The
Letter
Part One
Demyx, I often wonder why it is you love me. I'm cold, uncaring, and weak,
no matter how strong anyone thinks I am. I'm constantly reading, and
you know better than anyone that disrupting me is not a good
idea. Maybe you love me because of the
little things I try to do. To be honest, I'm too shy to do much more.
Cooking breakfast for the two of us, leaving you little notes on
origami cranes letting you know where I am, the occasional sushi
tray, coming to the beach with you- no matter how much I dislike
it. It's ever so easy to fall in love with
you though. You're easy going, obviously not hard to please, caring,
bright; I'll never be able to list everything. I'm not really worth
you. You deserve someone to shower you with excessive love until
you're glowing. And yet you love me, and
glow for me somehow. Maybe you've noticed,
maybe you haven't, how when I hear you play any piece of music, I
stop. Whatever it is that I'm doing, it's not worth missing a note. I
always like to lose myself in the music's swirling patterns and
melodies. You always play so passionately- I've been moved to tears
more than once. You caught me once, do you
remember? "Zexion, what's wrong?"
you asked, almost frightened for me. You had turned sideways on the
grand piano's bench as sunlight streamed through one of the castle's
few windows to touch you with golden fingers, to stroke the ebony and
ivory keys. "Nothing- absolutely
nothing. Your song was beautiful... what was it?" I asked,
blushing. "'Watermark'. It is kinda pretty,
isn't it? It's by Enya," you said, smiling broadly. You slid off
of the bench, the drawstrings of your cloak jingling, and placed a
small kiss on my lips before going back to the piano, and playing the
song for me again. You're so unrestrained,
so carefree, letting everything out. All your emotions, whether you
know it or not, even if they aren't real. You manage to see my
little bits of emotion that I let out, the slight changes. I could
have said so much more about that song, but I said two sentences. You
caught all the hidden meanings behind each carefully chosen word. You
played that song fairly often, just for me. You might not know just how much I love you. I can't ever really
express myself to my fullest extent. I don't like pretending that I
can feel like you do. That doesn't mean you should stop though. You
do enough to cover my feelings as well. I don't know how you do it.
You always have spontaneous moments, and you're always so...
carefree. Like the time you nearly scared
me senseless. If I'd had a heart then, I surely would have had a
heart attack. I'm quite sure you remember- you remind me frequently
of just how jumpy I am. We were in the
library, I was sitting on the couch, and you were laying on it, your
head in my lap. You were listening to music on your headphones,
right? And after half an hour or so, you suddenly broke out in song
accompanied by air guitar. it took me a few minutes to be able to
speak coherently again. You were laughing. You said that your stomach
muscles were sore, later. You laugh a
lot, have you noticed? Did you know that
you were the first, and still the only one able to make me laugh, or
even smile, in this life? You always say I should smile more, and be
happier. I simply don't... have much of a reason to, besides
you. The next time I see you, I might brush
a kiss across your smooth, soft lips, a rare show of affection, just
to see your eyes- your intensely fascinating, stunning, cerulean blue
eyes. They are a little mesmerizing, didn't you know? Or maybe I'll start a passionate kiss, breaking it off suddenly,
leaving you hungry for more. We'll end up tangled in each other and
your sheets, all because of my catalytic action. You'll run your
hands through my hair, kissing me over and over as I slide my arms
around you. I'll blush, like always, and you'll tease me, caressing
my warm cheeks. And I'll remember that you're definitely not as
innocent as everyone seems to think you are. But that's how we are. You're comfortable where I am not, you are
passionate about everything, when I sever any ties to anything that
threatens to get close- and somehow you stayed. You are the day, when
I am the night, and in the twilight, we complete each other. Otherwise you'd miss all the Organization's meetings, right? I know how you'd forget without me reminding you.
I can't anymore. Isn't it sad? It's hard to, without feeling them.
