AN: Hello! This is my second Merlin fic, only this one isn't a oneshot and the first chapter is a bit shorter than my last story, but oh well. So yeah, I plan on making this a multi-chaptered fic, with a real plot (besides Merlin and Arthur's undeniable romance). It starts off as Arwen, but don't worry, it'll turn into Merthur eventually. That's all from me for now, I guess. I hope you like it, and even if you don't, leave a review, please!

Disclaimer: If I owned Merlin, Merthur would totally be canon.

Mind Games

Nothing hurts more than losing your loved ones, whether they are your family, your friends or your lovers. The pain is unthinkable and no matter how hard you try, you can't imagine it unless you have actually experienced it before. It's the worst type of pain, and regardless of what people say, no other type of pain compares to it. When you love someone so much you'd die for them, and then see them die before you, you feel nothing but emptiness. The real pain starts where emptiness ends and despair begins. So many questions without answers. So many wounds without a heal. So many thoughts without an end. You feel exhausted, desperate and hopeless.

But that's what eventually makes you stronger.

...

Winter in Camelot had never been colder. People were all shut inside their homes, sitting next to crackling fire and enjoying its warmth. Even the king and his knights (and a very loyal servant) would rather be watching fire in the fireplace than struggling to stay alive in the woods.

When king Arthur told his servant, Merlin, that he'd be going on an expedition through the woods in the middle of December, Merlin laughed at him and called him ridiculous. What Arthur said next shut Merlin up and made him regret ever making fun of his master.

"I'm sorry," he managed to mutter, trying not to sound too shocked. "I didn't know."

The king's face looked tired and exhausted, but he faked a small smile and said, "No, don't be. She'll be alright, I know it."

"I'll go with you," Merlin said, and rested his hand on Arthur's shoulder.

Arthur smiled again, genuinely this time. "I have never doubted that, Merlin."

A week later, they were sat by the pile of woods, trying their best to light a fire, but humid branches and cold ground made all their attempts worthless. Merlin knew he could make the branches burn with a single spell, but it was a risk he wasn't ready to make. Even Percival, the strongest of king's knights, was shivering.

Although the knights had sworn to Arthur they'd protect and stand by him through it all, good and bad, warm and cold, he was still surprised when they agreed to come with him and Merlin on a long and exhausting trip. He hated himself for making them tremble in the woods, but just the thought of why he was there made the feeling of guilt vanish.

He loved Guinevere with all of his heart, even though what she had done made him look like a fool. Her betrayal hurt and he knew he had to do what he had done, but he couldn't help but feel responsible for what happened to her a week before.

...

A week before

"My king, there is something I need to inform you about," Lord Agravaine said to his nephew while he was enjoying a meal in his chambers, completely unaware of tension in his uncle's voice.

"Go on," he said, his mouth full. It was rude, yes, but interrupting his lunch was even ruder, or so he thought.

"It's about Guinevere, Sire," Agravaine replied, making the king stop chewing. "It appears she's been captured by a group of druids and they're threatening to attack Camelot if you don't react."

The king felt like his heart had stopped beating. Signaling his uncle to leave him alone, he waited for him to exit and then broke down in tears of guilt, anger and despair.

He will save her.

What Arthur didn't know, was the fact those druids were more dangerous than he could imagine, mostly because they had known him so well.

Or, to be exact, their leader had known him so well.

...

"Arthur."

Arthur mumbled something and turned to the other side.

"Arthur, are you awake?"

Was it Merlin's voice? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that he was in his bed, the only place he could get some rest.

"You're such a dollophead."

It had been Merlin's voice indeed, as his face was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes. "What do you want, Merlin?" he asked sleepily.

"You don't hear me calling your name, but you do hear me insulting you," Merlin smiled, still hovering over the king. "I was just worried about you. You were talking in your sleep."

Still drowsy, Arthur lifted himself in sitting position and looked around. It quickly hit him that he wasn't in his bed. They were still in the woods, fighting to stay alive. He noticed Sir Leon and Elyan laughing at Gwaine and Percival, who were leaning on each other a few meters away, snoring like wounded warthogs.

He turned to his servant again, who still had a worried look on his face. "What?"

"Nothing," Merlin replied and shook his head. Arthur continued staring at Merlin, making him feel uncomfortable. Merlin looked away, trying his best not to blurt out the reason why he looked so worried.

"Merlin," Arthur muttered, but Merlin didn't react. "Merlin, look at me."

Hesitating, Merlin slowly turned his head around to face the king again. Before Arthur had time to ask, he said, "I... I was just worried about you, I've already told you."

Arthur laughed loudly. Ever since Agravaine brought him the shocking news, laughter had been a foreign thing to him. Merlin had always been a good servant, both of them knew that, but his serving abilities were nothing compared to his ability to make Arthur laugh and forget about the worries, even if it were just for a moment or two.

Merlin, being his usual discerning self, realized what Arthur's laugh meant. He smiled, feeling a bit better than mere seconds before.

"You're really bad at keeping secrets," Arthur said, still grinning widely.

"You can see right through me, Sire," Merlin replied, trying not to sound too sarcastic. Although Arthur's obliviousness amused Merlin, keeping a secret from him was torture, especially because he cared about his king a lot, and keeping a secret meant not being his true self.

Arthur said nothing. He looked at Sir Leon and Elyan again, who looked like they were about to fall asleep like their friends had. Absorbed in watching them, he didn't even realize Merlin had scooched over and leaned against him.

"What exactly do you think you're doing?" Arthur asked and gave Merlin a puzzled look.

"Isn't it obvious?" Merlin replied, ignoring Arthur's grimace. "I figured we'd be less cold if he kept each other warm."

"I'm not warm, Merlin," Arthur said, sounding appalled. Merlin's ideas were sometimes incredibly ridiculous.

"Not yet, but you will be in few minutes."

"I won't, because I'm not going to lean on you!"

Merlin composed himself and opened his mouth to say something, but Sir Leon's sudden yell made them both look in the knights' direction. Sir Leon got up and started staggering towards Arthur and Merlin, looking quite unusual.

"Leon?" Arthur asked, quickly getting up. When the knight didn't reply, Arthur turned to Merlin and said, "My sword."

Following his master's orders, Merlin got up and ran to a tree under which all of their things were, including Arthur's sword. He picked it up and swiftly brought it to Arthur, who swung it and defensively put it in front of his face. "Get behind me."

Merlin stepped behind him, thinking of a way to stop Sir Leon without hurting him. He could use magic to stop him, but that would be a great risk. Before he had time to decide what to do, Arthur put the sword against Sir Leon's chest. "You'll stop if you want to live."

Surprisingly (and to Merlin's relief), the knight stopped. A second later, he flopped on the ground like a log.

When he knelt down to help the knight, Merlin thought he caught a glimpse of a black robe behind one of the trees. Just one blink later, it disappeared.


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