ANGER MANAGMENT


"But Ryou! I don't need to go to anger management!" Bakura whined. Ryou sighed as he continued with the tedious task of attempting to get Bakura into the car.

Now, I bet you're wondering what Bakura could have possibly done to get Ryou to send him off to anger management. Well, I believe it went something like this...

flashback

Ryou had come home from a long day of working at McDonald's. He found Bakura reclining in his... well... recliner chair, eating Burger King, Lays potato chips and yogurt.

Ryou noticed the littered french fries staining their carpet with grease. Yogurt was...EVERYWHERE, with potato chip crumbs in it.

In one word, it was... MESSY... utterly, horridly... MESSY.

Ryou sighed exasperatedly. His patience was NOT easy to destroy and Bakura had done stuff like this before, so he paid no attention and ventured into the kitchen. He grabbed a corn dog from the freezer to stuff in the microwave.

There was no microwave.

Ryou's heart stopped. The microwave was... like, his LIFE. HOW WOULD HE EAT!

"Bakura!" he shouted, very scared. "w...what happened to the microwave?"

"oh, that..."

"YES THAT! WHAT HAPPENED!"

"weeeeell... ya see, I wanted some raw meat. SOOOO, I went out and slaughtered a moose."

"you WHAT!"

"Shut up! I'm not done. Anyway, I slaughtered this moose for raw meat. But the meat was cold."

"um...ohkay."

"Yeah. And so I tried the oven, but you know how that thing REEKS of Dark Magic..."

"Why do you care?"

"I just DO, ok! ANYWAY- so, I tried to use the microwave, but I had some issues with it. By that time, the moose meat was getting all weird and soggy and stuff but I was still hungry and so I kept TRYING to get that Ra Damn microwave to just fucking WORK, but I couldn't. So, I tried to eat the microwave-"

"EXCUSE ME!"

"Sh, sh, shhhh... and it was actually pretty good..."

Ryou could have sworn he heard his heart skip a beat.

"but I think I might have bit a wire or something cause it blew up. So, I was all, 'FUCK YOU BITCH! YOURE GOING TO FUCKING GO TO FUCKING HELL WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT YOU RA DAMN BEAST-WHORE! WORK...youfuckingwhorebitchdamn...THING!'"

Ryou choked... Bakura could actually reenact things REALLY well.

"and so... yeah..."

That's when Ryou burst a fuse.

Calmly he said, "you... are going to BUY us a NEW mi...MICROWAVEEEE...whether you FUCK-ing LIKE it or NOT!"

Bakura blinked and bared his fangs.

"What if I don't want to?"

"you WILL buy US that microwave... and you will take MY place at McDonald's and work your ASS off until you get enough money for that MICROWAVE."

And THAT is when Bakura imploded.

"NO! I WILL NOT WORK FOR YOU AT THAT EFFIN MCFUCKERZ PLACE!"

"Yes you will."

"I WON'T"

"Bakura, you WILL."

"FUCKER!"

"BITCH!"

And then an all out fight started by Bakura ensued.

Knifes and forks were pulled...

"then...and then... you go out for BURGER KING..."

"...I had no food!"

"and litter the place"

"did not!"

Bakura pinned Ryou in the yogurt. A horrible squelching sound became apparent.

"yes, you did."

Then Bakura bit his hikari's face.

End flashback

And so there they were. By the car... stuffing Bakura into it. As soon as Bakura was "settled" in the back seat, Ryou got in the drivers seat and drove off to the anger management building where he was planning on meeting Yugi and Malik with their yamis.

He had yet to figure out what Yami could possibly have done to convince Yugi that he was in need of anger management. Yami always seemed so well behaved. Then again, Ryou hadn't seen Yami in a long time.

When Ryou finally reached the anger management building, he was unsurprised to see that Yugi was already standing outside waiting for him. Ryou got out of the car and set to work undoing the many chains he had used to keep Bakura from jumping out the car window in the middle of the drive.

After about ten minutes of VERY hard work, Ryou finally managed to get all of the various chains and locks off. He grabbed Bakura who was...asleep? How could he be trying to murder Ryou one second and then asleep the next?

Oh, well.

Anyway, Ryou grabbed Bakura and dragged him out of the car over to where Yugi was standing. "Hi Ryou," Yugi said in his overly enthusiastic voice. "Hi Yugi," Ryou replied, "Where is Yami?"

"Inside."

"You left him in there? Alone? I thought you said he was now worthy of being labeled a danger to the public?"

"He is."

"And you left him in there alone?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Straight jacket."

Ryou blinked. Yugi had put Yami in a straight jacket. O..k...That was something he never ever EVER thought he would hear.

"So," said Bakura, "What has the stupid pharaoh done that is so bad it requires the use of a straight jacket? BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Bakura continued to laugh manically as Ryou and Yugi just stared.

Eventually, Bakura calmed down enough for Ryou and Yugi to drag him inside to the waiting room.

Bakura was grinning insanely when he saw the struggling Yami in a straight jacket, rolling on the floor.

Bakura laughed again. Yami stopped rolling around and scowled.

Bakura began to prance around, Ryou frantically trying to sit him in a puffy chair.

"Yam-eeeeee is in a straaaaaight jaaaaaaaacket!"

Yami growled. "Why are YOU here then... Baku-Bitch?"

Bakura stopped prancing around.

"well...Yami... ya know what?"

"What?"

Ryou and Yugi nervously glanced between the two yamis.

Bakura bared every one of his fangs and brought his arms up. His fingernails seemed unnaturally long.

There was a frightening pause.

Ryou winced when Bakura opened his lethal mouth.

"BLAH I SAY! BLAURGH!"

Yugi and Ryou stared, very afraid.

