[Slight Spoilers for Beginning of the Romance]
Maker have mercy on her soul, she was awful at this.
Inquisitor Alis Trevelyan, Herald of Andraste was a complete and utter mess. She had no issues slaying demons, sealing rifts, and leading the Inquisition. Ask her to talk to Commander Cullen and suddenly couldn't string two coherent words together. This was unacceptable.
Andraste's flaming knickers, what was wrong with her? She'd was well known for being able to make the noble ladies swoon and wrap men around her finger back home. It was a skill and one she was really, really good at. For some reason all that talent dried up and floated away on the wind the second she saw Cullen's face. It was both awe-inspiring and infuriating at once. She had to know his secret on how he managed to do that.
Instead the only thing she was able to do was awkwardly attempt to flirt with him, and hope the Maker took pity on her. It never worked. She supposed the Maker was a bit busy these days. Though considering how flustered she was making the poor Commander on every attempt, she figured she wasn't doing too poorly.
At first she had thought it was a mere infatuation that she was dealing with. Alis was used to those. He was, after all, extremely handsome with a voice that could melt her knickers off 20 yards off. Despite his propensity towards looking serious all the time, he was also a gentle, caring soul.
Any thought that this might be some futile crush on her end was gone the moment Haven fell. The second Alis offered to sacrifice herself to save everyone all she had to do was to see the look on Cullen's face. Walking away towards an unknown fate and never knowing if she'd see him again terrified her. She hadn't ever known feelings like that before.
After they had a brief respite when setting up Skyhold she found herself fumbling around with her feelings and words. Mentioning how close it had been, tried to say how she had been relieved to see him make it.
She was about to write it off as a loss when he mentioned that she had almost died. The emotion in his voice stopped her dead. He wouldn't allow for anything like that to happen again, he promised. Though he had mostly stumbled his way through saying so, his own fumbling had only made things harder.
A crush? No longer, if it had ever been. This was different. Deeper, stronger, and more powerful a feeling than she had ever felt in her life. Maker preserve her.
It had been further brought home after the chess match. Alis normally loved games of strategy. With him around she could barely focus and half the time couldn't remember how pieces were supposed to move. Though the the smile on Cullen's face made her wonder if he had been just as distracted as she had been.
Andraste help her, the look he gave her while they were playing turned her insides to butterflies. Even well after the game ended, she could hardly set herself to any work. The only thing she could think of was that smile and how soft his voice was. She wanted to roll around in that voice. She also wanted to ask if he was secretly a mage, because that had to be magic. He had to be magic.
She agonized over it for long days and nights, turning into an awful mess every time she was near Cullen. Which was extremely unfortunate considering he was one of her advisors. It made trying to get work done at the War Table near impossible. Steel in her spine and a stiff upper lip got her through more times then not, but she'd have to ask him to repeat himself a couple times every now and then because his voice made her mind turn to fluff.
Idly she wondered how she managed not to turn a million shades of red and drool over herself in front of everyone every time he was in the room with her. She'd reward herself by knicking sweets from the kitchen pantry for successfully not falling to pieces around him. Considering that small miracle she started to wonder if maybe the Maker was really looking out for her.
Finally when it had become too much, she decided action was needed. Alis was much better when she was on the attack rather than on the defensive. So, she summoned every ounce of will and strength within her, and walked into Cullen's office to talk with him. It was a foolish plan, but the only one she could think of. It'd have to do.
He was behind his desk reading some documents when she marched right up to him. Some tiny part of her told her to take it as a sign and leave before she engaged in a battle she would probably not win. However the she never ran from a battle. She wouldn't start now.
She cleared her throat to get his attention and watched his gaze come up and meet hers. Her resolve was starting to weaken. "Was there something you needed?" Maker help her.
"I thought we could talk. Alone?" Shockingly her voice was level despite her tumbling stomach and heart. Alis made a mental note to reward herself later with more sweets if she lived through this.
It must have caught him off guard. He worked his mouth for a moment before he was able to speak. "Alone? I mean, of course."
