Chapter One

Mountains and Hills, Canyons and…


"Excuse me… Yeah, hi. Could you tell me where… Hey wait, don't go! Gah, dammit… Hey, you over there, would you mind telling me--Get back here!"

After shaking his fist in the air at an old civilian - who had fled with a curious, fuming vial in hand - a certain Klausian heaved a deep sigh of frustration. What was wrong with these people? Have they never heard of giving directions to a stranger before?

The town seemed eventful, but even so, couldn't they spare him a minute of attention…?

The Klausian sat down (right there on the ground people have trampled their grimy shoes upon: The deed earned him several stares from the hobos nearby.)

If no one was going to help him, he may as well wander around until someone does… Cliff straightened, stretched, and strode along the cobblestone road toward the central plaza of Peterny.

To his surprised, a massive, rectangular wooden block (whatever was on top of the block was obscured by bamboo-patterned, red shower curtains) sat where the café used to be; right in the middle of the plaza. "The heck is that thing?" he mumbled incoherently to himself.

"It's a stage!"

"GAH!" He had yelped not because of the suddenness of the reply, but because the replier had prodded him harshly in his side with a giant finger from a giant hand. He felt like yelling 'Barf!' and vomiting money for a second or two. Cliff turned around after sorely rubbing his hand over the poked area. His eyes lit up as he pointed in recognition. "Hey, it's you! The one Fayt kept talking to through the communicator!"

The side-poker beamed in amiability.

"Wench!"

Her smile dripped off her chin. Cliff found himself on the ground with many poke-sores on his back. "It's Welch, you dim-witted clod! The nerve! Why I oughtta…"

Cliff rose to his feet frantically and took several steps away from the girl (whom he shall henceforth mentally dub "the homicidal nut job in pigtails"… Did he already bestow that title to someone else?) "Okay, okay, Welch! WELCH!"

The hand-shaped wand was immediately lowered and the amiable beam returned to Welch's features. "Well, it sure is nice to see you again Have you been in Peterny long?"

The girl scared him now. "Ah, no, not long," Cliff said, making sure not to make eye contact. "I just dropped in less than an hour ago…"

"So where's your friends?"

"Eh? Oh, no, I came alone this time. Uh… so… what's going on here?"

Welch pursed her lips together, but questioned no further. "The annual Peterny Festival is coming up, so everyone's been busy preparing for it. The big stage in the middle of the plaza is for the Lively Step dance."

"Dance? Sounds good, maybe I'll join in. But is that why everyone here keeps avoiding me? 'Cause they're so busy and don't have time for distractions?"

"No, because of those intimidating Valor Gauntlets you've got on. People think you're one of the patrons staying at the east side inn."

"Say again?"

"Nevermind."

"Riiight…" Cliff narrowed his eyelids in suspicion, but then thought of something. "Hey, so, what're you doing here, Welch? You don't look like you're helping to prepare for the Festival…"

"Who, me? Oh, well, there're several smexy carpenters gathered around here to help out, so I'm hitting on--I mean--recruiting them for the Guild Master. You know, for Item Creation. Yeah. Hahaha… ah… See ya!"

"OW!"

She ran off westward, but not before thwacking Cliff on the head for making her reveal her secret fetish.

It was a while after she vanished from his view that he suddenly recalled something vital. He forgot to ask her for directions… D'oh! He smacked himself in the forehead, resulting in yet another yelp of pain. Cliff needs to learn not to hit himself too hard.

Now what? It wasn't like he could take off his Valor Gaunlets and leave them lying around for someone to make off with… Maybe he could do without asking for directions. After all, how big could Elicoor II be? It wasn't as if he could possibly end up lost in Greeton if he took a wrong turn…… Heck, who knows, Greeton could be a land utterly dominated by giant robots

Or not. Cliff chided himself for not studying the map back when him and some old friends were traveling in this region. "But who'da thought I'd be seeing this place again?"

The Klausian's eyes slowly wandered to the stage in the center of the plaza… Dancing, eh…?


A woman in a hat exhaled in relief after wiping her forehead with the back of her palm. She was finally done! She stood there and admired the red shower curtains that hung limply from… wherever stage curtains hung from… and smiled in pride. She had made it and hung it all by herself, just for the Festival! Now to take a break…

Life was cruel for the woman in a hat. It (Life) refused to wait for her to get a drink of water and, without further ado, had someone wretch the curtains from their… hinges or something… and toss them across the plaza.

The woman in a hat clutched her hair in terror. "WHA, WHAT YOU DO!!!" She whirled about to face the perpetrator. The perpetrator happened to be a tall, blonde, robust-looking individual in black who was standing atop the stage with his chin raised high and a hand holding an odd-looking device with many buttons.

Before she could add two and two together and come to the conclusion that this blonde man was from the MIB, the blonde man set down his device on the stage floor after clicking a button, and--

Dundundun dundundun dun dundundundun dundundun dun dundundundun dundundun dun dun dundundun dun

--civilians looked up from their shopping and wandering about without a cause, vendors' booming, advertising voices stopped to listen, a group of nuns stopped in their tracks, a pickpocket halted his hand from reaching inside a woman's purse; to watch Cliff Fittir shaking his butt on their wooden stage.

And amazingly enough, he was good!

Then Cliff turned about, and reached down to turn off his communicator. "All right, now that I have your attention, could one of you…" The people instantly went back to their daily lives as if nothing happened.

Cliff was stunned for a minute… He turned the music back on; the people whirled about and gave him their full attention. He turned it back off; they went back to their daily lives. On, full attention. Off, no attention. On… off… on… off… on, off, on, off, on, off, on--

YEAH! I like big butts and I can not lie! You other brothers can't deny! And when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get--


A/N:

T'was bizarre, even for one such as I. But, anyhow, greetings to you Star Ocean fans! My, if you bothered to read this, then you must be very bored! XD

This looked much longer in the... word document program... -cries-

Yes, Cliff does have "Baby Got Back" downloaded on to his communicator. Yes, Welch does have a carpenter fetish. Yes, more characters will appear. No, the woman in a hat will not stay for long... I think.

Harsh criticism is cruel, and I no likey. However, it would be much appreciated if one were to tell me of little mistakes (grammar, spelling, etc.) so I can correct it. :3

... Frankly I'm not ready to submit this, but... woteva, I submit anyways. If me get good feedback, me might continue. If me not, me might continue anyways. Who knows?

(Possibly the Name of the) Next Chapter: Let's not be Zelphish...

Note: To me, a communicator is simply an iPod, a mobile phone, a game boy, a translator-device, a camera, a holograph-maker, and MapQuest all munched up into one efficient hand-held machine. The future sure is awesome, ain't it?

EDIT: Thank you, 4quintessence... XD; Yes, a mix up, it was. Dearie me, I thought I managed to change all the 'man in a hat' to 'woman in a hat'... -oughtta double check her writing more thoroughly- Again, thanks for pointing that for for me! -happy noddings- And sadly enough, no, this is not my first fanfiction. I have had... previous attempts... That I prefer not to recall. (They were grotesque attempts, I assure you.) Hopefully, this will be my first completed one... Cliff is my favorite character, too. :D

P.S. Long author's comment, eh? n-n;