Rating: T+ for foul language

Disclaimer: "The Irregular at Magic High School" is the property of Satou Tsutomu. The fanfic author is not making any money from this story.

Blurb: AU. Masaki is the Ichijou Clan's heiress—the Crimson Princess. She attends the 9SC as a First Year, and Shiba Tatsuya falls in love with her at first sight. But Cardinal Kichijouji is in love with Masaki, just like Miyuki is in love with Tatsuya. What chaos will Masaki and Tatsuya's chance meeting cause? Gender-swapped. Story-flipped.

Author's Note #1: Parody of the anime (as in, just the anime, not the LN, too). Gender-swapped. Story-flipped.

#2: Because it is an inherent part of Miyuki's character that she calls Tatsuya "Oniisama," I'm going to use the Japanese term since English has no equivalent. So for those who aren't aware, "oniisama" roughly translates into English as "honored older brother" or "esteemed older brother."

Name Order: I prefer to render Japanese names as they truly are—surname first—even when writing in English.


Chapter 1

Kichijouji Shinkurou entered the banquet hall of the hotel and glanced around the room. Hundreds of students filled the area, all the boys with uniforms like his own, except in different colors. However, there was only one person whom the boy nicknamed Cardinal George was looking for: Ichijou Masaki.

A curtain of long, red hair caught his attention, and he headed for the girl in question, who—as usual—was surrounded by a half-dozen guys. Masaki was not only the eldest daughter in the Ichijou clan, but she also was the most beautiful girl in Third High. And Kichijouji was in love with her. Not infatuated, like the other boys. In love.

Then again, it was hard not to fall in love with a girl who pulled you out of a bomb shelter and whisked you off to safety. On the worst day of Kichijouji's life—the day of the Sado Island invasion, when his parents were killed—Ichijou Masaki and her father's volunteer unit had saved him. Then the Ichijou clan had taken him in.

And so Kichijouji stopped by his best friend, the tall girl with her bright smile and confident demeanor, and gave his "competition" a pointed look. Hands off, boys. I'm the one who will become Masaki's boyfriend.

"Jouji!" Masaki grinned at Kichijouji. "Let's go check out our rooms, okay? I hope they're close together."

The boys gave a collective wail, and one boy descended into theatrics, throwing his hand over his heart as though he'd been slain.

Masaki glanced around with a look of puzzled surprise. "What did I say?"

Kichijouji grinned. "Oh, it's nothing. They just all wish their rooms were close to yours." He shot the other boys a sly smile. "Or maybe they wish they were sharing a room with you." He supposed he was being cruel, but the Masaki Male Harem could amuse him greatly. Sometimes.

"But Ichijou-chan made it sound like she wants to share a room with you, Kichijouji-kun," the theatrical boy said, his tone whiny.

Masaki recoiled from the group of boys. "What?" She looked between them and Kichijouji for a moment. Then she grabbed Kichijouji's hand and took off with him. "Don't be silly!" she called over her shoulder. "He's basically my adopted brother!"

They ran all the way down the hall and up the stairs, Masaki laughing. Kichijouji was more than happy to be pulled along as long as she was holding his hand, but he still cringed at the "brother" remark. As long as you think like that, my chances aren't good.

"Come on," Masaki said as she opened the door to the second floor. She avoided elevators when possible, preferring the exercise. "Let's see where our rooms are."

Kichijouji dug his keycard out of his pants pocket and checked the number. Third High had arrived late enough in the day that most students had gone straight to the banquet and let the hotel staff take their luggage to their rooms. "I'm 241."

"I'm 222." Masaki frowned. The second floor was deserted, and they wandered around looking for the right numbers. "I really do wish we could share a room. You don't suppose if I explain we're siblings, they'll let us?"

Kichijouji blushed miserably. It was true that the Ichijou had taken him in so that they could save him from the infamous magicians' orphanages, but Kichijouji had moved into the dorms at Third High when he'd been accepted there. And he'd done that for one basic reason: so Masaki would stop seeing him as her slightly younger brother. I'm glad that you love me, but I want you to be in love with me. "I doubt it. They're super strict about keeping the boys and girls apart. We're lucky we can even visit each other's rooms, considering."

Masaki sighed. "That's stupid. This is our first year of high school. I don't know anyone yet. What if I need something in the middle of the night? Or you do? They should make exceptions."

Well, that's a bit of an overstatement, Kichijouji thought. You have all sorts of friends, and you've had them for three months now. "Oh? And what would we need?" Whoa, that sounded sexual. Oops. "Well, never mind. We better get back to the banquet and mingle. The guest speaker hasn't even arrived yet."