First goal achieved. Now it was time to move the field of battle. She took a steadying breath and motioned to the side door. A walk on the ramparts would be the best bet. Though they were patrolled, it meant the best chance to alone as they had in Skyhold.
The chill of the snow capped mountains nipped at her skin the second she was outside, but she barely felt it. She swore the heat that was sitting in her cheeks would be enough to melt every bit of snow in the Frostback Mountains, probably cause massive flooding in their wake.
She had been so consumed with own thoughts that she barely caught that Cullen was trying to talk to her. Alis looked up to see him rub the back of his neck with a gloved hand. "It's a nice day."
"What?" She blurted the word out before she could stop it and inwardly curse that she was going to ruin her chance talking with him if she kept that up. Maker, give her strength.
"It's…There was something you wished to discuss?" He asked stopping to look down at her. His face looked how her insides felt and it made her wonder if Cullen was feeling the same way she was or maybe he was attempting to figure out how to decline her kindly.
It didn't matter because there went her heart, trying to desperately escape her chest and flee. If she couldn't run, neither could it. Alis steeled herself and focused on the words she wanted to say so she wouldn't drop them carelessly in front of him. "Cullen, I…I find myself thinking of you. More than…well all the time, really. You're always in my thoughts, and I care about you. A lot."
Maker preserve her, she fucked it up anyway.
She prepared for the worst but it never came. No soft let down, no rejection in sight. Instead there were soft words that came out haltingly, if not a bit anxious. Soft and sweet to her ears. "I can't say that I haven't wondered what it would be like. You and I, I mean."
Her heart stopped dead in her chest as she heard him say that. Alis was sure she was going to follow it in a moment. Wondered what it might be like between them? Maker have mercy.
"What's stopping you?" Her mouth moved without thinking but it was too late. She was afraid to know the answer but more afraid of what might happen if she never asked.
The words were out of his lips the second she asked, as if he had recited them to himself like a litany. "You're the Inquisitor. We're at war." Cullen stated his reasoning as if it were clear as day and an immutable fact. The Inquisitor was someone beyond his reach and the war a rift that would keep them apart.
He drew a shuddering breath and the mixed emotions so raw in his eyes took her breath away. "And you…I didn't think it was possible."
That nearly rocked her back on her heels. Alis didn't know what hit her harder the fact that he felt the way she did or the fact that he felt he thought they could never be? Had she made him feel like that? Maker's breath, she hoped not, but she wouldn't let those thoughts hold him any longer. Now that she knew how he felt she'd let nothing come between them. Not if she could help it.
Alis leaned against the cold stone of the rampart as she looked up at him. In that moment she knew there would be no more fumbling around with her emotions. The reasons why they couldn't be crumbled into dust, as they should have long ago. She smiled as she felt confidence return once more. The battle was won.
"And yet I'm still here. Exactly where I want to be."
The look on Cullen's face changed in the beat of a heart. A smile that rivaled the sun in all of its glory lit up his face. He closed the gap between the two of them and she could feel the warmth of his body envelop her as she breathed in his scent of leather, steel and sweat. It was almost more than she could handle and yet she wanted more. It was everything she had dreamed of. He was everything she had dreamed of.
His voice dropped low, and it danced along her spine as it caressed against her. "So you are…It seems too much to ask, but I want to."
The space between them vanished and Alis' knees went weak. She felt him his lips come to claim her and she raised her head to meet him. His breath mingled with hers when she heard the door nearly slam open nearby. "Commander?"
Of course. Andraste's tits, of course this had to happen.
Cullen immediately pulled back and the irritation was nearly palpable. It cleared the head of the fluff and heat that had taken up residence as he turned to face down the soldier who had suddenly burst their little bubble.
The idea of hiding came to mind, so no one could see how she was suddenly dying of embarrassment. She brought her hand up to hide the blush that quickly spread from her cheeks to her ears and down her neck. Idly she tried to figure out how she could make herself unseen at the drop of a hat. She'd have to ask Cole sometime.
