Chapter 1: Clean Up Time

It had been a week since young Timmy Turner had blown his babysitter's head off with a shotgun. Even so, he was still pissed about the results. His two Godparents, Cosmo and Wanda, would not wish the body away for him, so he had to move it and clean up. However, he let it sit, because he was too busy on his rear end, trolling third graders on 4Chan. Soon enough, however, this situation would reach a breaking point. "God damn it Timmy," Wanda finally shouted, "When the fuck are you going to clean up Vickie's body downstairs?!"

"I'll get to it eventually," he replied, not looking away from his computer screen, "It's not like she's going anywhere."

"You said that a fucking week ago. Sooner or later, your folks are going to find out you're a vicious psychopath. You're lucky they haven't noticed yet."

"They don't notice shit. Why the fuck would you two be around if they actually did?"

"Don't fucking swear at me, shit-for-brains!"

Cosmo sat in his fishbowl, the popular disguise, reading up on his Carl Sagan, "You know Timothy," he said, "If you would do some nice gestures for your parents, they might actually notice you."

"Shut the fuck up, asshole," Wanda and Timmy replied. At this point, Wanda morphed into a Grizzly bear, and threw Timmy through the wall and down the stairs. "I guess it's time to do some work," he muttered to himself, only hurt in his pride. He wished for a tub of bleach, rubber gloves, and a giant sponge, so he could finally clean up. Blood and brain matter was splattered everywhere from the blast, with Vickie's body lying in the hallway between the kitchen and the living room. Thinking back, Timmy thought he could have done a better job seeking a location to murder her, due to the fact that he had to clean both rooms.

He started in the living room, where he scrubbed the blood out of the nice shag carpeting. All went well, until he got to the TV; no matter how hard he tried, he could not get the blood out. Worst of all, the bleach solution seeped into the screen, where it shorted out the thing, causing grey smoke to seep out. "Son of a bitch!" Timmy cried, "What the fuck?! Now I wrecked my damn TV."

Right about then, the token black character, AJ, came through the door, "Hey Tim!" He said to his friend, "How's your…weekend…" he paused looking at the destruction, "What the fuck happened here?"

Not noticing him, Timmy picked up the TV and threw it in AJ's direction, "Mother fuck!" he cried. The TV screen broke through on AJ's skull, simultaneously fracturing it and spewing electric discharge into AJ's body. He convulsed for a few minutes and threw him across the room. Only until the TV cord was unplugged mid-throw did it stop electrocuting his dead body. He twitched for a few moments and then finally rested eternally. "Aw, son of a bitch," Timmy complained, "Another body?!"

"You fucking prick," Wanda chided, "Now you went and killed the only black character in this show! What the fuck are we going to do about that?! The ACLU is going to sue the shit out of us."

"Shit, I think you're right," Timmy realized, "I really fucking hope his parents weren't members of the Nation of Islam, or we're completely fucked," Timmy resumed his menial task, finally finishing up the kitchen and disinfecting the rooms with bleach solution. Now came the trial of moving the bodies. Knowing that he was a wanted man upriver for murdering years before, he decided that he shouldn't chuck the bodies in the river. Instead, he would just toss them in a downtown dumpster. "Hell," he told Cosmo and Wanda, "There's dead whores all over the place up there. Two more bodies won't make a difference," He stuffed AJ in a large garbage bag, yet with Vickie, she wouldn't fit. Taking her in the back-yard, he had to saw both her legs off, then stuff those on top of her torso, in the bag. With a heave, he was off in search of a good dumpster. "By the way," he said to his fairies, "Didn't you two have a kid or something?"

"The author of this didn't watch the show that far," Wanda said, "Plus, he didn't want to add that character, the lazy fuck."

Downtown, the three found a perfect alley way to stash the stiffs. "My dear Timothy," Cosmo mused as he pointed to a trash bin, "I believe that dumpster should do the trick."

"Thanks, wise-ass," Timmy replied back. He threw all his might into hoisting Vickie's remains in the trash bin, "I could use a fucking hand here!" he said to the fairies.

"You fucking kidding me?" Wanda shot back, "I'm not gonna help a lousy fuck like you!"

With a sigh, Timmy began to shove AJ into the dumpster. Suddenly, out of the alley darkness appeared Timmy's other friend, Chester. "What's going on Timmy?" he asked jovially, "Tossing your old laundry in the trash like I do?"

"No, asshole. Gimme a hand here, would you?" Timmy muttered and Chester obliged. After they stashed the bodies, Timmy asked, "What the fuck are you doing here on a Monday?"

"Ah, I was just out and about looking for some food. Y'know, some of these restaurants just toss way food for free!"

"You're really that poor?"

"Now that my dad fell off the wagon again. He's been on the junk, and sold everything we owned, you know, like six years ago?"

"Oh yeah, now I remember. That's the reason he got kicked off the Pirates, right?"

"What?"

"You know. The Pittsburgh Pirates Drug Trials? During the 80s? I thought he pitched for them."

"Who?"

"Forget it."

The two began to walk out of the alley when Chester noticed the obvious fairies disguised as pink and green dogs. "Say, Timmy," he nodded, "How long have you had fairy godparents?"

"Oh, for a while now," Timmy replied, lighting up a Camel, "You're the first to notice their terrible disguises. Green and Pink dogs, who the fuck would buy that? This whole city never noticed, what a bunch of idiots." Then he realized, "Aw fuck it, Chester. I gotta kill you too now."

"What?"

"You found out about my fairy godparents," Timmy backed into the alleyway, "Now I've got to kill you."

"Really? That's a fucking stupid rule."

"I know, right? Well, sorry about this, bud."

"Ah, no worries. Just make it quick."

Timmy took aim, when a blinding light flashed above them. "What the fuck was that?" Timmy asked as he looked around. A SCUD missile careened above them, and dropped at an extremely rapid pace. It was bound for their exact location. "I wish for an anti-SCUD missile defense bubble!" Timmy shouted as Cosmo and Wanda obliged.

"Oh sure! Save yourself you miserable fuck!" Chester screamed, "What a no, good, dirty, fucking…" before he could finish his tirade, the missile landed, taking out the entire block with it. The blast sent Timmy in his bubble bounding across the city, bouncing off of buildings as it flew away.

"What the fuck was that for?" Timmy asked as he was through around inside his bubble.

"The author couldn't think of a way to end this shitty chapter," Wanda muttered, "So he's going to try and shove a plot into this shit heap."