Carmilla/Laura - Nightlights
Warning: PTSD
Watching the stars cross the night sky is a good way to pass the time. Or going to shows. Or reading philosophy books. Or anything but sleeping. Because sleeping might mean waking up to darkness, sleeping at night might take your head back to that coffin.
But Laura wants to cuddle at night. Laura wants to have you in her bed, holding her though the small dark hours. And you can't ever tell her no. So you lay there, trying to stay awake in the warm bed, next to soft breathing.
You fail.
You wake up to two screams. One is hers, the other your own.
"Carm?" she says. She's quiet, soft, maybe afraid. "Carmilla?"
You're stuck, controlled enough not to lash out, but encased in your mind, in that coffin.
"Carmilla?" she tries again, "Carm, it's okay. You're in our dorm. You're okay."
You can hear her. You can feel her warmth. But you can't break out of the memory. She's hovering in your periphery, existing but detached.
There's a noise in the hallway, probably a drunk student slamming a door. Cheryl in 204B does it all the time, and part of you recognizes that. Part of you.
The cacophony of noise breaks open the box and you jostle out of it. Your coordination lacking from years, decades of disuse. You fall down a bit into the crater and see the artillery. There's a quiet moment where you wonder if it will explode, but it doesn't and you stumble away.
"CARM!" Laura says. Now her face flashes onto the bodies of the Soldiers near you. You're a mess, covered in blood, staggering. They seem unphased. You move further away from the coffin, and run into a wall. Wait, you're on a battlefield, there aren't walls here. And why is Laura here? Laura isn't here.
You're not here. You're in the room at Silas. You're safe. You're with Laura. And she finally turned on the lights. You can see.
"Carm," she says as she crouches next to you. You've sat on the ground next to the wall near the window. You're piecing the last few minutes together.
"Flashback, cupcake," you manage to whisper.
"It's okay, Carm. It's okay. I'm right here." And she is, she's right there. She hold your hand and sits next to you and just stays quiet for a long time. You're thankful.
"I…" you try to start, "I woke up and it was dark. I thought I was in the…" you trail off. You can't say it, but she nods in understanding. "And then the noise and I thought it was the bomb. I was trying to get away, but it was all wrong. You were there and that made it more wrong."
You both stay quiet for a long time, and you take comfort in her arm around your shoulders and the circles her fingers draw on your back. The adrenaline wears off and you're suddenly exhausted. As you slump down on the bed you feel Laura move away. You want to stop her, you need her to tether you to reality, but then you see the bedside lamp turn on. You almost smile as you fall asleep.
When you wake up in the mid-morning you find an addition to the grocery list: Nightlights.
