I don't own Teen Titans :'( This is all Raven's P.O.V.
Thoughts
Days
Day 1
I laid on my bed thinking about what my life has become. It really wasn't a surprise that I was in my room. I had been "caved in", as Beast Boy calls it, for a month know. A deeply depressing month. A month of heart-break. Ever since that day. The day I had finally accepted my feelings for him. The day he had accepted his feelings for her. The day I spent trying to come up for a way to confess to him. The day he got the courage to confess to her. That day that ruined my emotions, my feelings, for good. The day I pledge to never EVER, feel anything for anyone ever again. And here I was now a month of feeling for him.
There was a knock at my door. I stayed silently hoping whoever was at the door would go away. Then I heard his voice. Soft and demanding and full of emotion. It wasn't the voice he used when he talked to the team. It wasn't the voice he used for the boys. It wasn't the voice he used for her. No, it was the voice he used for me.
"Raven, please come out." The call almost sounded like a question. A question but a command. I tightened my eyes, hoping my tears wouldn't fall. He called again.
"Raven. I know you're in there. Please come out. I haven't seen you in a long time. Tell me what's wrong and I'll do anything to help. Please Raven!" He pleaded. I sat on the edge of my bed for a moment, my eyes hurt at how hard I shut them to prevent the falling water.
"You can't do anything to help me. It's far to late for that." My voice sounded raspy and almost like death itself. I heard him gasp.
"Raven! Come out and talk with me please." He tried to open my door with the code he knew, but I had already changed it long ago. He cursed. He started knocking again, hoping to annoy me enough to get me to shove him away.
"Robin. We must leave her be. She wants to be alone, in the room of solitude where she spends time in. Give her time and she will come out again." It was the sweet voice of Starfire. I didn't hate her. Even though most girls would, if she had taken him. But then again, I wasn't like most girls. And I didn't need to blame Starfire. I blamed myself. Blames myself for letting me get close to someone so much I would actually develop feelings.
"But Star, we can't just leave her. Who knows when she'll come out! We have to try." Robin spoke to his girlfriend in determination.
"That is where you are wrong. If we push her, she may never come out." Starfire tried reasoning with him. She had gotten smarter these past years. She wasn't the same naïve alien she was as a teen. But she had grown and matured as all 23 year olds do.
"I hope you're right, love." My heart broke again at his words. I laid back again silently, letting the unruly tears fall. Hoping the pain would go away. But I knew it wouldn't. It wouldn't go for someone like me. I chose feelings over powers. I gave up my powers for love. Love that was not going to ever leave. I was never going to get over this. I knew it. I was going to live my life loving someone who didn't love me back. That was enough for me. Enough to decide my choice. The choice that would end the pain and cruel suffering. End it forever. For this, I was glad I left my powers, that I got rid of them, or I wouldn't be able to do what I was about to do.
I finally smiled. For the first time in a dreadful month ,I smiled. I was going to get rid of the pain. My father would have been proud seeing his only daughter wither in distress and misery.
Day 2
I hadn't slept at night, at all. I hadn't been sleeping much this past month. I got up from my bed. I wave of dizziness hit me and I almost fainted. I knew it was the result of not eating enough. I was very skinny. You could see every bone in my body, if I wasn't wearing my leotard, which fit me very loosely now. I slowly walked towards my vanity. I looked down at the mirror to Nevermore. It had lost it's power all ready. Since I gave up my powers, I didn't need to keep my emotions in check anymore. It was know a normal mirror. I picked it up. It felt vey heavy since I didn't have a lot of strength anymore. I looked at my reflection, though the girl staring back at me didn't look like Raven at all. The girl in the mirror was pale, so pale you would think you could see right through her. Her lips, once full were now pretty thin and had lost the rosy color. You would assume she had no cheeks, if it wasn't for her very visible cheek bones. The sides of her face were sunken in like holes. And her eyes, the ones amethyst eyes looked grey know, they lost the light in them. Even when she was emotionless, like before, the had light that twinkled every time she would see her friends; her family. I looked at the girl in the reflection. A sad lonely depressed girl. A girl in love. I sat down the mirror.
"Starfire." I heard a someone moan. There was some kissing noises and more moans.
"Robin, I really do love you." A soft voice said. Tears were stinging my eyes. I let them run down freely. I walked backwards from the door, but I tripped on some books on the floor and fell. I put my arm in front. I was so fragile my wrist broke when I hit the ground. My eyes widened in pain. I yelled out.
