Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
A/N: Just a short, little, angsty drabble. There are mentions of religion, and though I am not super religious myself, I think the pray was fitting. Enjoy! Much Love!
Danielle
A Prayer for Serenity
He held his hand as he struggled for each breath. He kissed his tears when the pain killers would start to wear off. He handed him water when his throat began to dry. He did everything there was just to make him better, just to bring him one more sunrise in this darkened world. He had to fix this. He had to or his love wouldn't be the only one to die. He needed to save him, and he didn't give a damn if that was because of his own selfish desperation. So he worked at it, he cried over it, he missed eating and sleeping because of it, and by the end, he felt nothing but anger.
He watched as Troy lay in the hospital bed as the AIDS began to eat away what was left of his whole world. With each passing breath, and beep of that God-awful machine his anger grew. He slammed his fist against the wall, startling Troy in the process.
Troy's body convulsed slightly from the shock that Ryan's outburst had brought him, and he winced painfully as a ragged cough escaped from his chapped lips. He fell back against the white sheets of the hospital bed, as he turned his attention slowly to the person that had startled him. The state of Ryan's lover only seemed to further his anguish and fuel his rage.
"You're not doing this. You're not fucking dying on me. I wont let you!" His voice was coming out in gasps as he tried to keep the hot tears down. It ws childish and irrational to blatantly tell someone that they couldn't die. Ryan knew this, he knew it so fucking well, but the words spilled violently from him and he did nothing to stop them. Troy looked at him for a long time before he spoke, his eyes fluttering almost lazily around the room, but Ryan was no fool, he knew the effort it took for Troy to just keep his eyes open. Troy's lips parted slightly as words began to slip slowly from his tongue, words that Ryan had heard so many times before. Just a mindless poem. Just a damned prayer.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change." Troy's voice was strained and Ryan felt his already shattered heart begin to break, but he tried to keep his voice strong.
"Troy, don't give me that garbage right now." Ryan ground out, and despite his attempts
his voice still shook. Troy proceeded as if he didn't hear.
"Courage to change the things I can." The tears now flowed freely down Ryan's cheeks and his hands shook too much to even attempt to brush them away.
"Please Troy, stop. I can't handle this right now." Troy just smiled as he continued on with the last words.
"And the wisdom to know the difference." He finished off the last sentence in resolution and strain from the effort it took."Ryan, you can't fix this. I'm dying and there is nothing you can do. You have to understand that." His voice was calm, and held a serenity that astonished Ryan. He didn't understand how someone could be so at ease.
"I can't lose you." Ryan muttered in a voice barely above a whisper. God, it hurt. Physically, mentally, in all aspects, it hurt so fucking much. Troy cocked his head to the side as if he was confused before a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Bringing beauty in the most simplest of forms.
"In death, not everything will die." He said with certainty before grabbing Ryan's trembling hand and bringing it to his cracked lips. "Love, does not die."
Sappy? I agree...eh, oh well.
