20 Donts for Esme Cullen
1. Donts chew a lock of her hair and when she asks what you are doing yell, "This doesn't taste like caramel!"
2. Don't rip out her flower garden
3. Don't tell her to jump off a cliff when you tell her get lost
4. Don't tell her Carlisle is cheating on her with a nurse
5. Don't ask her if she liked rough sex with Charles
6. Don't tell her Harry is alive and a vampire
7. Don't tell her Emmet and Rosalie had sex on her table
8. Don't tell her Emmet, Edward, and Jasper were strippers
9. Don't tell her Charles is a vampire
10. Don't tell her that you hear when Carlisle is having sex with her
11. Don't tell her Carlisle was a stripper
12. Don't tell her to be a stripper
13. Don't take a bowl of her food fling it against the wall and scream, "I want blood!"
14. Don't tell her the whole family including Bella and Nessie are strippers
15. Don't tell her Emerald is replacing her cooking
16. Don't tell her Carlisle is gay
17. Don't tell her Jacob is having an affair with Carlisle
18. Don't tell her Bella is having an affair with Carlisle
19. Don't tell her Carlisle is sleeping with Edward
20. Don't post any of her reactions on youtube
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