"Raven! RAVEN! Open the door" Robin yelled from the other side. The pain distracted me form the yells. The pain was excruciating. But, it felt good. It felt so good. I let myself feel the pain. I let it flow. It hurt so much. But I loved it. I still heard Robin yelling outside, but it was also Starfire Beast Boy and Cyborg. I wanted them to leave me alone. The pain was gone now. Replaced my numbness. The feelings I had were coming back to me again. I didn't want them back!
"Raven! Are you ok? Please let us in!" Everyone was pounding at the door.
"RAVEN IF YOU DON'T OPEN THE DOOR NOW I'LL BREAK IT!" Cyborg yelled.
"I-I'm ok!" I yelled at them hoping the left me in piece so I could resume. They sighed.
"But why did you yell?" I heard Beast Boy's voice.
"I-I fell over some books, I'm fine now please leave me!" I stuttered again. They sighed but agreed. I quickly went through my trunks. I found a small pocket knife I use for emergencies. I grabbed it and began slicing every inch of my body that was visible. My legs my arms. The stinging pain was so good. I cried silently. I cried of relief. I cried for him.
Day three
I woke up on the floor. There was blood all over me from my wounds. The carpet looked darker than usual. The sheets were stained red. I got up slowly. I pushed of on my broken wrist and fell. I tried again with my other hand. I was successfully standing. It was late afternoon. I went outside towards the empty hallway hoping to maybe find something to hold my wrist in place. I walked in the hallway towards the common room. Only two people were there. Starfire. Robin.
They were holding each other lovingly. They stole kisses. I watched in pain. It was more painful then listening. All the pain I went through last night seemed worthless. The feelings the emotions the pain was unbearable. By know my tears where unstoppable. My heart broke for the last time. I gasped. The pain in my heart. I felt my heart break beyond repair as I watched the two kiss. Someone spoke behind me.
"Raven?" The person gasped. I turned to see Cyborg. He looked at me in horror.
"Oh my GOD! Raven! What the hell happened to you?" He yelled at me. I knew he saw a skinny almost transparent girl with blood and deep cuts all over her body. He looked like he was about to break into tears. I ran out towards the roof. I heard him yell my name. I heard all the titans yell my name.I broke open the door.
I ran to the edge of the tower. I stopped up on the ledge. I looked down at the ocean, reminding me of the time I was so close to throwing myself off like I was now. The day when the world would end, but Robin had saved me without knowing he had. He had that funny effect on me. The ability to stop me from anything but just simple words.
"Raven get down! Please come down!" Cyborg commanded.
"Raven let us help you! Just tell us what's wrong!" Robin tried to get me down I shook my head slowly. He cautiously walked towards me, the Titans behind him.
I cried silently. "The problem is my existence. Everything about me is the problem. The way I am. My destiny. You saved me from my destiny before Robin, you can't this time."
"I can try! Please Raven!" Tears streamed down his mask, I had never seen him cry.
"No, it's far to late. The problem is...I love you so much Robin." I whispered in between tears. Everyone stared wide eyed at me. "But you have already found happiness with someone else. Although I won't ever be able to be happy, I wish you the best. I gave up everything for you. My powers, me. I gave it up for love. And I experienced it for a day, before your confession to Starfire. I am grateful I was able to feel for once." I stepped down from the ledge in front of Robin. Gently I leaned on him and kissed him. He kissed me back. Although it was probably out of pity. I pulled away.
"Thank you Robin. I love you." Robin removed his mask and revealed his blue orbs. They locked with mine. I could tell exactly what he was feelings. His eyes showed every moment we had as if we were watching a silent movie.
"I love you to Raven." He admitted. It was so sincere, I had to believe it was real. Everyone around me cried as they watched me, as they looked at how I had destroyed myself.
I couldn't understand yet. I couldn't comprehend why I had to fall in love. Why I had to go through all this misery. Why I was born cursed. Why I couldn't find happiness. Why I could love but not be loved back. But I had managed to get my kiss. I had managed to hear his true feelings about me. Even though I knew if I didn't jump he still wouldn't give up Starfire, because he loved her too.
"I-I'm sorry..." I managed. They all shifted ready to catch me if I tried anything. I mustered the smallest ounce of power I had left and wrapped them in a shield. One that was blackout, so they would not have to bear their eyes on my departure.
"RAVEN!" I heard Robin yell. They tried to break my shield. It was the most powerful shield I had ever made. It was made out of my love for them, and forever would part of my soul be with them. I jumped.
The fall was as short as a flutter of a birds wing, but as long as all eternity. I hit the ground and at last, my pain was gone.
IM SO SORRY FOR THE SAD STORY! I cried writing it! Please review and tell me your thoughts. Tell me if you need explaining or anything, or if I need to change something. Thank you for reading!
