Dean couldn't believe his eyes and for a moment he just stared into the mirror rubbing his eyes stupidly to erase the image of cas standing behind him. "Hello Dean." Dean had heard those two words more times than he could count and he believed he would never hear them again, but there they were, there HE was. Castiel, Angel of the lord, Cas, His Cas was back and standing right in front of him and Dean couldn't believe it. He took shaky breath and said "Cas..." he reached out to touch the stubble on the face he wasn't sure was there and gasped when he could feel his skin same as it had been in purgatory.
"Dean...I'm dirty" said the angel, his voice rough and course and sounded slightly different, something dean couldn't detect. "Yes you are but hey that's what purgatory does to you." Dean stood there for a moment still in a daze from seeing Cas that he had no control of his body as he gripped can into a desperate and tight hug. Cas dug his head into dean's shoulder and they stood there for a minute just marveling in the fact that they were still alive. Then suddenly a knock on the bathroom door brought them back to reality and dean pulled back unsure of his emotions at the moment. "Dean are you ok in there? You've been in there for a half an hour!" yelled Sam from the other side of the door. Cas opened the door and stood there as Sam took him in and watched sam's eyes widened in disbelief.
"Cas! what are you? well I mean...How are you alive?" Sam stuttered out still in shock over the sight in front of him. "I don't know, I woke up two days ago in the backseat of the impala, I haven't had enough power to fully materialize until now, mostly I've been resting my grace." said Cas almost apologetically. "Wait you've been following us around for two whole days!" Yelled Dean who was just thinking of the things he might've seen, like last night when he had sat in the impala crying and screaming out Cas's name into the dark, he shuddered at the thought of how alone he had felt.
Noticing Dean's expression Cas quickly changed the subject, "I'm dirty and I am going to go and wash my vessel." Sam smiled and asked quizzically "Do you need any help? I mean are you feeling weak or...Do you even know how to use a shower?" Cas replied nonchalantly "Oh I have observed how it is done before, interesting subjects, humans grooming, you really are very peculiar creations." Dean burst out laughing for the first time in a year and gave cas a mischievous glance "Whoa I didn't know our little Cas here likes to watch people in the shower, Kinky Cas, very kinky." Cas tilted his head and blinked "I'm sorry but I do not have any knots nor can I provide one." "Oh never mind Cas just go shower while I talk with Sammy for a bit." Dean looked over to Sam with a knowing glance. "Okay Dean." Dean swore he saw Cas wink as he went through the door into the bathroom but shook it off; this was cas, his nerdy little angel virgin.
Dean tried to push the image out of his mind, the image of Cas covered in soap rubbing it all over his body and letting the water pour down his head and over the rest of his angel perfection, but it kept coming back, pushing into his brain like a bullet. He is not supposed to think of cas like that! Cas is his friend; Cas raised him from perdition, fuck cas helped get him out of purgatory. Dean needed to clear his head so he grabbed his favorite gun, a Winchester of course, and started polishing her until she gleamed. "dean? are you okay?" Sam's voice finally reached his brothers ears and Dean realized how quiet he had been. "Yeah Sammy I'm fine, just...how did Cas drag his ass out of purgatory? how did he get through when he was surrounded by all of those leviathans, I saw him Sammy, he was done for." dean said with an obvious grimace on his face. "I don't know God maybe?" said Sam questioningly. "god? Sammy gods not helping us anymore remember." said dean exasperated by thought.
"Hello Dean." Cas's rough voice came out of nowhere and Dean couldn't help but smile when he saw him, Cas had on his Damn tan trench coat with his suit and blue tie, His deep and luminescent blue eyes found deans emeralds as they inspected one another. Sam feeling a bit awkward about the obvious eye-sex happening between his brother and his friend sought an escape, "hey there's still a job in town so I'm gonna head over to the library, catch you later." Dean watched Sam leave the room and mentally begged him to come back because he could not be in a room alone with Cas right now, He couldn't.
"Cas...Buddy I missed you." Dean let out with a sigh after about 10 minutes of pure awkward silence. "And I missed you Dean, I am sorry for leaving in purgatory." Cas said relived that Dean had spoken first and those words had come out of his mouth. "what do you mean Cas! I left you behind! Don't apologize for my mistakes!" Dean using all that pent up rage at himself for leaving cas behind and putting it into action, how he felt. "No Dean! I left you! In purgatory I stayed behind! You know that!" yelled cas desperately trying to make Dean understand. He wanted to make dean understand that it was never his fault! not everything was or had to be liked dean believed it was. "Cas doesn't try to make me feel better! I left you behind, I failed you like I fail everyone I care about, everyone I love..." dean said stuttering over the word love like it was the name of someone he hated, like it wasn't meant to be said.
