Title: Not My Cup of Tea

Summary: Oneshot. Set during "Slither". Bobby worries that Alex is Bernard's type.

Disclaimer: As much as I would absolutely adore to own LOCI, I don't.

A/N: Wow! Another story named after a drink – how strange. Next it'll be breakfast cereals, lol. At least I've turned away from coffee for the moment.

I took out most of Bobby's lines so he could think. Pretend he's saying them anyway.

-

Eames was his type, Bobby thought as Bernard ranted about his 'trysts with the most beautiful women.' Silky blonde hair, high cheekbones, slim and gorgeous. He couldn't have had the most beautiful women if he hadn't had Eames.

But could he have her?

Bobby stared at the two of them in dismay. Bernard definitely liked her – that much was obvious by the way he preferred to speak to Alex rather than Bobby. He only turned to Bobby when he was trying to make a case for himself, because he knew Bobby was the one to fool.

As if Bernard could fool Bobby, now that the hungry look in his eyes had manifested.

He was pretty sure that Alex hated him, though. But who knew? She never told him anything about her lovelife – that was the one topic they kept away from. She could like eccentric older men. Even Nicole had been Bernard's for a while. And if Nicole could be hoodwinked, even if the amount of time spent as such was small, then so could Alex.

That was when Bernard began shrieking. "Liar, LIAR! I was BEAUTIFUL, you should have seen me." He went introspective, saying in a sort of half-broken manner, "I had – a perfect body…"

Then he seemed to compose himself. "But you already knew that, didn't you." He looked expectantly at Alex, deferring to her in a way that made Bobby want to drop the clincher.

So, he did. "Actually, no…"

-

One of the officers on duty led Bernard down to the cells. Bobby turned to Alex. "Hey, Eames?"

"Yeah?"

"About Bernard…"

She looked half- amused, half angry. "You were thinking that I was his type in there, weren't you."

He was surprised. "You anticipated me."

She shrugged. "It was pretty obvious, Bobby." She shot him a glare. "I hope you weren't thinking that I could be taken in by him."

He tried to look innocent.

She rolled her eyes. "It takes a lot more than money and a charming accent to reel me in, Bobby."

"So you thought he was charming?"

She pursed her lips. "His accent was. Everything else – no. He was too slimy." She grinned. "Plus, he went out with Nicole. My taste must be pretty shitty if I like any of her cast-offs."

He grinned back, the paused. "He certainly thought you were his type."

She made a face. "Why? I look nothing like his Barbies."

Bobby snorted. "A pretty, thin blonde with high cheekbones – it's like you were the mold for them, Eames."

Her mouth became a small O. "That's… weird."

"They were carbon copies of something far greater," he said philosophically.

She glanced at him. "You got pissed off because he was staring at me, didn't you. That's why you dropped the hammer."

"Well, yeah." Bobby was embarrassed. "He was a creep, Eames. I didn't like the way he was looking at you."

She smiled and stood on the tips of her toes to kiss his cheek. "Thanks, Bobby." She winked. "Remember this when we see Nicole again."

-Fin-

A/N: Similar to "The Word of Your Body", I know, but I thought this one was way better. The whole plot just kind of popped into my head when I was watching "Slither", and I was like, damn! I have to write about this!

Please R&R!