The soldier was too engrossed in the report in his hands to notice that his commanding officer was none too pleased with the interruption and perhaps plotting said soldier's demise. She would have felt a pang of pity for the poor man, but she was too busy figuring out how best to disappear.
"What?" There was the lion of a commander once again with his voice a deep growl that could cow just about anyone. A little voice inside Alis told her that if that soldier did not start to notice how displeased Cullen was there would be some not so fun missions for him in the future. Possibly having to be waist deep in manure for starters.
"Sister Leliana's report. You wanted it delivered 'without delay'." The man repeated. Though he finally looked to face his commander, if not a bit too late.
Though Alis attempted not to notice what was going on, she could tell the look on Cullen's face was probably slightly intimidating. A moment or two passed before the soldier caught on and quickly started his retreat. "Or…to your office…right."
Alis could hear the door to slam behind the man as he left as quick as he could. She let go of the breath she had been holding and tried not to slump against the stone wall behind her. Never had she felt so awkward in her life, and there was that one time with the sister in the chantry during the festival that came to mind.
Worry bubbled up that whatever moment they had between them was past. That what had occurred was beyond her reach now. She couldn't meet his gaze for fear of what she might see there and what it might do to her. The words came quick as her mind whirled to figure out what to say. "If you need to-"
Those words were cut off as Cullen cupped her face in his hands and pressed his lips against hers. The surprise gasp that left her was all she could muster up as whatever she was going to say stilled in her throat. Maker's breath, he was good.
Wrapping her arms around him she closed her eyes and she enjoyed the feeling of his lips on hers. He kissed her more fiercely than she had ever been kissed before and it felt like the greatest victory she'd ever achieved. He tasted like heaven.
Sooner than she would have liked he broke the kiss. She slowly opened her eyes to see him sheepishly smiling down at her. It made her heart tumble into her stomach for good. She was lost but wanted no help getting back. She was in a better place, Maker be praised.
"I'm sorry. That was, um, really nice." He was blushing. Dear Maker, he was blushing and it was wonderful. She was definitely gone. Alis wanted it on her tombstone that she died a happy woman having seeing the Maker's finest work.
There was no keeping the wicked smile off of her face as she felt his arms wrap around her. She felt the heat in her cheeks work its way through her body. There was a matching heat in his eyes, though a bit of shyness still there.
She reached up to brush a hand across his cheek. The stubble there was rough beneath her finger tips but it felt every bit as good as the finest silk for Orlais. "Do you regret it?"
What little sheepishness was there was gone as the heat in his eyes taking over. His voice grew deeper again and she melted into his embrace as he leaned forward, his words licking against her lips. "No. Not at all."
They kissed again, this time letting themselves enjoy it. It was deep and wild, passionate and gentle all the same. Her hands climbed up his back as she held onto to him to keep herself upright. His hands on her hips brought her closer still until there was no room between them. Nothing would get between them any longer, she decided.
How long they stood like that she had no clue, but when they finally broke apart something was different. The way he held himself, the look in his eyes, and the way she felt, it all seemed like it was right. Things were as they should be.
She brushed her lips across his one last time. "Back to work?" Alis tried to feign a pout before breaking into a smile. The happiness she felt was more than she could restrain. Even though she knew they had to go attend to their duties, it didn't matter. They were together now.
"For now" There were promises in his voice and she shivered as they washed over her.
"Perhaps I can come by tonight and we can continue our chat. Hopefully undisturbed?" She released his back but ran her hands over his chest. He was smiling like a fool as he took one of her hands in his. She definitely was gone and loving it.
"I'd like that." He kissed her lips one more time before bringing up her hand and brushing his lips against the back of it. "Until then, Lady Trevelyan."
They exchanged charged glances until he was back into his office, leaving her alone on the ramparts She nearly fell over as she wanted to roll around and giggle like a child on festival day.
She opened her arms wide and nearly danced as she walked to the nearest set of stairs. That had been awkward and she was a horrible mess, but Maker be praised she loved it. She loved him. That, she decided, was perfect.