"Dean you remember things much differently, I should have known this would happen, here let me show you what happened." cas said as he lowered his fingers to deans forehead in a swift movement, he was not taking no for an answer this time, he needed to show dean the truth.
Dean wanted to look away, to run and hide, he didn't want to come back here, and he knew what would happen. Or did he? he looked to where he knew Cas would be on the floor begging for help but instead saw him killing leviathans and running towards dean. Dean could not believe this was happening; this wasn't how it was supposed to happen! "Dean go! Go without me!" The fake cas shouted at dean. "GO and remember I-", the fake cas was cut off when he was brought back to reality suddenly and harshly. "You see dean I stayed behind, I needed to do penance for my sins, for what I did to your brother, to humanity, to heaven, to you." cas said the words as if they pained him, an emotion he had earned that dean hated, he didn't want cas to be upset or downright suicidal. he wanted his cas, his nerdy little angel virgin.
"Cas, we could've gotten out together, you could've done penance on earth, I could've taken you to godamn church or something, you didn't need to stay behind." dean said after long and painful silence filled with intense staring and unbelievable tension. "Dean I needed to pay for my sins, being with you only makes me happy, very happy, that's not penance." cas said factually, in a way that dean, unadvisedly loves.
"Really I make you happy? I'm not really a bundle of sunshine if you know what I'm saying." dean stated sarcastically. "Well your soul shines very brightly so in fact you may be a little ball of shining light that resembles the sun." Cas said with a blank almost bored face. "Cas you don't get my reference." dean said with a glance in cas's direction. "do me ever?" cas said quizzically, tilting his head in the cute way that reminded dean of a small bird.
"Why do you do that?" dean said stepping involuntarily closer to cas, just and arms reach away. "when you don't understand something why do you tilt your head, it's like a frekin bird." dean said with a smile. "Well dean, when I don't understand something I have observed that by tilting my head I show confusion, it has become an involuntary habit, is it a bad thing?" Cas said moving closer to dean without thinking putting them about 8 inches away from each other. "You know it's kind of adorable really." Dean said with a smile. "How is this involuntary habit appealing in any way?" cas said confused. "Because it just is assbutt" dean said hitting cas on the arm to man up the situation, he was feeling a little to chick-flickty at the moment. "Why do you do that dean, punch me in the arm? or when feelings or anything deep comes up you like to push it away. why?" asked cas quizzically?
"Because I'm not a girl Cas, I am a man and men don't talk about feelings." dean said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "well I don't think it is adorable, but it has allowed me to see when you are truly expressing your feelings." said cas clearly bugging dean to the point where dean was seriously considering punching him in the face. "that's great cas lets watch some TV until Sammy gets back." dean said plopping himself on the couch and patting the spot next to him indicating cas to sit down. "Can we watch Doctor Sexy dean? I like Doctor Sexy." Cas asked with that same matter of fact attitude he usually had.
"Sure Cas, whatever you want." Dean said with one of his rare smiles that made Cas melt. Cas sat down next to Dean and rested his head on Deans shoulder, his grace was still exhausted from purgatory, and his eyes fluttered shut. "So angels sleep." Dean muttered to himself as he worked his fingers through Cas's soft hair and let him rest on his shoulder which was definitely not making dean's heart beat faster or make him etremely happy, or was it?
"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" Sam could't help himself from saying something, there was his badass older brother curled up with and angel on the couch while a soap opera was on in the background. He could tell they hadn't kissed or anything yet, that wasn't deans 'I got some action' face but he did look happy, in fact he looked at peace and Sam was so happy for him, at least one of them could be happy, "Amelia." He really missed her and all those to perfect moments they shared together, he still found it insanely wierd how when things ended with her things began with Dean coming back, didn't have long from one emotional disaster to another. Seemed to be a pattern in his life, once he was getting used to Gabriel and thinking maybe he- Sam did not want to think about it. Gabriel was gone, nothing he could do, it just wasnt fair how dean's angel kept coming back but sam's... ok Sam had to admit Gabriel wasn't his but still same principle.
"Sammy?" Dean asked sleepily "is that you?". "Yeah Dean it's me, you have an angel on you." Sam said directing Dean's antention to the curled up angel on his chest. "Cas, Buddy..." Dean tried half-heartily to wake him up. "Eh let him sleep Dean, you need to sleep to, you two can be best cuddle buddies." Sam said with a smirk and a wink. "Shut up Bitch." But Dean didn't try to wake up or move Cas. "Goodnight Jerk." Dean went back to sleep hugging Cas close to his chest and that night he had no nightmares.