"Ugh. Do I have to?" Masaki faced Kichijouji. "You know what? I hate this. It's a farce. I know all those boys downstairs only want to talk to me because I'm an heiress. Their parents probably even ordered them to do it." She frowned. "You're the only one who sees me for me."

"Well, I think their obsession is actually with how pretty you are," Kichijouji said, "and maybe also how smart and magically powerful you are. But either way, it's true. They don't know the real you." He lowered his gaze. "And you're right: I do see you for you."

Masaki reached out, squeezing Kichijouji's shoulder. "That's what makes you special."

"Thank you," Kichijouji murmured, blushing. Could you ever see me as a man—a potential husband?

"And because you're special, if anyone tries to hurt you, I'll kill them." Masaki grinned. "So don't worry about anything, okay?"

Kichijouji had a mental picture of Masaki using Rupture to explode someone from the inside-out. He chuckled. "Ah—okay." He grinned impishly. "You know, you're almost like my Manic Pixie Dream Girl."

Masaki laughed.

"All right." Kichijouji had sighted his room, so he headed to back to the banquet hall. "Let's hang in there long enough to see the guest speaker. Supposedly, it's going to be the patriarch of the Ten Master Clans."

"If you insist."

They returned downstairs and reentered the banquet hall, Masaki groaning the whole way. They stopped a server and got two flutes of non-alcoholic champagne. A girl passed by them, heading toward a refreshment table. She was pale-skinned and unusually curvaceous for a Japanese girl. She had long black hair and big blue eyes.

"See that girl?" Kichijouji murmured. "Her name is Shiba Miyuki. She's one of the First High contestants that you'll be competing against in Ice Pillars and Mirage Bat."

"A 'sex bomb' type, huh?" Masaki said.

To their left, a group of boys from Third High burst into whispers at the sight of Shiba Miyuki. Kichijouji heard a few predictable phrases like "She's so hot" and "She's outta your league, man."

Masaki rolled her eyes. "Do you hear those idiots? If she looks like that—especially with such huge breasts—she's been genetically engineered by her parents."

"Well, if she was genetically engineered to be a magical powerhouse, too, you need to watch out for her," Kichijouji said. "She might have been engineered right into superhuman status." He glanced at Masaki. "And whatever you do, don't say the words 'I'll win for sure.' Because if you do, you're automatically jinxed to lose no matter what. It's such a done deal that you could bet your family's entire multi-billion yen fortune on it."

Shiba Miyuki walked past them again, heading back the way she'd come. She stopped by a tall, slender boy with dark hair. He wasn't particularly outstanding to look at; just a typical Japanese boy. He did strike Kichijouji as possessing an air of determination, though.

Suddenly the other boy was staring their way, right past Miyuki.

Masaki froze. "Why is that boy staring at me?" she whispered to Kichijouji. Then she paled. "Do you think he overheard my crack about the girl? I bet they're boyfriend and girlfriend."

"He's too far away to hear," Kichijouji said.

Miyuki followed the boy's line-of-sight and then frowned at Masaki.

It was then that Kichijouji noticed a faint blush on the boy's cheeks. Oh, no. Really? As if it wasn't bad enough to have Third High guys hanging all over Masaki.


Over by the wall, Shiba Tatsuya stared at the redheaded beauty in the Third High uniform. The red jacket matched her hair perfectly and drew out her blue-green eyes. For the first time in his entire life, he felt a stirring of heat in his body as he gazed at the girl.

Miyuki stared up at her brother and frowned. "Oniisama? It's not like you to notice girls."

Tatsuya glanced at his sister and turned away, deliberately breaking his line of sight with the girl. "It's not like that. I was only surprised. I didn't expect to see the Ichijou heiress and Cardinal George together. You're going to have stiff competition, Miyuki. Don't underestimate the Crimson Princess."

"Oh." Miyuki turned a glare upon the girl. "I didn't recognize her at first, but you're right: that's Ichijou Masaki." She shrugged. "I've only seen her in pictures." She turned back to Tatsuya. "Well, I'm not worried. I have Oniisama to fine-tune my CAD!"

Tatsuya shook his head. "You should be worried. I can't win this battle for you, Miyuki. Only you can do that. Try your hardest. The Crimson Princess earned her nickname on the battlefield. She was a volunteer soldier during the Sado Island invasion."

"Right," Miyuki murmured. She bowed her head. "I'll follow your advice, Oniisama. I've trained hard, and I won't let you down. I'll prove to be worthy of you, Oniisama."

