That The Best You've Got?

Rated: PG

Category: Gen, Mal/Zoë/Kaylee Friendship.
Spoilers: None. Post-BDM, Though. (Just S/K Established.)
Summary: Mal and Zoë Try To Help Kaylee Out… And Mal Fails Miserably.

Note: Written in response to the LJ prompt of 'Are You Sure You Don't Want Me To Poke Him In The Eye?' on ff_friday.

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Mal and Zoë walked into the mess from the direction of the bridge. They'd expected the room to be empty and they'd planned to talk jobs, but when they found a crying Kaylee instead, their expressions hardened.

It didn't take a genius to figure out the cause of the girl's tears.

"I could shoot him," Mal offered as he sat down next to his mechanic.

"Me, too," chimed in Zoë.

Mal barked a laugh. "Yeah, two for the price of one, little Kaylee. What'd'ya say?"

Kaylee sniffled. She looked tempted for a moment, then shrugged. "It's ok. Thanks, though."

"You sure?" asked Zoë.

"Yeah, we'd be sure to not hit nothing vital-like," said Mal.

Kaylee giggled in spite of her tears.

"I mean it," continued Mal, all mock-seriousness. "I'd just wing him. Put the fear of God into him a bit."

Kaylee's giggles turned to almost laughs in between her sniffles. Zoë smiled.

"Yeah," Zoë agreed. "Me, too. I'd be sorely tempted to give him some more serious pain, but we can't be risking our doc that way. Never know when one of us might get a bit more banged up than we can handle. We won't hurt him. Much."

Kaylee's tears dried completely and she swiped her sleeve across her face.

"It's ok. Ain't nothin, anyway. Stupid, really."

Mal put an arm around Kaylee's shoulders. "Ain't nothin in this verse make me put you and stupid in the same thought, Kaylee. But that doc of yours is another think altogether. And if you're wantin some payback put in him for whatever he's done, I really don't mind."

Kaylee smiled at her captain, and determination filled her grin. "Thanks, cap'n. You, too, Zoë. But I'll handle this."

Zoë grinned broadly back at the girl as Kaylee stood and walked off. She had no doubt that Simon was in for a world of hurt for whatever he'd done to run Kaylee off and bring her to tears.

Kaylee was almost out of the room when Mal's voice broke Zoë's reverie of revenge. Her visions of Simon quivering under Kaylee's hard stare or pleading her forgiveness after a week of cold shoulders were entertaining as hell, but when she heard Mal's words, she broke into an all-out laugh.

"You sure? I mean, I don't have to shoot him. I could do lotsa things."

Kaylee turned and smiled radiantly at Mal.

"Oh, no, cap'n. I've got something planned that I think will do nicely. And I don't think you'd do for this idea."

Kaylee waggled her eyebrows suggestively, causing Mal to gulp. The slightest tint of pink colored his cheeks. Kaylee turned and left, and Zoë saw Mal's brain working overtime to come up with one more idea that might get him Kaylee's blessing to rile the doc. He seemed to settle on one after only a second.

"Are you sure you don't want me to poke him in the eye?"

Mal's voice followed Kaylee down the hall, but it was met with only a laugh as the mechanic disappeared from view.

Zoë laughed, too, then turned to Mal.

"That's the best you've got, sir? Poke him in the eye?"

Mal glared at his first mate.

"Shut up, Zoë."

Zoë did nothing of the sort. Instead, she laughed harder.

Mal tried to glare harder in response, but the corners of his mouth betrayed him with an upward twitch.

Zoë saw the movement and her laughter became nearly hysterical.

Mal held for a moment longer, but eventually he couldn't contain a giggle.

An actual giggle. From Mal. At his own expense.

The sound undid Zoë completely, which unhinged Mal.

Mal joined Zoë in hysterics, and while they did talk their business that night, it was only after they'd laughed a good while longer.