenly, the two of them started fighting and England won. Of course he fucking would, because you want a seemingly helpless person to become a badass just to make it suspenseful. Oh and no, America didn't try to break up the fight and be a hero like he's always wanted to be. He just shoved fries in his mouth and drank some more cola like a useless idiot. Then, there was the issue of actually getting home.

"God damn it, you useless wanker!" England yelled at America. "We're never going back to your bloody house! Now, we might as well walk, you git!" (A/N: Sorry. Just gotta but in in the middle of the fanfiction. Here's a tip though. When writing a tsundere, you have to make him be mean to his special one all the time. No showing your love. Just be a whiny bitch that will eventually drive the man crazy. Okay. Back to the fanfiction. Again. Sorry!)

America frowned. "Chill, dude. I have something better than walking."

Suddenly, America started talking into a speaker. Then, a random jet came out from the sky. England's eyes widened. "What the bloody hell, America?" He cried, having the most reasonable reaction in this whole entire thing.

"Oh, come on!" America told him and forcefully pulled him inside the jet. Then, he began to fly it. England screamed and cried like a whiny little girl and said how he was afraid of heights. Then, sometime during it he looked at how beautiful the scenery below him was and conquered his fear of heights. But anyway, that's not what I should be writing about. After that, they went home and had wonderful sex (I think that's some sort of cake?) and it was amazing. It all ended with the two snuggling together in bed.

"Hey, Iggy?" America asked quietly.

"Yes, git?" England asked harshly, but with wonderful affection within his voice.

"I love you."

England blushed once again. Then, he moved closer to America. "I love you too, wanker."

THE END!


Wasn't that the best USUK fanfiction EVAR!? By the way, here's another tip. When writing England, just close your eyes and try to get into the mind of a teenage girl on her period. He's not a badass, he's just an annoying whiny little man who can save the day every now and then. Everybody will love it for sure! If I get good reviews, I may include another chapter.

-PastaLover5000