A/N: This story was originally a song!fic - which aren't allowed to be posted here. When I deleted the lyrics though I found that it still works without them. So I decided to share my story in this version. If you want to read it in its original form you can do so over at my Livejournal account, I put up the link to it on my profile page. The title is from the Garth Brooks song of that name.

All characters are property of CBS, Alliance Atlantis, Jerry Bruckheimer and whoever else and sadly not mine. I just play with them a little and then return them to their owners. Special thanks to my dear friend Sarah (1983Sarah) for all her help and encouragement and being a great beta. Thanks to everyone who read and/or reviewed one of my others stories.

Ryan sat on a log out at the beach; the same place he's been to a lot of times in the past, and watched as the sun went down, bathing the city in its orange light.

He thought about the day that would soon end. Their plan had thankfully succeeded and he was glad that it was over.

That Horatio had chosen him to pull it off was a privilege. He knew that.

And it hadn't been the first time. Back when there had been a mole in the lab, Horatio had approached him. His superior had promised that it wouldn't fall on him.

But in a way it had. Cause it had been Ryan who had had to lie to the people he considered to be family in order to set a trap for the mole. And he had been on the receiving end of their anger when they had found out about it. He'd had to re-earn their trust afterwards.

That had been the last straw, the point where Ryan had started to gamble. He had wanted to have control over something when he'd lost control over everything else in his life.

But there was no control with gambling and before he knew it, he hadn't been able to stop anymore. In the end it had cost him his job.

He had never thought something like that would happen to him. All he ever wanted was to be a cop, and later a CSI. He simply wanted to be accepted and respected for what he did. Maybe he had cared too much for that.

Soon he had started to display the typical behavior of an addict. He had lied about his addiction, though everyone had seemed to know it, despite his efforts.

And he had denied it to himself. He just didn't have a problem with gambling was what he had told himself over and over.

Then it had come out. He had tried to protect the lab and had paid back his debt. But this action had been what had cost him the job in the end. Why had he thought that it wouldn't come out sooner or later? He was just a regular addict after all.

Horatio had pulled the strings for him to get rehired. Like he had told his boss, he would never forget that.

And he hadn't.

That's why he had shouldered the burden of just another one of Horatio's "secret operations". He had owed it to his superior. And again he had been shouted at, had even been attacked by Eric. For which he never got an apology.

Deep down, that had hurt a lot.

He had risked a lot for Horatio. The whole thing had alienated him even further from the rest of the team.

He had thought about giving up countless times.

But he couldn't. This job was his life, his destiny, all he ever wanted to be. Like Horatio had said, it was in his blood.

So here he sat, thinking everything over, only to realize, that in the end, he had always been a victim.

A victim of the game.

The game that other people played.

A/N2: Thanks for reading! If you have some time please leave a review! Constructive criticism is always appreciated.