A/N: I am hesitantly posting these two pieces together as they are somewhat connected by the ending and beginning respectively. Though they still seem more like two different stories.

Inspiration-

Roses and Butterflies by Making April

S.O.S by Apocalyptica


It's easy to see how pleased you are with this whole situation. Not by the consistent, ever there smile that seems permanently painted on your thin lips, but by the aura you carry with you. A more poetic person would swear it's tangible, that you can reach out and grasp it.

I drown in it every time I'm in your presence.

Breath.

Swallow.

I can taste your satisfaction.

'C'mere for a second, Izuru.'

Like a coin skidding across a slick, glass surface I dance to your whims. Manipulated by your plans to win this little game. Like a fine tuned instrument that will only sound sweet when played by the correct, long fingered hands. Who's the opponent, I wonder sometimes when you beckon for me to follow you down the plain hall to your quarters.

Aizen?

Trying to somehow jilt your old commander?

Seems a waste.

Me?

The thrill of molding a person to your every desire?

Even more of a waste.

I'm far too willing to throw my dignity at your feet.

You?

A battle against yourself? Pushing to find your deeply buried limits?

Unlikely as the ones before it.

-footsteps-

'Yes, Captain?'

I suppose it doesn't really matter who you play against, because in the end the result is the same. Curled up against each other with only the moon as a witness, hakamas in a crumpled pile off to the side. Truly the ultimate façade when I think about it in those precious minutes I get alone. No matter how much of the time is spent with you crooning endearments in to the nape of my neck form your place above me, the meaning doesn't change.

Nothing.

Just breaths wasted to make me feel better. Lessen the shame.

Add to the genuine feel of the act.

'Weather's rather nice wouldn' ya say?'

When I first started drowning there were thoughts of how to get out constantly dancing across my eyelids. Surely it must be wrong. Captain and Lieutenant. There must be a rule written somewhere, something I could remind you of to stop the violations.

But there wasn't.

And you knew that.

Abarai was there too, and to a lesser extent Hinamori. I didn't want to trouble her with the details. She was always so sweet, kind, soft. It wouldn't do for her to hear of such things. But bit by bit it started to feel good. The time I spent with my arms wrapped around my knees as sobs wracked my body and Abarai tried his best to comfort me shrunk down to almost nothing. Then disappeared. The tense expression I always wore as you nudged me through the doorway became less and less genuine. Until it started to fade.

But you knew that too, didn't you?

'It is, this time of year is nice as a whole. I do have to deliver these papers though, Captain…'

And now what is it? Unhealthy comes to mind first. But it's also a complete and thorough addiction. I live for the little moments when your skin brushes against mine as you grab a stack of papers. An air of being exceedingly bothered about you. I know you hate the work but there are some forms that only a captain can sign. The times when we are alone in your office, the rest of the squad told that interruptions come at their own risk; send violent shudders down my spine.

And they aren't unpleasant in the least.

'Ya'd best get on with that then shouldn' ya?'

-footsteps again, papers rustling-

I'm exactly where you want me to be. Exactly what you want me to be. Cut up in to little fragments and you know the make-up of each of them. Something like a patch work quilt. I don't know the competitors or the composition of the competition but I'd say you were winning. Passing with flying colors. Whatever you stood to gain from breaking me down in the worst manner you could have managed, you now without a doubt possess.

Sad really.

If you're me.

-door opening-

'One more thing Izuru.'

-fabric shifting slightly, footsteps pausing-

'Do ya love me?'

If someone offered me one of those routes out that I used to fall asleep to.

To dream of.

I probably wouldn't even see it.

-hesitant inhale-

'I…I think I might Captain.'

Silly, little, blind Kira Izuru the sheep.

'Hn…'

-door shutting, muffled talking outside briefly, retreating footsteps-