I've nearly forgotten... without having a heart for so long. Being a Nobody, you have to be more physically attuned to the world
around you. you can't go by intuition, not truly. We don't even get
'bad feelings' about things. By now, you
must realize that I am rambling. But this is full of everything that
I can't say aloud. Do you remember that
night we admitted our love? You leaned over
the back of the couch, and asked me what I was reading. I had moved
the couch to one of the windows so I could watch the sun set over the
broken, shattered city below, light reflecting off the glass of the
windows of towering skyscrapers. I told you
that I was reading a fiction series. You gasped, giggled, and leaned
back down. I looked up- it may have been the first time that I was
truly stricken by your beautiful eyes that close. Perfect ocean blue,
like always. Before I realized what I was doing, I pulled you down to
brush my lips across yours. You pulled back a fraction of an
inch. "I love you too," you said,
your lips moving gently against mine. You smell like the beach
all the time, did you know? You have that... breezy scent. It's hard
to describe, since it's likely you can't smell it the way I can. That was the first time I was intoxicated by you. You seemed to know
what I was saying, even though I hadn't said anything at all. You
knew every little sign of mine. Effortlessly, you knew. You always
know when anything is troubling me, like a mission I had been sent
on, or I had simply been thinking too much about something. I'll never know how you know so much about me. Perhaps it's from little things that you've gathered from what I've
dropped. That's another reason I love you. You deal with my insecurity, my insecurity, any problem I come to you
with. Just as I help you. Remember that
time that Larxene bullied you- and you cried, and wouldn't tell me
what happened? How you finally admitted it after a week of my slow
questioning? You had been playing your music a little more softly,
and I had gotten worried. "Demyx, you
know you can tell me anything, right?" I said softly one night. We were on one of the balconies, leaning
on the railing, watching the moon rise over the city like we did
nearly every night. "Yeah, I know,"
you said, looking up. "What happened?"
I asked, taking a sip of my fragrant, light green tea in my favorite
dark blue porcelain mug. You sighed, perhaps weighing whether or not
to tell me. "Zexy... is it wrong, to
try and love the way we are? Y'know... not having a heart...?"
you asked, your voice as soft as mine. "What do you mean?" I asked, looking over. "I mean, we're just... lying. To ourselves and each other. A-and
we can't- how do we know?" you asked, turning to me as
well. "I... I don't really know. I've
given it some thought before, and I've come to a couple conclusions,"
I said, sipping my tea again, "Perhaps we simply both needed
company, and recognized that fact within one another. That, or maybe
there really is a connection, some sort of bond we've somehow made
despite not having hearts, something deeper. Who asked, or told you
it was wrong?" I asked you. "Larxene,"
you said. "You shouldn't have
listened-" "I told her to go fuck
Axel." I laughed, picturing Larxene's
very shocked expression. "Good. I'm
assuming you simply ended up thinking too much, right?" I asked.
You nodded, and leaned your head on my shoulder, sighing contentedly.
"Don't think. She's probably just confused by her own feelings
for Axel," I added, and ran my fingers through your hair. "Yeah," you smiled, and snuggled into me. We both watched
the moon as it rose higher, pulled by the strings of gravity. I love it when you're like that. I like taking care of you. We talked until the moon had long gone, and the sun began climbing
over the horizon, and the stars had begun vanishing. By now, I know exactly what you're saying to yourself- 'Wow Zexy, you
didn't need to do this'. I did. for my own
selfish reasons. I feel like I don't do a lot for you. I'm worried
that you're going to get sick of my cold aloofness one day, and just
leave. I wanted to tell you that I love you, and I need you.
For a little while, I tried to fool myself, faking emotions.
I hold you dear, I feel a
lover's passion, devotion and tenderness for you, I like and desire
you, I thrive in your love, and I feel affection and desire for you
in excess. It feels good to write it down.
It feels certain, as I write it. My pen is sure in my hand, letting
the ink flow smooth and flawlessly on the perfectly white page,
without interruption. I love you. Perhaps when I see you next, I'll tell you- I'm surer of this than
ever. Perhaps I'll finally give in to your
incessant begging and sing for you as I play the piano, the only
instrument I know how to play. We've
started spending more time with each other, and gradually, one by
one, I'm learning how to take down the shields to let in the full
warmth of your love. You opened a new world
to me, Demyx. I love you for that. Though I still cannot fully fathom why you love me, and probably will
never fully understand your choice to be with me, of all people, I
love you. I just wanted you to know-
something is going to happen to one of the other of us eventually.
Already, the slow decline of the Organization is occurring. It is
inevitable. Just know that my love for you
is real. Eat slower, would you? You're
going to make yourself sick or something, the way you wolf down all
your food. Make sure you get your room clean by Friday. Xemnas is
checking everyone's this week.
Yours with love, Zexion, VI, the Cloaked Schemer
