20 Donts for Esme Cullen

1. Donts chew a lock of her hair and when she asks what you are doing yell, "This doesn't taste like caramel!"

2. Don't rip out her flower garden

3. Don't tell her to jump off a cliff when you tell her get lost

4. Don't tell her Carlisle is cheating on her with a nurse

5. Don't ask her if she liked rough sex with Charles

6. Don't tell her Harry is alive and a vampire

7. Don't tell her Emmet and Rosalie had sex on her table

8. Don't tell her Emmet, Edward, and Jasper were strippers

9. Don't tell her Charles is a vampire

10. Don't tell her that you hear when Carlisle is having sex with her

11. Don't tell her Carlisle was a stripper

12. Don't tell her to be a stripper

13. Don't take a bowl of her food fling it against the wall and scream, "I want blood!"

14. Don't tell her the whole family including Bella and Nessie are strippers

15. Don't tell her Emerald is replacing her cooking

16. Don't tell her Carlisle is gay

17. Don't tell her Jacob is having an affair with Carlisle

18. Don't tell her Bella is having an affair with Carlisle

19. Don't tell her Carlisle is sleeping with Edward

20. Don't post any of her reactions on youtube

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