Now, how can I meet Ichijou Masaki before the competition against Miyuki? Tatsuya asked himself. He wanted a chance to talk to her. "You should go spend more time with the others. They're getting upset."

Miyuki glanced toward the refreshment table, where all the Blooms were gathered, the boys glaring at Tatsuya and the girls smiling at her. "All right, Oniisama. But don't forget you have friends here, too." She glided back to the table, turning her face away from Ichijou Masaki and Cardinal George as she passed them.

Good, she thought. I stopped that before it started. I can't imagine anything worse than Oniisama having a crush on the Crimson Princess.


That night, Masaki decided to visit the indoor hot spring in the hotel basement. The hotel staff said it would be open until 11:00 p.m.

She showered off and wrapped a towel around herself, then headed to the hot spring itself. To her surprise, she found a group of unfamiliar girls present. They all eyed her as she stepped in, sitting on the built-in bench and letting the hot water rise up until it halfway covered her breasts.

A red-headed girl and a black-haired girl stared at her breasts and blushed.

A short, thin, brown-haired girl looked Masaki over with a stoic expression. "You're Ichijou Masaki of Third High, aren't you?" Her voice had little inflection.

"Yes, that's right. It's nice to meet you. This is a great hot spring, isn't it?" Masaki didn't really want to be sitting among her competition, considering it could lead to social awkwardness.

"Oh, the Crimson Princess!" a blonde-haired girl exclaimed. She blushed and looked away. "You're—you're lucky, you know. Shiba Tatsuya was checking you out earlier."

"Honoka," the short girl intoned.

Honoka ducked her head. "Well, he was."

"Checking me out?" Masaki said. "I thought he was just staring." She paused. "Um . . . Shiba Tatsuya? As in, Shiba Miyuki? They're related?"

"Siblings," the short girl said.

They look nothing alike, Masaki thought, shocked.

"He's a genius," Honoka said, staring off into the steam wistfully. "If he asked you out, you'd be the luckiest girl on the planet." She focused on Masaki again, a painful blush in her cheeks. "Is he . . . Is he your type?"

Masaki laughed with embarrassment. "What?" She tried to dodge the question. "I don't even know him!"

The short girl raised one eyebrow, although she remained otherwise expressionless. "I saw you standing with Cardinal George earlier. Is he your boyfriend?"

"No, he can't be!" the black-haired girl said to the other girl. She turned to Masaki. "He's five inches shorter than you are! And he looks twelve years old."

"He's my age!" Masaki snapped.

"Oh." The redheaded girl unsuccessfully hid a smile behind her hand. "I bet you're the shotacon type. By choosing the Cardinal, you can be legal and have a boyfriend, too."

"I'm not a shotacon!"

"If you all don't stop, we're going to end up in a blood bath instead of a hot spring," the short girl joked, deadpan.

The redheaded girl laughed and then turned her gaze upon Honoka. "Never mind all that. I have to say, I'm impressed." Her gaze was pinned on Honoka's rather large breasts. "You're really well-endowed." She waggled her fingers at Honoka as though she would touch them.

"Hey! We're all girls here!" Honoka blushed and crossed her arms over her chest.

The short girl stood up and climbed out of the hot spring, walking away stiffly.

Masaki wondered if the girl were offended.

The red-headed girl glanced Masaki's way. "No offense, Crimson Princess, but you're also amazing." She waggled her fingers in Masaki's general direction and then giggled.

Whoa, what the hell? I don't even know your name! "I have to go to bed." Masaki stood up and backed out of the hot spring. "Nice meeting you all. Bye!" She nearly ran to the dressing room.

Shiba Miyuki entered while Masaki was toweling off. Miyuki looked at Masaki, smiled politely, and inclined her head. Then went on her way, not speaking.

From the hot springs room, squeals and laughter and mock arguments erupted.

Right before Miyuki stepped out to join the other girls, she glanced over her bare shoulder and frowned at Masaki. Then she was gone.

What was that for? I'm not responsible for your brother looking at me, Masaki thought grumpily. She changed into her clothes and went back to her room.


Kichijouji walked with Masaki through the hallways, the florescent lights buzzing over their heads. The competition had been officially underway for a few days, and Third High was disgruntled.

"Our boys are doing well," Kichijouji said, more to reassure himself than anything. "It wasn't just that I took first place in Speed Shooting, we swept the board in that event." He sighed. "But our school is still in second place overall, thanks to that Shiba Tatsuya guy."

