I thought they were my friends. I thought they actually liked me. I know I tended to annoy them. I'm not oblivious to my nickname, 'Insufferable.' But they still hung around. They at least pretended to listen. I thought they understood me, like they did Karkat. It took them no time at all to figure out that his anger was a mask. Something he used to cover up his true emotions and his pain. I thought it was because they could tell that was what it was with me. My lectures and speeches, they were a mask. I have to wear it because it's part of who I am. It's all I know. They saw this with Karkat. They listen to Karkat. Why can't they do that for me. Why can't they SEE? I thought… I thought they were my friends.

6 Flashback 9

I don't really register what I'm saying, just talking because it's all I know how to do. "… and even if y9u d9n't mind it, 9thers find it highly triggerin…"

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOG! DO YOU EVER STOP TALKING?!" My young dancestor explodes. It seems I've triggered him. "TRIGGER THIS! TRIGGER THAT! YOUR VOICE IS A TRIGGER. NO ONE CARES SO JUST SHUT UP!" I must admit, I am shocked by his outburst. My mouth hangs open wordlessly. I glance at my friends. They too, seem shocked, yet oddly, relieved? Yes, relieved. I can see it in their faces. Someone has finally said what they've always been thinking. For a brief moment, this too, shocks me. Then it just hurts. Without another word, I turn away, retreating to my own, private area of the bubble. My own memories. As I begin walking away, I hear Karkat mutter, for even this is loud with him, "WOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WORKED."

6 End 9

I try not to think too hard until I reach the safety of my hive, were no one can see my cry. I barely make it to my pile of sweaters before I break down. Collapsing in their warmth, I let the sobs wrack my small frame. I try not to think. I try to become numb. I can't. I can't stop my mind from whispering to me. All the little things. All of them.

'No one cares.' I thought they were my friends. 'No one listens.' I thought they understood. 'You're insufferable.' Am I really that bad? 'You're voice is a trigger.' I don't want to be a trigger. 'Then why do you talk so much. Why should you flaunt that triggering voice.' I shouldn't.

The realization hits me and I finally achieve my goal. I go numb. I stop feeling, stop caring. I'm still their friend, even if they aren't mine. And in their eyes, I'm a nuisance, a pest, a trigger. I don't want to trigger the people I care about. So I should jut stop. My mind is made up. No more. No more speeches. No more lectures. No more talking unless someone talks to me, or if it's necessary. My friends, the people I care most about in all of existence, will never have to deal with me again. I won't make them hear me any more. I will become what they want me to be. Silent.


Authors Note: I currently have most of this written and by the time I am ready to post the rest, I will likely be done. Here's how my posting works. I am currently requesting five different reviews from five different people. In case that is worded weird, if five different people submit one review that is not the same as the others, I will post the next section.

Until then,

Carida Lantry^^