Bakura continued to yell and scream 'blah blah blah balurruuugie blahg!' until flames rose in the pharaoh's eyes. There was something about Bakura's strange chanting that ticked off the yami...greatly.

So, what did Yami do?

He retaliated of course.

Somehow managing to stand up, Yami gave a strange battle cry that sounded kind of like a cross between a chicken and a squirrel and threw himself at Bakura, effectively knocking the tomb robber into the wall.

Yugi leaped forward and grabbed the back of Yami's straightjacket.

"Yami! NO!" he shouted. Ryou rushed over to Bakura to make sure he was ok only to find him muttering every curse known to man under his breath, "That stupid fucking bitch fag! How dare he do that to me! He shall pay with his life!" That said, Bakura leaped up and charged at Yami, who was still being restrained by Yugi.

Everyone in the waiting room was staring at the spectacle. They were shocked. I mean, they had seen some pretty bad tempered people, but this...this was insanity!

"Let go of me Yugi!" yami screamed

"NO!"

"But I need to kill Bakura!"

The other occupants of the room, minus Ryou, Yugi, and Bakura, were shocked.

"No Yami! What did I tell you about killing people just last week?"

"That it's bad."

"That's right."

"But Eyeball!"

"...What did you just call me!"

"Um...Aibou?"

Yugi just shook his head. Perhaps he should have listened to his grandpa and just sent Yami off to the asylum up the street.

He just didn't understand how Yami went from being one of the nicest guys in the world to psychotic. It just didn't make sense.

Oh well.

Ryou had managed to get Bakura back in control and now had the tomb robber sitting quietly in one of those cheap puffy chairs that filled the waiting room.

Yugi was just getting Yami to sit down in one across the room from Bakura when the door flew open, revealing a panting Marik, followed by a very tired Malik.

Marik's eyes darted around the room, his pupils unnaturally small.

"Wh-Wha... AM I LATE! AMILATEORSOMETING!"

Malik sighed exasperatedly. "Now, Marik, anger management is not something to be eager about-"

"yesssss...yes it issssssss!"

"Marik. No."

"YEEEESSSSSS!"

Marik threw himself on top of his hikari.

Malik screamed.

Ryou and Yugi lunged for the spiky haired yami.

Bakura got up from his chair and laughed.

"YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!"

"NOOOOOOOOOH!"

"Hello, friends!"

Everyone blinked and turned, seeing a girl with brown hair and blue eyes smiling excitedly at the brawling group.

"MY NAME IS TEA GARDNER BUT SINCE YOU ARE MY NEW FRIENDS YOU CAN CALL ME TEA! MY COLLEAGUES AND I WILL BE YOUR HELPFUL PSYCHIATRISTS FOR YOUR SESSIONS!" she screamed, blowing up their eardrums.

Malik pushed Marik off him as Yugi and Ryou stood up, Ryou running over to Bakura to keep him from biting Yami's neck, Yami screaming: "you fucking vampire get the hell off me!"

Ryou sighed.

Maybe anger management was a bad idea after all.

Then he shrugged.

Since they were already here they might as well just get it over with.

The three hikaris dragged their yamis down that hall. Tea was skipping ahead of them, singing some revolting song about friendship. Yami, Bakura, and Marik felt ready to puke.

After what seemed like an agonizingly long eternity, Tea finally stopped in front of a door that had a plaque on it that read "Dr. Skittles and Dr. Twix (and the stupid friendship loving pukes intern, Tea)".

Bakura of course, had to make a comment on the names of their two doctors, "Skittles? Twix? What the fuck kind of names are those?" Nobody said anything, preferring to ignore Bakura.

Once they were all safely inside the room and Yami's straightjacket had been removed, Tea began explaining how things would be working around here when the doctors arrived.

"First," she said cheerily, "You will each be assigned a mentor, which will be either me or one of the two doctors! Yami, you have Skittles. Bakura, you have Twix. And Marik, you get to be with me! YAY!"

Marik screamed bloody murder when Tea said this. Tea continued like she hadn't heard him (which, she hadn't), "Then, you will all be given private sessions with your mentor!" Having finished giving the "details" (I suppose you can't really call it details seeing as it wasn't very detailed) Tea skipped happily out of the room in search of Skittles and Twix.

The hikaris blinked before quickly thinking up some excuse to get them out of the damn building before Tea came back. "Uh guys we uh have to uh," Yugi started. "Go do homework!" Ryou quickly shouted. (it's the middle of summer vacation).

Yami looked at them weirdly. "But isn't it the middle of-"

"Well, look at the time," Malik said, quickly cutting off Yami

"We better get going or we'll never get that homework done." As he said this, Malik pushed Yugi and Ryou out the door.

Bakura and Marik didn't even seem to notice that their hikaris had just completely ditched them. Yami stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, not knowing what to do. Suddenly...


Skittles: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I LEAVE YOU WITH A CLIFFHANGER! MUAHAHAHAHA!

Twix: Sowwy dudes, we're having ICE CREAM! Right now and its EFFIN GR8!

Skittles: this is the first of a currently four fic series that is called...um...uh...Twix?

Twix: er... my brain is currently malfunctioning... well, dudisms, we'll think of something or other... gasp THE SKITTLES AND TWIX CHRONICLES!

Skittles: OF COURSE! Now if you'll excuse me i have to go drool over a picture of yami in nothing except his hot, sexy leather pants. runs off

Twix: errrrrrrr... RIGHTIO! Lots of Twixie/Bakura in this fic... then Twixie and sum1 else in the other fics! R&R or I will send your pathetic brains and butts to the shadow realm! BWAHAHHAHAHAUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAA!

skittles: from somewhere unknown to the readers and i will have Yami castrate you and sacrifice your hoohoo to the underworld/shadow realm!