Masaki stretched her arms. "Yeah. He's turned into a real pain in the ass. I forgot to tell you that guy got me teased in the hot spring the other night. I accidentally walked into a meeting of the First High Tatsuya Fan Club." She sighed. "They seemed to think it should be a great honor for me that Shiba Tatsuya is looking at me."

Kichijouji glanced up at Masaki. "So he has his own harem already? Well, that's probably the only thing you two have in common, given your reserve harem." His sighed. "He's definitely a pain in the ass. He's got professional-level CAD engineering skills, and he's using them at a high school competition. Your assessment at our meeting was right: he's a beast."

They rounded the corner, and as though summoned, Shiba Tatsuya and Shiba Miyuki were walking right toward them.

"Speak of Cao Cao, and he appears," Kichijouji muttered, using an old Chinese saying.

"Don't give him the credit," Masaki murmured. "If anyone's Cao Cao here, you are." She lifted her chin and stared the Shiba siblings down.

Kichijouji took the reply as the compliment it was intended to be. The Romance of the Three Kingdoms had unfairly maligned the historical figure of Cao Cao, who had been a brilliant tactician and commander, as well as a responsible ruler.

Tatsuya stopped dead in his tracks, but Kichijouji could tell just from watching him that Tatsuya wasn't surprised to see them.

Miyuki was, though. Her eyes widened.

"Go ahead and get ready," Tatsuya said.

"Are you sure?" Miyuki frowned up at him.

"I'm sure."

"As you wish, Oniisama." Miyuki passed by Masaki, shooting her a sideways frown as she did.

Kichijouji ignored Miyuki until she was gone. "How may we assist you, Shiba-san?"

"Do you think you need assistance? You're doing awfully well for your school," Masaki said.

Tatsuya looked briefly flustered. "I know this is irregular of me, and I apologize. Our paths would never cross naturally. I wished for a chance to meet you."

"You're right. It is irregular," Masaki said.

Kichijouji folded his arms behind his back, adopting his typical 'strategist stance.' "Oh? And why would you wish to meet us? Because you're hoping Masaki won't beat your sister?" Please, by all means say she'll absolutely win, because that means she'll automatically lose.

"No," Tatsuya said. "I'm not worried about that. Miyuki can handle herself." He paused. A faint blush colored his cheeks.

Masaki sighed. "Oh, god. Just be a man and say it."

Tatsuya bowed. "I have nothing but respect for you. I'm sorry I bothered you." He glided away.

Kichijouji cringed. "I have to say, I almost feel sorry for that guy now. If you gave me a sit-down like that I'd be traumatized for life."

Masaki glanced at him. "But I wouldn't do that to you. It's not the same. You actually know me. Shiba-san's crush on me is just not realistic. What would he accomplish? We live on opposite sides of Japan, and we'll only ever see each other twice a year at school competitions. How could anyone really maintain a crush that way? I'll fade from his mind by the end of the month. Maybe sooner."

"Well, that's logical," Kichijouji said. "Even people who have crushes on idols plaster their bedroom walls with posters they can stare at. Shiba-san won't even have that much." He smirked. "And if he did make a poster of you, that would just make him a stalker."

Masaki laughed. "True." She paused. "Doesn't it bother you that Shiba-san not only is endangering our chances at winning, but he's also homing in on your best friend?" She grinned. "I thought you'd be a little more protective."

Kichijouji's shoulders jerked, and he looked away, blushing. "Oh. Right. Sorry. But you're so powerful in your own right it seems insulting to think of you in that way." He headed down the hallway with Masaki. "I don't want to be one of those men who acts like his female friends and his wife are helpless just because they're women, even though they're magical powerhouses." He stared at the floor as he walked.

Masaki reached out and briefly squeezed Kichijouji's hand. "Oh." She felt foolish for teasing him. "Right. And I'm glad you don't treat me that way. It's 2095, after all. Ridiculous notions of women's incompetence should have died out a century ago. In fact, they did." She frowned at the doors as they approached them. "It's sad that we lost practically all of our advances toward human rights and equal rights because of World War III. Why should a war cause us to lose our hard-won enlightenment?"

"It shouldn't have," Kichijouji said. His hand still tingled from the quick squeeze Masaki had given it. Despite the seriousness of their conversation, he couldn't help thinking of Shiba Tatsuya and the way Masaki had given him a sit-down.

Yes, Kichijouji thought. Pick me instead. I'll love you forever. Heart, mind, body, and soul, I'm yours.


Postscript author's note: The Monolith Code is up next!